Author's Note: Yep, another random one shot! I was listening this song a couple of weeks ago on the radio and I loved it! It didn't remind me of Galex or Ashes immediately but when I found the lyrics certain parts seem to fit really well. There isn't really any plot – more like Alex remembering snippets of events. There will be ALL SEASONS SPOILERS!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Ashes and I don't own the lyrics used in this fic

My Heart Is Alone

Songfic from Alyssa Reid's Alone Again

Alex sat still; an image of perfection radiating from her. Her glass of wine stood on the chequered tablecloth and stared at her depressively. Somewhere inside her mind, or heart, she knew that behaving like this wasn't going to solve anything. It had been one week, three days, six hours, fifteen minutes and twenty one seconds since she'd walked through the heavenly doors. Or the hellish doors, depending on how you looked at her version of heaven.

Glancing up at the television screen, she realised that it was time for the news. The television here gave her news of the current world and Gene's world, as and when she wanted it. However, this time, a tune started to play and lyrics followed very closely behind.

Til now, I always got by on my own.
I never really cared until I met you.
And now it chills me to the bone,
how do I get you alone?

Alex frowned and looked critically around the pub. Nobody else seemed affected by any of the weird stuff that had been happening to her since she'd arrived here. Processing the words carefully, she found that a tear had made its way to her eye.

During her pre-eighties life, she'd never needed anybody to care for her; since her parents had died she had become hardened to events that life had thrown at her. Although Evan had always been there for her, she didn't really go to him for advice – not since she was about eighteen, to be honest.

Then life threw its hardest challenge at her: Death. But that wasn't the end of the torture. Yes, she'd eventually died, but not before she'd fallen head over bloody heads with a Guardian Angel who, thanks to fate, she couldn't stay with. Since then she'd needed him more than ever.

But being by herself in this 'Heaven' meant that she couldn't reply on anybody to help her get back to Gene's World. And that, once again, left her desperately needing to get him back to him.

Alone.

The phone call,
Can you stop the free fall?
Can you be the reason,
I can see beyond the lies,
if I keep holding on?

Air was being trapped in her lungs as the song continued to play. Her mental state was spiralling downwards faster than water down a plughole and there wasn't anything anybody could do about – they'd tried.

But there seemed to be a snippet of life, of hope, that kept her going through the whole ordeal. What if that hope was that she might be able to get back?

But then again, she'd betrayed him. Back before he'd shot her, Alex had heard mysterious and incriminating phone calls – even now Nelson seemed to get them – but it was the trust in the bottom of her heart that had kept her from believing the lies.

How long could she hold on to that hope for?

I hear you,
Can you stop the screaming?
Did you stop believing?
I could feel you letting go,
I can't be alone tonight.

A gasp caught roughly in her throat: of course she could still hear his voice making little sarcastic comments and adding one-liners to her daily life. Somehow Alex also knew that he was not going to let go of her; although the pain this caused had wanted her to make him forget – and now it seemed he might be.

When you said I could move on and go,
you said I'm weak and it shows.
I couldn't go on without you.

He had told her to go, even though she didn't want to leave him. Alex had never been weak – not even in her coma state – but it had been that one last, two lettered word that had revealed her hidden feelings; she was but a child trying to find a way back to her parents – or in this case, life. The tears didn't even bother to conceal themselves and so Alex just continued to sit there, listening intently.

Now I'm sitting in this house alone,
wondering why I left home,
and I'm hoping that you know that...

In all fairness, it was more like a pub than a house, but it still brought a smile to her face. You were always picky, weren't yer, Bolls?There it was again, the little voice, the one piece she still had to hold onto.

And leave me;
I know you see right through me.
I finally thought you knew me,
well enough to know with you,
I feel so ordinary.

So true, so true, was the only thought that possessed her mind. Gene had known her better than anybody – this song was her life story – but did it have a happy ending?

She failed to notice Nelson staring at her.

It's a crime scene
someone killed our last dream
did you stop believing?
I can feel you letting go
I can't be alone tonight

Shadows had fallen over her face, darkening her eyes and hardening her expression. Yes, somebody had killed their dreams. The first maggot had invaded the peace at Fenchurch and drove a wedge between the trust that she and Gene had once held.

The second little bastard had targeted her; his attempts to poke holes and ask questions had led to their ultimate demise. Both Gene and Alex had been thrown head first into deception, destiny and mistrust and they had never fully recovered from the consequences.

I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone
and the night goes by so very slow
Whoa, I hope that it won't end though

And she did. Every night Alex would come down to the pub and think about him and the adventures he might be having. Although it seemed stupid, she had actually tried to call his office once or twice, but Nelson had decided that it was a bad idea.

And still she kept on counting: One week, three days, six hours, seventeen minutes and forty two seconds...

Til now, I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
and now it chills me to the bone
how do I get you alone?
How do I get you alone?

For the first time since entering the pub, Alex Drake smiled. The song had allowed her to come to terms with what she'd been bottling up. Nodding at Nelson and bidding everybody a goodnight, she walked out the back door and down the street towards her flat. Of course, this wasn't Gene's World she was walking in; it was her illusion of it. But the stars had come out to play once too often. Too many things had been left unsaid and they knew it. Taking a leap of faith into them, the brightness enveloped her body and overpowered her thinking. Satin sheets greeted the touch of her fingers and the mirror held a word of familiarity.

Alex Drake no longer counts the time she has been away from home.

Because now, she is home.

Authors Note: Go on then – a good idea? Not sure whether to leave it as just a one shot or add some more points of view– thoughts? :) There's a Poll on my profile - please take a look!

Finding Answers xx