Heaven, date unknown.
If there was one way to describe Heaven, really boring would come to mind. How the hell the place had functioned since the beginning of time was something Carface would never understand. One would think it would be filled with a bunch of raving lunatics who had lost their minds to boredom, but maybe they had and they forgotten that it had happened to them. Were you brainwashed into a good dog or a good human? That idea didn't appeal to him in the slightest, but maybe it was better than hell, or was it? Carface honestly didn't know which was preferable, eternal torment in hell, or eternal boredom in Heaven. It didn't matter because his ticket out of Heaven was approaching and he needed to wait for the perfect moment, 'cause he could barely stand being in Heaven.
It had been a difficult time adjusting in Heaven for Carface, especially in front of Annabelle who annoyed and pissed off Carface to the point of almost strangling her. He couldn't stand Annabelle and her ways, but even Carface knew that messing with an Archangel was a bad idea, though she once screwed up back in 1939 when Charlie Barkin and Gavin McCall stole their life watches and forced themselves back to earth. Carface felt a pang of rage as he thought about the two people who had cost him his Golden Goose and his life and he wanted to throttle Charlie and Gavin, chuck them into a lake of ravaging gators, and watch as they screamed and begged for mercy while they were being torn apart. Carface knew personally that being killed in such a manner was not an experience he wanted to go through again, and he kept thinking about all the disturbing ways he was going to kill Charlie and Gavin again and again. He wasn't certain if Angels could die, but at least Carface would get weeks of entertainment out of Charlie and Gavin. But Carface needed to be patient because he had to give his report to his new partner.
Carface suddenly felt the dark and welcoming black inferno in his soul as he waited. Sure it felt creepy at first when he made that deal back in 1939, but now he welcomed it like an old friend. Then, Carface felt the inferno grow like a dark and very powerful presence connecting to him. Red, the one demon who managed to get Carface into Heaven was fully with him.
"Are you ready to retrieve it?" the voice of Red demanded in Carface's mind.
"Not yet, I need my Angel badge to access it," Carface answered.
"You've been up there for almost a decade, what is keeping you?" Red asked, sounding irritated.
"Keeping up the appearance of a good dog, I'll get it real soon," Carface stated arrogantly.
Red wasn't pleased to hear that. Carface's last plan of confidence was trying to kill Charlie and Gavin, and look how that turned out for him. The idiot thought he could win, and that kind of stupidity was something he loathed to deal with again.
"You sound so certain," Red stated irritably.
"Nothing could go wrong," Carface stated smugly, and Red showed that he had enough of Carface's arrogance by shouting at him.
"You contemptible canine!" Red exclaimed in fury.
Carface was pissed at hearing Red refer to him in such a way. Carface was not some minion that Red could order around whenever he pleased, he would be respected.
"Do not call me that, dammit! You ever heard the meaning of the word patience?" Carface retorted.
"Silence, damn you! At this point you idiot, anything could happen!" Red roared out demoniacally as Carface's wings started burning, and smoke rose up around him.
Carface frantically swatted his wings to stop them from burning. Carface knew that Red might have a temper, but the demon needed him, and that was something that Carface needed to take advantage of. The whole area was still smoking while Red ranted to him, and after a while, the demon cut off the connection out of anger. Carface kept patting himself to make sure that he wouldn't be set on fire as the area around him cooled off.
"I'll take that as a no. Jesus, what an asshole," Carface mumbled as he took off and flew away.
As Carface flew away, Red was still seething from the gall of Carface backtalking to him in such a manner. If he didn't need him, Red would've made him suffer ten-fold for his disrespect. Red took a few deep breaths to calm down because he needed to be patient. Soon, he would have what he needed and all of Heaven will suffer immensely for their betrayal.
Charlie, Carface, and I were standing next to each other with other dogs and humans while Annabelle was giving her speech about second chances. I'd lost count on how long Charlie and I had been in Heaven but if I had to guess, I would say that years had passed since Annabelle and Heaven accepted us back. I smiled as I recalled Anne-Marie and Itchy and wondered how they were doing.
"Probably living their lives normally," I thought wryly.
I looked at Charlie and saw him looking bored out of his mind and I didn't blame him, since I felt bored as well. Sure Heaven was alright at first but as time went on, it started feeling stale after a while. I didn't know if it was the conman in me or if I missed the taste of playing fast and loose, but it felt like something was missing in this place, even though you had practically everything handed to you on a silver platter. Ever since I found my redemption, I had kept my head down and tried not to cause any trouble, and so far, things had been turning out alright for me.
