The Apple Seed Syndrome

by 9Shell

Relive The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya with everything answered. But wait, where is Kyon's little sister? Kyon has a twin brother now? Is he a fake? Will Kyon realize his surroundings before it is too late? And how will Haruhi react to all this?

1. Episode 01: funiculus

A/N: Salutations to all the readers. My story is based on the anime The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. Each episode has two parts: the funiculus and the arillus. This is not a one shot. Also, my apologies for the mimicry, but this story can't be derived without the original one. I hope you enjoy the symmetry from its asymmetry.

Disclaimer: The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya belongs to Nagaru Tanigawa. The anime belongs to Kyoto Animation/Bandai Entertainment. All rights reserved for the respective owners. But please, I only enjoy one type of produce in my fruit basket. Everything else created here belongs to the ninth shell.

Episode 01

The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Part 1

- funiculus -

Home

7:00 A.M.

"Good morning!"

"Kyon, it's morning. Time to get up!"

"Kyon, wake up!"

"Kyyyyyyoooooooonnnnnnnnn!"

"Don't do this Kyon, not today!"

"GET UP!"

Annoyance.

I try to ignore that voice. I don't understand why he always has to bust into my room in such an impolite manner. Doesn't he know how to knock?

"Kyon! Get up right now! We are not going to miss the entrance ceremony like last year!"

Oh right. Today is the first day of school. I open my eyes slightly to let in the faint light concealed underneath my fortress of beddings. Wait a minute. Is he poking me now? I'm fairly familiar with the pointy javelin he uses to wound me with every morning. But isn't he going a little over board today? This is starting to hurt.

"Wake up already you lazy bump!"

Finally, the poking stopped. Maybe I can get five more minutes of peace and quiet, or so I thought. Suddenly, I felt his cold hands groping me in my warm cocoon. Hey, stop that, it tickles!

"No, you get up right now Kyon!" His voice got sharper. I should probably get up, he sounds infuriated.

"Gotcha!"

I felt his hands locked onto mine. It was a firm grip. And with a hard clench, my bed gave birth to a health teenage boy. While being pulled out, I stared back at Shamisen who was still lazily asleep at the foot of my bed. He was being no help. I found myself envious of my feline bed-buddy. He doesn't have to get up so early in the morning.

"You're worse than that cat. I trained him so well to get up on time and you totally spoiled him."

That's probably why Shamisen always sleeps in my room.

"Whatever. Kyon, get off of me and get ready for school!"

I found myself collapsed in his laps, half of my left leg still resting on top of my bed. I was really surprised that he had the strength to pull me out of bed. Usually I'm the one who's helping him opening up random jars of pickles.

I gazed up to the ceiling and saw his face. His brow narrowed down into a frown that I was all too familiar with. This face, my face, is my little brother Ryon.

Okay, he's only younger than me by a few seconds apart but I still remind him of whom the authority is around here.

"You sure don't act like it! Now get up!"

"Fine. I'm up. I'm up." I affix myself on my feet and off of Ryon who was still splattered on the floor.

I glanced back at him; he was already dressed in our new school attire. His shirt neatly tugged in, tie straightened, blazer on and trimly held cuplinks on his sleeves. Ryon was a splitting imagine of me.

What do I mean by that? Well, we are monozygotic twins. And if you are not familiar with that term, it means we are basically identical. We have the same height, same weight, same body, and same face with even the same freckles on them. People can't tell us apart if we stood next to each other. Especially since, for some bizarre reason, we always end up with the same hairstyle together. And that's not all, I find it above all funny that we even share the same interests, likes the same music, and even enjoys the same food. All except pomegranate, I love that stuff. But Ryon won't even allow me to speak of the forbidden fruit in front of him. You will know why soon enough.

Just staring down at Ryon like this makes me adore him. I sure love my little brother, even though his morning rampage can be somewhat irritating.

"Try getting up yourself for once then. How about set up that alarm clock of yours? I don't even know why you have that thing if you don't plan on using it."

Isn't he cute? Scolding at his elder brother like that. I crouched down, clutched my right hand into a fist and gave him a gentle punch to his cheek. He doesn't seem pleased.

"Can you move?"

It was then I realized that I was standing on the family curse that interfered with our perfect symmetry, his crutches. My brother Ryon was unfortunate to be born with a rare illness that made his limbs useless, similar to that alarm clock of mine when it comes to waking me up in the morning. His right leg is dead; he won't even budge if I kick it. Believe me, I tried. And his left leg, well . . . he could barely manage to stand up with it.

"Ops, sorry Ryon." I got up and back out of his way. "Need a hand buddy?"

"No!"

I stood there, now with my arms crossed, watching my little brother struggle with those crutches, trying to accomplish the mediocre task of getting on his feet. Where did Ryon ever get his self-confidence? Geez, he certainly didn't get it from mom and dad. I remember when the doctor finally concluded that Ryon was permanently paralyzed from the waist down. We got him a wheelchair. And, one day, out of the blue, he started hopping out of it like a cricket. Every time we put him back into his wheelchair he would cry and jump right back out; crawling on the floor as if he could walk like the rest of us. Eventually mom and dad got fed up with him and bought him crutches just to calm him down. I can't count the times when Ryon bruised himself by falling down. One time he even fell down from upstairs and we had to take him to the hospital. He really pisses me off sometimes with this poise of his. And I'm not too fond of the attitude either. I hope he knows that.

"Are you sure you don't need any help there?" I was getting impatient of his buoyancy. "We don't have all day."

"Fine!" Ryon extends his right arm, reaching out for me with open hand. See? It isn't too hard to ask for help now, is it?

I took his hand and held it with a solid grasp. That was when I saw those black birthmarks on his wrist, buried so well under his sleeves. Rarely does Ryon let those tattoos see the lights of day. I have only seen it once or twice and I'm his twin brother. I guess that's why Ryon is always dressed the way he is, never wear t-shirts and never wear shorts. Maybe those markings embarrass him?

I lug my little brother next to my shoulders. Ryon leans on them. I watched him sneer at me while I picked up his crutches and handed them to him.

"Okay! Big brother saves Ryon again!" I teased, trying to erase that scowl off of his lovable face.

"Stop treating me like a kid, we're the same age." His instant reply. "Hurry up Kyon, I don't want to be late."

Following my little brother's strict command, I began making my way towards the bathroom. As I marched out of my room, I noticed the odd looking talismans hanging on my door and every door down the hallway. They were from our grandmother; she gave them to us to ward off evil spirits. Hey, I just remembered that we are visiting her for the golden weekend of Kenkoku Kinen no Hi. Maybe that's the reason why Ryon is acting so cranky.

Immediately the tapping noise against the wooden floor stopped. I looked over my shoulders, checking to make sure Ryon didn't do something ignorant like falling off the stairs again.

Hey, don't give me that look. You're the one who dislike visiting our grandmother.

"Kyon, class haven't even officially started and you are already thinking about holiday breaks?" Ryon drops his head with disbelieve. "I honestly wonder how you are my brother sometimes."

Just then, I had another impossible urge to jab him on his face. But that can wait; I need to get ready for school.

Home

. . . . 40 minutes later

After our usual morning ritual, Ryon and I were ready to take off for our new school, North High. He waited for me outside as I made my way out, running a little late.

"Kyon, if we miss the entrance ceremony again, I'm going to beat you with my crutches."

