Mars, Venus and Jelly Baby Land
To: Melissa
From: Secret Santa
Never had Gabriella ever doubted the words of advice that left her best friend's mouth. Sharpay Evans knew everything about everyone; she was the epitome of what every magazine's agony aunt should aspire to, she knew the ins and outs, the ups and downs, the highs and lows and the good and the bad about everything. She was like a human encyclopedia. She was, if she were an inanimate object made of either parchment or paper containing ancient writings, Gabriella's Bible. The very words that Sharpay Evans uttered would be scribbled down, repeated, scribbled down again, turned into a song so as to remember them, hummed for a week straight and used frequently. Sharpay Evans was, in Gabriella's opinion, an angel sent from Heaven.
Of sorts.
"I don't need anger management you fucking asshole!"
Gabriella hunched her shoulders and sank even further down into the plush, velvet couch that stood in the front room. Aggressiveness wasn't her strong point, nor was confrontation, or profanities, or therapy...so in reality, that sentence didn't give her much to work with. She knew that, in order to coax any words of wisdom from her best friend, she would have to provide a reasonable enough explanation as to why Sharpay Evans just couldn't live harmoniously with Chad Danforth.
"We are not fucking arguing! We are having a heated debate!"
Gabriella let the rest of the sentence trail off, why was it only Sharpay's voice Gabriella could hear?
"Because you fucking ate all the fucking jelly babies you fucking greedy cow!"
Ah, there was Chad's input.
"Me? Me?! You think to maintain this fucking figure I go around eating all your stupid fucking jelly babies?!"
Gabriella cringed; never ever insult Chad Danforth's treasured jelly babies, it was a lesson she had learnt long ago. Gabriella didn't hear Chad's response, just the sound affects of what she could imagine as his pillow shredding fury.
"Oh for fucks sake you mother fucking chimpanzee! Those throw pillows are fucking expensive!"
"So were the lives of my fucking jelly babies!"
"Are we still on that fucking subject?! It wasn't me! Let me phrase that clearly you fucking ape, It-Wasn't-Fucking-Me!"
Gabriella heard a snarl, presumably from Chad, although it could be debatable, she supposed.
"Have you asked that fucking basketball brother of yours? He's the fucking one that you have so many fucking conversations about jelly babies with, fucking ask him!"
Uh oh, time to go.
"Gabriella!"
Dammit.
"Yes?" she smiled sweetly at the red faced, bouncy haired idiot stood before her.
"Has your boyfriend eaten all my jelly babies?!"
"Chad I'm only here, stop shouting"
"Don't mess with me woman!" Chad yelled, somewhat desperately.
"No Chad, he hasn't eaten all your jelly babies"
"How do you know?!"
"Because I've made him promise no more jelly babies"
"You did what?!"
"No more jelly babies"
"That's...that's just...it's...wrong!"
"It's ruining his teeth is what it's doing, he's sworn off them now, you'll have to find someone else to blame your midnight sleepwalking cravings on"
"I thought we weren't going to mention that?!" Chad hissed, his hand rustling the empty jelly baby packet in his hand.
"Chad you mother fucking imbecile! You've ruined my-"
But the sentence wasn't continued as Chad Danforth was an expert at escaping Sharpay Evans wrath, at least for now.
"-life?" Gabriella finished, her smile dripping in mockery as she shut the door behind him.
"You're funny, Cinder-fucking-rella, you're really amusing" the blonde snarled.
"Come on Sharpay, you know you love him" Gabriella coaxed.
What Sharpay said next Gabriella couldn't quite make out, the grumblings of a woman infatuated against her will, she supposed.
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"Men are from Mars. It doesn't mean you can't figure out how to attract them, really, the answer is just a couple of planets away – Venus, to be exact."
"Huh?" Gabriella said.
Sharpay sighed and rubbed her temples, "What makes a man feel attracted to a woman is the same as what makes a woman feel attracted to a man: how you feel in his presence. If he makes you feel good, you'll be attracted, at least to some degree. If he makes you feel bad, well then there's no second date is there?"
