You Must Be Crazy To Love Him
Notes:
Just a bit of silliness.
No beta and I am sure there are a few mistakes.
000
Loki wasn't necessarily a good man, but he wasn't a bad one either. Yes he always had ulterior motives and yes he often found it fun to manipulate people, but he wasn't cold hearted. He had empathy and sympathy and all those other emotions that rule people as well.
So when he saw one of his friends sitting by the tree in the garden crying her eyes out, he was genuinely concerned. "Sigyn?" He kneeled down in front of her. "Are you alright?"
"No." She sobbed out. "No I'm not."
Loki was never sure what to do with crying women. He looked around in hopes that his mother would be walking by or maybe Sif but no, he was alone in this. He tentatively placed a hand on her shoulder. "What happened? Did someone hurt you?"
She looked up at him with misery sewn into her blue eyes. "They are making me get married."
Well if he were engaged he'd be crying too. Magical creatures, like themselves, really didn't like to be tied down but saying that would only add to her crying and he really wanted to make it stop. "Well, that's not too bad. Is he a warrior?"
"He's a soldier."
"Is he attractive?"
"No."
He tried not to laugh. "Does he have a good sense of humor?"
"No. He's boring and dry and knows nothing about magic!"
"Well…" Loki couldn't imagine. Marrying an ugly boring woman who knew nothing about magic wouldn't be very nice to him either. "Maybe he'll be a good lover."
That only seemed to make things worse. She started sobbing again harder this time. "I thought that too. So I lay with him last night. It was awful! It was so gross. He smelled and he had no skill. I'm marrying an ugly, boring, stupid bad lover! I'm only a thousand years old. I can't live four thousand years like this!"
Oh this poor woman. That was all Loki could think. He would cry too. "What can I do to help you? Do you want me to talk to him? Thor is great at bringing up inappropriate conversations." More than the fact that the woman was crying, Sigyn was a genuinely nice person.
She was quiet, a lot like himself, and shy which was surprising seeing as how whorish her mother was. She was smart and pretty in a way that made her unique. Her hair was a strawberry blonde and her eyes were a crystal blue but she was strangely short for a Vanir and thick.
She moved closer to him. "Thor can't help me Loki. Only you can."
"What can I do for you Sigyn?"
"Marry me."
He blanched. "What?"
"Shift into Theoric and stand in his place as my groom." She didn't ask, it came off more like a statement.
He moved back a bit shaking his head. "You're insane. It would never work."
"Just hear me out." She pleaded Theoric wants a proper woman and consorting with the god of mischief will turn him off right away."
He still wouldn't hear of it. "We can pull another prank…"
"No it has to be marriage." She insisted.
"Why?"
"To please my family of course." She said it as if it made sense.
"And once I turn back?"
"My family only wants money. I'll tell them that you paid me to pull off the ultimate prank to spit in the faces of the Vanir."
"Sigyn…"
"You have money, you pay me, I'll give it to my family, I will have disgusted Theoric, and you get to pull an awesome prank on people you don't particularly like."
Loki wanted to help, it all sounded like fun, but marriage? "But then we'll still be married."
"Once we both admit it was never consummated we can get an annulment."
She did seem to have all her bases covered. "And when is the wedding?"
"Two days." She answered quickly, as if she anticipated it.
"And where will Theoric be while we're getting married?" He wondered out loud.
"I'll tend to that." She told him. "All you have to do is shift into him and stand there."
He looked at her. She looked so sad, so helpless. He could do this one thing for her couldn't he? "Okay Sigyn."
"Really!" She dried her eyes. "Oh Loki I'll owe you my life!"
He hugged her before getting up and going back inside. She watched him walk away, her grateful smile turned into a satisfied one. "No matter how strong a man is, he always falls for tears."
000
Sigyn and Loki (shaped as Theoric) stood there holding hand and exchanging vows. Loki had no idea what she did to keep him away but it didn't matter. This whole thing would be behind him soon and he could check off his good deed for the month.
