FUTURAMA
TORN BETWEEN TWO LOSERS
CHAPTER ONE
There's only one eye in 'Fry'
Leela had spent a leisurely afternoon visiting with her parents, Morris and Munda, in their home in the mutant world that exists below the streets of New New York. She had just left their home and was heading down a dark, damp street toward one of the ladders that led up to a manhole cover at the street level of the surface world. Just before arriving at the ladder, she had spotted a familiar figure. Even though the man was standing half in the shadows, Leela could tell by his red hair and jacket and blue pants that is was her good friend, Fry. She was very surprised to see him though. Fry never came down to the mutant world alone. He must have been looking for her, she thought. She was glad. She liked Fry and she knew he liked her. She knew Fry would like to have had a more serious relationship with her but something always stopped her from letting it happen, something she couldn't quite put her finger on. Still, Fry was a good friend, maybe the best friend she had in the whole world. Leela was always sad to leave her parents and spending part of the trip back to the surface with a good friend would be just what she needed to help cheer her up. She called out to him.
"Fry!" The man turned around. It was nice to see his face, his wave of red hair, his happy smile, his big, sparkling eye, and his … slimy, pink tentacle! As he stepped out of the shadows, it became obvious that this man was indeed a mutant. However, to Leela, he looked amazingly like Fry except that he had a tentacle where one arm should be, just like her mom, and one, and only one, large eye in the center of his face, just like her. Though he was a stranger, he was so familiar looking to her that Leela felt very comfortable around him so when he approached she did not immediately feel like roundhouse kicking the mutant square in the chest.
"Were you talking to me?" he asked. "And how did you know my name?"
"His name is Fry too?" she thought. What were the odds of that? As the man approached, Leela noticed that this Fry even walked with the same slouch and with his hands in his pockets just like her Fry. It was like the two Frys were separated at birth and one of them ended up a mutant living below the surface and one above the surface. Leela knew that was impossible. She knew her Fry was cryogenically frozen back in 1999, making him over 1000 years older than this Fry. Still, the similarities were uncanny.
"I'm sorry," she explained, "I thought you were a friend of mine. You look just like him. His name is Fry too."
"I'd be sorry too, lady," Fry responded, "if I had a friend who looked like me." He laughed. Same bad jokes as Fry, Leela thought, but she smiled at it anyway. "And what a coincidence," he continued, "that my name is Fry and his name is Fry 2." He laughed again. This time Leela wasn't sure if he was kidding or truly thought her friend's name was Fry 2. She thought about clarifying that her friend's name wasn't Fry 2 but Fry also, but decided it was better not to start another round of confusion. Still, he was nice enough. What was not to like? He was essentially just like Fry except … Leela's thought paused a moment … except that he was a mutant too. Maybe this is what her Fry was missing for her. Maybe what she has been searching for all her life was a mutant. She felt that she would like to get to know this Fry a little better.
"My name is Leela," she said, holding out her hand, "Turanga Leela," she corrected. Fry took her hand in his tentacle and shook it. It wasn't slimy at all. It was warm, and it felt nice, like her mom's tentacle, and she squeezed it a little when she shook it. She felt smile start to form, in spite of herself.
"J. Philip Fry is the name," he said. Fry couldn't believe his luck. Here was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, and she was talking to him! He wondered what he had done so right to deserve this and he wanted to find out more about her but he wanted to play it cool. "What can I do you for?" he asked, grinning.
"Well, this is gonna sound strange," she began, "but I wonder if there was anywhere we could go to talk for a bit. I'd like to get to know you better."
So much for cool. Fry couldn't hide his enthusiasm. He immediately started leading Leela down the street by the arm as he spoke excitedly. "Ya, I know this great place by the sewer where they serve recycled Slurm while it's still warm! You're gonna love it!" That sounded really, really horrible to Leela, but Fry was trying, so she followed him, all the time wondering what she was going to learn next, what she was going to do next, where this puts her life and where this puts her with Fry.
CHAPTER TWO
Would You Like Frys With That?
While Leela and Fry were enjoying their drinks, (Actually, Fry was enjoying his drink and Leela poured a little on the floor every time Fry looked away.) Fry told the story of how his family came to live under the city. It wasn't much of a story; it played out like the other mutants' stories, including Leela's parents'. Basically, after the alien attacks of the mid third millennium, those who did not fight the aliens and chose to hide mainly survived, while those who were brave and fought off and eventually conquered the aliens suffered great casualties and radiation poisoning that caused the mutations. Once the cowards came out of hiding, they shunned the weaker, uglier mutants and forced them into an existence living in the wreckage of the old cities that the healthy ones eventually covered with the new cities.
As it turns out, this Fry, who Leela was referring to (in her own mind) as Mutant Fry, is a distant relative of the Fry she knew. Leela marveled at how strong, even mutated, the Fry gene pool must be for the two Frys to look so similar even after so many generations. She thought it would be quite a treat for her old friend, Fry to meet her new friend, Fry so she asked Mutant Fry if he would care to venture to the surface and meet his long lost relative and some of her other friends. Plus, this way she would get the opportunity to spend more time with someone she had so much in common with. This Fry was much braver and quicker to make decisions than the other one and said he would be glad to go with her. Plus, it would give him the opportunity to spend more time with this hot aubergine.
The two took a Hover Cab back to Planet Express, where Leela worked as a delivery ship captain. When they walked in, Bender was watching All My Circuits on the television and didn't look up to greet his friends.
"Hey, Leela. Hey, Fry," he said, not realizing that this Fry was not his Fry.
"Hey, Bender," Leela responded.
"Hey, Bender," Mutant Fry repeated. He didn't really know Bender but still, he wanted to be friendly.
"Fry," Bender called, "get me a beer. I don't want to miss the part when Calculon realizes his evil twin is not really his evil twin but the clone of his evil twin…" Bender went on with the complicated subplot of the show while Mutant Fry went over to the refrigerator and grabbed a beer. He handed it to Bender, who was still finishing the intricacies of the storyline as he took the beer from Mutant Fry's tentacle. "… who has just returned from Nebulon IV where he became …" Bender looked up when the hand holding his beer felt weird and saw for the first time who, or what, had walked in with Leela. "… a mutant! Aaaaahh! A mutant touched my beer and got it all … mutanty!" Bender sounded disgusted but that didn't stop him from immediately opening the beer and start drinking it. Just then, Professor Farnsworth walked into the room.
"Bender, what's all the fuss?" he asked. Before Bender had a chance to respond, the professor noticed Mutant Fry and immediately came to the wrong conclusion. "Good God, Fry, what happened to you? You haven't been in the lab trying on new body parts again, have you? Don't you remember how long it took me to get those extra breasts off of you the last time?"
"No, Professor," Leela corrected, "this isn't Fry. This is a distant relative of his, and yours. I met him when I was visiting my parents earlier. His name is Fry too."
"Fry 2," Farnsworth marveled. "What a coincidence. What are the odds that …"
"No, no, not Fry 2," Leela corrected, "his name is J. Philip Fry, very similar to your uncle's." Leela found it hard to believe that two people could make the same stupid mistake. Then again, these were Fry's relatives she was talking about. "I call him Mutant Fry," Leela offered, hoping to alleviate any future confusion.
