Disclaimer: b NOT/b cannon to :devNight-stalker13: 's AU. Karmashock, Cole, Puncture his OC's. Wolfgang, Victrola I named for Cole's parents. Shockwave & Megatron Hasbro's. Bookcover made by the AU holder Night-Stalker13. This has been posted with his consent.
S&C 1
It's been well over a lunar cycle, but the pain has not subsided, not that he really expected it to. Who was he kidding! Still he needed someone to talk to. There's not too many in his circle of friends who could truly understand, but he knows there is one who has to be aching worse than he. It's probably about time he went to check on him. He hasn't seen or spoken to the other since the funeral. It's time.
~~88~~
Shockwave is not relaxed but is sitting on his couch watching the news as the political banter still is being hashed and badgered over. As much as his logical side wants to hear this and this new government's handling of the difficult proposition, his spark is screaming at him to turn it off and look away. He must pay attention to this new government that he and his mate helped to establish by overturning the last regime that just let corruption run amuck and ignore the desperately ill and poor. The former Ever Loyal Commander just wants to make sure they are not taking this lightly or fucking it up. Too many died to let it happen all over again!
Still, his broken spark is telling him to look away and leave it in peace rather than rehashing this again and AGAIN. He might be a masochist, but this is going too far.
Instead, he listens to the news while turning his head to the silver box sitting on the shrouded and forever-silent piano with a ratty photo leaning against it. Resting on top of the simple plain box is a small envelope still unopened. He knows what it contains, just can't bear to open it yet.
Muting the commercial, he still almost didn't hear the soft knock to the front door. He's in no mood to see anyone and can't remember the last time he opened that door. He didn't even attend the memorial service the brotherhood of miners held for one of their own taken down in a heroic but tragic moment. Someone had just left a box on his door step containing the deceased's locker contents. The lone picture of a young pre-war Shockwave that hung in the locker and was kissed before each mission now rests against the sliver urn on the alter.
The guest knocks again. "Shockwave, it's me Cole. Can I talk to you? Please? I… need…."
Shockwave can hear the embarrassed plea in the normally calm voice. This lone bot he could handle for their tragedy is not their's alone, but their's together. Rising slowly taking his hard drink with him, his memory replays along with the images on the TV screen of a silver tanked-mech face down on the carpeted hall, tracks upon his back torn apart by bullets. The images zoom in on a lone light blue motor bike's leg sticking out from under the larger prone form. Vital oil and fluids pool around the two dead bodies that medics could not get to or even had a chance to save.
Silently the living purple mech opens his door, but doesn't verbally greet his mate's best friend's partner. Instead, he turns aside and makes his way to the kitchen. Cole is the one to shut the door behind him and follow the other into the kitchen. Shockwave pulls down a another glass and hands it over making his way back to the couch and sinking down.
Flicking the remote to a new station, this one is discussing the debate before the governing officials too. After that is over, he flips again. After the third, Cole puts his hand over the remote.
"Shockwave….this isn't…"
Shockwave only stares at him daring him to tell him what to do within his own home of mourning. Cole knows better than that and lets the hand go. Shockwave refills his drink and takes it swift and hard grimacing as it burns it's way down. His mate had been an addict of this stuff before those needs and cravings were turned over to a new drug: him. More directly: them.
The helio-medic rises taking his glass with him as he comes to the covered piano. He doesn't touch, but he does point, "What's in the envelope? I didn't know Megatron had any implants."
For the first time in what seems like eons (and it shows in the crackling sound from the throat) Shockwave speaks, "My ring."
Cole furrows his brow. Clearly he can see the silver engraved one on the lilac hand, so it can't be that one. "I don't understand."
Shockwave's patience is not what it used to be, and slams the half filled glass to the table as he rises. In long but few strides he is at the alter. Picking up the envelope, swiftly breaks the seal with a finger tip. From there, he takes a deep breath and lets the violet titanium piercing-ring slide into his palm. Cole instantly pales remembering Karma had said something about the piercing. His spark lurches, this isn't just any piercing ring though, for he's never seen one in the color of the mech beside him. Just as the mark on the hand means something personal and significant, so does-did this simple looking piece of colored metal.