"Ugh...only in Heaven would a bunch of squeaky clean Angels get an award for being extra squeaky clean," Charlie grumbled to me and Carface, causing me to roll my eyes at his obnoxiousness while Annabelle was pinning a badge to a Scottish Terrier.
"And now for our final honorees, voted most rehabilitated by our heavenly jury. They have been given the special title of Guardian Angel, proving that every dog and human deserve a second chance when they prove themselves worthy," Annabelle started to say.
"I wouldn't be caught dead wearing one of those merit badges, eh guys?" Charlie quipped with a sly grin while he was nudging me and Carface, causing other dogs and humans to glare at him.
"Charlie, shhh," Carface hushed the German Shepherd while I was smiling at the others sheepishly and rubbing the back of my neck out of embarrassment.
"Look, Charlie, I know you're bored out of your mind, but just bear with it until the ceremony is done, okay?" I whispered as I shot an apologetic look to the other dogs and humans.
We kept listening to Annabelle go on and on about how special the award was for the lucky dog and human to own it.
"Now I know why they call it an "eternity", everything here takes forever," Charlie commented, causing me to pinch the bridge of my nose out of exasperation.
The other dogs and humans shushed him sharply while they were trying to listen to Annabelle, and having a hard time tuning out the German Shepherd out.
"Charlie, take a lesson from Gavin and show some respect," Carface suggested.
"I hate to say it, but this is taking forever," I thought to myself dryly while we waited.
"...for making themselves at what they had to work with, these diamond studded angel wings and the title of Guardian Angel goes to...Gavin McCall and Carface Caruthers!" Annabelle announced while holding the badges.
I felt my mouth drop open in shock as the other dogs and humans looked at me and Carface, but I quickly shook it off and the two of us walked up together to claim our badges. Annabelle smiled at us as she pinned the badges on our robes, making me blush from all the attention.
"Um...thank you...Annabelle, this is a real honor," I mumbled humbly while looking down shyly.
"You're too kind!" Carface stated a little smugly, and we flew back to Charlie, who was staring at us in disbelief.
"As for our other Angels who have yet to prove themselves, I ask that they follow your shining examples," Annabelle said as she looked meaningfully at Charlie.
Charlie, Carface, and I looked at the many angels that showed their badges proudly while staring at Charlie with a hint of disappointment, making the German Shepherd lower his head and flatten his ears a little from the intense glares.
"Hey, remember Charlie, it doesn't hurt to play the game," Carface taunted.
"Who needs a boy scout's badge of honor. Besides, it makes you two look like fairies," Charlie retorted with a smirk as he and I started walking away.
The other Angels nodded at me while Charlie and I were walking past them, and Annabelle approached us.
"You and Gavin seem surprised by the choice, Charles," Annabelle commented.
"Well, we weren't exactly expecting Carface to be rewarded. Gavin and I don't really have a very good history with him," Charlie replied.
"Heaven is all about peace and forgiveness," Annabelle lectured.
"Right, the holy goodness within all," Charlie said sarcastically while mimicking an angelic pose and mocking Annabelle's voice, making Annabelle sigh in annoyance while I rubbed my eyes in irritation.
"Charlie, I'm just trying to be certain you're alright. We haven't forgotten what you and Gavin did," Annabelle told him.
"I'm fine, a little bored and grateful that the ceremony is over, it's all a matter of pride. I'm better looking than Carface, I'm smarter than him, way more charming and charismatic. Gavin and I are better Bosses and businessmen, I was hoping to add Angel to that list. Though I have to admit the fact that Carface succumbed to the heavenly magic before I did is a win. Thanks for boosting my reputation, Annabelle," Charlie stated with a smug grin, and Annabelle frowned at him.
"I don't know why I bother...just try to stay out of trouble, Charles. When you get into trouble, I get into trouble," Annabelle warned Charlie and hovered away.
"You know Charlie, maybe you should try to be humble once in a while instead of being so arrogant," I remarked as we started walking.
"Oh...big words coming from someone that was anything but humble," Charlie retorted.
"Hey! What the heck is that suppose to mean?" I questioned in a slight offense.
"Nothing, it's just that you weren't a good person in your recent life before you died," Charlie stated.