"You do?" Mutant Fry asked, sounding a little hurt. Mutant Fry had hoped Leela saw him as an equal and no different from her other friends.
Well, not out loud," she explained, apologetically. Then, realizing that that was no longer true, she continued, "At least, not until now." She could see that he was still hurt by it and so she really started to back pedal. "It's just so we don't get confused between you and the other Fry. You look so much like him, except that…" Luckily, at that moment, Bender interrupted with one of his inane and not-well-thought-out ideas.
"Maybe instead of calling him Mutant Fry," he began, "we could just call him MF for short." To Leela, this sounded no better but she was glad just to be able to stop talking. She didn't really want to hurt his feelings. She liked this MF.
"Then MF it is!" Professor Farnsworth chimed in. Farnsworth noticed that their new guest still had a little sewer filth around his mouth (actually from the Slurm he was having earlier) and suggested, "Leela, your friend still has a little potty mouth. Maybe you could show this dirty MF where he can go wash up."
Leela and Mutant Fry were out of the room when Fry, the real Fry, returned from a day of shopping. This was the Fry everyone was used to: red hair, red jacket, white t-shirt, blue pants, two eyes and one big pink tentacle! Bender saw him first.
"Holy crap! Another freakin' Mutant Fry!" Bender shouted. Then he took another drink of his beer.
"No, Bender," Fry reassured him, "it's me, you're old buddy, Fry." Fry slipped the novelty tentacle off of his real arm. "I bought this at a joke shop," Fry explained. "I was gonna use it to trick Leela into thinking I drank some bad Slurm and had been turned into a mutant."
"I think the joke's on you," Bender muttered under his breath before sipping his beer again.
"And what do you mean another mutant?" Fry asked, remembering Bender's earlier comment. Just then, Leela and Mutant Fry entered from behind Fry.
"Fry," Leela called, "I brought someone over to meet you." When Fry turned around, he couldn't believe his eyes.
"Holy crap! A freakin' mutant me!" he shouted and then he took a drink of Bender's beer.
"He prefers to be called MF," Bender inserted, taking his beer back.
CHAPTER THREE
Fry vs. Fry
Mutant Fry stayed for dinner that night during which the two Frys got to know one another and Leela got to compare the two of them in relation to how she felt about them. More and more she began to notice all the things that bothered her about the old Fry and how the new Fry was, and she hated to say it, better than the old one. The new Fry was more polite about asking for things to be passed across the table instead of just reaching. The new Fry was always keeping track of whether Leela needed anything during the meal, making sure her water was topped up, asking if she wanted seconds instead of just eating what was left over. The new Fry laughed at her friends' jokes. The new Fry wore pants to the table. Of course Leela realized that the old Fry was comfortable in his routine and the new one was on his best behavior but still she couldn't help thinking that even after he got comfortable, the new Fry would somehow come out on top. She wished there was a way he could stay longer. Then, the opportunity presented itself. Mutant Fry was talking about his job in construction. He made repairs to crumbling buildings in the old New York of the mutant world.
"About two weeks ago, someone from the surface threw an old Bender unit down the sewer," Mutant Fry was saying. Oddly, this news didn't upset Bender who was usually easily inflamed by such robot injustice. Instead, Bender began whistling and looking around the room as if the news was not affecting him at all. Old Fry found this very out of the ordinary and thought that maybe his buddy hadn't heard what New Fry had said.
"Did you hear that, Bender?" Fry asked, leaning in to Bender. "Someone threw a Bender unit in the sewer. Doesn't that just grind your gears?" Fry's questions were making beads of sweat appear on Bender's head. He seemed racked with guilt.
"All right, all right!" Bender shouted. He pounded both fists down on the table. "Enough with the interrogation!" he said loudly. Then, in a quieter voice, he leaned toward his friend and explained, "He owed me money and I just can't let that sort of thing slide."
Mutant Fry continued his story. "Anyway, I fixed the Bender unit and in return he became my assistant. But since robots can work all day and all night …"
"They can?" asked Professor Farnsworth, interrupting.
"They can?" repeated Leela and Fry.
"They can?" asked Bender, trying also to sound shocked.
"Of course," said New Fry, trying to get through his story. "As I was saying, the Bender unit worked day and night and got so good at my job that I was no longer needed. He does all the repairs and I'm out of a job."
"Wow, Bender units can do more than just bend stuff?" Fry asked.
"Certainly," Mutant Fry confirmed. "What else does your Bender unit do?" MF asked, suddenly curious. MF wasn't the only one that was curious.
"Ya, what else do you do," Hermes demanded, and then added, "besides just drink the beer that I pay for?"
"That reminds me," Bender reported, "we're out of beer." Before Bender had to justify his existence at Planet Express, Leela chimed in with a question of her own.
"Professor, is there anything available at Planet Express for MF to do?" Leela rallied for her cause. She was trying to find a way of keeping the new Fry around for a while. "He's obviously a good worker. He's smart and friendly. He's good with electronics."
"Well," the professor began, "I could use a parcel delivery technician."
"Hey, I thought I was the delivery boy around here," Fry protested. He couldn't believe the professor, his own nephew, would just give away his job like that. And what's up with Leela, he thought. Why is she all pro-MF? Does she actually like this guy or something? He looked around the table for some support. Professor Farnsworth just gave him a blank stare then turned back to Mutant Fry.
"I can start you at $25 a week," he announced.
"That's more than I make!" Fry cried, but nobody seemed to notice.
"Professor, I accept your offer," Mutant Fry said. Then he turned to Leela and smiled. She was already smiling. He turned back to the professor and announced, "I can start tomorrow."
"Then it's settled," Farnsworth said. He stood up at the table and announced, "Good news, everyone! Starting tomorrow, this MF will be joining you MFs at Planet Express as our new Parcel Delivery Technician!"
CHAPTER FOUR
How to Succeed in Business Without Really Frying
The next day, Professor Farnsworth walked into the hangar at Planet Express and reported to Leela, "Leela, I have 300 rolls of under wire to be delivered to the factories of the Playtex Nebula. Take your crew and go right away. I need you back in time to pick up my lab coats at the dry cleaners on the third moon of Martinize.
"Right away, Professor," Leela said, with all of the sharpness of a military commander. Then she called her troops. "Bender! Frys! Fall in!" Mutant Fry marched over in double time. Bender strolled over, smoking a cigar. Old Fry straggled in last. He hadn't shaved, his hair was a mess, it was obvious he had been drinking and he still had no pants on. He had been up all night pondering his future and wallowing in self pity. The professor was so quick to offer this mutant a job, and not just any job, his job! And he was paying him more, even though Fry had been there five years! And Leela liked him, regardless of the fact Fry had spent nearly all that time trying to win her over himself. Well, darn it, Fry thought, he wasn't going to give up without a fight. He was going to use this mission to win her back even if he had to sober up and put on pants to do it!
Fry was back five minutes later, all washed and shaved (though he did miss a spot – up there between the shoulder blades where it's hard to reach) and arrived just in time to see the delivery ship taking off through the roof of Planet Express. "Hey, what about me!" he shouted. Luckily, he was heard. A large mechanical claw reached down and grabbed him by the jacket and threw him into the ship through the cargo bay doors in its belly.