Shockwave sinks to the piano stool finally having done it and now has it in his hands once again.
"I'm sorry-"
"Please don't, because then I will have to say it to you. You may need to hear it, but I don't." he punches the volume back on to the TV.
"I'm sick of hearing it myself! I'm sick of hearing it was his fault for dealing with mentally ill bots and asked what is my stand on all this!" Cole huffs back flicking a hand to the TV news report to the political debate.
Shockwave looks up to Cole. Yes the mech is angry and aching. They may not have been bonded, but it makes his painful loss of Karmashock no less relevant either. Seeing that both of them are silently apologizing, Cole goes back to his drink and hands Shockwave his.
The seated mech looks into his drink trying to figure out if this was a good idea or not to start drinking. His left hand continues to twirl violet the ring back and forth between thumb and forefinger.
"How is your chest?" Cole motions to the violet one knowing a violently severed bond can hurt more than a regular break or separation on top of his issues from the miscarriage having done some damage to the spark chamber.
Shockwave shrugs lifting the numbing drink, "Just fine."
Cole almost sags seeing this is not the road for the other to start following, "Shockwave you shouldn't-"
"Don't session me, Cole. It's not your profession and I really don't care to hear about what damage I am doing to myself. I've walked this road with another, I know good and well what I am doing. So just move on; what do you want?"
Cole sinks into the couch being rebuke and saddened for bringing more pain to the other. "I miss him and I didn't really know where else to go to find someone who knew him a well as I if not better. You've known him longer than even I."
Shockwave has to nod to that too. In a way, he misses being able to talk to someone about Megatron who knew him on a personal level too. Here with Cole who knows what Karma had been to both Megatron and Shockwave, he knows his feelings are safe and trusted. "I miss him too. Karmashock was a good friend."
" 'There be no better friend than one who will lay down his life for thee.'" Cole quotes the old saying. "Megatron was the best friend Karmashock could ever have had. I'm sorry I ever doubted him." Shockwave lifts his helm to look at the deep regretful emerald ones.
Now the news replays the interview from one of the traumatized secretaries: "I don't know what happened. All I know is that I heard Celia yell 'lock down' and I went to hit the signal to the other offices. I saw Dr. Karmashock in the lobby raise his hands and try to talk the mech into facing him and get the gun off the other doctor. It happened so fast! When he whirled, there was just this look on his face. It was frightening. And then that huge silver mech, he just…. Leapt as the gun came round to point at Dr. Karma. I-it happened so fast. All I saw was a silver blur wrap it's self around the little blue doctor as the popping sounds when off and I sank down under my desk. But through the crack, I could see that neither of them were moving from where they landed on the floor as the mech continued to shoot at them. I was afraid Dr. Karmashock had gotten crushed by the big miner but hoped his heavier armor could save the-them both." She has to stop and wipe her nose and optics.
With a deep sigh, she continues: "After the police shot that other guy, I saw the medics come in. When they rolled the big one over, I could see one shot right into the fore helm of the silver mech and (she chokes) and Karma… oh Primus…" The femme starts to weep again as they show the file shot of the prone face down forms once more.
The narrator reminds the viewers that as per the family's request the hero silver mech's name has been withheld. Considering he gave his life to protect another, they felt it only right to honor it.
What they don't mention is that the Police Chief and the Prime had made it clear (as per Shockwave's firm request) if any news agency released Megatron's name, they would be facing some serious charges and fines.
The news flicks to the sports department and Cole turns off the TV set. He can't watch that interview one more time. He can't look at another image. He just….
"I want him back," Cole breathes painfully.
Letting the ring slip down over one finger, the other reaches up to caress his antenna, "I want him against me again."
"I need to hear his voice."