"I do." She said while everyone clapped and cheered for them. He wondered what it would be like when his family forced him to get married. It would be a sorrow filled day.
"Are you ready?" He asked.
She nodded and watched as he turned green and then into himself.
Everyone gasped. She could hear his mother calling him in that tone that only a mother with a mischievous son could. She could hear her mother cry out. "NO!"
She knew the very idea of marrying Asgard's darkest prince would be the last thing her family would allow her to do, but then, they couldn't do anything now could they?
"Both of you to the throne room! Now" Odin roared as he stood up and stomped his way out the hall. Her family and his own followed.
They lingered a bit in the hall not quite ready to face their parents. "We're going to get into a lot of trouble." He told her.
"Once we explain that it was just a prank, they will get over it." She told him. "You're mother secretly likes it when you trick people."
"I know. But this one hits close to home for her being that she herself is Vanir as well."
"She loves you dearly." She told him.
He sighed. "We better get this over with. No sense prolonging the inevitable."
"Wait!" It was important that they didn't go into the throne room too early. "Give me just a few more moments of peace."
Loki grinned. "No time for cold feet my lady. The deed is done."
"I know. And I'm happy it is." She truly was. "I just wanted to thank you for this."
"No need. The look on your mother's face pleased me so."
She smiled. "I know. But you should know I am forever in your debt. Your most willing servant till the end, loyal to you above all."
Loki frowned. That was a weird declaration. He was about to tell her none of that was necessary when a guard approached. "Prince Loki, The All Father requests you enter the Throne Room immediately."
He grabbed her hand, his long fingers curling around her shirt ones. They were cool to the touch and firm. She allowed him to pull her into the room were their families were looking upset and disgruntled. They stood in front of Odin still hand in hand.
"Loki, you had better explain yourself." Odin said. "No misdirection, no lies, no exaggerations, just the truth."
For a change, Loki was willing to do just that. "It was a prank Father. Sigyn did not want to marry Theoric and I wanted to upset Freya. In place of her marriage, she requested that I pay her a sum to cover her family bills. We seek an annulment on the basis that the marriage is not consummated."
Odin shook his head. "One day one of these pranks in going to land you in more trouble than you can get out of." He looked at Sigyn. "I take it you agree to the annulment based on the lack of consummation."
"Not at all All-Father."
Odin frowned, Loki blinked fifteen times in rapid succession.
"What do you mean?" Odin asked further.
"Our marriage was consummated." She informed them.
Loki turned to her so fast it actually made a sound. "Sigyn?!"
She smiled. "Yes Husband?"
"This is not funny." His eyes had opened his eyes so wide she thought one might pop out.
"I'm not laughing." She told him.
He looked back at his parents, eyes wild with the wheels in his head turning. "Father it is impossible for us to have consummated. We were away from sight for only a half hour."
"But what a half hour it was." She said boldly. "I look forward to tonight."
Who was this woman? This wasn't the quiet Sigyn, nursing the gardens and feeding the warriors.
He looked to his mother who looked at him trying to keep the smile off her face. It wasn't that she was happy at her son's dismay but it was nice to see someone getting over on him.
Seeing no help there he looked at his Father who looked just as confused as he felt. "Father, I wear to you she and I have never…"
"Brother…" Thor interrupted. "Don't be shy now. They have had a love affair for months. He told me about the many meetings they had in her gardens."
Loki felt like he was going to throw up.
Sigyn hadn't realized Thor was such a good liar. "All-Father, you know how Loki is. He likes to keep his affairs private. He was so heartbroken over my engagement. He came to Thor and me with this plan in an attempt to keep us together." She looked at her parents, tears coming down her face now. "Please mother, don't be cross with me. I knew you wouldn't allow us to be together because of all the ways Loki has embarrassed you." She started sobbing now, just as she did in the garden. "We just want a chance to be together."
Loki looked at her as if he had no idea who she was. How had he lost control of this situation?