After brushing himself off, Fry made his way to the front of the ship. There, Mutant Fry was talking to Leela.
"Where do I sit?" Mutant Fry asked.
"You can sit up front next to me," she answered, coyly. That's where I normally sit, thought Fry. MF's already taking my place. Fry sat dejectedly next to Bender at the back of the passenger compartment and watched for the next twenty minutes as Leela and Mutant Fry tried to sneak peaks at one another without getting caught while MF asked Leela questions about the ship and what it was like being a space captain.
"Look at those two, Bender," Fry complained, "making eye at one another. It makes me sick. And where does he get off asking Leela all those questions? Who cares what that thing-a-ma-bobber does?"
"The steering wheel?" Bender asked. "You've been here five years and you don't know what the steering wheel does?"
"Ya, of course I do," Fry said, trying to sound convincing, "it … steers stuff. But why does he have to know that. Why does he get to sit up front and ask all the questions and get all the attention?"
"Listen Fry," Bender said, thinking he knew was at the heart of his friend's distress, "if you're so hung up on Leela, why don't you just tell her?"
"I have …" Fry protested, "… sort of … mentioned it … lots of times! But then this guy walks in with his one eye and his tentacle and all of a sudden he's getting all her attention, all the laughs, the last serving of creamed corn and I'm left sitting back here with you."
"Hey, it's no picnic for me either," Bender complained. "I gotta listen to it all. Well, actually, I could shut myself down - but then I couldn't listen to it all." Then Bender came up with a way to help. "If you think it'll help you score points with Leela, I could poke one of your eyes out."
"Thanks Bender, you're a good friend," Fry began. He was too depressed to be offended by the suggestion. "But I gotta deal with this in my own way. The first thing I gotta do is get that seat back." Fry had a plan. He walked up to the two up front and asked, "Can I get you two a nice, cold beverage?"
"A Martian Iced Tea would be nice," they both said together. They followed that up with a unison version of, "Jinx! You owe me a … a Martian Iced Tea!"
"Great, I'll get them," Fry said with all the enthusiasm of a slug. He returned a moment later with the drinks. "One for you," he said as he handed a tall glass with ice to Leela, "and one for … oops!" Fry blatantly poured the second iced tea all over Mutant Fry's jacket and t-shirt. As the mutant jumped out of his chair, Fry slid into his place, all smiles about how well his plan had succeeded. Leela activated the ship's autopilot and got out of her chair to help Mutant Fry. Fry's smile faded.
"Fry, we've got to get you out of those wet clothes!" she said, taking charge of the situation. She called him 'Fry', original Fry thought, not Mutant Fry or even MF. She called him 'Fry'. To make matters worse, when Mutant Fry took his jacket and t-shirt off, the Planet Express crew got their first look at topless Mutant Fry. Only his arm was mutated. The rest of him was normal … but it wasn't. He had a huge chest and chiseled abs and a giant bicep on his human arm. All those years in construction gave him a body that Arnold Schwarzenegger's head would have been proud of. Everyone was thinking the same thing but Bender said it best.
"Wow, look at that sexy MF!" he shouted.
Of course, this was the straw that broke the camel's back for Fry. Mutant Fry was better for Leela than him in every way. He was smarter, a harder worker, paid more attention, he was a mutant and a hunk. Fry couldn't compete with this, and he decided to stop trying. All of the rest of the way to the Playtex Nebula, Fry sat silently at the back of the ship. By the time the shipment was delivered, Fry had decided to step out of Mutant Fry's way – not that he was ever in the way. Before the ship pulled away from the nebula, Fry climbed into the escape pod, silently detached it from the ship and drifted, watching as the ship became a dot in the landscape of stars. Then Fry fired up the escape pod's engine and headed for his new life nestled in the voluptuous hills of Playtex 44D.
CHAPTER FIVE
Leela's Love and Bender's Bounty
Unfortunately, Fry's lack of skill at the controls of any spacecraft proved to be very dangerous for him and soon the pod was hurtling toward the surface of Playtex 44D. Luckily, the hills of 44D are plush and his crash landing was cushioned to a point where Fry was not seriously injured. He did, however, suffer a head wound that knocked him out and, at least for the time being, gave Fry a case of (cue ominous music) amnesia.
Fry was thrown from the wreckage of the escape pod and awoke nestled in the sweet bosom of Mother 44D. He stood up and felt a little dizzy. He held his head, which had a large bump on it and began to sit down when he heard a girl's voice.
"Ya, I don't think you're ready to be standing yet," the voice said. "You've got quite a bump on your head."
Fry sat, holding his head. He looked around. "Where am I?" he asked, still dazed. Then he turned to the girl and asked, "Who are you? For that matter, who am I?"
The girl took off her glasses and with a sweeping motion indicating the area around them said, "This is 44D in the Playtex Nebula." She then put her glasses on and continued, "I go by the name Anna." Then with one finger pointing toward his lower half, announced, "And according to your underwear, you must be Philip J. Fry."
"You looked at my underwear?" Fry asked, wondering why she would do something like that.
"I couldn't help it," Anna explained. "You're not wearing any pants." Fry had forgotten that when he decided to start a new, Leela-free life, he was also going to do it pants-free. Anna found his pants in the wreckage and brought them to him. While he put them on, Fry tried to strike up some casual conversation with his host.
"So, Anna, is that short for something?" he asked.
"Annapolis," she answered. "And is Philip short for something?"
"I don't think so," Fry said, still not being able to remember much. Just then, something did come to him. "But the J is," he announced.
"Oh yeah, what?" Anna asked, encouraged that he was starting to remember things.
"Jay," Fry said, wishing he had more to talk about. Again, something else did occur to him. "So, what brought you here?" he asked. Fry felt good about being able to talk to this girl. It felt good to have an interest in someone, anyone, and to want to learn more about them. He hadn't been this interested in someone since … since … he couldn't remember.
"I'm on a working vacation," Anna began. "I'm an artist." Fry looked around. He noticed several drawings and paintings, all in various stages of completion. "I'm also a singer, songwriter and an actress. Maybe you've seen my shows on the Disney Channel. They're all the same but they have different titles. They feature me as a teenage singer, songwriter and actress."
"And artist," Fry chimed in, hanging on every word. Fry never met a flash-in-the-pan famous teen before; none that he could remember anyway. Anna went on. She hadn't spoken to anyone in almost a week and she was starved for attention.
"In one of them, I have an underachieving older brother. In another, I have a bratty younger sister. In another, I have a goofy dad who works in a dead-end job by day and at night he's a novelist and I imagine that I'm a character in one of his books." Fry was fascinated by the life Anna was living.
"Wow, I'm just a delivery boy," Fry lamented. Then he realized that he remembered he was a delivery boy. "Hey, I just remembered something!" he exclaimed. "But I don't know why I'm here. I don't think I was on a delivery but I just don't know. I still can't remember."
"From the markings on your ship," Anna offered, "it looks like you were escaping from a place called Planet Express." Planet Express; that name did ring a bell with Fry. Think, brain, Fry thought. Fry kept up his conversation with Anna hoping that more things that she said would stimulate his memory.