A little violent today, aren't we? Then again, I'm not really intimidated by your empty threats. You can barely keep yourself standing up with those chopsticks, and you honestly expect me to believe you can hit me with them? Yeah rig--- Ouch! Right, I forgot about that dreadful poke of yours.

"Yeah, I had a lot of practice each morning." He grunted back at me as I made my way next to my bike.

I glanced over to Ryon while I sat my school bag in the basket on my bicycle. He was having trouble mounting those lances of his onto his bike.

"Hey, are you sure you can do this?" Watching him worried me. "North High is a lot further away from our house than junior high."

"I'll be fine."

"It's also up a hill, I heard it's quite a climb." I am now concerned watching him trying to reach the peddle with his bad leg.

"Yeah, I know."

"Why don't you just piggyback on my bike instead Ryon?" I am now very troubled after watching him almost topples over to one side. "You don't have to do this."

"Hey! I said I'll be fine! Quit pestering me. You're not mom and dad!"

Man, there goes his obnoxious confidence again. You don't have to act so tough Ryon. You're crippled; nobody is expecting you to ride your bicycle to school by yourself. And definitely not climb a mountain afterward. You only have one good leg and you can barely keep yourself up with it. You have got nothing to prove from this marathon.

"Hey, are we ready or what?"

Fine. Do whatever you want. I can't believe mom and dad made me watch after you.

"Oh and Kyon."

What is it now?

"You better not slow down either or I'm seriously going to beat you with my crutches. I don't need any help."

Is he serious?

My tolerance was running dry. "Look, mom and dad didn't get you that new bicycle for Christmas just so you can act like a renegade."

"Mom and dad?" Ryon rode pass me, peddling with only one leg. "Don't you believe in Santa Claus?"

I was really aggravated as I rode pass Ryon, who was wobbling back and forth on his bike. He gave me a grim look as I passed by, trying to intimidate me with those eyes. And each time I looked back behind my shoulders, as Ryon became more and more distant, I couldn't help but to think . . . .

Man, my brother Ryon is such a troublemaker.

Okay, and asking somebody if they believed in Santa Claus is so stupid, you can't even consider the topic suitable for idle conversation. But if you still want to know how long I believed in some old fat guy who wears a funky red suit.

I can tell you this, I never believed in him, ever.

The Santa that showed up at our kindergarten Christmas festival? I knew he was fake. And I never saw mommy kissing Santa or anything. But I have to say, even as a little kid, I knew better to believe in some old man that only worked one day a year.

I arrived at the bicycle-parking lot below the school. It didn't take long at all. I parked my bike inside and waited five minutes at the entrance. No sign of Ryon.

Should I go back and check? Man, I hope something didn't happen to him. I was starting to fret but I knew if I went back to find Ryon, he will end up giving me hell.

Whatever.

I began my climb on the treacherous slope.

Now where was I? Right, having said that about Santa Claus, it wasn't until I got older that I realized that aliens, time traveler, ghosts, monsters, espers, evil syndicates and the anime/manga/fantasy flick heroes that fights that evil syndicates were also fake. Okay, I guess I always knew those things were bogus but I just didn't want to admit it. All I ever wanted is for aliens, time traveler, ghosts, monsters, espers, evil syndicate or the heroes that fought them to just appear and say "Hey."

I stopped to check if Ryon was amongst the students walking behind me; no sight of him.

Guess not. I continued my hike.

Unfortunately, reality is a hard road indeed. Yep, you got to admit, the laws of physic definitely puts a damper on things. I even stopped watching those TV shows about aliens and ghost and stuff.

I looked back again; still no Ryon. He's going to be the death of me.

Anyways, aliens, time traveler, espers, of course they don't exist. But a little part of me wished that they did. I guess that I have grown up and realize that I could think about those things and still accept reality. I guess by the time I got out of junior high, I pretty much out grew that kind of stuff and I guess I got used to the idea of living in an ordinary world. And just like that, I found myself here, in high school.

With that thought I made it up to the front gate of North High. That was quite a hike. I doubt Ryon could make it up all by himself. Damn it! Now I'm really worried.

I stood there for ten minutes, looking below for any sign of my crippled little brother. It was then I heard the first bell ring.

Well, I guess Ryon is going to miss the opening ceremony. That's too bad. But, this isn't my fault, if he wasn't so stubborn and piggybacked behind my bike to begin with then he wouldn't have been late.

After changing into my sneakers at the shoe locker, I followed the rest of last comers and joined them into the school auditorium. A boring long session of speech is waiting for me.

When the enrollment ceremony ended, I found my friend Kunikida who told me our homeroom is 1-5. Seito, unfortunately, was appointed to classroom 1-8. But I was relieved to see at least one familiar face from junior high in my class.

That was when, during our class introduction that I met her.

". . . . Nice to meet everyone, and I hope we will have a good year together."

That's good, a humble speech. Remember, first impression is everything and I think I nailed it. The beginning introduction could either make or break my high school career. Just let everyone acknowledge you and blend into the crowd. Don't forget to smile! Perfect!

"I'm Haruhi Suzumiya, from east junior high. First off I'm not interested in ordinary people. But if any of you are aliens, time travelers, or espers please come see me. That is all."

I became completely perplexed at what I just heard. Twisting myself behind my desk, I wanted to get a better view of the person who made that belligerent introduction.

Is that supposed to be funny?

There stood before me this amazingly beautiful girl.

I bet everyone thought that she was kidding. But it wasn't a joke and it wasn't anything to laugh about. Haruhi is always dead serious, and that's how we first met. Looking back, I wanted to believe it was just a coincedence.

North High

3:00 P.M.

After the last bell rang, I waited for Ryon at the main entrance of our new school. That's when I saw her, the alien girl, strolling by with her nose held high. Not responding to any of her surroundings.

I felt obligated to tell Ryon about her, he definitely won't believe me.

Thirty minutes went by and still, no indication of Ryon. I was getting aggravated again.

My heel tapped on the ground furiously.

Where is he?

I hope he didn't get into some sort of trouble.

I persuaded myself to swagger back to the auditorium, I was hoping to find Ryon's homeroom number on the opening billboard. It was a disappointment that we weren't in the same class this year.

However, to my surprise, the billboard has already been taken down by the school alumnus. That sure was quick.

There was no point for me to look for Ryon if I didn't know where he was. I decided to go home. I figured maybe I missed him, or maybe he left home early, or just maybe he didn't even make it to school today. Perhaps he swirled off the road and got hit by a car. Damn it, I knew I should have gone back and carried him up this hill. I tried to reassure myself, but it wasn't helping. I was definitely worried. I don't know why but I just knew something was wrong. Call it a sixth sense, perhaps?

When I got home, the entire house was empty. Mom and dad were still at work and I don't see any other shoes at our front entrance.

"Ryon! Are you back?" I yelled out to the lonely house, hoping he was in the backyard.

My voice echoed back from all the hollow rooms, none of them were Ryon's.

I took off my shoes and sat myself down on the staircase by the entrance. The same stairs that Ryon fell off of when he was ten.

Fifteen minutes . . .

Thirty minutes . . .

Fourty-five minutes . . .

An hour . . .

An hour and a half . . .

My very bowels were knotted with pain. A small dent has shaped itself on the wooden floor below my left heel and just as I was about to give up and go back to school to look for Ryon, I heard a clamor behind our doorway.