"I need to feel his touch."
"I loved it when he would lay his head in my lap as we read."
"I loved it when he would just hold me in the dawn of morning."
"He always blushed when I called him Babe."
"He said my voice was his comfort."
Shockwave stands up and turns to the box once more. It had only been he, Puncture, and a lone Priest to over see the last rites of the cremation. It seemed fitting to let fire be the one to release him, besides, there would be no grave to be desecrated. Watching the flames lick away the great mech, neither relative said anything to the other during the whole process. What could they say? One lost a mate the other lost his only son. Both had lost their future. One had just finally gained a second chance just to have a future yanked away. The other had finally gotten his spark's desire only to have a hopeful future snuffed out… and on Shockwave's mind goes and his spark roils.
He didn't hear the other move until he feels a gentle hand press into the small of his back.
Touch.
He hasn't had touch in a whole lunar cycle. He leans into his hands resting against the piano with a soft moan. Cole rubs his hand up the spine to support having no idea what he is doing to the other.
On the other hand, Shockwave has no idea that his soft sound and melting frame is doing something to the other.
"I miss the way he would let me be the one hold him even though he isn't one for abundant touch."
Shockwave swallows hard and chokes out, "I miss how much he would tell me he just needs to hold me against himself and nothing more."
Cole leans in and brings his arm around Shockwave's waist in a gentle loose hug. Shockwave lets him, leaning into the touch just a little bit more. One needs to give it, one needs to receive it.
After a few moments of silence, it comes to him that maybe this is just too much too soon and turns to step away from the alter he has made and back to the couch swooping up his drink in the process. Harshly he guzzles it down.
Cole nods understanding a bit, "Do you want me to leave?"
Shockwave shakes his head, "No, its fine. I think I probably need to talk. You?"
With a relieved whoosh of breath and a smile, Cole says, "You have no idea."
On and on the conversation flows and the drinks are refilled. By the end of the bottle, the two mechs are sitting closer to each other a light hand laid over a dark gauntlet resting on the couch back, knees tucked up to the seat facing each other. Neither is truly drunk, but most certainly relaxed and in no condition to fly home. Cole makes motion to the room upstairs, "I'm sure you have work to attend tomorrow, don't let me keep you from a proper rest."
Shockwave shakes his head, "I haven't been back to work yet. I didn't even go to the miner's memorial."
Cole gapes, "Shockwave…."
"I… can't. I just … I feel so lost. It was too soon for us." Ever the logical one has no sense of reason any more.
Cole scoots closer bringing his hand up to cup the falling helm, "Oh Shockwave…."
Likewise the soft side of Shockwave cups Cole's, "I'm so sorry for you too. You both were just staring…"
Thumbs gently stroke and caress cheeks that are dampening. Both of these proper elite mechs are finding a common ground of their own. They both know and understand the power wealth can wield and yet know that its not the source of happiness in life. No, that happiness can only come from what they lost. There is a bond here between these two mechs. There is a strength here between them as well.
Shockwave leans in, "He made me so angry when…."
"He just didn't understand when I…." Cole's revere responds back.
"I could never please him with…." Shockwave does not back away when Cole leans in as well during his next replayed memory.
"He just wouldn't let me…." Cole doesn't retreat from Shockwave's comfort with his next one.
At the end, Shockwave's hand is no longer on the cheek but has slipped round to the nape. Likewise, Cole's hand has slid up to caress a wilting antenna.
"You're not alone, Shockwave. I will not let you walk this road alone."
"Cole, I'm a grown mech, I don't need-"
"I think I need you," Cole breathes against that sensitive sensor of Shockwave's face.
He didn't mean to do it. He has no idea how it happened, but he found himself pulling the other closer until their lips are touching in a slow meeting. As tender and as raw their damaged sparks are, these lips are trying to massage and take away all pain and damage that one poor wretched soul stole from them both.