Meanwhile, on the Planet Express Delivery Ship, Leela and the crew were setting down on the third moon of Martinize to pick up Professor Farnsworth's dry cleaning before heading home. No one had noticed Fry was missing but Bender was about to. He was about to step out to pick up the latest issue of Playbot magazine when he noticed the air lock to the escape pod was open.
"Hey, Leela, shouldn't this be closed when we're flying through space?" he asked, indicating the open air lock. "And where's the escape pod?" Leela quickly put two and two together, and came up with the wrong conclusion.
"Fry must have fallen asleep in it again and accidentally jettisoned himself." She was worried about him. "He could be anywhere between here and the Playtex Nebula. I should send out a distress call."
"But the radio hasn't worked since Fry used parts from it to fix his VCR," Bender reminded her.
"But if I don't get a message out soon," Leela worried, "Fry could die out there all by himself." Then a voice from behind her spoke up.
"I can fix it," Mutant Fry announced. Leela turned and gave Mutant Fry a look of genuine appreciation which was all the motivation he needed to spring into action.
Within a few minutes, he had the radio working. Leela sat at the microphone and broadcast her plea for help.
This is Turanga Leela, captain of the SS … Planet Express. Earlier today, one of my crew members accidentally jettisoned himself …
Elsewhere in the galaxy, a crewman aboard another ship rushed into his commanding officer's quarters. "Captain," he began, "there's something coming over the distress band I think you should hear." The captain pressed a button on the console at his seat. Leela's voice crackled over the speaker.
…last seen in the Playtex Nebula. He could be hurt or in danger. Please offer any assistance that you can. Then, Bender's voice was heard, interrupting. And there's a $10,000 reward for his capture and safe return! Of course, Bender never meant for his friend to be captured nor was he serious about the reward. He just felt people would be more willing to help if there was something in it for them besides gratitude and thanks. Leela's voice returned to the message. Bender! Once again, this is Turanga Leela, captain of the… The captain had heard enough and switched off the speaker. He looked up at his crewman and simply, solemnly said, "Set a course for the Playtex Nebula."
Back on 44D, Fry had agreed to sit for one of Anna's paintings while he tried to think of things that might spur his memory. Anna was composing music for her next record as well and was humming while she painted. La lee la lee la, la lee la, la lee la, she sang while Fry muttered to himself.
"I wonder what it was I was escaping from?" he asked. "Did I commit a crime?" That didn't feel right. "Was I running away from a fight?" That sounded more like him but still not quite it. Anna kept humming. La lee la lee la, la lee la, la lee la. "If only I had a clue," Fry said, wracking his brain. Then Anna's humming started to give him an idea. "Lolly!" he shouted. "I was going out for lollipops!" No, that wasn't it. He listened some more. Something about the tune sounded familiar. Then it all came flooding back. "Leela!" he realized. "I was running away from Leela – or more specifically, Leela and that big MF!" Fry was no longer afraid to face losing Leela. If being with Mutant Fry was going to make her happy, then it would make him happy too. "Anna," he said with some resolve, "I need your help. I need to get off this planet and get back home."
"I'm sorry, Philip," Anna said, "but I'm here on vacation with strict orders not to be bothered. There won't be a ship to pick me up for another week." Fry would not be disheartened.
"Then I'm gonna have to find a way to call for a ship," Fry said, getting a little worked up. "Take me to the escape pod!"
"But you're sitting on the steps of the escape pod now," Anna said, a little worried that her new friend had not quite made a complete recovery. Little did she know, he actually had.
Back on Earth, the news of Fry's disappearance had made Morbo's newscast, but only briefly. The angry alien anchorman put it bluntly, "Reports have surfaced of the disappearance of an insignificant, puny human. Ten thousand Earth dollars have been offered for his return, money Morbo could use to build weapons to destroy insignificant, puny humans! Where are you, human! Morbo demands answers!" Leela and the others were just returning to Planet Express. She had radioed ahead to Professor Farnsworth to alert him of Fry's disappearance and to see if he could pick up Fry's scent on his smellescope.
"Well, Professor, have you found anything?" she asked as she walked into the lab.
"No, I can't pick up Fry's stink anywhere," the professor reported. "The only thing I'm getting from Playtex is April freshness."
"Well keep trying, Professor," Leela pleaded, "and let me know the minute you find something. I'll be in my room," Leela said, letting a bit of a sob out, "definitely not being a weak and blubbering female."
Meanwhile, in the Playtex Nebula, a large white ship looms in a slow, low orbit, scanning the foothills of Playtex 32A for signs of human life. Just a few hundred million miles away, on 44D, Fry was checking the radio on the escape pod. It was badly damaged but still functional. Though it would only produce a weak signal, Fry had to try to get a message to Leela. He triggered the handset, took a deep breath and spoke into it.
Mayday. Mayday. This is Philip J. Fry of planet Earth. I have been shipwrecked on Playtex 44D for the past several … Fry looked at his watch … hours. If anyone receives this transmission, please forward a message to Turanga Leela at Planet Express, New New York, Earth. Tell Leela I love her but if she wants to be with that other guy, I'll understand. Fry thought for a moment and then added, Or, if it's not too much trouble, give me a ride there and I'll tell her myself. Pause. This is Philip J. Fry, signing off. As Fry finished his message, the small, red power indicator light faded to black and the radio died. Fry prayed his call for help got out.
As if in response to his prayers, the white ship pulled out of orbit around 32A and began heading toward the source of the weak signal from 44D.
That night, at Planet Express, Leela was in her room, looking at images of herself with Fry and missing him. A knock came at the door. Leela composed herself, and then called, "Come in!" The door slid open. On the other side was Fry, Mutant Fry. He walked in gingerly, not knowing if it was a good time for Leela to be receiving visitors.
"I heard you as I walked by," he began, "and I just wanted to see if everything was all right or if you needed anything." Leela was obviously touched by Mutant Fry's caring gesture and she asked him to have a seat next to her.
"I hope he's all right," Leela sighed, indicating an image of her pulling Fry out of a slime creature, "he's so helpless without me."
"I'm sure he'll be okay," Mutant Fry said. "After all, he is a Fry." Mutant Fry meant for that to be reassuring but Leela's experience with Frys only made her fret more. Mutant Fry added, "If you want, in the morning, I will organize a search party and go looking for him myself. I'll go system to system and personally scan every planet, if you say the word." Unbeknownst to him, that very activity was already underway, headed by the mysterious captain of the large white ship but Mutant Fry meant it when he said he would do it, if that is what Leela wanted him to do. He reached across Leela's shoulders with his tentacle and gently leaned her in toward him.
"Oh Fry," Leela sobbed, and laid her head on his chest. He noticed that Leela had dropped the Mutant from his name again. He had made the same connection as on the ship. This gave him courage. He didn't want to take advantage of her fragile state but he had to say what he had to say.
"Leela," he said, quietly, "the last few days have been the happiest days of my life." His voice reminded Leela of Fry and she closed her eye and snuggled in and simply listened. "I've never met a woman like you. You're a strong, intelligent, brave and beautiful mutant – just like me." Fry took her in his manly arm. Leela looked up at him. They gazed deep into each other's eye. "Turanga Leela," Fry said, almost too silent to be heard, "will you marry me?"