"But Troy and I did have a second date" Gabriella stumbled.
"Gabriella! You asked me how to make your relationship more special this Christmas, am I right?"
"Yes"
"Then will you fucking pay attention please?"
"Proceed"
"Thank you, now, there are plenty of people out there – men and women – who can make a man, feel rubbish. In order to feel good about themselves men need to feel eight simple things: Needed, Desired, Challenged, Funny, Smart, Interesting, Important and Powerful."
"If you wrote those down would you use capital letters?"
"Yes"
"I thought so"
"You have to use these to boost your man's self esteem"
"How?"
"Well if you'd fucking shut up for a second I could fucking well tell you!"
Gabriella bowed her head and motioned for Sharpay to continue.
"Right, Rule #1: Show your vulnerabilities to attract a man."
Gabriella dutifully scribbled down the rule.
"Men need to feel needed. It gives them a sense of purpose in the relationship. Sometimes, when women act as if they don't need a man, they end up alone and abandoned. Of course, this is not to say that you shouldn't be a strong, assertive woman. It means you should show your vulnerabilities, too. It'll make him feel less intimidated because he feels vulnerable too, despite the way he may act, are you getting this?"
"Mhmm...act-vulnerable" Gabriella said as she wrote.
"Rule #2: Compliment his looks, and you'll look better to him. Men need to feel desired as much as you do. Many women make the mistake of playing hard to get. Yes, men need a challenge, but they also need their egos stroked. They have the same insecurities as women do, but usually don't have a group of empathetic ears to rely on after a date. They need to feel that they are attractive to you – that you think they are sexy, handsome, fit, etc."
"Okay, I can do that" Gabriella admitted, nodding her head.
"Don't interrupt" Sharpay snapped, "Men are pursuers – it's in their genes. Therefore, in order to attract one, you must have a strong sense of yourself. The biggest turn-off for a man is a woman who is insecure and needs constant reassurance from him. In addition, a little mystery is enticing to a man. Don't give it all up too soon. Let him want to learn more and more about you"
"So...I should be more... weird?" she questioned.
"What?! No! Are you retarded?" Sharpay cried, her face portraying a look of horror.
"But you just said I should be vulnerable and timid, and now you're saying I should be sure of myself and confident…it's freaking confusing!"
"Vulnerabilities such as your absolute terror of spiders, or your total inability to keep your lunch down at the merest whiff of blood, I never said be timid"
"So I should be wimpier yet more… secretive?"
"Exactly, but don't hold everything back, you don't want him to think you're retarded or mute. So Rule #3: Walk into a room like you own it, keep a few secrets to yourself, and be flirtatious to catch a man's attention."
"Don't hold back...too...much"
"Okay, the next part is 3-in-1. Funny, Smart and Interesting. Men gain a large part of their sense of self from being deemed to exhibit these three characteristics. Ask any man and he will likely tell you that he feels wonderful when the woman he's interested in laughs at his jokes. That makes Rules #4, #5, and #6: Listen attentively, nod frequently, compliment him on how smart he is, and laugh at his jokes"
"Sharpay! Slow down!"
"Me slow down? You hurry up!"
"Slow down!"
"Hurry up!"
"Slow down!"
"Hurry up!"
"Slow down!"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
"Shutting right up" Gabriella said meekly.
"I'm not even sure if I want to continue anyway" Sharpay said, sighing dramatically and placing her hand to her forehead.
"But Sharpay!" Gabriella exclaimed, in the exact tone of whininess that sent Sharpay over the edge.
"Okay, okay" she grumbled, continuing, "Rules #7 and #8: When you are together, don't look around at other men, compliment another man on his looks, or talk about other men."
"What, not even Chad?"
Sharpay's features sharpened at the mention of her erratic boyfriend's name and she nodded, in an over theatrical way she added darkly, "Oh yes, definitely not with Chad"
Gabriella had a secret suspicion that Sharpay wasn't completely talking about the current subject but she let it slide. "Why is that?"