I got up, and stepped in front of the walk-in. My hands clutched into a fist. My insides has now alchemized into pure rapture. I focused on the door. I was going to give this intolerable little runt a piece of my mind.

The door slowly opens. "RYON! DO YOU KNow ho . . . w . . . worr . . ied . . . I"

He stood at the doorway; his school blazer was torn apart, ripped along the creases, revealing the white satin underneath it. His hair was wild and snagged to one side, perhaps by the wind. Ryon, while ignoring me, sluggishly tries to remove his shoes. He shudders around and eventually tumbles onto the floor.

"Hey, let me help you."

I ran towards my little brother and kneel down besides him. His face was dry and elongated, yet the shirt beneath his slashed blazer was soaked in sweats. I could smell the sweet aroma emitting from his still frame. It was very fragrant. He must have rode back home in a hurry.

"I want to go to my room." Ryon murmured under his tongue.

"Sure. Here." I replied after I helped him remove his last shoe.

I spun around so he could have my back. Ryon settle his arms over my shoulder and I took him in and boosted him up. It wasn't foreign for me to cart my little brother around. I don't mind it at all.

"So what happened?" I asked the little war cadet on my back. His head was on my shoulder and now I could smell the full-blown perfume evaporating off of his body.

"Mom and dad is going to kill me."

Yeah, they probably will, but not if I murder you first. Come 'on Ryon, getting into a fight on the first day of school? Isn't this a little too much even for you?

After lugging the wounded soldier up the stairs into his room. I sat him down on his bed and helped him out of those shredded rags. Now the scent was much vibrant.

I took his torn blazer and hung it amongst its other kindred in the closet. The barely recognizable school uniform looked out-of-place next to its siblings. It was then I was relieved that mom and dad had bought us four spares.

"You know, we don't have to tell mom and dad about this." I tried to comfort Ryon who has already shoved his head into his pillow.

"Thanks Kyon."

"But, you have to tell me what happened." I rigidly replied with an alternatium.

Ryon kept his face below the cushions, not responding to my demand. Somehow, he always knew how to piss me off at the right moment.

"I'm going to go bring you your stuff." I continue with my demand. "And you better have a story ready when I get back, Ryon."

Still no answer from him, and just as I turned my back and made my first step towards the hallway.

"Kyon . . ."

About time, he's finally going to tell me what the hell is going on here.

" . . . tell mom and dad I'm not coming down for dinner tonight."

Damn it!

I slouched my way down the stairs to pick up Ryon's artilleries, which were still scattered by the entrance. With each step down the stretched platform, I found myself getting angrier and angrier. Why won't Ryon tell me what the hell is going on? If he's being bullied at school, then he should tell me. I'm his brother; we are twins for god's sake. How is bottling everything up inside going to help him? Furthermore, who in their right mind would torment a crippled kid? This isn't kindergarten anymore, its high school. Aren't we civilized by now?

And with that thought, I strut back up the stairs with Ryon's torture tools. I was determined to find out who roughed up Ryon. And when I find out who it was, I'm going to march to school tomorrow and deck them in the face.

Just as I was about to enter Ryon's room with his crutches, I heard his stuffed voice.

". . . what am I going to do?"

I stood silent behind the door. I didn't mean to eavesdrop but I figured this was much easier than to interrogate him. At least this way I don't have to deal with his attitude.

"I can't believe I did that . . . . "

Come 'on, spill it!

". . . she's going to think I'm a freak."

I see. So this is about a girl. Hold on a second, did Ryon get beat up by a girl? I hesitated to confront myself that I was just determined to punch a female classmate in the face. Of course, that's not going to happen. I don't believe in violence against girls, no matter how weird she may get. When it comes to girls, diplomacy is the best strategy.

"I can't believe I did that to her . . . what am I going to do?"

Did what to her?

It took a moment, but I finally got it. And here I was, thinking someone was bullying Ryon. It turns out he was the real criminal instead. I should have figured my little brother was a pervert. That sly dog.

"My life is ruined . . . . "

I had enough of his confession. I knocked on the opened door to make sure he was aware of my presents.

"Here are your things." I sat them down beside his bed. A 'thank you' would have been nice.

And with the deed done, I turned around and stormed out of his room. I wasn't going to deal with whatever girl-problem Ryon has gotten himself into. But for some odd reason, I felt a sign of relief in my heart.

North High

8:30 A.M.

After a few days went by, my little brother regained his normal plucky self. He started going to school early due to his . . . . disadvantages.

"I don't want to be tardy again!" He told me robustly.

I would be concerned but my mind seems to be fixated on something else, the supernatural girl, Haruhi Suzumiya.

Now as long as Haruhi Suzumiya is sitting quietly, she's just like any other extremely beautiful high school girl. And my seat just happens to be in front of her. I mean can you blame me for wanting to exploit the seating arrangement so I could . . um . . get to know her better?

I sat myself down and pasted a none-threatening smile on my face. "Hey, that stuff you were saying when you were introducing yourself, were you serious about all that?"

My question caught her attention. "What about the stuff I was saying?"

"Well, you know, about aliens and stuff."

"Why? Are you an alien or something?" Haruhi asked me with a straight face.

"Well no, but I just . . . ."

"Well no but you just what?" She interrupted.

"Well I . . . just forget it." I froze; I didn't know what to say to her, maybe I was even a little intimidated by her.

"Then why are we even talking right now?" She sneered back at me. "You're wasting my time!"

Man, she sure is hostile. I left her alone and immediately noticed a few classmates snickering at our little confrontation.

Later on I found out quite a few of my classmates were from the same junior high as Haruhi Suzumiya. One of them being Taniguchi, who spend all day giving me useless warnings. Normally, I wouldn't listen, but for some incoherent reason, Kunikida has befriended with this loudmouth. I wonder if he's trying to replace Seito after that accursed billboard broke the four of us up. But then again, this guy doesn't even come close to comparing to Seito.

Homeroom 1-5

Lunch 11:00 A.M.

Flinging around his chopstick as if he knew everything, Taniguchi begins to lecture his wisdom. "Look if you got the hots for Suzumiya, take my advice. Forget it."

Hey! Watch where you're pointing those things, you can poke someone's eye out. "After being in the same class as her for three years, I know her pretty well. Let's just say she's what you may called beyond eccentric." He continued before I could tell him to quit his physical demonstration.

"Like her introduction?" Kunikida asked.

"Yep, in junior high I can't remember a day where she wasn't doing something completely wacky. You ever heard the field scribble incidents?"

"No what's that?" I was curious.

"You know that thing that draws line on the athletic field?" Taniguchi mimicked a circle in front of him with his utensil. "What do you call that thing again? Whatever, will she use that thing to draw this big mysterious symbol on the schoolyard. She snuck into the school ground at night to draw it."

"Yeah I remember reading about that. I think it was on the local section of the daily newspaper. It sort of looks like a box version of UFO drawing, didn't it?" Kunikida added.

"So you are telling me she did this all by herself?" Now I'm really curious.

"No doubt, and she totally admitted doing it." Taniguchi replied with his mouth full. Try talking with your mouth closed Taniguchi. You are spitting all over my food.

Homeroom 1-5 Balcony

11:30 A.M.

We decided upon some fresh air. I was hoping Taniguchi had finished his random mutter. But boy was I wrong. "Oh yeah! And then one morning I get to class early and all the desks were shoved out in the hall, and there was the time she painted this star on the roof, and this other time when she plastered these talisman all over the campus, you know, like the ones you reanimate corpses with."