He was hyperventilating. He was going to pass out.
"Loki?"
Loki looked up at his father, eyes searching for help, mouth agape. "I…" He started. "I…" He had no words. There was no way out of this. Sigyn's agreement to the annulment was crucial and now it seemed she had this "witness" to their love affair and Loki had no evidence to support their garden discussion just two days prior.
Odin was no fool. He knew when his son was being his normal secretive self and when he was being taken for a loop. He wanted to laugh at him. Maybe do a little jig to commemorate the time someone actually tricked the trickster.
Odin looked to Freya. "Any objections?"
Freya was no fool either. She knew her daughter had just one-upped the dark prince and she was more than happy to let him suffer. "I only want my daughter to be happy."
The room started spinning. He felt like he was on a rollercoaster. With a loud thud he hit the floor.
000
When he awoke, he was in his mother's room and she and Odin were looking down at him. Maybe it was all a dream. Maybe none of it happened.
But then he looked down at his hand and saw the ring. The nausea came back.
He sat up. "Father…"
Odin put up a hand. "I don't want to hear it Loki. That's it; your tricks have finally landed you in something you can't get out of."
"Father…"
"No Loki. You are married that's it. Your bride is getting her belongings and putting it in your room."
Loki face palmed. "Mother…" He implored. "Please, I only tried to help her."
"You did. You should be pleased."
"Pleased! She tricked me into marriage."
"Yes and very well I might add." She teases. "Serves you right."
He stood up slowly trying to figure out how he got himself into this mess. "Where is my brother?"
"Waiting for you in your room." Odin told him. "I believe he is helping Sigyn carry her things."
Loki marched in ready to kill him. He was seeing red. "How could you!"
Loki stood up from the chair he was sitting in, hand up in a sign of surrender. "She came to me complaining of her love for you and your blindness to see her flirtations. I told her I would support her and keep Theoric occupied until the end of all this."
If he wasn't so mad he'd be impressed with Thor's sneakiness. "I don't want to be married."
"And yet you are. Before me I might add. Now I will leave you. Your wife will be here momentarily."
"I hate you Thor."
Thor smiled and placed a hand on his brother's shoulder. "You will thank me one day."
Not likely.
Loki had not a second to think after Thor left because Sigyn entered. "Husband, are you feeling better?"
"You lied to me!" He tried his very hardest not yell knowing at this time, the night guards would be taking their places at his door.
"I knew you would say no if I asked." Came her quick response. "I knew that if I made some scheme you would go with it because that's what you do. Now enough talk. Take off your clothes."
He looked outraged. "Excuse me."
"Come Loki, I've waited long enough. Take off your clothes."
This was not the sweet and somewhat shy Sigyn. This was some demon trying to take his body.
"Sigyn…"
"Enough of this talk." She stomped over to Loki and crashed his lips to her. It was hard, because of his height, but still those soft lips made the cramp in her toe worth it.
Using all her weight she forced Loki back until he tumbled on the bed.
"No, Sigyn wait." He tried to capture her hand that was pushing opening his shirt. "Sigyn…"
"Oh Loki, your stomach is so tight. Your skin is so soft."
This was like being in another dimension. Never had a woman spoken to him like this. It was wrong. And hot.
He swelled beneath his pants and she could feel him coming to life.
She straddled his hips and looked down at him. His hair was splayed out, his shirt open, his breath leaving his lungs in a rapid pace. He was so beautiful. So rare. There were no other Loki's, not in all the nine realms. Half Jotun, half Vanir and not accepted by either.
She wanted to wreck him. She wanted him to feel wanted. She wanted him spent and exhausted, too exhausted to think his dark thoughts.
She went for the buttons on his pants. His hand scrambled to stop her. "Sigyn, this is crazy."
"What's crazy is that you're trying to stop me from the best part." She fought off his fumbling fingers and got them unbuttoned. She leaned down and placed kisses over his cheeks and forehead. She slipped her hand inside his pants and found what she was looking for.
