PARADISE LOST: MY STORY

I am aware. I am aware of everything that my person thinks, does, acts, resists. I know his weaknesses. It is my duty as a Tempter to capitalize on these weaknesses. They are as much mine as they are his; but they are mine in a much different and more endearing way. They are my tools, my strengths, my doors into his soul. They allow me to manipulate him to whatever I please.

There is something about my person that makes him mine. I am the only one assigned to him; I am the one who knows just as much about himself as he does. In a way, he is my door into the human world. He allows me to do things that I would otherwise be incapable of doing in the physical world. He is my tool, and the weaknesses allow me to shape my tool to accomplish a necessary task.

I live in a world of endless hatred; I hate everyone around me just as much as they hate me. I hate myself. I hate Lucifer. He is the reason I am here. I face constant burning and guilt, all while striving to tempt my person. My task is rather hard because Lucifer does not tempt any one person. The only person he has taken solely to himself is Jesus Christ, who is the entire reason we are here. Lucifer is our "government," so to speak. He approves all assignments to the people of the world.

The strong Tempters can take on more than one person. I work a little differently. I have a special connection to my person; I know how his inner being is. I know my person better than he knows himself. That is what makes me special. I have been assigned to many people over the years, but this one is different. I can feel it. It seems that he is a sort of representation of me on Earth. We have the same personalities, the same likes and dislikes. I will admit, if I had had the opportunity to go to Earth, I might have taken a liking to him. But, as I said, I hate him with my entire being. It is my duty to crush him. Since I know him like I know myself, what better than for me to tempt him?

I remember when I was assigned to him. I went to Beelzebub for a new assignment, and I was given his name. When I first saw him, I knew we had a connection; this was going to be easy for me. I remember him growing up, I remember his first failure, his first regret, and everything in between. I'm doing a pretty good job if I do say so myself.

As of lately he had just graduated from college-regretfully I was not able to keep him from achieving that goal. He is now ready to go out into the world; a whole new exposure with which I can manipulate him.

He had taken a job that required him to move to a different place, and that is where I am right now. I am with him at his first job in the "real world," so they call it. That makes me laugh. The true "real world" is the one I am in; the one that requires my person to have a constant internal struggle, in which I am the antagonist.

As he asks for the manager, I can't help but notice a girl in the other room. She looks familiar, but I can't get a good view of her. She drifts off into another room, but I am sure my person and I will get a better look at her later.

When the manager finally emerges from his lair in the back room, he asks my person who he is. He introduces himself as a new employee of the company, and the manager disappears again. When he returns, he has the girl with him.

Then it hits me.

I am taken so far aback that I lose my grip on my person. He now has no one to tempt him, but right now that does not matter. I am shocked with such a strong flow of despair and fear that I become dysfunctional for minutes. As a Tempter, I am not used to sudden rushes of emotion, and I am not prepared for what has hit me now.

As I look at this girl, a pang of pain rips through me. I recognize her as one I had known before the War. Her name is Eva, and she is no ordinary person. She was, and still is, my everything. Seeing her on the other side like this was something I never imagined would happen to me. She was the one that promised me we would be together forever. When we were to come down to Earth, we made a promise to each other that we would find each other. She had made me so happy, and now she was out of my grasp.

I think to myself if the pain and anguish of Hell can get any worse. Then I remember my person. I have left him free to the influence of the Light Side for a full three minutes. I most certainly have drawn attention from my fellow Tempters. I will be punished if I don't get back to my work.

I tune back into his mind, and to my dismay, things do get worse. His mind is filled with thoughts of this girl. She has most definitely left a depression on his heart. Now a new emotion flows through my spirit. Jealousy surges through me, and now I want to destroy him even more.

All I can do is look on as he approaches her. I tell him to turn away, to be a coward, but his emotions are too strong.

He greets her with a simple "Hi," but loaded with a tone of obvious interest in her. I scream at his thoughts to turn away. I tell him she is not good enough for him; that he needs to find someone else, but to no avail.

Then, the turn of the knife already lodged in my side. She replies with the same interested "Hi." I think to myself of how hard it will be to protect her from my person, when my thoughts are interrupted-

"What do you think you're doing?" asks Eva's Temptress, who has noticed my dilemma. "You do not need to protect her. This is an opportunity for both of us to bring this couple down into the chains of Hell. We need to encourage this relationship."

"I can't," I reply, with an obviously painful note in my voice.

"What do you mean you can't? Are you saying you are defying what we are bound to do? We have been wronged, and it is our revenge to pervert the ways of our wrongdoers."

"You don't understand," I say. "She is of great significance to me."

"She is your enemy! She was unwilling to follow you to the side you thought was right! Do you think she cared about you if she was not willing to follow the one she loved most dearly? Presently she is not aware of your very existence!-"

She is interrupted by the presence of another Tempter, who is obviously one of a higher ranking.