It was then I noticed Haruhi, alone, on the balcony of the sports building. What the hell is she doing? It looked like she was throwing a . . . tennis-ball at the oval rooftop? Is she playing wall tennis by herself? I guess she doesn't have any friends.

Homeroom 1-5

1:00 P.M.

"I have no idea why, but all the same man," Taniguchi went on. It was already 4th period recess. "She's pretty popular with the guys. She's not too hard to look at, you know."

Doesn't he ever get tired?

"And she's freaking good at sports too. And on top of that, she gets good grades. She's a super weirdo. But if she's just standing there quietly, you will never know."

Kunikida adds. "Something tells me you have more to say about her."

Hey, don't encourage him. But it looks like Kunikida is interested in this abnormal girl too.

Taniguchi turns towards me and with passion he spit the words at me: "For a while she was going out with one joker after another. I think the longest any one guy lasted was about a week. And the guy that had the shortest relationship with her? He asked her out and she said okay and it ended five minutes later."

Taniguchi folds his arm and mumbles, "I don't have any time to deal with ordinary humans. Then why did the hell you say okay?"

Oh? She dumped you after five minutes? Why am I not surprised?

"Hmmm? I mean that's what I heard."

Liar.

"Really! I don't know why, but she never turns a guy down when he steps up to ask her out," Taniguchi scorn back at me while pointing his finger in my face. "And so, before you get any bright ideas buddy, take my advice, forget it."

Forget it? What's there to forget if I haven't even thought about it.

Physical Education Class

2:00 P.M.

"If you were me, there is only one girl in the freshmen group to go after. And that's her. Manami Takahashi." Taniguchi points towards the track field.

I can't believe he's still going at it. Especially since we just ran three laps around the track. Man, where does he get his energy?

"And I'm telling you she's in the top three of the freshman hottie list." Taniguchi added and uncomfortably bump my arm.

"So what, are you telling us you already check out all the freshman girls?" I asked, trying to go along with his gibberish. It only fueled more enthusiasm. "Heck yeah! I ranked them all from A to D and I even went so far as to memorize all the full name of the A-list girls buddy."

"Really? So what ranking did Manami get?" Kunikida asked.

"She gets double A+, on top of being gorgeous. I bet her personality is wonderful."

Too bad she isn't in our class, you pervert.

I looked over on the track field where Taniguchi was gawking. There stood this strikingly beautiful . . . girl? Her black hair was short and it resembled that of a boy. She also had glasses on; hard to imagine Taniguchi actually have a glass fetish. He doesn't seem to be the type. It was pretty obvious why this girl is on Taniguchi's A-list though, at least from the size of her chest.

That was when I saw Haruhi, speeding in the background. She was fast, too fast. The poor girl racing against her couldn't keep up. I hate to be the one that gets dragged around by that freak of nature.

But all this was happening while Haruhi Suzumiya was still acting sort of normal. For that whole month even I was feeling pretty good. However, it should be noted that bits and pieces of Haruhi's eccentricity were already starting to make themself known.

Haruhi eccentricity number one, a different hair style every day. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, as the days passed, the number of places she ties up her hair increased. On Monday, she resets her hair and adds a tie off point each day until Friday. I wonder what her hair looks like on Sunday, think I did like to see that.

Haruhi eccentricity number two, our physical education class is separated into boys and girls. When changing into our gym uniforms, girls use the odd number classrooms and boys use the even number. It didn't matter that guys where standing around, she just started changing out of her school uniform in front of them. To Haruhi, guys were pretty much the same as a bag of potatoes.

Eccentricity number three, it was rather irritating that Haruhi joined every team and every extracurricular club the school had to offer. Every single one of the sports club lobbied her to join their respective team. But she turned every one of them down. She changes club on a daily bases, depending on her mood. In the end though, she didn't remain a member in a single one of those clubs. I mean what the hell does she want to do anyways?

Kenkoku Kinen no Hi

Subway Train

And before I knew it, it was already the golden weekend of Kenkoku Kinen no Hi, and we were on our way to visit our grandmother. That was when I told Ryon all about this eccentric girl I met in my class.

" . . . . . and she had the weirdest introduction too. She told everyone in our classroom that she only cares about aliens, time traveler, and espers."

Ryon was listening to me with his eyes closed. I couldn't tell if he was asleep or just trying to home in on my voice. He sat in front of me on the train while I stood next to mom and dad. It was very crowded and we had a nice gentleman who gave up his seat for Ryon. Of course, it took ten minutes for Ryon to accept the nice gesture. Stupid little runt, always tries to embarrass me.

"So what?" He spoke with those eyes still closed.

So what? You honestly don't find Haruhi Suzumiya a bit strange?

Ryon flash his eyes open. "No stranger than the old witch we are visiting."

"Hey! Watch your mouth! Don't call our grandmother a witch." I immediately interrupted those disrespectful words.

"Show some manners Ryon." Our mom added to my scorn.

"Well, she is." I watched him mumble those words below his lips.

"Look, she only wants to help you. You're walking now, aren't you?"

That was when I saw that adorable disobedient face of his again. The same face that makes me wants to softly nudge him on his cheeks. I guess I don't blame Ryon for not liking our grandmother. But he doesn't have to be so ill mannered.

Ryon then grunted back at me. "And you're the one who doesn't believe in superstitions."

I think this would be the best time to tell you about why my little brother Ryon hates the exotic fruit called pomegranate. And no, he isn't allergic to them, well sort of, in his own way. But that would be too simple and we wouldn't be having this conversation now.

My little brother Ryon, drum-roll please, well . . . he smells like a pomegranate.

Yes, you heard it right, he smells exactly like a pomegranate. If you're confused, then let me try to elaborate. Ordinary people all have the same body odor. We all know it. We hide it with deodorants, perfume, cologne, and such. Normal body odor reeks. Especially when after we sweat from a full workout or even worse, after we skip shower for several days. Not Ryon though. His body smells like pomegranates. It's a very attractive aroma. And what's even more appealing is that the more he sweats the sweeter the smell gets. During the summer, his pomegranate scent would engulf our entire house. Our neighbors frequently complement us on the relaxing fragrance. And if you get close to Ryon during the raining season, the pomegranate scent would get so overwhelming that you can almost taste the sugariness in your mouth. However, his sweats are still normal, believe me, I tried it once.

The bizarre symptom has baffled everyone, including Ryon's physicians; all except our grandmother who thinks it's a blessing from the gods. Personally, I find all this kind of humorous. Especially when Ryon has tried every method he could think of to mask that sweet scent. When we go to the store with him and he would spend all his allowance to buy cream, lotion, cologne, and even body oil to block that unique smell. Too bad nothing works. Eventually they would wear off and he would go back to smelling like a pomegranate. Once, during mid-summer, he even had mom drew him a bath made out of vinegar. He came out looking like a dried prune but still smelled like a pomegranate.

Somehow, this became our little family secret. Ryon made us vow not to tell anyone. He even made us write a pledge. Mom and dad agreed to it after he went on a hunger strike for three days. And afterward, they made me do the same. In the end we all accepted Ryon's wish to keep this quiet, except our grandmother, who still, till this day, acknowledges Ryon's special gift and calls him . . .

"Ho Ho Ho! My little pomegranate-boy is here!"

It wasn't long before the golden weekend of Kenkoku Kinen no Hi was over. And I found myself once again shuffling up this tedious hump.

