Seeing as the holidays are growing ever closer, I decided to write. Eeyup. When life gives you lemons, write them. I know, I know, Christmas is still another full month away, but I had written the Birthday Gifts lemon with this same pairing (I have too much fun with this pairing, oops. I should probably start writing other pairings. TT-TT) and I thought this might be nice while I was inspired.

Although, I have come to realize that most of my lemons continue to fall under the same pattern... O_O I hope I'm not boring anyone, if anyone actually reads these.

Anyway, standard disclaimers apply. This particular lemon, as most of mine do, contains Uke!Rus.

Breathing in deeply, Ivan smiled. A medley of delicious aromas graced his prominent nose. There was pine, cinnamon, mint, baked goods, and of course Faygo. Ivan's house never used to smell like Faygo, but ever since Gamzee moved in the scent had seemed to linger in the air. Not that the Russian would complain; he loved Gamzee, and Gamzee loved him. They had been together for almost a year in an odd sort of relationship. Gamzee called it 'matespritship'. Whatever that meant, Ivan had no clue. He didn't mind though; most of the troll's strange ways were still a mystery to him, and probably always would be.

This would be their first Christmas together, and Ivan was all too eager to share some strange earth traditions. Gamzee had been very accepting, which wasn't all that surprising considering the highblood's easy-going nature. Ivan chuckled quietly to himself, thinking as he hung the sparkly globes and candies on the tree.

"Duuude... What in the name of sweet motherfuck is that miraculous smell?" Gamzee inquired, leaning over Ivan's shoulder. "It's called fruitcake!" Came the happy reply as the Russian sliced a small piece of his creation and hand-fed it to the troll. "What do you think?" Gamzee's bloodshot, pale yellow eyes widened. "Whoa... That is motherfuckin' bitchtits wicked, bro. Taste for yourself." He smiled a slow, lazy smile that showed off his shark-like teeth and pressed a gentle kiss to Ivan's lips.

Sighing, the Russian stood back to survey his work. It needed something... Of course, sunflowers! Ivan poked around until he found some faux flowers from previous decoration jobs and proceeded to scatter them on the tree. Once that was done, he hung the lights. White, blue, and red for the Russian flag, and a deep purple for Gamzee. He couldn't help but grin at remembering the troll's first reaction to Christmas lights.

"Ivaaaaann! Call the motherfuckin' exterminator, the kitchen's been infested with lil' douchebag rainbowy freeloader torchbugs!" Gamzee had yelled. Ivan had come running to find the troll backed up against a corner, gripping his juggling clubs tightly as if the 'torchbugs' had rabies and could attack at any minute. Ivan took one look and understood. He laughed. "They aren't bugs! They're Christmas lights! They make the house pretty, da?" Gamzee lowered his clubs, squinting at the lights for a few minutes before grinning. "Yeah, I guess so!"

Humming, Ivan set out a plate of chocolate chip cookies on an end table while he busied himself hanging stockings on the hearth. He was proud of these; they had traditional patterns stitched into them, and he had knitted them himself. His older sister had taught him to knit, and it was a hobby of his of a sort. He remembered back to the previous fall when he had been knitting the stockings and snorted.

Click, click, click, click. Ivan's needles worked furiously. Over, under, and through loops the yarn went, row after row. A certain curious troll silently slithered up to his side, peeking over the leather arm of Ivan's easy chair. Gamzee's eyes widened at what he saw. "Holy shit, man! You're preggo, and you never clued this fucker in?!" Ivan blinked, looking over at him oddly. "...Pregnant? No, Gamzee, I'm not pregnant. Human men can't get pregnant; I told you that, da?" In all honesty, Ivan had no clue whether he was actually able to get pregnant. Who knows how troll cum worked. But at the moment at least, he wasn't. Gamzee furrowed his eyebrows in thought. "Then, why're you all up in these lil' motherfuckin' feet warmers?" Ivan smiled. "They're for when Christmas comes! I'll hang them on the fireplace and Santa will put candy and toys inside~!"

