"Oh aw man, I'm so tired. Shinji was bummered out after eating 2300 sushi taco bell flavored doritos at a contest making him the fatest and most illegal citizen of all of Japan. Shinji was so ashamed of himself that he felt that he needed to share the disgust and there was no one better to do that with than Asuka Langley Soryukan. She was missioned by Kaji to look for the missing pilot Rei after she got kidnapped into the ocean but Asuka could not give a fuck less and decided to smoke her days out at home which also turned out to be Shinji's home.
Shinji came in through the window because he wanted people to stone him if they saw him for fat shaming, and wanted 90s The Rock to throw a fucking boulder up his ass so Shinji's ass would clog and all the fart would be sealed so The Rock could say "Can you smell what Papa is cookin?" Unfortunately this story takes place during 4.44 so the 90s was dead. Shinji climbed through the window and did not see Asuka, she was dead.
Shinji was home alone for the first time ever and saw a dildo with a giant urethra in it and decided to wonder what it would be like to digest glass dicks. He put his mouth around it and began to wheeze harder than grandma when the twin towers collapsed. It turns out it was not a stemware ankle spanker, but rather a fucking bong. Shinji is so lame he did not know that.
Shinji began to hoelooseinate things he never did on the show, like gangs robberies and love. Even food came to mind because he only drank coffee. Shinji jumped out the window but Doodlebob appeared but died because it rained. Shinji was so fucking high he didn't know what to do so he went down to Tokyo and began cumming on all of people that breathed in the same direction as him.
Asuka appeared from the skies and spider sensed that he was high. She warped down and grabbed by the balls and kicked him in the shin..ji.. That hurt like a bitch he thought but then Unit 4 came down and spanked his little baby boy ass until he was unconsious until Finding Nemo 3 came out.