"Kyon, what's up?"

I glanced over and it was Taniguchi. "Hey." I replied to his awkward shoulder-jostle.

"You go anywhere for golden week?" Taniguchi asked.

"Man, I went to visit my grandmother with my little brother. It was borrriiinnnnggg."

"Tough luck, man" Taniguchi chimed in. "So where is this brother of yours? I heard he is handicapped."

"He's probably already at school. He's in class 1-8." I replied to the loudmouth without even thinking.

North High

8:30 A.M.

When I got to class with Taniguchi, Haruhi was already, as usual, seated behind my desk. Her hair was entwined together, tied in three different places. So I guess today is Wednesday then?

And with that thought, something must have snapped inside of me. I can't think of any other reason why, but I was talking to Haruhi Suzumiya.

"So do you change your hairstyle everyday to ward off alien invaders?" I asked Haruhi while sitting down in my desk, arching myself towards her.

"So when did you notice?" She begins to fondle her hair.

"Hmmm. A while ago." I replied.

"Oh I see." Said Haruhi and she continue with an explanation. "Actually I have this theory that each day of the week has its own image with specific color that only goes with that day."

It felt almost like we were having a real conversation for the first time.

"And by colors, I say that Monday is yellow, and Tuesday is red, Wednesday is definitely blue, and Thursday is green, Friday is gold and Saturday is brown and the color for Sunday is white."

Hey I kind of understand what she's talking about.

"So if you turn that into numbers. Monday will be zero and Sunday will be six, right?" I questioned her logic.

"Right." Haruhi replied, now with her eyes turned away.

"I kind of feel that Monday is more like a one." I threw out my contradiction, not knowing what I was thinking.

"I don't think anybody was asking you for your opinion!" Haruhi jolted back, now much more annoyed.

"Oh, is that so?" I said with an eloquent sigh. Still as hostile as every, I guess nothing could ever get through to this girl. Wait, why is she staring at me now. Our eyes met together for what it seemed an eternity. It was then that I recognized the familiar expression on her face. It was the same disobedient frown that Ryon always flickers in front of me. I wonder what will happen if I nudged her in the face like I do when Ryon is like this.

Suddenly Haruhi questions me. "Have I met you some where before? Like maybe in the past? Or something like that?"

"Not likely." I responded.

What's this? Maybe I finally got through to her? Wait no; she's rolling her eyes. With a loud groan, Haruhi looked away, and again very much goaded.

Usually an event is triggered by something considered trivial, well, this must have been my trigger. I was surprised that Haruhi even replied with a half decent answer. I totally thought she say something like "Shut up loser, who cares." I mean; you get the picture.

And so when Haruhi came to class the next day with her long hair all chopped off. I was rather disturbed by it. I mean cutting it short like that the day after I made my comment. Isn't that a little rash, don't you think?

"Whatever."

Ever since that day, talking to Haruhi right before homeroom started was becoming sort of a ritual.

"So there is this rumor going around, is it true that you dumped every guy you ever dated?" I asked with inquisitiveness.

"And just what gives you the right to ask me a question like that?" Haruhi countered with her usual annoyed tone. "I don't know about anything you heard. Whatever, you want to believe it? It's probably true."

"Well with all that dating, wasn't there at least one guy you were even at little serious about?" I pressed on.

"Absolutely not!" She replied while caressing her short hair. "They all took themselves way too seriously. And not even one of those dorks were an alien, time traveler, or even an esper."

"That's how people are normally." I contradicted.

"Okay so what's with most them asking me out over the phone. I mean shouldn't important stuff like that be done face to face not phone to phone?" Now much more agitated, Haruhi chewed back at my little comment. I'll just agree with her for now.

"Yeah if it were me I'll meet her first and then ask her out."

"Yeah none of that is important anyways." She snapped back.

So what is?

Haruhi continues with her elucidation. "Here is the problem, so far the way it look is that all the man in this entire universe are pathetic. I mean all through junior high that was the one thing that irritated me the most."

"Alright then." I replied and ask. "So what kind of guy would have been really into? An alien or something?"

"Yeah! Anything like an alien or something else on those lines." She repeated as if it was an order. "Anyways, as long as the person isn't an ordinary human, I don't care if it's a boy or a girl."

"Hang on a second, what's wrong with being human. I mean why do they have to be an alien?" I inquired her attitude back. For some odd reason, I was annoyed at her answer.

"Because that way, life is more interesting!" Haruhi announced off the top of her lungs. I was completely flabbergasted. So were our classmates, they were now all staring at us because of her war cry. Quickly I drew myself away, not wanting to cause any more attention.

Our English class went by fast; too fast. I don't even think I caught on what the lessons were. Nor did I concentrate on what our instructor said. Wait, did we have homework? I better ask Kunikida later. I stretched out my arms and let out a deep yawn. Not paying attention in class sure is hard work.

That was when I heard the strident slam of a chair from my back. I glanced behind my shoulder, Haruhi has already strolled herself out of the class.

Instantaneously, Taniguchi took me aback, ambushed me from my blind spot. Our face met awkwardly close together. "Hey Kyon, you need to tell me what kind of magic spell you are using?"

Hey! Quit breathing on me.

"What are you talking about?" I spoke out; a little annoyed at the sudden surprise he gave me.

"I have never seen Suzumiya talk that long before." Taniguchi points at Haruhi's desk behind me. "And I'm not exaggerating man. What the hell did you say to her?"

Hmmm. I wonder what I could have said to her. I think it was all pretty random stuff.

"This is a phenomenon." Taniguchi leans back with an awestruck appearance on his face.

Kunikida join next to us and tap into our conversation. "Kyon has always gone after the strange ones, the weirder the better."

"A little louder please, so everyone can hear you." I rumbled back at his ridiculous insult.

"Well, you are Ryon's brother." Kunikida defended himself.

I jolt back at him. "Hey! You leave Ryon out of this."

"Wow wow, hold on Kyon, what's so strange about your brother?" Taniguchi asked.

Nothing, he's just my little brother.

"Ryon has always been weird." Kunikida chimed in. "He always wear this fruity perfume and he has this wicket black tattoo on his back."

Wait a minute. This is interesting; Kunikida has seen my brother's birthmark?

"Yeah. You can see the tip of the design if you look under his neck-collar." Kunikida begin nodding at Taniguchi.

He has been peaking under my brother's shirt? Okay Kunikida, that's a little disturbing.

Abruptly, snapping me out of my thought, Taniguchi grabbed my shoulders and started to fling me around in my seat. I felt as if I was in a blender, coiling back and forth. I was very much annoyed.

"Kyon, we're buddies, aren't we? We are pals, right?" Taniguchi begged.

Get your hands off of me. Everyone is turning into an idiot.

North High

10:00 A.M.

The next day, apparently, we are changing seats; I picked a number out of a cookie tin that gave me the seat next to the window, second to the back.

An awesome seat I may say so myself. Farewell Haruhi, Foooorrrreeeeveeeeerrrr~

. . .

Coincidence that Haruhi found herself sitting behind me again? I think not.

"Hey, I heard you checked out all the clubs at school. Give me a heads up if you know about any interesting ones, okay?" I asked her during third period recess, trying to erase the awkwardness of our new gravesite arrangement.

"Absolutely none." An instant reply.

"Absolutely none!" Haruhi's voice sharpened. It seems that she likes to use the word absolutely a lot.