That, in turn, returned the Russian's attention to their most recent conversation regarding the jolly fat man. It had been just hours earlier when Ivan had been baking the cookies.

"So, lemme just get this straight... You act like a motherfuckin' angel all year so that some obese geezer fucker can plop his fat ass in yo firepit and shit out presents under a pinetree?" Gamzee had questioned, watching Ivan slide the pan into the oven. Ivan nodded. "Da, that's about the gist of it..." Gamzee made a 'pshh' noise. "And this douchebag demands cookies?" "Da." "If he's fat then why the fuck does he need my cookies? And does he ever get stuck in the chimney?"

Needless to say, Santa was not Gamzee's favorite person. This was mainly because his existence just made no sense to the troll, but he had agreed not to squash Ivan's holiday cheer; the Russian still maintained a rather childish belief in Santa Claus, but just as childishly obstinately refused to believe it was Tino. They had never had the best of relations. It wasn't Tino he was concerned about though. Ivan furrowed his brows as he hung the last stocking. Where was Gamzee? He turned around to exit the living room, but just as he was leaving, he bumped into the troll in the doorway.

"Oh, there you are~! I was just going to look for you!" Ivan said happily, then proudly gesturing to the living room. "What do you think?"

Gamzee's droopy eyes surveyed the room. "Niiiiiiice." He commented with a grin. "Looks like we're all set. Bring on the fat geezer! Hey, y'know, I've been up and doin' some motherfuckin' reading on this thing called 'Christmas'... Decided I might help ya out a little." He grinned impishly. Ivan blinked, confused. Gamzee lifted a long, bony finger to point upwards. Ivan's eyes traveled up, squinting at what he saw. It was a small sprig of some sort of leafy green plant hanging from the door frame. It barely registered in his mind that it was mistletoe. "Gamzee, wha-?"

This earned him a low, husky chuckle from the highblood before their lips crashed together. Ivan let out a muffled moan, sliding his arms around the other male's neck and tilting his head so Gamzee could get better leverage. Gamzee took advantage of this and deepened the kiss, holding the Russian firmly by the waist, but letting his hands roam as well. Ivan shivered, feeling Gamzee's fingers lightly brush over his lower spine.

After a few moments, the highblood broke for air and grinned, panting only slightly. "Thought I'd up and give ya your present early..." He purred suggestively, his hand wandering lower so that it nonchalantly brushed over the top of Ivan's bottom.

Ivan bit his lip and looked up at the other innocently. "And what might my present be?"

Gamzee laughed. "It's me, motherfucker. Picked out somethin' I knew you'd like." He grinned dopily and gave a flirtatious eyebrow waggle.

It was Ivan's turn to laugh. "Wow, Gamz, you really put some thought into your gift... Sex... Da, just what I wanted for Christmas~"

Gamzee's eyes lit up. "You motherfuckin' serious, bro?"

"No, I wanted vodka. But sex works too."

"Oh, I got you vodka too. But you should unwrap the first present first, bro."

Ivan gave him a quizzical look. "Unwrap...?"

"Take off my pants," Gamzee demanded. "You'll see."

Ivan shrugged, kneeling down and pulling down Gamzee's polka-dotted pants and boxers. He blinked at the strange sight that met his eyes. Yes, he had seen Gamzee's hermaphroditic tentabulge/nook combination before, but never as festive as this. The writhing, dark purple appendage was decked out in a neat little polka-dotted bow. Ivan's eyes traveled up to meet Gamzee's. "...You can't be serious," he said, cracking a smile.

"Serious as a motherfuckin' heart attack," Gamzee chuckled in reply. "Your present. My dick. Now unwrap it and suck away, motherfucker."

Ivan obeyed, gently tugging the ribbon off and taking his squirming 'gift' in his mouth.

Gamzee emitted a soft groan, one hand moving to grip Ivan's hair. Gently at first, he shoved him down onto his bulge while his other hand went to play with his slip.