"Yeah well, neither were you and we redeemed ourselves by saving Anne-Marie and Flo," I remarked, which shut Charlie up and I added, "Look...I don't want our friendship to fall apart just because I have this new rank...so, how about we call a truce, okay?"
Charlie sighed, nodded, and the two of us just sat down and gazed at the sky, looking at nothing in particular.
"I hope the new arrivals show up soon, Charlie and I haven't seen Itchy in so long," I thought in anticipation, hoping to reunite with Itchy so that this tension between me and Charlie would stop.
(a few hours later)
I kept shaking my head in disbelief at seeing Angels panicking and searching for their halos that they had misplaced. After all these years, I still didn't understand why they took them seriously since halos were nothing more than floating golden rings that stayed above our heads. Maybe Heaven did bring out insanity after all. The official definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expect different results, which is what most Angels pretty much do in Heaven. I nearly laughed out loud when I saw a few Angels stick their heads into their robes to see if their halos had fallen in.
"It's not here! I can't find it anywhere!" A human male exclaimed in panic.
"Mine's gone too, I looked everywhere!" A slender female dog spoke up frantically.
I saw a mischievous look appear on Charlie's muzzle, my eyes widened when I realized what he was about to do, and I failed to stop him when he spoke up.
"Your halo's gone and disappeared just like that," Charlie said, putting on a concern and worried facade.
"What do you mean? Is something wrong?" the man questioned.
"No, no, it couldn't be, I mean it's just an urban legend, but you all are showing the symptoms," Charlie stated while I decided to quit trying to shut him up and see what he was planning.
"What symptoms?! What's going on Charlie?!" the female dog cried out frantically.
"Are your wings still there?" Charlie asked with a hint of dread in his voice.
The two Angels stared at him in confusion, looked at each other, and their eyes widened in horror when they noticed that their wings were gone.
"By God's grace! They're gone, just like our halos!" the two angels exclaimed in complete panic.
"Oh Lord...it's happening," Charlie breathed in false horror.
"What's happening to us?!" the man questioned frantically.
"You both are suffering from exposure of 'you know who's' corruption. After the war, traces of his influence were left behind and now you two are infected. What happens is that the corruption strips you of your grace, your halo, your wings, and it'll keep taking more and more until the angel is fully corrupted and falls from Heaven," Charlie lied while looking like he was about to start laughing.
"How do we stop it?!" the female dog inquired in a blind panic.
"You two are in the early stages, so it's not strong yet. The only way you can save yourselves is by releasing the negative energy inside you," Charlie said.
"How?!" the two angels cried desperately.
"You just have to cause chaos by starting trouble...if you can do that, then the corruption will seep out and you'll return to normal," Charlie explained.
The angels took his fake advice by running around and stealing, knocking others into swimming pools, and starting a panic after Charlie stole more halos. All chaos broke loose as every single angel completely panicked, screaming and running around in circles, reciting in prayers that weren't in any language, breaking objects, getting into fistfights while apologizing for every time they hit each other, and larger dogs with humans dragging away haloless angels as they declared a full-on pandemic emergency. I was struggling hard not to laugh while Charlie was rolling on the ground in peals of laughter...I knew that this was not cool, but I couldn't help see how hilarious this was.
Annabelle came from out of nowhere and I winced at how Charlie and I were going to be in trouble...Charlie for causing all of this and me for being associated with him.
"What in the name of our Creator is happening here?!" Annabelle demanded as she used her grace to gather us all together.
"We have no choice! You know who's corruption is infecting us and we need to stop it before it's too late!" a human woman cried in panic, and Annabelle looked at her like she had lost her marbles.
"The what? What are you rambling on about? Who told you about this?" Annabelle questioned dubiously.
"Charlie did! He said that when you get infected by you know who's influence, your wings, halo, and grace are gone until you eventually fall from Heaven!" a small male dog explained.
"Charles said that?! And you believed him?!" Annabelle exclaimed in outrage.
All of the angels began protesting as Annabelle snapped her paws to bring back all the lost wings and halos.
"Now...please clean up this mess. If you all work together, it will only take a minute at most," Annabelle instructed, turning to look at me and Charlie while I grimaced at the lecture that was most definitely coming.
"Cloud...now!" Annabelle ordered sternly just as Gabriel's horn suddenly blared.