"I thought things would get a little better when I got into high school." She explained with her eyes gazing outside of the window next to us. "But it's the same here as it's been through out all these mandatory school years. Maybe I'm just in the wrong school."

I sort of wonder what her criteria are.

"There was a club call the mystery research club." She said.

"Yeah? How was that?" I asked.

"It was hilarious!" Haruhi snorted as she stroked her hair. "They told me they never had anything they could even remotely call a case. And the members were a bunch of mystery novel otaku(fan-boys). Definitely not master detectives."

I nod with agreement. "Well, that figures."

"Yeah well, I had high hopes for the super natural phenomenon research club too. But that thing was just bunch of cult freaks. What do you think of it?" Haruhi questioned.

"I don't think about it." I replied.

"Oh man, I'm so bored!" Haruhi clench her hair and shook herself around. "With all these clubs you think there will be a couple of really strange cool ones out there."

I don't know if it was her melancholy face or my know-It-all attitude, but I just had to explain to madam boredom here the facts about her little digression.

"Listen you can't help if there aren't any." I told her. "Besides us normal human types, we got to be happy with what we are given. You know what I'm saying?"

She didn't respond.

So I continue with my master thesis. "You could look at it this way, the people who don't like what they got are the same who invent things and make discoveries and advance civilizations."

I raise my right hand and spin my fingers around for a quirky demonstration. "They made airplanes because they wanted to fly, they made cars and trains because they wanted to go place to place. It's as simple as that." I added. "The only reason we got all the things we have now is because a group of people got together and used their talents or imagination or genius or whatever to make it all possible."

I lean back against the window; now with both of my arms behind my head, resting comfortably on them. "Ordinary people are probably better off living their ordinary little life at a ordinary matter." I concluded.

But before I could glow for my phenomenon presentation, "shut up!" Haruhi immediately erupted and shun her eyes away from me. "Hmmph!"

What's this? Did I piss her off? I swear I heard her say "jerk" under those puffed up lips.

Perhaps it was this conversation that sparked the idea.

It happened suddenly, during our typical boring English class. I was mimicking a bobble-head as I was drifting off to sleep from our instructor's monotone lecture.

Out of the blue, this little monster seized my neck-collar from behind and pulled me back. I was too dazed to even react towards her compulsion. My chair sling backwards and I felt her desk slamming on the back of my head. My chair wobbles back and I jump out, holding the crater behind my skull that was still throbbing.

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?" I screamed at the little tyrant.

"I GOT AN IDEA!" She jumped out of her chair screaming back, arrestingly spitting out several venomous projectile on my face.

"About what?" I asked while rubbing off the vile acid that was eroding my skin.

"I can't believe I didn't realize it before, it's so obvious!" Haruhi added with excitement.

Great, can you tell me what's obvious first, other than playing desk ping-pong with my cranium.

"If it doesn't exist then I should just make it myself!" She added, now even more keyed up.

"Make what yourself?" I asked her. We were definitely not in tune.

"Make a club!" She bolted back, exploding with charisma.

You have got to be kidding me.

"Uh . . . I hear you, but you have got to calm down alright?" I comforted Haruhi on her shoulder, the same way as if I would comfort Shamisen after one of Ryon's absurd training.

"What's with you?" Haruhi spunk back at me, "this is what we were talking about! You should be happier about this development!"

"Well." I welcomed the rest of the classroom into our little charade. "We are in the middle of class."

Everyone in the room, including our instructor, were all bowled over. I waited after Haruhi has re-assimilated herself back into her seat. Then I presented everyone an apologetic bow and sat myself down; now much annoyed and also quite awake. Hey! This isn't English class. This is Math class!

I thought our little outburst was just another one of Haruhi's eccentricity, but I was dead wrong. Right after the bell rang, Haruhi leaped out of her chair and firmly clutched my hand. Oh? We're holding hands now?

Before I could even blush from our intimate contact, she jerked me out of my chair. I watched my right arm as it rips out of its socket. I'm sure it isn't a pleasant sensation, but I couldn't feel it. I was much more absorbed with the high-speed chase I was in; Haruhi being the driver.

We zigzagged out of our homeroom and zoomed down the hallway like a frat train. My feet peddled behind hers, trying to keep up. She dragged me to the exit at the end of the hallway. We stopped. I immediately tug my hand out of her grip and held my other hand over my torn shoulder; massaging the pain.

What the hell? I stared at Haruhi as we stood in front of the door. Her face is radiant. A long curve eased across those cherried cheeks of hers. And before I could question her motive, she clinched the tie under around my neck and dragged me inside.

It was the emergency-exit staircase. What the hell are we doing here? Wait a minute. Are we jumping to third base? Already?

"You are going to help!" Haruhi demanded while still pulling on my dog collar.

No, I guess that's not it. I feel like I'm being bullied out of my lunch money.

I kept the distance between our faces apart, resisting and fighting to win this tug of war. I definitely didn't want another face-wash of her saliva.

"What do you need help with?" I questioned.

"Starting my new club! That's what." Haruhi answered as if it was obvious.

"First tell me why I'm the one have to help you setup a club. It's your idea in the first place." I countered her case with an objection. "And you can let go of the tie n---."

"I'll find us a room and some members and I want you to personally handle all the paper work that needs to be turned into the school." Haruhi barged in before I could finish.

She's not listening.

"Why don't you tell me what kind of club it's going to be?" I might as well ask.

"Who cares about that right now?" She screeched back. "We got to make the club first!"

Haruhi finally let go of my leash. "You got it? Do all those stuff before school ends today. I'll find us a room for the club by then. Okie Dokie?"

And with that inexplicable statment, I watched her skips down the stairs. I had a bad feeling swelling up in the pit of my stomach. I don't know what Haruhi is planning but I was definitely concerned.

North Hall

11:00 A.M.

During lunch, I canceled my usual appointment with Kunikida and Taniguchi and went on a scavenge hunt. Haruhi has given me a niggling chore and as much as I hate to do it, I don't want to find out what the consequences are if I didn't. There was only one problem; I knew nothing about how to setup an extracurricular club, especially in a new school. So I followed my gut instinct to find the only little bookworm I knew, my brother Ryon.

Even though a month has went by, I still find it difficult to commute around this school. North High is pretty immense; consider it's the only high school in my district and all the students from both north and east junior high enrolls here. Ryon and I would typically meet each other at the main gate or sometimes I would find him at his shoe locker. But I have never been to his homeroom, and neither has he to mine.

Since my little brother constantly complained about north hall, I was pretty certain his homeroom was near there. I made my way across school, stopping along the way several times for direction. It took a good fifteen-minute jog before I was at the front entrance of the five-story building. It was much bigger than I imagined. And just before I was about to ask some bystander on which floor the freshman classes were, I heard a familiar voice calling out for me.

"Yo, Kyon!"

I recognized that voice. I turned around and saw him sitting with my little brother underneath a giant willow tree. Seito Ishikawa.

Seito is the captain of our little group. And that he should be. Art club genius, class president, advance placement student, and junior high-honored graduate, yeah, you can say he's pretty popular. It doesn't hurt that he got accepted by all the girls too; black hair, strong jaw, rigid build, and athletic poster. Kunikida, Seito, Ryon, and I were the fantastic four. We lived close to each other and became childhood friends. So it was natural for us to hang out together.

