Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood, or any of its character – shame really.
Authors Note: I decided to write this from Ianto's point of view, I think I've set it sometime after Countrycide but I can't be exact – don't ask why. I know it sounds really depressing but I thought I'd use Ianto to vent some stuff I've been feeling for a while.
Set: As I've just said, sometime after Countrycide – okay...
Agony, Suffering, Anger, Hate...
There are moments when you feel like there's nothing there, inside you. You feel empty, void of anything, no emotions what-so-ever. If you felt anything you would probably feel agony, uncensored torment at that precise moment in time when you stopped feeling. When you resigned yourself to your fate.
Not too many people understand you, you're too recluded, to afraid of them and their pity to explain how you feel inside – when you do feel that is.
There have been times, quick flashes, when you've felt something. You've felt agony, suffering, anger, hate. You've felt them all in short, uncontrolled bursts and you've not known what to do with yourself afterwards. How you act after screaming and shouting? How should you respond when you're asked something by a person who truly looks terrified by you? Why should you go on feeling nothing then a whisper of feelings? Why shouldn't you just end it?
They've never noticed you enough to see your pain, so obvious if they'd just looked beneath the surface. Beneath the calm, relaxed exterior, the exoskeleton that dripped with sarcasm and dry-humour. They were too busy with their lives, too wrapped up in their happiness and joy. Their contentment of being safe and secure, unlike you. You who can't sleep for you don' want to see it happen over and over in your nightmares. You who can't eat without throwing-up at the mere mention of happiness and joy. You who no-one knows or wants to know, because then you would be real and important.
You might as well resign yourself to your fate and just accept that your life isn't worth anything to anyone. All those who you once thought loved and understood have now rejected or left you to battle the world, the universe, alone. A battle, that you're losing just a little bit more everyday.
Why should you continue, when death and pain follow you around a disease? Anyone you love or know die and you're left knowing it's all your fault at the end of the day, so why go on? You should just. Cut. Slice. Bleed. Die.
As if that decided it he brought it down and cut, sliced, bled and was dying when he came, his Guardian Angel, and rescued him from the darkness that wanted him so. In his embrace he was safe and meaning was once again restored. Nothing but the one holding him now could have given him the strength to go on, to fight again.
The End.
I didn't want Ianto to die so I made Jack come in to his rescue. I made Jack a Guardian Angel – well he's definitely good-lucking enough to be an angel – and save Ianto from the darkness that wanted him.
Tell me what you think please.