Leela snapped to her feet immediately, the quiet moment she was sharing with Fry instantly gone. "What?" she yelled. "Are you crazy? You only make $25 a week! You can't afford bus fare! How do you expect to be able to get married?" It suddenly occurred to Leela that, to her, the marriage wouldn't work because Fry didn't make enough money; not that they only knew each other for a few days, not that they would be two mutants trying to make a life on the surface world, not that she didn't find him attractive and certainly not that she didn't love him. Whether she wanted to acknowledge it or not, she did love him. She was dumbstruck for a moment and before she had a chance to say another word, Fry spoke up in his defense.
"Well," he began slowly, "ever since I was a kid, I have panned the sewers for pocket change the surface people would drop." Leela couldn't believe Fry thought this story about his coin collection was going to have any effect on her stand regarding his proposal. "And so far," he continued, "I've got almost 58 million dollars saved up." Fry smiled as he watched Leela's face drop and her eye widen. "Will that be enough for a wedding?" he asked coyly.
Leela could barely manage a whisper as she said, "Yes."
CHAPTER SIX
Fast Frozen Fry
Mutant Fry wanted to marry Leela as soon as possible. He didn't want her to have time to get cold feet so he talked her into having the ceremony the next day, on the balcony of Planet Express. It didn't take much convincing. For the first time in her life, Leela felt as though she might really be in love. Hermes, always interested if finding a way to get free advertising for the business, leaked the story to the local newspaper, The New Daily Bugle.
The news of Leela and Fry's wedding was one of those 'Oddities in the News' stories that the media simply eats up. Two mutants getting married was not big news. The fact that they were going to take up residence and work on the surface and that one was a space pilot and one was a multi-millionaire was. The headline of the early edition of The New Daily Bugle read: MUTANT MILLIONAIRE TO MARRY PURPLE-HAIRED POSTMAN. The story, with pictures by Peter Parker's Head no less, was carried by every major news agency on Earth and some of their galactic partners, including the one on Playtex 44D.
Fry had no way of getting the news of course. Had he known, he would have been devastated, but he would have tried his best to get back to her even if for no other reason than to be there on her special day. But he didn't know so he sat, awaiting rescue, while Anna painted him.
There was a heavy fog on 44D that morning and Anna was inspired by it. She wanted to capture the smoky essence in the portrait she was painting. She told Fry it would give him an air of mystery. After about an hour of furious brush strokes, Anna stopped to just look at the painting. She looked at Fry for a moment, then back at the painting. After a few adjustments, she announced, "I'm done. Wanna see?" She turned the canvas around and Fry got to see it for the first time.
It was Fry alright, standing there in the mist, but it wasn't an exact representation. In the portrait, he had large occidental eyes, a smaller nose and a pointy chin. Fry took a second to put a hand to his face to see if he could feel why she would have wanted to change his looks. Portrait Fry had more detail in his hair and clothes than existed in real life and he had more realistic features, in particular one that he had to ask about. "Why did you paint me with five fingers?" he asked.
"That's just the way I see you," was her response. While Fry was analyzing the portrait, he didn't notice a large white form silently lowering from the mist behind him. It was the ship that had been looking for him. After landing, a long white set of steps dropped down from the hull. Anna noticed the steps coming down and tapped Fry on the shoulder indicating that he should turn around. Fry turned just in time to see the steps touch down in front of him.
"Hey, a ship!" Fry presumed, for he could not see where the steps led to because of the fog. He gathered his things quickly and headed up the stairs and into the mist.
Once inside the ship, he called, "Hello! Is anyone there?" No one replied. As it happened, the captain and his aide were in the captain's quarters watching the news of Leela's upcoming wedding, which had just come on as they were landing, and did not hear Fry calling for them.
When the broadcast was finished, the captain switched off the monitor and turned to his crewman and said, "Let's go get our reward." In another part of the ship, Fry was still looking for the pilot when he came across a small chamber with nozzles on the walls.
"Great, a shower," Fry said. He sniffed his underarms. "I should wash up before I see Leela." Fry began to get undressed but then paused for a moment to wonder what the ship's owner would think of him using the shower. "I'm sure no one will mind," he concluded. Fry did not see how to turn on the water but he did see a lever next to the door. It had Automatic, Off and Manual settings and was currently set at Off. Fry decided this must be the water control. He moved the lever to Automatic and stepped into the shower. The door slid shut behind him. The markings on the door, however, revealed that this was not a shower. They read, DANGER! CARBONITE FREEZING CHAMBER. KEEP OUT! The nozzles turned on. Smoke and steam and frost poured out over the door.
A white-gloved hand moved the lever back to the Off position. The machine stopped and the door opened. Hydraulics pushed a large, rectangular grey block out from the smoke. Once it was clear of the chamber, the block fell over to reveal it was Fry, frozen in a block of Carbonite. "All too easy," the captain said, regarding the capture of his prey.
CHAPTER SEVEN
I Say Yes, You Say No
You Say Goodbye When I Say Hello
"Hello, hello," Mutant Fry said, as Leela woke up.
Leela rubbed the sleep out of her eye. "Fry, it's bad luck to see the bride on the wedding day. You shouldn't be here," she scolded.
"But I spent the night," he reminded her. "Not to see you would have meant that, when I woke up, I would've had to have kept my eye shut, grabbed my clothes in the dark and got out of your room before opening it."
"And your point is?" she asked.
Mutant Fry could see he was not going to win this argument so, with a sigh he said, "If that's what you want." He closed his eye, crawled out of bed, grabbed some clothes, groped for the door and went out. In the hallway, he opened his eye to find all of his new friends there, looking at him. Bender was the first one to speak.
"And I thought my ass was shiny," he said of Mutant Fry's posterior, which had never seen the light of day so was particularly white. Fry tried to cover it but all he managed to grab in the dark was a pair of socks and Leela's bra. So, with socks in front and bra in back, Mutant Fry ran off to his room. He didn't care much about the embarrassing incident, he was too excited about the fact that today was his wedding day and there were too many arrangements to be made to be worried about getting caught with his pants down.
After Mutant Fry was gone, Bender walked into Leela's room. He had to talk to her. "Hey, Leela," he started. Leela was still in bed and she quickly pulled up a sheet to cover herself so Bender wouldn't see anything he wasn't supposed to. "Aw, don't flatter yourself," he said. "I'm into robots, remember?" he reminded her. "What are you doin' anyway? Gettin' married! Are you nuts? What about Fry? We should be out lookin' for him or somethin' – instead of marrying the first mutant freakoid that comes around." It was funny, Leela thought, that Bender and the others thought of Fry as a mutant but not her. Was it his tentacle? Or was it that they used to think she was an alien and had already accepted her for that? Or was it that she had been around so long they thought of her as just part of the family? After the wedding, would Fry become part of the family or would she go back to being a mutant? "Well, what'll it be, Leela?" Leela was torn. Bender was right. Something should be done about Fry but she had just made this huge commitment to the other Fry who had also promised her he would help her search. That was it.