I leisurely walked to them and took a seat on the marble stool next to Ryon. We were united once again, the knights-of-the-round-table. Now I just need to find an opening to slip in that whole starting a club thing.

"Hey." I greeted Seito with a warm smile and Ryon with a soft jab on his cheek.

"You guys are in the same class?" I asked Seito.

"Yeah, it sucks you and Kunikida are in a different class." Seito replied with his head anchored by both of his hands. "I was hoping we all had the same homeroom this year."

"Well, at least none of us got stranded alone." I added.

"True enough." Seito agreed.

Especially for Ryon, I'm glad I can have someone watching over him for me. My eyes caught a hold of my little brother.

"Hold on there." Seito brought himself up and waved my gesture back with his hands. "I don't want that responsibility."

What did he do now?

I watched Seito panic across the marble table, unsure of what to say. He fumbled with his words, and just before I got real suspicious.

"Oof."

Did he just bark?

Personally, I'm fairly familiar with the new trends of what's hip and cool. But coming from mister popularity over there makes me wonder if I have carelessly missed out on one of the new slang of my generation. And just before I was about to "Oof" my buddy back, I noticed the agonizing expression on his face; as if someone had probed him. I stressed my eyes on Ryon, knowing he had something to do with Seito's sudden display of misery. Sure enough, I found one of my little brother's instruments of destruction punishing Seito beneath the table.

"Hey! Don't go around and poking people with your crutches." I disciplined him. You can poke me all you want at home but mom and dad won't tolerate this kind of behavior outside.

"What do you want?" He instantaneously interrupted me, penetrating me with those profound eyes of his.

What do you mean? I'm not here for anything. I just came to visit my adorable little brother and our best buddy Seito.

"Liar."

Crap.

"Kyon, cut the act." Ryon said and folds his arm. His eyes pane in on me, "you didn't suddenly decide to drop by from across school just to be social. Now, what do you want?"

There goes my scheme to cleverly execute a discussion on how to start Haruhi's club. Or did I even have a scheme? Whatever, I guess I might as well spill the bean since that decision has already been made for me.

"Wow, they're right about twins." Seito added after recovering from his brutal attack, "both of you guys ar--- owf."

Seito held his stomach in agony. It was another attack.

"Hey! Stop that." I disciplined Ryon but was only interrupted by his curiosity. "Starting a club? I'm surprised, this isn't like you brother."

He was right. This isn't like me. I would never start a club of my own; it's too much of a hassle. Besides, this is all Haruhi's idea; I'm just following orders.

"Yeah, you are more like a right hand man." Seito added under his drifting voice, still in pain from Ryon's death poke.

It was then that I felt the sudden flares of my little brother's proton-cannon blistering my arm. "Hey hey Kyon, can I join your cl---"

"No." I immediately responded.

"Why not?" He snapped back at me.

I don't even know what type of club it is yet. But it's uneasy just thinking about it. Besides, knowing Haruhi, this will probably just blow over after a week. That crazy girl just can't seem to make up her mind.

"I don't want any of you guys to get involved in this." I demanded and kept my finger pointed at Ryon.

"Whatever." I watch Ryon sneer back at me with that disobedient face of his.

I'm sorry, I just don't want anyone to get caught up in whatever dotty ideas Haruhi has come up with. Especially my little brother, I can't risk the chance of getting him injured by that fanatic.

"Starting a club is fairly easy," said Ryon. "You didn't really have to come all the way across school for it."

I watched my little brother while he digs out of his school bag.

"It's all here in the student hand book." He pulls out a little booklet. "Didn't you read it?"

Okay, the student counsel passed that large pen-flit out during the entrance ceremony. Only a nerd would read through the deadening dictionary. No ordinary student would even bother opening it.

"I read it three times." Said Ryon, flipping open the encyclopedia.

"It's all written here in the back of the student hand book." He begins reading. "Rules for the creation of a new extracurricular group, at least five members, a teacher to supervise, a name, the name of person in charge, and the purpose of the organization."

That was rather easy, there's really nothing for me to do. But I can bet money on this. Haruhi's little scheme? Nothing about it is going contribute school life more creative or more fun.

Of that, I'm positive.

After I shared my pleasantries with Seito and Ryon, I went back to my homeroom, just barely caught the bell ring. Being the exceptional hard worker, I told Haruhi about my job well done. She approved my effort of nothingness with a big thumb up. I was relieved at her content until she gave me that frightening smile of hers.

"I got a surprise for you after school Kyon!" She said with her inhuman enthusiasm.

I certainly didn't enjoy surprises, especially coming from a terrorist.

For the rest of the afternoon, I continued my perfect practice of mimicking a bobble-head. I was getting really good at it.

Homeroom 1-5

3:00 P.M.

When the last bell of the day graced us with its presents, I prepared myself for the natural disaster that was predicted to occur. As it turned out, she took me out sightseeing on the Haruhi-express around our campus. We eventually stopped at the third floor of a building located in the northeast courtyard of our school.

Haruhi slam open the door.

"This is going to be our new club room!" She shouted with her compulsive outburst.

There stood in front of me a half empty room, decorated with a bookshelf, a table, a chair by the window, and another student sitting on that chair. The room was no bigger than my bachelor-pad back home.

"Hang on, I don't even know where we are right now." I interrupted the princess on her perfect entrance.

"This is the cultural department." Haruhi educated me. "The art club got the arts room and the wind ensemble has got the music room, am I right?"

I stared into the small cabinet; there was nothing special about the room.

"Clubs that doesn't need specialized classroom like that ends up in this wing of the culture department." She continued. "They call it the old building. This room is for the Literature Club."

I controvert. "So? Then this is the literary club's room."

"Yeah I know I know, but this pass spring all the senior member left, so now the club got no members. And if nobody else joins then that club is going to be cut." Her highness walks towards the student sitting next by the window and laid her scepter on the poor peasant's shoulder. "Oh and this girl is a new freshman member."

"So the club hasn't been cut then." I objected her majesty's wishes.

"Its the same difference." Haruhi walks back next to me and snapped at me. "Besides she's the only one here."

Being the chivalrous gentleman who doesn't criticize other people in front of them, I whispered to Haruhi. "But what are we going to do with her?"

"She told me that she wouldn't mind it." She replied.

"You sure about that?" I asked.

"When I saw her at lunch, I ask her if we could use the club room, she said go ahead." The princess explained. "She doesn't really care if she got a place to read. I guess some folks are just strange like that. You know?"

Look who's talking.

It was then the quiet student turned herself towards our little grumbles. "Yuki Nagato." She spoke after adjusting her glasses.

"Miss Nagato, was it?" I acknowledged her greeting and ask. "You understand my colleague here wants to use this room for some other type of club, are you okay with that?"

"I'm fine."

"You are?" That surprised me. I questioned back. "Okay but I'm pretty sure we are going to end up causing you a lot of trouble though."

"No problem."

"But someday you might get kicked out of this room?" I argued back at her, trying to persuade the villager to revolt against Haruhi's invasion.

"Go ahead."

"Well there you have it!" The empress lets out a snort. "From now on we will meet here, in this room right after school!"

"And you better show up mister." She shoves her pointy scepter in my face. "Because if you don't, its the death penalty!"

With a sigh, I reluctantly replied. "Understood . . . "

I don't want to die.

So it was decided that this closet Haruhi conquered was going to be our new clubroom. I followed her highness back down the stairs, trying to remember how we got here in the first place.