A whimper slips out and the kiss deepens. Cole leans into the larger one's lap but it's his hands that are cupping the more pained and aching one. Shockwave latches his arms around the other clasping and clinging to the sweet comfort this one is trying to share with him.
The tenderness is pushing into a harder need to comfort and surround. "Let me hold you tonight, Shockwave."
Shockwave nods craving more touch, "Logical: You shouldn't fly after all that high grade."
Instead of putting down his logical talk to hide his true feelings like Megatron might have, Cole uses the excuse, "Of course. Very wise suggestion." Another round of heated kisses has the lilac hands fondling helio-blades making him squirm against the other's tasset. "Primus Shockwave, that feels so good… higher, please," the slightly shorter one moans.
Instead, Shockwave's hands still and pulls back. His aching spark is racing. His optic is dark with want, but his spark is bleeding for whom he can't have. "Oh Primus, what am I doing?! I'm sorry Cole, I-I …."
His hands pull back and he covers his heated and shamed face only to find a pair of light hands wrap around those wrists and pull them down to uncover the face. "Shockwave… look at me."
The golden slit shows him peeking, so the red helm cants ever so slightly, "Hey, it's me too. They teach us that empathy can do this and to be careful." For that, he slides out of the violet lap to stand on his own. "I'll go now."
Shockwave covers his face and again and shakes his head, "No, please don't. Seriously you should not fly. I can't bear the though of losing you too. Please stay."
Cole takes a deep breath and exhales it slowly, "Alright. I'll take the guest room." And begins to step away. He's almost out of reach when he feels a hand wrap around the tip of a long hanging blade stalling him. Turning his helm ever so slightly, he watches the larger mech of exquisite grace and form rise. Even slightly inebriated, the mech is a sexy looking thing in his graceful moves.
"Primus you are gorgeous," Cole's hurrs out.
"Please don't ever say that again." Shockwave swallows down the sound of Megatron's voice in his helm reminding him how sexy he is. For a straight mech, he lusted after this body and the artist in him never let Shockwave forget what beautiful creature he is.
Cole can see that 'gorgeous' is a private word for him and just gives a soft nod to respect the plea. To his surprise, Shockwave steps closer to him and slips his hand into the other's, "We should not be alone tonight." With a leading step, he takes Cole into the guest room and pulls the berth's covers aside.
Cole reaches back and releases his blades. Shockwave tugs his heavy chest piece off revealing his toned broad chest and lithe belly. Both of them strip down their non-essentials. They both notice that each is precise in laying their armor in order and perfection. It brings a smile to each who's own partners were a bit more… relaxed when it comes to the placement of objects. Order is key to them both and it shows right now. Light chuckle comes out of each.
Cole lays himself down first leaving himself open to however Shockwave wants to lay. They both know that Shockwave was the submissive in his relationship, but he also is taller and larger than Cole. With an awkward exchange of expressions, Cole finally cups an antenna pulling it closer to his chest.
"Shh, just rest, Shockwave."
The violet and snowy arms easily wrap around the undressed form next to him. "You too, Cole."
It feels so good to have a trusted warm body against him again. He knows that all privacy will be kept right here. Nothing will be shared with another. Right here and right now is all that matters.
"Thank you for coming to see me, Cole."
"Thank you for letting me in, Shockwave." He bends to kiss the helm top.
Somewhere in the soft silence of the night when neither mewled body can sleep, lips graze across an antenna while another set of 'lips' press into a chest center. Hands pan and stroke a tone muscular form whilst another set caress the protective form of the other. Kisses become tastes and nibbles to be answered by whimpers and soft moans to continue.
This is not lust. This not sex. This is trusted desire to comfort and be comforted by another. This is a need to blur away what has been lost. This is a reminder that the other has not died but is very much alive. This is a need to forget for a moment and feel very much living.
Cole's kisses make their way down Shockwave's chest and to his flexible but taught belly. Cupping the lower spine, presses to make the belly arch into his plucking kisses. This larger form is so different than any lover he ever had before. Much more experienced and yet graceful in it's innocent movements.
