Destiel week is almost over :'( But its okay, because I'll probably keep writing. I've got several requests beyond what I need for this week :)
Irrationality
Castiel watches over Dean Winchester. He had once said he was not a guardian to sit perched on his shoulder, but that's exactly what he was now. Not because God had commanded it, or because he was under orders from misguided leadership, but because it was what he what he wanted. Given the choice, Castiel would much rather watch over the (ex)-hunter, instead of wage war on Raphael. Granted, he did have the choice, free will and all. But he knew he couldn't do that. Not with what Raphael was doing. Dean would never forgive him if he found out the angels succeeded in bringing the apocalypse because Cas was too busy watching over him to try to stop them. Because Dean didn't need constant supervision.
But Castiel watched over him anyway. When there was nothing for him to be actively doing in the war. When he needed to think. When he needed help. And when he wasn't there, Dean was always on his 'angel radar', and the hunter had dubbed it.
Her wanted to make himself visible. He wanted to say hello. He wanted to ask for help.
But he knew he couldn't do any of those things. Cas knew how hard it was for hunters to get out of the business, settle down, have a family. Dean had succeeded in something most hunters never could. Castiel wouldn't be the one to break that, no matter how much he wantd to see him. No matter how much he needed him.
Dean was happy. Cas should have been able to take some comfort in that. Dean was happy.
In reality, this fact kind of pissed him off. Dean was happy?
Maybe he just didn't understand it. Dean had spent his whole life hunting demons and monster and things that went bump in the night. How could he just stop, knowing what was out there? Knowing that people were dying?
How could he be happy with Sam being dead (Sam wasn't dead of course, but Dean didn't know that)? Sam meant everything to Dean. How could he be happy without his littler brother?
Maybe that wasn't it.
Maybe it was her. How could he be happy with her? Cas knew it was completely irrational to hater her. He'd never actually met her, and she made Dean happy. That should make Cas happy too, shouldn't it?
But it didn't. It made him hate her. It wasn't fair that she made him happy, when Cas would have given almost anything to be that person for Dean. To make him laugh like he once had. He hated it. He hated her. It was completely irrationally and he didn't understand it. For that , he hated Dean. For doing this. For making him feel like this.
He hated it.