When we made it down to the bottom floor of the three-story building, I noticed the noise and clamor got louder. It sounded like a riot. I guess there are other clubs in this building. But that voice, it seems all too familiar. Is that Ryon? I stopped to look down the hallway.

"We need to find club members." Said Haruhi. "Hey! Are you even listening?"

I wasn't. I couldn't pay attention with all the randomness in the background. No, it couldn't be Ryon.

I followed Haruhi outside as she continued with her demands. "We are going to need at least two more people."

What? Does that mean you already have that literary girl included in the head count? Does Haruhi thinks she come with the room like some kind of accessory?

"Don't worry." The little aristocrat piped out. "I'll get them in no time. I got a couple of leads on some random people I can bring in."

North High

3:00 P.M.

And so the next day, right after class ended Haruhi bolted out of our homeroom.

"I'll meet you there!" She screamed back at me before disappearing into the hallway.

I guess I had no choice, I found myself shuffling over to the clubroom.

When I arrived to the half empty shaft, Haruhi was nowhere in view. Didn't she just say she'd meet me here? What's wrong with her?

I found myself alone in the room with the literary club member. She was again sitting next to the window with a book in her hand.

Someone once told me that a smart man learns his lesson from only one mistake. I guess I'm not very smart then because I felt, again, the necessity to exploit this awkwardness to get to know this literary girl better.

"So what are you reading?" I started the conversation with a crooked smile.

The girl turned towards me and raised her book from her lap to show me the colorful cover. I didn't catch the name.

"Is it interesting?" I asked.

"Unique."

"So what part is unique?" I asked her again, trying to resuscitate this conversation.

"All of it."

"Oh? You really like books?" My final try to revive the dead.

"A little."

"I see." I replied with my crooked smile fleeing the scene. Can I go home now?

Suddenly, the door slammed open. It was Haruhi, the terrible. "Sorry about that, I'm a little late today because it took me forever to catch her."

The savage beast tosses her trophy into the room. It was another girl, a really beautiful girl.

"What is this? Where am I? Why-why did you bring me here?" The poor thing squeaked while shivering at the sight of our cave.

"Who are you people anyways?" She persisted with her futile questions. "W-w-why are you locking the door? W-w-w-what do you want from me?"

"Just be quiet." Said the cat to the mouse while she fastens the door, making sure none of us could escape. "Allow me to introduce Mikuru Asahina!"

So much for introductions.

"Where did you kidnap her from?" I demanded.

"I didn't kidnap anyone, she came here on her own." Haruhi reply as she punts her prey.

"Same difference." I scorn back at Haruhi.

"I caught this one day dreaming her brains out in the junior's classroom." Haruhi explained while continue to torment the poor girl. "During recess I made an appointment to walk every inch of the main building. I remember seeing her around a few times and well, here she is."

So that's why I haven't seen her during recess. Unbelievable.

"Umm. . . Hang on a second, did you say she was a junior?" I asked the insane hunter with disbelieve.

"Well, so what if she is?" She replied.

Her logic was too bizarre for me to understand so I pressed forward. "Yeah umm . . . is Miss Asahina, wasn't it? Why pick her of all people?"

"What? Are you blind? Just look at her, she's a total little cutie!" Haruhi cried out while pointing at the fragile girl.

Great, now she sounds like a pervert.

"In this situation, moe is a important concept to keep in mind." Said the pervert.

"Sorry, what did you say?" I had to ask, I'm completely confused.

"Moe MOE!" Haruhi jolted back at me. "This girl is the prime example of moe!"

Haruhi begin marching around the room, explaining to me this foreign concept. "Is a rule in a story with strange things going on, you need to have one moe character!" Said Haruhi as she waved her finger around like our instructor. "Someone with glasses or in a maid costume or anything fetishy. It's essential!"

Now she really sounds like a pervert.

"And that's just the beginning!" The sex-offender screamed out after she punts the small animal again.

"She's tiny but she's got bigger breast than me!" Haruhi slides her arms behind Miss Asahina and cups both of her femininity.

Instantaneously, the poor girl burst into a cry. "Auuyyyahhh!"

"I mean look at these things, they are immense! This is another important aspect of Moe!" The molester continues with her filthy massage on Miss Asahina's chest..

Indeed. Is she serious? I have to do something. But since I'm a healthy teenage boy, I was completely hypnotized at the amazing juggling trick Haruhi was performing in front of me. I couldn't keep my eyes off of those soft jiggling water-balloons that this clown was squeezing so gently. Nor could I respond to Miss Asahina's "Someone please help me!" while she flapped her arms around in a vain, attempting to resist her capturer.

"Man! These suckers are huge! It kind of pisses me off." Haruhi concentrated her hands to cup over all of Miss Asahina. "I mean she's so cute and her boobies are ginormous compared to mine."

I had to do something before this gets anymore far-out. Not that it isn't kinky enough. My passion was already through the roof. I bit down my bottom lips, using pain to release myself from this powerful illusion and gained control of my arms. Immediately, I pulled the molester away from Miss Asahina. "What are you an idiot?" I trembled through those words.

"But they are totally huge, really! You want to feel them for yourself?" Said the snake, tempting me with those apples.

"I think I'm gonna pass." I replied to the heathen and ask. "So Haruhi, you brought this girl, Miss Asahina, all the way up here just because she happens to be cute, tiny and extremely well in doubt? Is that what you are trying to tell me?"

"That's right!" Haruhi bounces back at my discipline. She truly is an idiot.

"I figured the club need more than anything is a mascot." She continued "Mikuru, are you a member of any other school clubs right now?"

"T-T-The calligraphy club."

Before Miss Asahina could finish her answer, Haruhi immediately told her what to do. "Oh you can quit that one, it will just get in the way of our club's activities."

I stood there speechless at how ill-mannered Haruhi's response were. First of all, we don't even know what we're going to do in this club of hers. Next, you don't just run around kidnapping people and make decision for them without their approval.

I watched the young girl shudder back and forth. She must be so frightened and confused. And just before I spoke out to calm her from this nightmare, "well, okay, I understand."

What did she understand?

"I'm going to quit the calligraphy club and join this one." She repeated. "However, I don't really know what the literary club does, could you at least tell me that?"

"Oh, we are not the literary club Mikuru." Haruhi corrected her.

I immediately added. "We are sort of borrowing this clubroom for now and the group you are about to join is something Suzumiya is going to be starting up. And so far she hasn't figure out a name and have absolutely no idea what we are doing here anyways."

I pointed at Nagato. "Oh and by the way, the girl sitting over there is the real literary club member."

Perhaps it was my warning to Mikuru, but it suddenly made Haruhi jump at us. "Okay! I got it! I just figure out what we are going to call ourselves."

"Well, spit it out." I said to Haruhi.

May I have your attention please, the name of the nameless startup club has just been decided and its name is . . . .

Haruhi let out her war cry so the entire building could hear her. "The SOS Brigade!!!!!"

The spreading excitement all over the world with Haruhi Suzumiya brigade. The SOS Brigade for short. Yeah, it is okay to laugh now.

Actually the name should be something like spreading excitement all over the world with Haruhi Suzumiya organization. I took my time to take out a dictionary to try to explain to her the difference. But we don't have the rights to form an organization yet. And we still don't know what the point of this club is.

"Brigade will have to do then, won't it?" Haruhi argued.

And with that baffle statement, the name of the club has been decided. Yeah! . . . . Just do whatever you want . . . .