"Because men need to feel as if they are the most important person in your life. Moreover, there is virtually nothing more demeaning to a man than to be told off in public, told what to do, or to not be the center of your world when you are together. Of course, this isn't to say you have to sit there looking pretty and ignore his bantering – just pick a private place to address personal issues, even if it means waiting, and speak respectfully, which you should expect in return."
"Is that it?"
"What do you mean is that it? It doesn't take much to make a man feel fantastic, I should know"
"You're a lot cleverer than you look Sharpay" Gabriella mused, grabbing her coat and walking out of the door.
Sharpay beamed and her eyes glittered, "Thank you!" she squealed.
Gabriella rolled her eyes and shook her head as she walked to the car, if there was one thing Sharpay Evans didn't get, it was sarcasm.
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Gabriella parked the car in the drive way and brushed the snow off her jacket, looking to the sky she smiled, Christmas was her favorite time of year. The snow, the lights, the trees, the gifts, the love…everything.
She wanted to treat Troy this Christmas, make everything special. She couldn't do that if she didn't know how men work, their minds and stuff. She thought asking Sharpay was the solution, but she'd caught herself thinking on the drive home, if Sharpay knew all this stuff, how come her relationship with Chad was so…strained? It's them flaming jelly babies and throw cushions.
"I'm home!" she called out, throwing her coat onto the chair, "Troy?"
She heard a muffled rustling and followed the sound, "Troy?"
"Uh…in here Gabs!"
She smiled when she heard his voice, it immediately took her back to when she first heard him, she was gone that very instant.
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The 17 year old Gabriella forced a smile at her mother as she took over for her shift at their confectionary store. She sighed and slouched against the counter, this was not how she liked to spend her Saturday afternoons.
"Fuck off man, it was a race, I won fair and square"
Gabriella perked up at the voice she heard, it was so dreamy, like treacle being poured. It was smooth and deep and if it was a chocolate, it would be the strawberry cream…her favorite. That was a downside to her working in her mother's sweet shop, she found herself referring to chocolate and sweets far too often to be considered normal.
But this voice, she couldn't help it. It was savory yet it was sweet. It was dark yet it was light. It was deep yet it was soft enough to lift her spirits. It was quiet yet loud enough to capture her attention. It flowed like a shimmering stream yet when she heard his imminent laugh it was shuddery and rumbling. If his voice was a sweet it would be one of those ginormous lollipops that you see greedy spoilt children running around with at fairground attractions, full of different colors and one that you never want to end.
The door opened and the bell jangled as two boys walked into the old fashioned store. Gabriella immediately stood up straight and smiled. Her eyes were drawn to the taller of the two, she knew it must be his voice; his looks went with the sound perfectly.
The boy stopped in his tracks and looked at her; she blushed slightly and murmured a 'hello'. For a moment she thought he wasn't going to respond, but then suddenly it was as if the sun came streaming down in the store and he smiled. To this day Gabriella swore that she saw heaven.
It was as if she saw it in slow motion, his lips parted slowly and drew back, tooth by tooth he revealed his glimmering pearly smile. The darkness of his lips contrasted perfectly with the snow color of his teeth. She noticed the slight dimple in his left cheek and the laughter lines that appeared in the corners of his smile. His eyes brightened and crinkled at the edges while his cheeks rose to accommodate his incredible grin. If his smile were a chocolate, it would be a Heavenly Orange, Gabriella decided. The tangy taste would melt in your mouth and transport you straight into a blissful state. This boy…well there was no chocolate or sweet she could think of that would do him justice. He was better than a strawberry cream, or a ginormous lollipop, or a Heavenly Orange. Better even than her mother's personal favorite, a creamy cappuccino and vanilla blend with coconut shavings. This boy was no bon-bon, he was no hard boiled sweet, no chocolate truffle; this boy was in a league of his own. He would have his very own store, dedicated to the selling of his sumptuous delight, this boy was, in Gabriella's opinion, better than any chocolate that existed.
