A/N- So here is my longer fiction... I know I said it would take me awhile to get it up, but well... here it is anyways. I know a lot of people are going to be like 'oh, this has been written about, I'm sick of them'... think what you want, but you'll never know if you don't read will you? Don't judge a book by it's cover. Anyways, I now that this has been written for, but I swear this is my own plot, and if anyone out there thinks otherwise, I'm just letting you know now, so please, I don't want any emails saying I copied from their work, because I would never ever do that... it's just not me. This whole story was inspired by Katy Perry's song 'Thinking of You.' It's not going to be a song fiction or anything, but it was inspired by it. I don't know if it'll be a happy ending, or how often I'll update this... but knowing me probably quickly. I once had a dream of how this would be my life... and maybe that's because my boyfriend plans to be in the army, but it has affected me since I dreamt it. It made me terrified to even think of letting him go over there. Just hope that you or me will ever have to be put in the position. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this longer fiction. Oh, and just to let you know, I have no freaking clue about the times they spend over there or anything, just guessing.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. But I should mention again that I was inspired by Katy Perry to write the story.
Stay.
Marissa Cooper looked out her window from the small house her and Ryan Atwood had shared only weeks ago. She was lost in a daze ever since he left. There was a great chance that he would be killed, leaving her as a widow; she could barley stand to think of the thought that slipped into her mind very often now. Not that she didn't believe him when he promised he would be back... it just seemed so impossible to her at the moment. All she wanted was to hold him and kiss him... not have him shipped half way across the state.
Ryan Atwood has joined the United States Army three weeks ago. Marissa didn't know why he had to; well she knew why, she just couldn't get it wrapped around her head that he had joined it with dignity. She figured he would have tried to get out of it anyway he possible could to stay with her and the family. Now she knew the one thing Ryan Atwood wasn't; disrespectful. He had taken the news that he had to go fairly well, he was a bit startled, but agreed without hesitation. She cried, he held her... even if it should have been the other way around, Ryan was still there to keep her together. After all, she would be losing her lover for seven months. Seven months that would be hell.
She had received her first letter a day ago. She had been relieved when she seen this hand writing on it. She had friends who had lost their husbands and partners to the war, and she had seen the letters. So if a letter from the U.S Army came, and it wasn't in Ryan's handwriting, she knew what it would be. She shivered at the thought, and looked in from the window. She was wearing one of Ryan's many wife beaters, and holding a small black and white photo of him in his uniform. I wasn't much, it could never really compare to having him here with her, but it would have to do for seven months. Seven very long months.
She wiped the tears from her face that constantly seemed to be lingering there now. She thought one could only have so much tears; she had proven that wrong. She climbed into Ryan's side of the bed and inhaled his scent from his pillow. She didn't dare lay on it, she was scared his smell would eventually fade away. It was all she had left of him... she couldn't let herself take it away. She hugged a blanket around her that faintly smelled like him to her, and looked down at the black and white photo. It was nothing like what he looked like in real life... in the photo he looked so; well she couldn't really explain it. He just didn't look like himself. Maybe it was the fact that his eyes where a light shade of gray instead of the incredible blue they where in real life. His eyes... it just brought more tears to her eyes thinking that she might never be able to see them again.
She tried to push the thoughts in the back of her head and read Ryan's letter to her. She read it about thirty times already and she had only received it yesterday. It read:
Dear my sweet Marissa,
It's been three weeks so far.. and all I can think of is you. I miss you like you wouldn't believe. You're what makes me get up every morning and go out of this tent and fight for our rights. Even then though, I wish I was still home with you, and just laying in bed with you even if I always told you it drove me crazy that you always wanted to just lay... that's my wish now, just to be with you no matter what we're doing together. I hope you miss me too... and I know you could do better then me... and I also know that we left on bad terms, but I just want you to know that I had to do this; for you and me. I know it's not good for our relationship, but it's better if I work, then when we have more mouths to feed like you wished, we'll have more then enough money. That is if you'll still have me after this.
I have your photo on me at all times, so you'll always be with me, in my heart too. I hope we can look past our present with me leaving you crying on our front porch, but I had to. You had no idea how much it pained me... but I had to. I'm sorry.
I love you,
Ryan.
It was true, Ryan and her had left in a fight, which was a little part of the reason why she was so upset. What if he died and he thought that she no longer loved him? That was crazy, because Marissa could picture none other to fill Ryan's place. He was her one and only... either way, alive or dead; she would never get completely over him even if he did die. She closed her eyes and pictured his face, and then sighed. She opened her eyes again and went over to his closet. She flung open the curtains and looked at the clothes that had been untouched for three weeks, other then her taking them out. She grabbed one of his pull over cotton shirts and put it on. She pulled it close to her and smelled in the scent. God she missed him terribly. No body could understand what she was going through unless they went through it themselves. It was almost like some sort of little nasty germ was gnawing away at her insides, and slowly taking her apart piece be piece.
She sat down on her little makeup desk, and pulled out a pen and paper. She didn't know how long this letter would take to reach him, but she was not wasting another day not knowing if he was still thinking she was mad at him.
Dear Ryan,
Yes, it's been three weeks... three long weeks for me too. Even though three weeks is a long time, it's only three weeks less you have to spend over there. Ryan, I know we left on bad terms, but not for one minute I want you to think that I don't love you anymore. You're all I want, you're all I need. Don't lose hope, someday we'll be back together forever. It was never about the money, Ryan... you didn't need to do it for that. I know what kind of man you are, and it was never about the money. You put others before yourself, and that's why you're there. You put others happiness over your self's to give them freedom. I admire you for that.
I carry your photo with me too, at all time. Although it's not the same. In the photo your eyes are a light shade of gray... it can never completely compare to your blue amazing eyes. I know why you had to, and I forgive you for leaving. I understand now... but the reason why I was such a wreck is because I knew there was a possibility of you not making it home. There is still a major chance of you not coming home to me. But if that ever happens, I want you to now that I'll always love you, and you're my one and only.
I love you too,
Marissa.
She placed the pen down and took a match out of a box on the counter top. She placed the paper in an envelope, and lit the match and flicked it onto the candles wick. She waited until the candle was lit for a few minutes, then tilted it for the was to fall on the envelope, to seal it. Just before it was hard, she stamped it with the small wooden handcrafted stamp Ryan and her had bought.
She got up off the chair, and kept the letter on the makeup dresser. She made her way over to Ryan's side of the bed, and lifted his pillow to the other side of the bed, close enough for her to smell his scent. She hugged his pull over closer to her, and climbed into his side. She snuggled into his smell, and soon after fell asleep. She would mail the letter tomorrow.
A/N - I have the second chapter done already... but I'm not posting it right now. My father is being a total asshole, and I can barley function right without wanting to hit the keyboard to break it. Sorry if you hate it... sorry if you hate me... sorry if you hate all my stories. Because I hate me now too... please review.