"Okay," she said, finally deciding, "just let me get married first, then, Mutant Fry and I will lead a search party." It was back. Leela had added the 'Mutant' back to Fry's name. Did she really feel that way? She didn't have time to decide. Mutant or no mutant, she was getting married and there was work to be done.
"All right, but I hope you're not making a big mistake," Bender warned. "Or have you forgotten about Alcazar?" Leela had forgotten about Alcazar. There was a time when Leela believed she was an alien and Alcazar was a shape-shifting alien who had presented himself to Leela as one of her kind. They were going to get married and Leela dreaded the future she was going to have as Alcazar's subservient baby-maker. Luckily she found out that Alcazar was only posing as one of her kind and she escaped having to live that life. Leela later discovered that she was not an alien but was in fact a mutant. So this time is different. Mutant Fry is one of her kind and Leela won't have to live her life out being a house cleaning, meal serving slave. If anything, Mutant Fry was turning out to be the subservient one. But was that any better? Damn that Bender, she thought, with his stupid, valid point!
Leela's train of thought was derailed by a knock at her door. Leela called for the door to open. It was Leela's friend, Amy. "I want to thank you for asking me to be your maid of honor," Amy said, matter-of-factly.
"But I haven't asked you yet," Leela corrected.
"Ya, but who else are you going to ask, Zoidberg?" Amy was right. Leela knew very few girls. Amy was the obvious choice, and it was nice of her to take on the responsibility so cheerfully considering she wasn't actually asked to do it. Amy had been rummaging through Leela's things since she walked in and Leela was starting to wonder why.
"What are you looking for?" she asked.
"Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue – you know, the traditional stuff," Amy answered. "If you haven't got your 'something borrowed' yet and if you need one, you can borrow my wedding dress."
"You were married !?" Leela was shocked. She knew Amy and Kif Kroker had had a relationship but she knew they were never married. As a matter of fact, if anyone should have married Kif, it should have been Leela herself. After all, it was Leela's DNA that was donated to 'fertilize' Kif's spawn.
"No," Amy explained, "my parents bought me the dress when I was sixteen as a hint that I should be finding a man. I was still losing weight and the dress is too big for me but it should be perfect for you." Leela resented the implication that she was any fatter than Amy but she didn't have a dress or a 'something borrowed' so she graciously accepted the offer.
"Thank you, Amy," Leela said. "That's very kind."
"No problem. Glad to do it." Amy paused a moment, then gave Leela a sheepish look. "Actually, I had to do it. Your new boyfriend has got everybody working their butts off to give you the perfect wedding."
"He's doing what?" Leela asked, angrily.
"Don't get mad," Amy pleaded. "That MF is only trying to please you. Isn't that a good thing?" Amy was right again. He was only trying to help. Besides, there were only a few hours until the ceremony and all the preparations had to be made. It was good that Fry was taking care of them. There, the 'Mutant' was gone again. Leela wished she could make up her mind whether the Fry outside was a monster to be shunned or a prize to be won. Or was the Fry who was lost in space the real prize? Leela looked over at the desk where she had seen the image of Fry the night before but the picture was turned face down on the desk. Leela did not remember turning the picture down. It must have been Mutant Fry. (Oh, the 'Mutant' was back again.)
Leela contemplated this as Amy was getting her settled into the prenuptial routine: doing her hair, makeup, nails and getting her into that dress. The process was a slow one however, constantly being interrupted by one or another Planet Express employee coming in to ask Leela's opinion on something. First, it was Bender asking whether she wanted white or red wine served at the reception (Bender suggested beer, she chose the white wine). Then, Dr. Zoidberg asked whether she wanted the fish or the chicken at the meal (He thought fish, she said chicken). After that, Hermes came asking whether she wanted a DJ or a band for the music (Hermes claimed he knew a good steel drum band that he could get for cheap. Leela suspected the 'band' was just his family banging on some trash cans so she requested 'Steve's Ipod Experience', the DJ from her high school prom). It was when Professor Farnsworth came to ask whether she wanted flowers or doves that she finally got fed up.
"Why isn't MF (oh ya, she went there) making any of these decisions?" she protested. "It's his wedding too."
"Oh, he's making all the arrangements," the professor explained. "You just have to make all the decisions. He wants everything to be just the way you like it." Those last words grated on Leela's stressed out nerves like fingernails on a chalkboard. She hated having to make all the decisions and be in charge of everything. It was one thing to be in charge in a life or death situation but this was not one of those times. She was hoping to be able to count on a partner to shoulder the burden of coping with daily life. Leela hated to have to think too much about the routine things; that's why she wore the same outfit every day.
"By the way," Amy confessed, "you bought me a bridesmaid dress." Before Leela had a chance to ask, Amy explained, "I'm having Hermes take the money for it off of your pay." Leela was so grateful she didn't have to decide what the dress had to look like, she didn't even ask how much it was costing her.
Leela's door slid open again. It has Professor Farsworth's clone, Cubert. "That MF wants to know if you want the wedding ring to be brought in on a silk pillow or a satin one."
"That's it!" Leela shouted. With her hair in curlers, her wedding dress half undone and leaving all her friends crammed in her small room, Leela stormed out to confront Mutant Fry. She stomped down the hallway and threw open the doors to the balcony and huffed through. There, she was caught by the sight of her wedding: server bots were setting lovely little tables all adorned in white, centerpieces were done in white lilies and a single purple rose (Where did he find purple roses, she thought.), hover scooters were buzzing in and out, delivering a constant stream of wedding presents from well-wishers the world over (A small mountain boxes and bows was forming at one end of the narrow balcony. There was even one very large gift leaning against the wall that made Leela a bit curious.) and in the middle of all the hubbub, there was Mutant Fry, dispatching service providers like a general issuing attack commands. As Leela approached him, she noticed the place cards on the table. All of her friends and family, everyone she ever loved was going to be there. It was going to be a beautiful wedding. Leela softened a little and a tear formed in her eye. Then she realized, none of the names on the cards were names she didn't know. It was going to be a beautiful wedding all right, but only for her. She walked up behind Fry and put a hand on his shoulder. The 'Mutant" part was gone again, this time forever, but so was her love for him.
Fry turned around. When he turned around, his expression was a mix of surprise, joy and disappointment. "My darling," he began, "you shouldn't be here. It's bad luck for me to see the bride on the wedding day," he reminded her. Then, with a slightly sadder look, he said, "Besides, I didn't want you to spoil the surprise. I'm trying to get everything just the way you would want it." Leela looked deep into his eye. There, she could see all the future he had planned for them in their wedded life. She could see that she could spend all her days with her feet up and eating bonbons if that's what she wanted. Or fly to remote galaxies delivering for Planet Express and be away for months at a time if that's what would make her happy. But she couldn't do that to him. She would spend the rest of her life feeling like she owed him some joy of his own. She could see that what he wanted most of all was for her to love him and for them to be together and raise a family together and to settle down and grow old together. She couldn't do that either. In her mind, there was only one thing she could do.