Ivan's tongue slowly, almost teasingly slid up to the tip, which he would nip at lightly. This earned him another groan, accompanied by a hiss. "More," Gamzee commanded in a low tone, pushing his hips forward. "Suck harder."

And Ivan did suck harder for a brief moment before withdrawing and looking up guiltlessly. "Isn't this supposed to be my present?" He inquired in a perplexed tone. "It seems like you are getting most of the pleasure, da?"

Gamzee smirked. "Don't worry bro, you'll be getting' more motherfuckin' pleasure than you can handle here in a minute." Having said that, he discarded his Capricorn emblem shirt and dropped it in the pile with his pants and boxers before kneeling so he was level with Ivan.

Pushing him down so he was lying on his back, Gamzee straddled the Russian and slipped a cold hand under his sweater. This earned him a small gasp from the unprepared Ivan, who whimpered softly as the troll's hands began wandering his chest, slowly caressing him. In this manner, Gamzee pulled the sweater over Ivan's head, tossing it aside to reveal Ivan's pale bare torso that was already gathering goose bumps from the cold air.

"You cold?" Gamzee murmured, noticing the goose bumps and leaning down to lightly kiss the other's chest. "Don't worry, bro... I'll warm you right up."

This caused Ivan's face to flush. "Gamz-"

Gamzee silenced him with a kiss as he began to grind against the Russian's lower half.

Wrapping his arms around Gamzee's neck, Ivan's fingers entangled themselves in the troll's thick ebony mane. Moving upwards, they accidentally found the base of his candycorn horns, groping at them blindly.

At this, Gamzee's eyes shot open and he paused for half a second before letting out a growl and attacking Ivan's trousers hungrily. After a few minutes of fumbling with the fancy belt buckle, Gamzee yanked the pants away, grimacing at realizing that there was still another layer of cloth separating him from Ivan. He ripped the boxers off, disposing of them and just staring for a moment at what they had concealed.

Gamzee's grimace contorted into a twisted grin as he lightly stroked one side of Ivan's already erect member. This earned him soft noises from the Russian. Savoring this for just a few minutes, Gamzee leaned down and pressed a loving kiss to the member's tip. "You all up and ready for this?" He murmured against the skin.

Nodding, Ivan breathed a "Da,"

Smiling at the confirmation, Gamzee withdrew from Ivan's cock and gave his lips a final, affectionate kiss before withdrawing completely, flipping him over, and propping him up appropriately. Spreading Ivan's cheeks apart, Gamzee's writhing appendage flicked and prodded at the entrance a little before sliding in.

Ivan let out a gasp, hot tears surfacing and threatening to spill. That thing inside him felt so strange, so alien. No matter how many times they had had intercourse, Ivan figured he'd never get used to the feel of a tentabulge. The initial dull pain faded quickly enough, and Ivan nodded a signal to Gamzee to move.

Grunting his approval, Gamzee began to thrust. Slowly at first, and in no particular pattern. As his pace gradually quickened, he leaned forward and huskily whispered a few sweet nothings into Ivan's ear with what breath he could muster.

Ivan, who was practically gasping for breath, flashed a few shaky smiles and blushed considerably at these. It was all he could do, really, as he was rocking back and forth in tune with Gamzee.

Gamzee's hands skimmed up and down Ivan's sides, eventually coming to rest on his upper thighs where he proceeded to grip the Russian tightly.

Shivering, Ivan felt the knot he had already had before in the pit of his gut tighten. "G-Gamzee," he gasped. "Soon."

Gamzee nodded. Having had his little joy run, he too was getting close. Actually, before much longer, Gamzee released, filling the Russian with substance. It was this warm, sudden release that sent Ivan over the edge as well, and the floor that he had worked so hard to get spotless and shiny earlier was soiled.

Pulling out, Gamzee collapsed in a heap, pulling Ivan with him and snuggling him close and closing his eyes. "Merry Christmas, motherfucker."