"What seems to be the problem?" he asks, with a level of annoyance in his voice.

Eva's Temptress responds, "I think we have a defective Tempter. He is refusing to join me in the destruction of these two people."

With a look of contempt towards me he commands me to follow him.

I enter the presence of the Evil One himself: Lucifer, the father of all lies. I have never really talked to the Fallen One, but now it all unfolds before me. This is the one I work for. Why do I do it? I tell myself that I am about to find out.

His lips begin to move. He asks, "And what have I the privilege of making your acquaintance?"

I remain silent, transfixed in a sort of trance. He is truly The Tempter. The devil. He is charming, persuasive, and seems to be extremely comfortable with his eternal condemnation.

After what seems an eternity, the Tempter with whom I made the journey replies, "He is refusing his duty towards you, my lord."

"Ah. I have rarely had to deal with this. Only twice before has this happened in all our time here in this infernal Pit. Usually it has been because of former acquaintance. Is this the case with you?" asks Lucifer coolly, shifting his gaze towards me.

"No," I choke out, barely able to return his glare.

He chuckles, "The ways of Hell have worked their powers on you. This is most definitely the reason you are here."

I am stunned. He sees right through me. I know now that there is no hiding. He knows everything about me. The only reason he asks me questions is to see me suffer. He wants all of God's children to suffer, even those who sided with the Dark. I tremble to think of what my punishment will be. I think to myself that this is my god. I am not subject to the mercies of the Almighty himself; this is what I am subject to: hatred.

I look at him. He knows what I am thinking. I see the malicious smile spreading across his face. His cunningness is getting to me. He is turning me to turmoil without even trying to. He is somehow making me destroy myself. The only lifeline I have is to hate him, but even that is working in his favor. In a way I am coming up with my own punishment by thinking up the worst thing I can imagine, even though I am already in the worst place possible. There is nowhere to go but back-

"Good," he says. "You will work together and bring this couple to me. If you decide to refuse again, I will do it myself."

Fear spreads through me. Leaving my Eva to the grasp of the master of temptation himself would seal her doom. She would not be able to withstand the alluring power of his temptations.

In a way I am now in favor of good. I never want to see Eva again, for if I ever did, it would be because she had fallen into the realm of the Pit.

As I return to my person, I dread having to see her again. I now have to work with her for the rest of her experience on Earth. I have to destroy her, and if I don't try my hardest, Lucifer will seal her fate. There is nowhere to turn for me; I am left with my emotions of dread and misery festering inside me.

I finally return to my post. By then Eva's Temptress has managed to get the two together. I hate my person. Eva was supposed to be mine, and now she was being stolen before my own eyes. Why? Why me? All I can think is that the people who have lived on Earth will have a greater level of regret if they are condemned to my realm. They were so close, but they couldn't make it. This is what I want my person to suffer. All I need to do is focus on my person. Eva does not exist. Only my person.

I look to my tools. Eva is now another tool along with the weaknesses that I can use to destroy him. Immediately I plant little seeds of lust towards her in his mind. In time they will grow. I know him like I know myself. This is how I will destroy him; through the misuse of his gift from God. The greatest gift of all. One I will never have. I am going to make him misuse his body.

My calculations were correct. The mess I have made of his life almost makes me too proud to speak. He now has a child he neglects, and to "rid" of his depression I suggested to him to begin drinking. Alcohol is one of the most useful tools I can obtain, and now I have it. It is the door that lets me control his mind almost directly. It is the closest thing I can be to having a body. The amount of control a Tempter can have over a drunken soul is elating.

He has drunk himself to the "turning point," as it is called. This is the level where I can begin to control him. I direct him back to his home, where I know I can cause damage.

All I can say is that I took out my anger that night. I made my person commit the ultimate crime against Heaven. I removed two people from the world last night.

Eva's Temptress has done a remarkable job. Almost as remarkable as mine. Together we have ruined two lives. Regretfully the child was taken out of our grasp by Heaven's angels.

Now I have to face her. She is going to remember me. I have done my job. I do my work too well. Now I ask myself if I needed to take her life. I cut her off from any chance of making it back to Heaven. What have I done? My emotions got the best of me. I was too focused in my hatred for my person that I destroyed the only one I loved. Truly this was the punishment Lucifer had in mind for me-

There she is. I see her before she sees me. I see the shame on her face. She looks around at her new home. No purpose. Condemned forever to think of how close she was, and how she will refuse to return back to God, despite her ability to do so. The wall that keeps her from returning is guilt. It is more comfortable for her to be in the depths of Hell than be in the presence of an omnipotent and perfect God. She now knows how I feel.

I catch her gaze. I see the surprise in her face. Was it me? she asks. I can see it in her eyes. I confirm her question as true. I see a tear roll down her cheek. I know she hates me. The love is gone. She knows that I am the one who took away her chance. And in the beginning I was only trying to protect her from an even more inevitable fate.

My punishment has fallen upon me.

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