"Hi" he responded.
She blushed again, what was wrong with her?! She blushed at something so simple as a greeting! God help her if he decided to buy some 'Horny Honeycomb' or 'Sexily Sour Sherbet', should she just kill herself now and have done with it?
"Hello"
Damn, she cursed herself as the second boy looked at her weirdly, she'd already said that.
"Hi" the first boy repeated, his smile widening and, if possible, becoming more brilliant.
Gabriella whimpered a laugh, too embarrassed to repeat the greeting again.
"Hey lady" the second boy said, interrupting their bashful acknowledgments, "what happened to your jelly babies?"
"Uh" Gabriella began, dragging her eyes away from the wonder that was the sandy haired boy, "I think we ran out"
"You ran out!" the puff ball exclaimed, "Troy did you hear that? They ran out! Troy!"
The second boy didn't answer him, he continued looking at Gabriella. "I'm Troy" he said, holding out his hand.
"I guessed" she replied, gesturing to the second boy who had just said his name twice.
Troy blushed and Gabriella smiled, "Gabriella" she informed him.
"Gabriella" he repeated in a soft tone.
There was a short silence as the two looked at each other, caught in a feeling of attraction yet shyness.
"Hey lady!" the second boy interrupted, "Why have you run out of jelly babies?"
"Because people buy them" Gabriella said witheringly, not moving her eyes from Troy's, who laughed softly while gazing back at her.
"Well why don't you stock up more?"
"We do."
"Don't mess with me lady"
"I'm not, we do buy more"
"Well then why aren't they on show?"
"They were, they got bought"
"Why?"
"Because people buy them"
"Well then why don't you stock up more?"
Gabriella frowned and Troy mirrored her, smiling while his eyebrows rose, neither one looked away.
"Is this conversation just going round in circles?" she asked.
"Huh?" the puffball questioned.
"You just said that" she told him.
"Huh?"
Gabriella groaned and, realizing she was going to have to tear her eyes away eventually, offered to double check the store room. The fluffy haired fool grinned triumphantly and nodded his head encouragingly. With one last glance at the Adonis stood before her, she pulled back and opened the door leading to the cellar-cum-store room.
"Dude, could you try and be cooler?" she heard the idiot say.
"What?" Troy said distantly.
"You're staring at her like you want to eat her"
Gabriella blushed and grinned before making her way further into the store room. Eyeing up the many, many jars stored in the room she searched for the popular jelly babies. Her eyes landed on a virtually empty jar storing the remnants of poor jelly babies missing their arms, heads and bodies. Pulling it out she gasped when she saw a unopened, full to the brim container stood behind it, chock-full of perfectly formed jelly babies, all with legs and arms intact. How had she missed this earlier?
Pulling the heavy jar off the shelf and back up the stairs she once again tuned into the conversation going on above her head.
"Just try and play it cool man"
"I am cool, Chad"
So that was his name.
"You look like a drugged up chicken and your voice sounds like an eagle being goosed"
"Charming" she heard Troy say.
"I'm just saying she's a girl, not an alien" Gabriella looked down at her clothes and frowned as he continued, thankful she didn't look like a little green Martian. "Stop staring"
"Quit bugging me!"
"Quit making an ass out of yourself!"
"Quit with the insults already!"
"I'm just keeping it real man"
Gabriella opened the door and walked back through into the main section, "You're in luck" she said as the big-haired boy's face lit up, "We had a back up supply"
Chad grasped the jar and began pouring out his amount onto the scales.
"Hi" Troy said again as her gaze returned to his.
Gabriella smiled gently and murmured a response.
"Hey lady, how much is it for the whole jar?"
Gabriella frowned and quickly calculated the amount in her head before reeling it out to him.
"I'll take it!" he cried.
"You like jelly babies then huh?"
"Like 'em? I love 'em, don't I Troy? Well, we both love 'em, Troy loves them so much he raced me here to decide who got the first go at measuring their amount"
Gabriella grinned and looked at Troy who blushed and rubbed his neck.
