Egoist Parody: Striper Pole.

Thanks for actually clicking on this! Please don't hate me too much for this spoof. I promise, somehow it'll end up funny!

Disclaimer: I don't own Junjou Romantica. But if I did...

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Ryu-chan was someone Hiroki could always count on to be in the mood. He was obsessed with him. Hiroki had even caught the boy stalking him before.

But Hiroki didn't have much of a choice. He owed the used book store over 2 billion yen. And the only way to make money fast was to whore himself off. Not to mention he still had to pay his college loans.

Hiroki thought about all the shit he'd been through in the past few weeks. First, finding out he owed them soo much. Second, realizing sex was the only thing he was good for. Third, Akihiko.

Hiroki didn't like thinking about Akihiko. So he went to Ryu-chan's apartment, like he did very night.

He opened the door, knowing it wasn't locked. "Hey, Ryuichiru! You here?" He didn't need to ask. Ryuichiru knew Hiroki's schedule and stayed home.

"Yeah, come on in." the other boy said from his bedroom.

Hiroki sighed, though he was slightly glad it would be over with shortly. He pulled his shirt off on his way, and was just unzipping his pants when he entered the room. Ryu-chan sat on the bed, watching Hiroki with interest.

"Eagar?" he asked.

Hiroki shrugged. It wasn't that he didn't like sex; he just didn't like it with Ryu-chan. He crawled onto the bed, and on hands and knees leaned onto Ryu-chan. He kissed the annoying pervert that always bought his body for double what everyone else did. Everyone except Akihiko.

Hiroki let himself be handcuffed to Ryu-chan's bed. He didn't have a choice really. And it wasn't like he didn't already have bruises on his wrist from them.

The next five minutes Hiroki spent watching the ceiling and listening to Ryuichiru's moans. He pretended he was with Akihiko, though the real thing was much better, and screamed as he was roughly taken.

"You like that, don't you, bitch?"

Hiroki didn't answer; he only thrust in time with the other. He hated how Ryu-chan always called him by that word. Ryu-chan was a freaky, pervert bastard. He had no right calling Hiroki a bitch. Even if he was selling his body, it didn't mean he was a slut that could be treated like garbage.

A few minutes later Ryu-chan came inside Hiroki. Yes, only a few minutes. Ryu-chan was very, very easy. Hiroki forced himself to do the same, pretending it was Akihiko above him. Then he opened his eyes and waited for Ryuichiru to leave him. He did after trying to chat with Hiroki about school. Hiroki made it clear he didn't want to talk, and Ryuichiru began digging through his wallet.

"You know, you could always spend the night here. Paying for your apartment must be hell." Ryu-chan tried.

"Actually, I'm staying with a friend until everything gets cleared up. But I'll think about it," he would never in a thousand years even consider moving in with Ryu-chan. But he played interested; he had to keep his second best customer.

Hiroki got his money, in cash, and started home. It really didn't feel like home. Akihiko was paying for it too, which made Hiroki feel slightly guilty. Akihiko had even offered to let Hiroki live with him but after that night…

Hiroki slumped into the park bench. He didn't feel like going home yet, and the sun was still up. Hiroki knew he should be changing into his short shorts and working the corner. But he didn't want too. Plus Ryu-chan had really torn him up earlier. He should at least go back to his room.

But he'd be alone there. And when he was alone he couldn't stop thinking about Akihiko. It was like curse.

Then again, it wasn't exactly easy to forget the person you lost your virginity to. Or the person you'd loved for the better part of a decade. The person who had offered to pay for every debt.

Hiroki could let him though. He knew it wasn't right. Not after he'd taken advantage of him like that.

And he had to admit he had taken advantage of his friend.

Hiroki wiped a small tear from his eye. He deserved everything that happened to him. He was possibly the worst person he knew.

Yet Akihiko was still soo kind to him. It wasn't fair. Didn't he realize Hiroki was in love with him? Could he stop worshipping Takahiro for a moment, and notice how he was tearing his friend harder than Ryu-chan ever could?

Hiroki couldn't stop the tears that fell. He didn't want to.

Something fell from the sky, crashing at Hiroki's feet. He jumped before realizing it was just a small home-made rocket. He looked up to see a boy almost his age chasing after it.

The boy stopped when he saw Hiroki. Hiroki couldn't help staring back. The guy was pretty good looking. No, not just good looking. He was fucking sexy. And he wasn't even looking at Hiroki like a vulture watching its prey; the way most men looked at him.

Or at least that wasn't what Hiroki thought until the guy grabbed him and began dragging him toward the other side of the park.

"Hello, I'm Kusama Nowaki." He said, still pulling Hiroki along with him.

"Let go!" Hiroki yelled, holding back. He didn't care how hot this guy was, his butt still hurt like hell.

The younger boy only smiled and continued walking. He finally let Hiroki go beside a group of old drunk guys.

"These are my only friends. Pathetic, huh?"

"Yes, very pathetic," Hiroki answered.

"You want some beer?" one of them asked handing it to him.

Hiroki took it, thinking he deserved it after the crappy day he'd had. Of course, if he drank every time he had a crappy day, his liver would have exploded long ago.

Then he got to talk to a bunch of old guys. And the Nowaki kid messed up his hair. Probably so the older guys wouldn't realize it was actually sex-hair. Hiroki didn't really care though, because he was strangely attracted to his hands. They reminded him of Akihiko's even though they were big, warm and totally different shaped.

Then the old guys gave him business cards. Hiroki didn't bothering them that they'd actually given him a bunch of baseball cards and a pass to the playboy mansion. They were pretty old, and probably couldn't see well.

But Hiroki wasn't really interested in them. Or the pass. He couldn't help staring at Nowaki.

No, this is just pathetic. Stop it! You need to be working right now! He sighed and stood up. "I've got to go."

He started home to get his leather tights. It was too chilly for shorts.

After a couple blocks he realized Nowaki was following him. Maybe, I don't have to change clothes… "What do you want?" he asked, facing his new stalker.

"I'm worried about you. You were crying…"

"That has nothing to do with you!" Hiroki yelled. No, he wouldn't be making money off this guy. Hiroki could tell he wasn't. If Nowaki was interested, he wouldn't look so damn sincere. He turned and began walking again, only to have Nowaki continue following.

"What if you kill yourself? I'll feel guilty."

"What the fuck?"

"Sorry, nevermind. Anyway, do you go to college?"

"Why do you care?"

"I need a tutor because I'm stupid."

"I don't have time. Sorry, find someone else."

"I'll pay you." He said which made Hiroki stop. "I'll pay you more than you'll make off your body."

"How did you…"

"You're shoes," Nowaki answered, "You can tell everything from a person's shoes."

"You're very weird." Hiroki began walking again. They were very close to his apartment now.

"It's true. And from how you're walking, it's kind of obvious."

"You don't know me. I could have a boyfriend."

"Then why were you crying?" Nowaki asked simply.

"Look, I'm busy. So, what do you want?"

"I want you, Hiro-san," he said.

"Leave me alone," Hiroki said, unlocking his door.

The boy remained standing in the doorway.

"You are such a pest! Get out, or I'll get pissed off and call the cops."

"Go right ahead. I'm sure they'll be very interested in your business."

Hiroki slammed the door in Nowaki's face. How dare he say that!? Hiroki punched his fist through the opposite wall, forever ruining his neighbor's direct TV, before he noticed he'd left his key in the door. His eyes widened in surprise and he quickly stepped outside to get them.

But they were gone. Nowaki had taken them.

Hiroki's life sucked. Majorly.

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Okay, hopefully this isn't as terrible as it seems. Please review and the spoof will go on! Plus it makes me smile.