Shockwave finds Cole's ministrations so different from the only lover he truly had. Megatron was a licker and a biter, these softer exploring lips and blunter tongue do different things to him. Does he miss the fangs, absolutely, but he can't focus on that when a trusted one is trying so hard to make him forget and needs to forget as well. Shockwave lets Cole play over his body even to go so far as to remove his final pieces of armor. Cole looks up to Shockwave for approval before he continues to lavish his attention lower in the private area.
Shockwave reaches down for the red and white thigh to give back what he is receiving. Cole only inches his way up to straddle the hips letting Shockwave release him as well. There Shockwave gives a deep inhale to see the vibrant hard red rocket fall heavily into his palm. The heart shaped head to the cable is soft and unique and so different from his mate's. No piercing ring like the one still around his finger. He closes off his optic and feels his breath hitching.
He needs this right now, but should he?
Cole knows the other is wrestling with his deep seated emotions and knows he shouldn't press but DAMN this mech before him is gorgeous and delicious for not just his optics but his lips as well. It's no wonder Megatron put all vices aside to make this his primary. The pleasures they could share and quash this joint pain for a few moments! Having been with the sexual beast of Megatron, Shockwave surly can handle things his last lover never could. But is that a curse or a blessing to his own spark?
His dear sweet Karma… his spark lurches as well. He will never see that shy face try to hide as his attentions rained down on his sexy trim form that he tried so hard to hide. Never again will he hear that sweet accent moan out his name in overload. Never will he cuddle that cute form in his arms…. He will never find another like his Karma.
Cole wasn't one who was frivolous in choosing his partners, but nor was he naive to the needs of his own body. As a medic who spent much time with a psychiatric professional, he knows good and well the roll physical and mental needs play with each other, but his own spark is refusing to listening to either. It's dying in need.
"D-do you want me to stop?" the question may have been directed to the one below but it was one he is asking of himself as well.
Shockwave painfully moans and shakes his head viciously in a 'no.' He wants this. He NEEDS this. Before another thought can cross his mind, Cole is kissing him passionately and fiercely letting his own naked form press the taller mech to the berth. Kissing away his own pain or Shockwave's it doesn't matter for Shockwave clamps one hand to the back of the knight's helmet demanding Cole to take his passion as well.
Shockwave grips a thigh tightly refusing to the let the other retreat and even pressing up into the other. He needs to feel again and this experience and unafraid form is more than willing to lavish his attentions on him. Shockwave suckles and savors each taste and touch.
Once more Cole makes his kisses and plucks down the harder form when Shockwave directs the protective mech into his sensitive throat and collar and then releases him to do as he pleases with his heated form. To Shockwave's loud moaning delight, Cole plays about his pert hard aft and ever so soft opening. "Oh PRIMUS Shockwave, you are delicious!"
He can let that one slide just to feel it again.
When Cole is sure he can't take it any more and Shockwave's body is more than prepared for the next moment, he brings his red cable into position. Just as the heart touches the sacred opening, a pained whine breaks from the blue spark. No, not a whine, a whimpering loud cry and he tugs his aft away from the offering. The body is willing, the soul is not.
Cole looks up, "Shockwave?"
"I-I-….can't," and turns his head away in shame. Cole has brought him so far and yet now he is denying the other. He feels awful, but he just… can't let him in.
Cole can even see a tear beginning to form. Pulling even further back so Shockwave doesn't have to worry about being pounced, Cole softly supports, "Shh, its okay. Tell me."
Shockwave won't look at him. "He's the only one. I saved myself for him knowing I would never get him… and then I did and…. I can't, Cole. He's the only one."
Cole's shoulder's slump. Poor Shockwave. He's only ever been in love with one. For himself, he's been in love a couple of times and understands loss and broken relationships. But now he understands a bit more of what Karma was telling him about the bondhood these two more than shared: lived. Shockwave bound himself to Megatron before they had ever made a joined commitment to each other. He's not just suffering a broken relationship, he's suffering a destroyed dream-come-true.