"Is that so?"
"Yeah, say, you don't have any more jars do you? 'Cause it was Troy that won so he should have a jar too"
Gabriella shook her head, "No, we get our next delivery tomorrow, sorry"
"S'alright, he can share mine" Chad told her, before handing over the money and pulling his jar off the counter.
"Or" Troy began apprehensively, "I could come back tomorrow?" It sounded more like a question that a statement.
"If you'd like to" Gabriella said, smiling at him. Inside her heart was pounding frantically.
"I would like to, would you like me to?" he asked her.
"I would" she told him, gripping the edge of the counter to steady herself.
"Okay…uh, I would really like to get home and watch the game and eat my jelly babies, Troy…would you like to do that too?" Chad said, somewhat mockingly.
Troy pulled a face at him and grumbled something unintelligible; Gabriella thought she caught something along the lines of 'ruining the moment'.
"Well let's go then, I would like you to get a move on"
"I'm coming" Troy gruffed as he shoved his hands in his pockets and shuffled his feet.
Chad smiled his goodbye and waltzed out of the door, dipping his hand into his jar as he went.
"So I'll…see you tomorrow?" he questioned hopefully.
"Lovely" Gabriella responded.
"Great, and I'm Troy by the way, but you already know that, it's a nice store, really homely, and the sweets, they're amazing but I bet a lot of people tell you that so I guess it's nothing new but yeah, I'll uh…see you tomorrow" he stuttered, before rushing out of the door.
Gabriella giggled and sighed after him, she'd just seen heaven.
"Troy!" she exclaimed, "I thought we said no jelly babies!"
She'd caught Troy, sat next to the Christmas tree, watching America's Next Top Model and surrounded by packet after packet of jelly babies, both empty and waiting to be devoured.
"Uh…I love you?" Troy tried, his face portraying a rabbit caught in the headlights.
Gabriella chuckled and shook her head, "Sweet talking me will get you nowhere, no pun intended"
"Uh…you love me?" he attempted, the floury substance coating his mouth.
"I won't when you've no teeth left" she warned.
He grinned and she was once again taken over by how amazing he was. The English dictionary didn't do him justice; there wasn't a word good enough to describe him. He wasn't hot or fit or handsome or sexy, like Sharpay had said men liked to be called, he was beautiful. He was the picture of a beautiful human; he made Gabriella proud to be a part of the human race.
"I hate spiders" she blurted out.
"What?" he questioned.
"I have secrets that you don't know, I think you're smart and clever, you're undeniably good-looking, you lift my spirits, you amazingly funny, no other man compares to you, you're really interesting and you rock my world" she rushed.
Troy burst into laughter and fell back. Gabriella blushed and in her mind left a memo that would remind her to kill Sharpay Evans the next time she saw her.
"You rock my world too" he told her.
He held out for her hand and pulled her onto his chest. "I want to know those secrets you haven't told me, I think you're smarter and much cleverer than me, you're unbelievably good looking and so, so sexy, you make me smile when you walk in the room, you make me laugh even when you're not there, I can never even look at another woman without thinking you're so much more perfect than them, you captivate me whenever you speak and I would never, ever let a nasty spider get near you"
Gabriella smiled and leant down to kiss him.
"You taste like jelly babies" she told him, "My mom's jelly babies"
Troy smiled nervously and glanced away.
"How did you get them? She knows not to sell to you or Chad anymore" Gabriella said suspiciously.
"I uh- well she, I kinda…"
Realization dawned and Gabriella's jaw dropped, "You didn't!" she cried.
"I did" Troy admitted sheepishly.
Gabriella raced to the tree and uncovered the torn wrapping paper and the empty jar of jelly babies she'd been saving for his Christmas surprise.
"Troy!" she moaned, although her heart wasn't in it, he was grinning at her again, that impish smile that made her melt.
"You love me?" he tried again.
Gabriella could only smile because the truth was, he was right. She loved him.
Very, very much.
The End,