"Jay," she began, "we have to talk." It was the only time she had ever called him by his first name, and it was no louder than a whisper, but, even over the din that surrounded them, he heard her loud and clear and he knew exactly what she was going to say.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Leela's Loss and Bender's Booty
Leela sat at one of the little tables set up on the balcony of Planet Express that was supposed to seat guests for what was supposed to be her wedding. She had called it off just moments before and was just sitting, waiting for all the commotion of wedding preparations to finally grind to a halt. She just sat there and thought; about all of the things she had just given up; all the love, the life and, maybe, the last chance she would ever get at a chance to have a family of her own – the girl from the orphanarium, raising children. She knew that was not really the life she wanted for herself but it made her sad to close the door on it all the same.
After the last of the server bots tubed there way back to the agency, after the caterer had packed up the desserts (and snuck one for himself) and left, after the last delivery scooter dropped its package and zipped off, Leela sat at her little table, alone. She had poured a glass of wine and took a sip. A light breeze played with one of the place cards that had fallen over. Leela picked up the card. She was curious to know who would have been sitting there, whose seat she would have been in; if there had been a wedding. She sat and stared at the card, stared through the card as the wine was starting to have its desired numbing effect, and turned it over slowly. The card read, Philip J. Fry. Leela's eye welled up and a tear escaped and rolled down her cheek. The one person who couldn't be at her wedding is the one person she would have wanted there most. She wondered if he was even alive and whether or not it was too late to find him. She thought she might start crying but at that moment Amy poked her head out of the balcony doors and called over to Leela. "Do you mind if we join you?" Leela composed herself and waved her friends over, still too choked up to speak. Her co-workers filed out onto the balcony. Amy was wearing the dress she had bought her. "I didn't want it to go to waste," she explained. Professor Farnsworth, Dr. Zoidberg and the boys looked fabulous in their tuxedos. Seeing them all dressed up brought a smile to Leela's face. Even Bender was wearing a bowtie.
"We didn't want to see them go to waste either," Zoidberg said. She knew he was lying. She knew they dressed up just for her, just to see her smile. She knew they loved her. They didn't have to prove it but she appreciated the effort just the same. "And speaking of wasting," the doctor said, indicating the novelty wedding mints at each of the tables, "do you mind?"
"No, go ahead," she said, but he was already eating them.
"If he's taking the mints," Bender said, "can I have the wedding presents?"
"All right," Leela granted, "but if there's a TV in there, it's mine."
"Score!" Bender shouted, as he rushed off to the pile. For a moment, he didn't know where to start, then decided to just start with the closest one. He ripped the package open with all of the glee of a six-year-old at Christmas. "Whoa! A toaster oven!" he exclaimed. "And a good one too! A Megasux 6000!" With that, he opened a compartment in his chest and dropped his newly acquired booty inside. Then, he proceeded to the next gift, ripping it open with equal anticipation. "Another toaster oven!" he said, excitedly. "You can't have too many of these babies!" He dropped that one in his chest cavity as well. He ripped open the third. "Another toaster oven?" he said, incredulously. This one he pushed to the side. He opened the fourth. "Toaster oven." And the fifth. "Toaster oven."
Leela and the rest paid no note to what Bender was finding in the presents. Instead, she was making plans for the search for Fry. "What I want is a complete sweep of the entire quadrant of the galaxy between here and The Playtex Nebula," she was saying. She was beginning to feel like herself again, in charge of a life or death situation, even if she was in a wedding dress.
"That'll work nicely with the assignment," Professor Farsworth said.
"What assignment is that, Professor?" Leela asked, wondering what could be more important than finding her friend and Farnsworth's great, great, great (you get the picture) uncle.
In the background, Bender could be heard rattling off, "…toaster oven … toaster oven …toaster oven" as he opened each one and, in turn, tossed each one onto a growing heap somewhere over his shoulder.
"Well, as it turns out," the professor began, "there's been a recall on that shipment of under wire and I need you to go pick it back up."
As Leela loudly argued that Professor Farnsworth must be out of his mind if he thinks that, for even one second, she was going to curtail her search to pick up a load of worthless under wire, Bender was nearing the end of his search for serious wedding booty. He was starting to regret not catching a tube with one of those hot server bots. Those little black skirts really caught his eye but no, he had to stay behind and try to take advantage of a human in pain. What a dope he was, he thought, as he mindlessly ripped through toaster oven after toaster oven. Finally, he came to the last present, the big one leaning against the wall. "Well, well, well," he said, "this doesn't look like a toaster oven – at least not a crappy one." All of his enthusiasm returned and he ripped the red paper and white bow off with all the fervor he could muster. He couldn't believe his eyes. This was certainly no toaster oven. "It's a great big slab of grey sh…" he started, then deciding on a better word for mixed company, said, "stuff." Bender was mad. He had just spent half an hour hard at work hunting for treasure and all he got for his troubles were 72 toaster ovens, most of them smashed in a pile, and one big slab of what looked like melted pencil lead. He went to toss the thing onto his pile but it was heavier than he thought and he only managed to knock it over. When he saw what was on the other side, he really couldn't believe his eyes. "Holy crap!" he shouted. "It's Fry!"
Everyone at Leela's table turned their heads toward where Bender was. Professor Farnsworth was the only one who spoke. "Whaaaat!" was all he could say, but he spoke for everyone when he said it.
CHAPTER NINE
Bye-Bye, Sub-American Fry
"They've encased him in Carbonite!" Professor Farnsworth exclaimed. "He should be quite well protected," he continued, "if he survived the freezing process, that is."
"Who's 'they'?" Leela demanded. "Who was the present from, Bender?"
"I dunno," Bender explained, "there was no card, just a lot of red wrapping and a big white bow."
"Well how are we supposed to get him out of there?" Leela sounded panicked. She was glad to have Fry back, but she had hoped that when she saw him next, he would have been more … lively.
"You need to know the thaw code," Professor Farnsworth told her, "but the code sequence is 13 digits long and could be comprised of numbers, letters or even alien characters. If you don't know the code, you have to guess at it. Even for Bender, with his robot speed and ability to work around the clock, it could take months or even years to guess all the…"
"I got it!" Bender shouted, interrupting. As lights started to flash and the slab started to whir, Bender said with a shrug, "0000000000001. Who knew?"
The slab started to get warm. The surface began to glow red. Everyone took a step back. Fry's outline grew red hot and rays of light started to poke through the Carbonite. As the rays grew and connected, the Carbonite began to melt and pour away revealing more and more of Fry underneath. Once the thawing process was complete, Fry laid there in a shallow pool of liquid Carbonite, motionless and naked, still holding the position he held when he was frozen, his hands crossed over his privates, trying to protect them from the cold. His friends gathered around to have a closer look. Fry wasn't breathing. Leela hoped against hope that Fry was still alive. She leaned in further and said a silent prayer for his return to life.
Suddenly his eyes sprung wide open and he gasped loudly as he inhaled for the first time since being frozen. "He's back, baby!" Bender shouted, reflecting everyone's excitement.
No one was more excited than Leela and she through her arms around his shoulders and hugged him deeply, tears flowing from her eye. She whispered in his ear, "I love you."