"The new arrivals! Sorry Annabelle, but is it okay if we talk later? There's someone Charlie and I are expecting," I offered politely.
"Very well, but don't think that either of you is off the hook," Annabelle relented with an irritated sigh.
I thanked her as Charlie and I went to hurry to the front gates, seeing other angels gathering and singing in joy...I was excited since a certain someone was expected to arrive today and I didn't want to miss it. Charlie and I made it, but Charlie tried to skid to a halt and knocked an angel through the gates. I blushed in embarrassment at seeing the dog falling down the dark tunnel and hoped that he would be brought back.
"Whoops...sorry, lousy brake pads," Charlie stated sheepishly as he tossed the halo down the hole.
"Are we late?" I inquired to the small dog who was holding a picture with a poodle on it.
"No. You are just in time," he replied as he looked at the picture fondly.
"Someone, you care about?" I inquired.
"Oh, yes...I miss her very much. I just hope she remembers me..." the dog trailed off.
"I'm sure she will," I reassured with a soft smile.
I heard something fast approaching and witnessed the dog from the picture accidentally land on the poor dog, the dog from the picture looking overweight and I was glad that angels were highly durable to most things that would kill living people.
"Put on some weight, right Fluffy?" the small dog wondered as they embraced.
"Sure looks like it," I muttered humorously.
I watched humans and dogs coming up out of the dark tunnel, grimacing at the way some of them died. A few looked fine, but humans wearing more modern police and military uniforms looked like they died from being shot, stabbed, or blown up. What caught my attention was that most of the American soldiers had the name tags Pilla, Ruiz, Smith, Gorden, Shughart, Fillmore, Busch, Martin, Rierson, Cavaco, Joyce, and Kowalewski on them. I was surprised that I was seeing the Rangers and Delta Force operatives who died during the Battle of Mogadishu, making me wonder just how much time had passed since I died.
"Check, check, moving on," the dog with a clipboard droned on while he was checking off names.
I was watching many human arrivals wearing clothes that went from the 1940s to the 1990s, and I deduced that time in Heaven moved faster here than on Earth.
"That's it. That's all new arrivals," the dog with the clipboard declared dully as he went to leave.
"Wait? Are you sure? We're expecting somebody today," Charlie pointed out in confusion, the dog with the clipboard looking through it.
"Buster, Bandit, Bowser, Fifi, Pound, Fluffy, Chi-chi, Tomas, Louis, Christopher, Zeke, Jacob, Jonathan, Takashi..." the dog with the clipboard went on and on as I heard the sound of two people screaming.
I looked out to where the tunnel is and to my surprise and excitement, I saw Itchy and Killer flying through the air and about to crash into us.
"Itchy!" Charlie and I exclaimed in joy as we opened our arms to catch him and Killer, our good friend and Killer crashing into us.
"Oh yeah...he and another late arrival are here on the list," the dog with the clipboard said as he left the area.
Itchy and Killer groaned as they recovered from the rough landing, and Killer yelped in alarm when he saw us...scrambling to his paws and running away in fear.
"Well...Killer sure didn't seem too happy to see us," I muttered under my breath.
"Where...am I?" Itchy groaned while Charlie picked him up to hug him.
"Oh Itch, you old fleabag! It's so good to see you again!" Charlie stated happily and Itchy started choking.
"Whoa! Itch, you okay?!" I exclaimed in concern as Charlie was forced to let him go.
Itchy staggered around on his hind paws with his front paws gripping his throat, making me rush over to perform the Heimlich maneuver on him. With my help, Itchy spat out a chicken bone and Charlie picked it up.
"Gavin and I always did tell you that chicken wings were bad for you," Charlie quipped and Itchy eyes widened when he saw us.
"Charlie? Gavin? Is that you?" Itchy questioned softly in shock.
"In the flesh, so to speak," Charlie remarked and Itchy hugged us happily.
"Charlie, Gavin, it is you! I can't believe it!" Itchy cried out in joy as I took the chicken bone to examine it.
"Well...not exactly a dignified way to go, though we have you beat in that category both times," I stated before tossing the bone down a pit.
"That reminds me! Ain't you two, y'know...dead?" Itchy wondered.
"Yep. Dead as a doornail," Charlie replied dryly.
Before my eyes, Itchy's shirt and hat blinked out of existence as a white robe, wings, and a halo appeared in their place, which caused Itchy to look at himself in shock.