He groaned as she cupped him. He was long and surprisingly cool. She kissed along his jaw and smiled as his rose his hips. She took that opportunity to take off his pants and whatever he had on underneath them.
He was just as beautiful as she imagined, lying beneath her, his eyelids heavy with lust, his green eyes darkening.
No longer resistant, Loki raised his hands to help her out her dress, but she swatted his hands away.
"Be a good boy now Loki and stay still."
This was odd. This was beyond odd. She was fully dressed and he was completely naked. He watched motionless as she pulled down her undergarments and without delay, she slipped him inside her.
The movement was sudden, and it took his breath away. She was still straddled on top of him, her dress flowing down her legs, obscuring his view of where they were connected. She moved slowly, eyes transfixed on his. Slowly she leaned down. "Now Loki, you just lay back and let me do everything."
000
Loki sat in the sun room, eyes fixed on his plate. The servants moved around him, setting up breakfast for the royal family. An array of starches, fruits and grains were in front of him, but he couldn't bring himself to eat. He felt wrecked, debauched. He felt like last night was his first time. He felt… vulnerable.
"Son?" Loki started at the sound of his father's voice. He hadn't even heard him come in. "Are you alright?"
"I'm sorry father. I didn't…"
He sat across from his son. "It's alright. You look tired. Did you not have a good night's sleep?"
Loki swallowed hard unsure of what to say to him. How could he tell his father, even if he wasn't biologically related, that a woman, a whole foot smaller than him, had her way with him? "Father…"
Odin let out a hearty chuckle. "Vanir women are dominant yes?"
Loki breathed out feeling as if maybe someone would understand him. "Oh Father! She did things to me that no woman should do to a man."
Odin laughed harder.
"Father I had to fake an illness to get out of the bed. Her hands were everywhere! She was always so sweet Father, but last night she was anything but!"
Odin nodded. "Oh yes, they walk around like royalty but they are wild are they not."
It occurred to Loki, just then, that Odin wasn't talking about Sigyn anymore but his mother! "Eww." Was all he could say to that.
Thor and Frigga joined the morning meal both looking rested. Loki munched on fruit, head down, and not at all focused on the conversation. Only a few moments passed before the door opened and he heard soft footsteps approach him. He stiffened smelling her perfume as she stopped by his chair.
"Good morning Husband." He couldn't bring himself to look at her. "My mother would like to take me shopping. Will it please you if I left your side for a couple of hours?"
He nodded.
"Would you like anything while I'm out?"
He shook his head no.
"May I have a good bye kiss on the cheek?"
He sighed. Slowly he looked up at her. She looked like the quiet, shy Sigyn again. This woman had some kind of switch personality.
He stood to his feet. Why was he so afraid of someone so small? In the daylight, she appeared less threatening.
She had her cheek to him waiting for her kiss goodbye. He leaned down to peck her when she quickly turned her head and his kiss landed full on her lips.
She gasped as if scandalized. "Loki! In front of you parents? You really need to contain yourself."
His cheeks reddened. He actually felt hot.
"Till this afternoon Husband."
He watched her go and it hit him. That cunning con artist was his wife. His wife. Wife. His. His own wife. Loyalty for life, that's what she said. Why Thor couldn't help her and it had to be him, why she forced him to wait longer before going to the Throne Room. He felt so played. So taken.
He plopped back in his seat; his three family members looked him in amusement. This wasn't funny. This wasn't some game. This was his life! And it was over. He was married. He banged his head down hard on the table causing Thor to laugh boisterously.
"You should be happy brother! You will never grow bored of her! And she likes tricks, just like you!"
Loki groaned and picked his head off table. "No brother. She's on a whole other level." She could elevate him to a whole other realm. Those sweet innocent eyes with his cunning and magic, they would be unstoppable.
He groaned as if in agony.
Better for everyone to think he was still against this marriage. They'd never see it coming.
Notes:
This might be a series if I can think of some more Sigyn goodness.
Don't forget to comment.