"Oh Shockwave…," he can not stop the pity from coming out. He cares for the being before him more than even HE ever thought possible. "Shhh, it's alright. I've got you. I'm not going anywhere. Shhh…"
Shockwave doesn't look at him but does softly whisper, "Just make me overload so I can be numb again. Fry my system until I can never feel a damn thing again." He tries to turn aside and curl up into a ball, but the smaller red one won't allow it. That does bring the pained optic to look up to the soft pools of green promising to fulfill the mission.
His own voice chokes, "Shockwave, please let me help you. I …need to do something. I …need to help someone or I'm going to implode. I need to hold onto something tangible who knows, understands, shares this sacred pain of mine."
"Oh Cole….," it's Shockwave's turn to pity the other.
Shockwave relaxes back into position to allow Cole to make love to him again. Cole is perplexed on what to do for the other and thus Shockwave reaches down to cup the softening red offering. With a gentle tug, Cole understands and follows Shockwave's guidance to lay the vibrant one with his pure sable one. The larger hand encompasses them both and makes them feel together.
"Oh PRIMUS Shockwave," Cole throws his head back feeling the experienced hand play over them both. The double rings make an incredible stimulation to the twin cables. Cole gulps down the knot of pain for what they stand for though. His body is crying for one reason while his spark is screaming for another. "Shockwave," his voice calls out needily once more.
To hear his name cried out in passion again, stirs his shattered blue spark. He may not ever love again, but he most certainly cares for this mech above him and knows the feelings are reciprocated. The honorable friend will never betray him, that he is sure of. Stronger and faster he strokes and primes them together to push their pain to the recesses of the night. Cole's knees begin to shake and he falls forward on all fours over the snowy-violet virile mech beneath him.
"Yes…." he hisses as Shockwave tightens down harder making the stimulants press in as well. Leaning even further in, he leans down and captures Shockwave's 'lips' making him moan and press up into the giving form once again. Even kissing, their breath is becoming hitched and erratic while Cole has his hips move in time helping Shockwave's hand.
Cole groans into Shockwave feeling himself peek and crest over breaking the kiss panting. To his surprise, Shockwave lets off the most spark rending scream he's ever heard. It must be the first overload he's had since… Cole sags.
Shockwave whimpers down his cry and his hand falls lax to the berth beside his turned helm. There his optic can see the silver and violet rings side by side wrapped around his tainted fingers. Cole looks to what Shockwave does: silver and violet bands. With a careful movement, he slips off the berth and gets a towel from the bathroom. Ever so carefully he wipes himself and then Shockwave's bellies. Still Shockwave doesn't say a word just rolling to his side to curl up pulling the bound hand to his chest. Cole sets the towel to the hamper and then slides into the berth behind Shockwave pulling the covering to blanket them together. He's just not sure what else to do now. He just doesn't know the mech like his mate did… or even beloved Karma knew him.
Shockwave reaches over and finds that saving hand of comfort and support, pulling it over his side and holding the hand between both of his. Nothing else needs to be said as his breathing becomes softer and slower and his body melts into the berth and comfort behind him.
Cole knows Shockwave is falling asleep thus just snuggles into him keeping him safe for tonight, holding onto a living precious piece of Karma's life. His own tear escapes for his spark can hear Karma begging him to look after Shockwave for both of the dead mechs…..
Before I start, this is NOT cannon to :devNight-Stalker13: 's universe. This started off as a dream I had. I shared it alone with Sabath for I thought it was too horrific to post. Then chapter two spawned and the conversations ensued and ideas flowed and merged and my/our imaginations could not stop.
**Wolfgang's name, Shockwave and Megatron's rings are a gifts to Night-Stalker's AU.***
Losing You by :devnight-stalker13: on da is required reading by anyone who reads this. art/ Losing-You- 40688926