"I know," he whispered back. Then, in the corner of his eye, he noticed Amy checking out the package he was no longer covering, or lack of package as it was. "Hey," he shouted, "the Carbonite was very cold," he explained, "and there was significant shrinkage." Then he looked around at everyone else and realized they were all dressed up. "Did I interrupt a costume party?" he asked. Everyone laughed. They were glad to have their friend back. Someone handed Fry a robe to cover up with and then offered a tentacle to help him up. It was Mutant Fry. He was packed and was ready to leave.
"Thank God you're safe," he said as Fry got up. "I would hate to lose a relative just as I was starting to know him." Fry was still a little foggy on the details since his memory loss but he was just remembering that Leela and Mutant Fry were developing quite a deep relationship when he left. As a matter of fact, that was why he left. He looked around some more. Tuxedos, a wedding dress and packed bags; this wasn't a costume party, it was a wedding … and he had missed the whole thing. He was too late … for everything. He looked at Leela. Her gaze had dropped and she looked ashamed. It was obvious to Fry that Leela and Mutant Fry had married and were probably leaving for their honeymoon but he had to find out for sure.
He turned to Mutant Fry and asked, "Are you two … going …" He could barely get the words out. Thankfully, he didn't have to finish.
"No," the other Fry corrected him, "I'm going." Fry realized that Leela wasn't ashamed because she got married to Mutant Fry while Fry was missing; she was ashamed that she broke up with him because Fry was missing and that deep down inside, what she whispered in his ear was really how she felt. A broad smile spread across his face. He began to step in to shake his distant relative's hand goodbye when Bender stepped between them.
"Okay, boo-hoo, break it up!" he bellowed. "We got our old Fry back and you can kiss my shiny metal ass!"
Mutant Fry leaned around and checked, then stated, "It isn't that shiny." That is exactly what Old Fry said to him when they first met. Bender had a sudden and total change of heart.
"I'm gonna miss you, you bastard," he wailed, as he gave the mutant a big, warm hug.
"Thank you, Bender," Mutant Fry said. He shook Bender's claw and then began making his goodbye rounds. Next, he shook Professor Farnsworth's hand. "Thank you, Professor. You gave me a job when others wouldn't have given me a chance. And that allowed me to see for myself that there are worlds beyond this one."
The professor shook his hand heartily. "Good luck, son," Farnsworth said to him.
Mutant Fry saved the last goodbye for Leela. "And thank you, Leela," he said, kissing her on the cheek. "Without you, none of this would have been possible."
Leela thought that her almost-husband was very generous with his forgiveness. "You're welcome, Fry." Leela was sad that she felt responsible for making this Fry also feel he had to leave and hoped he wasn't headed back to the mutant world and might stay on the surface for a while. "So, where are you going?" she asked. "Not back under the city, I hope."
"No, no," he assured her, "I spent some of my money and got a star cruiser. I plan on exploring strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no mutant has gone before." That speech sounded familiar to Old Fry. He wondered where he had heard it before. With a nearly inaudible drone, a shiny, silver star cruiser rose up to the balcony level of Planet Express. "There's my ride now," Mutant Fry said. A hatch on the side of the ship opened and a black-clad robocaptain awaited inside. "Well, this is it," Mutant Fry said. "Farewell, everyone!" The wealthy Fry climbed aboard the awaiting vessel as those staying behind called out their last goodbyes. The hatch closed and the ship pulled away with increasing speed.
The Planet Express crew gathered at the rail on the balcony and watched as the ship grew smaller with distance. As they watched, they noticed a small rocket launch from the surface and it was on a collision course with the cruiser. They watched in dread as the rocket impacted and exploded, blowing the shiny, silver ship into a million pieces. They were relieved to see their new friend parachuting to safety and they were further relieved to realize that the attack was not malicious but simply a fraternity prank gone horribly wrong when the heard the distant cry, "ROBOT HOUSE!" Bender laughed hysterically at the shenanigans of his former college dorm mates.
The group turned from the rail and were about to head inside when Leela stopped Fry. "You never told us," she inquired, "who froze you in Carbonite? And why did they bring you here?"
"I don't know," Fry admitted, "after the escape pod crashed, I got on this white ship that I thought was there to rescue me. I stopped to take a shower and the next thing I know, I'm lying on the floor and Amy's checkin' out my junk."
"Suckers!" Bender said. "What kind of stupid bounty hunter drops off the goods and doesn't collect the reward?" High above their heads, on board the white speck in the sky, the crew of Fry's rescue ship were monitoring the activities on the balcony of Planet Express with long range surveillance equipment. When Bender's comment played on their display, the crewman asked the captain, "You didn't collect the reward?" The captain turned his chair to face his assistant.
"No Kif," Captain Zapp Brannigan answered, "this time our reward was the knowledge that it was 'mission accomplished' for these two soldiers of love. And that is all the reward I need." With that, Brannigan stood up and walked toward the bridge.
Once he was out of sight, Kif Kroker walked over to the display and zoomed in on the image of Amy Wong who looked heavenly in her bridesmaid dress. He looked at her for a long while then sighed deeply. "And that is all the reward I need," he said before switching off the display and leaving to join his captain on the bridge.
When he arrived at his post on the bridge, Brannigan turned the captains pedestal to him to issue the flight commands. From his lower vantage point, Kif could see right up his captain's very short uniform. He couldn't help thinking, I see England, I see France … Oh God, I see Italy! Put that thing away! Brannigan gave the order to leave. With his eyes tightly closed and still reeling from his close encounter with 'Europe', Kif pushed a few buttons at his console and the Nimbus lurched into warp speed, headed for deep space.
CHAPTER TEN
Captain's Epilogue
Fry got showered (for real) and dressed and after he had a chance to rest and have a bite to eat, decided to go see Leela. He knocked at her door. It opened and he walked inside. Amy, Bender, Hermes and Professor Farnsworth were there as well and the five of them were admiring a painting Leela had hanging on the wall.
"Hey, where'd you find the portrait of me that Anna did," Fry asked, matter-of-factly.
"Anna who?" Leela asked.
"I dunno," Fry said, "just Anna. She just has one name, like Madonna, or Moses."
"Or Bender," Bender interjected.
"How do you know this 'Anna'," Professor Farnsworth asked.
"She's this girl I met when I was shipwrecked," Fry explained. "She's an artist. She painted that," he said, indicating the portrait. "She's also a singer, songwriter and an actress – she's got a few shows on TV."
"You mean Anna of 'Anna Montana'?" Amy asked, excitedly.
"Teen pop sensation Anna?" Professor Farnsworth asked, with sudden renewed interest.
"World famous Manga artist Anna?" Hermes asked, with disbelief that Fry had not heard of her.
"I don't know," Leela admitted, "she's not all that good. She painted you with too many fingers."
"That's what I said," Fry said, surprised Leela was the only one who noticed. He gave her a smile to acknowledge how much they think alike. "Hey, how did you get it anyway."
"It was outside, up against the wall," Leela told him. "It must have been behind your slab. In all the commotion, we must not have noticed it there."
"You mean I took 72 toaster ovens," Bender yelled, lividly, "and I could have had an original Anna? You're lucky I didn't find that painting first or you'd still be in that slab!"
"I sure am, buddy," Fry said, patting Bender on the back, "I sure am."
THE END
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