"Welcome to paradise, Itch. Come, we'll give you the nickel tour," I stated as Charlie and I went to take a walk.
"This is great! I mean, I can't even keep track of all of this...there seems to be no end to how much fun you can have in this place," Itchy breathed in awe after following us for a while.
"Yeah...swimming pools, fetch courses, mountain of bones, the sanctuary of meat, the heavenly shot, football, basketball, baseball, soccer, nice warm beaches for humans and dogs to relax on, and many, many more," Charlie listed, sounding a little dull.
"Hold on...fellas, I'm not itchy," Itchy stated quietly in realization.
"That's funny...you sure look like him," Charlie quipped with a smirk.
"No...I mean...for the first time in my life, I don't need to scratch!" Itchy cried joyfully.
"This is Heaven, Itch. Fleas go to the other place," I explained while Itchy was looking around to see humans and dogs flying.
"I don't believe it...everybody's flying...does that mean I can do it?" Itchy inquired eagerly.
"Oh yeah...it's all part of the basic package," Charlie replied as he and I lifted off the ground and flew around the area in a circle.
Itchy looked like he was focusing and he lifted up off the ground, flying around and laughing in glee.
"Just be careful because it's your first time-" I tried to warn him just as Itchy crashed facefirst into a pillar, and I winced while I finished saying, "flying."
Itchy peeled himself off the pillar and said, "Wait...that didn't even hurt! This is incredible!"
"No pain, no bad feelings," Charlie remarked but I could catch a hint of bitterness in his tone.
"You know what guys, I think I'm going to like it here!" Itchy declared in excitement and Charlie scoffed.
"Hey, believe us when we say that it gets old fast," I stated quietly.
"You fellas can't be serious," Itchy said in disbelief and asked, "What do you mean by it getting old fast?"
"It's hard to explain Itch...this joint is supposed to have everything but it's...I don't know, too heavenly. It's too calm, nice, quiet, peaceful, just too happy and joyful, and it's always sunny and clear. It's too blissful here...I can barely stand it being so pure and so paradise like...I don't know. I feel like my brain is melting into a pile of jello," Charlie stated disdainfully with a sour expression.
"So...what could be missing for you and Gavin, Charlie?" Itchy asked in confusion.
I thought about the days where I hustled people, owned a casino, and lived the life of playing fast and loose. As ashamed as I am to admit it, I actually missed that lifestyle. I also remembered when Itchy and I broke Charlie out of the city pound, getting drunk while building my profits, and hanging out with Flo and the pups...I relatively enjoyed that last part. But then I also remembered the price of living such a dark life and I knew that some part of me wanted to go back to that, which scared me more than anything.
"I need some action, taking the rules, and playing fast and loose with them. I want to play the game and take the risk, rolling the dice and relying on chance to decide the outcome...maybe a little tail to boot. I need to feel alive and this joint doesn't have the one thing I do need...a little sin. Gavin and I are hustlers and we don't have a proper scam...what a waste, cut down in our primes, and surrounded by a bunch of boy and girl scouts. It's too heavenly here...all of it? It's not what I want or where I truly belong, and I'm losing my mind up here. This place is dead, no, deader than dead and you'll see it soon enough. Believe me when Gavin and I say it's too heavenly here," Charlie snapped in irritation, scaring a few angels who were nearby and getting away from him to escape from the sinful thoughts that were pouring out of him.
I was stunned...I knew Charlie was not happy but I didn't know that he had all this frustration pent up inside of him. I knelt down to rest a hand on his back and Charlie looked at me.
"Jeez Charlie...well, I know things are stale but there isn't much we can do right now...maybe we'll wait for an opportunity to appear. You never know," I reassured him.
"Charlie...I think you need to see a doctor or something," Itchy stated and I shot a look at him.
"Itch, that's not helping," I told him while I looked at Charlie.
I could see Charlie staring at the gates with a look of longing, and I hoped that this opportunity would come or Charlie might lose it.
A/N Arghhh! Finally done with this...I've had this chapter incomplete for months and I just couldn't get the motivation to finish it until now. I hate writer's block...anyway, enough about me bitching because it's time for the dark and realistic version of All Dogs Go To Heaven 2. I hope you all like this chapter and let me know about it. One question though...when I do the cartoon, what original episodes should Gavin star in and how should I make the story dark and realistic since it's mostly humor? Let me know by putting down a review or send me a private message.