Evelyn Dark: Don't ask and just read.

Disclaimer: I, Evelyn Dark, do not own Legend of Zelda. That's why Link hasn't made a restraining order on Ema. And I technically own Ema and Yenaa since I'm the one who came up with the names with my friends for code names. Sooooo… yuyu484, Hannah, got nothing on me!

Warning!:: This fic is purely crack and is not suppose to make sense most of the time.

«Screwing with Zelda»

Written by:: Evelyn Dark

Chapter 1

HOLY SHOE

Once again it was another boring summer for the two girls; once again boredom had won over the cheese. With boredom in reign of their little country of 'oh noes!'; the two look at each other with wide eyes. Both not even daring to blink their eyes; even though one is bound to lose because of her contact lenses.

"I am sooo not going to lose!" Ema says with her crude colored eyes look at the gray eyes of another.

"Over my dead body!" Yenaa yells, slamming her hand on the table. Then a few seconds later she finds herself moaning in agony of the dry contact lenses and blinks.

"HAH! In your face!" Ema yells point her finger at Yenaa, and starting her 'I win, in your face' dance. While Yenaa continues to rub her eyes because she forgot to take her contact eye drops, which is pretty stupid on her part for even doing a staring contest when she was bound to lose anyway.

"You just won because of my contacts," Yenaa replies hotly. Ema stops her 'I win, in your face' dance to stick her tongue out and roll her eyes.

"Uh huh…. Suuuuuure it did. And I'm the Queen of England!" Ema replies snarky to Yenaa.

"I thought you were Italian and Irish?" Yenaa ask dumbly. Ema gasps and rushes to Yenaa; grabbing her left arm and covering her mouth. She looks around a few times suspiciously as Yenaa just stands there with a confused look on her face.

"Quiet..That's top secret and if the rabid muffins know of it, my kingdom of fluffy kitties will be overtaken with pastries." Ema says in a harsh whisper as Yenaa's eyes widen in shock.

"homf knoe," Yenaa says in shock, her eyes traveling around in suspicion as well. As Ema removes her hand from Yenaa's mouth as she looks around with a shifty look before running towards the wii remote and placing a certain game into the consol. "Let's play Zelda..I'm a little stuck on the water temple and I, as always, hate it!"

"Who doesn't hate the water temple on the Zelda games." Yenaa replies as the two plop themselves onto the couch with Ema's family's many white laundry.

"Alright you're going to 'help' me, but no can know okay?" Ema says as Yenaa nods her head with a smirk. "Cause I wanna say that I finished this game on my own and say ' Hah! In your face' to my brother."

So as the two play the game with Yenaa's many confusing directions in the water temple, and her failing to realize that the game is mirrored to the GameCube game, Ema once again causes Link to fall to his death.

"Are you sure you don't need my help?" Yenaa asks.

"YOU FACE!" Ema replies angrily as she once again make Link plummet to his death with agonizing screams.

"You know, I bet he's angry with you for making him fall multiple times in a row," Yenaa says with a snicker.

"Ya well, Link likes it. Like when he did it with your mom last night," Ema replies sarcastically with some frustration at the game.

"Well Link liked it when he was doing a threesome with your mom and dad last night." Yenaa comebacks.

"Yo mama is soo fat that she has… high blood pressure, and …uh …diabeteses!.. YEAH!" Ema replies snarkly before the two comes into a fit of giggles. Which once again causes Link to fall down to his death and cause the two to starting laughing even harder. Then causes Yenaa to choke on her own laughter and she fall to the ground from the couch. Finally getting a hold of herself; she gets up and sits down next to a very determined Ema.

"You know, with all this 'Your mom and dad doing it jokes'. Link could be a manwhore." Yenaa says thoughtfully, which makes Ema 'psshhs' her.

"He's still sexy though, and I love him!" Ema says warmly as she hugs the wii remote and causes, once again, Link to fall down to his death.

"Poor, poor Link….." Yenaa says with her hand over her heart.

"He was one sexy man," Ema says with a sad look with her wii remote and nunchuck held closely to her heart.

Then the lights flicker out.

"AAAAAHHH THE RABID MUFFINS HAVE COME FOR US!" Ema screams as she goes in to bouts of short raspy screams.

"Woops.." Yenaa says with a nervous laugh as she grabs for Ema to stop her screaming. With a quick bright light, the two cover their eyes in shock.

"AAAAAAAHHH THE LIGHT! IT BURNS!" Yenaa screams now, clutching her eyes in agony. Blinking a few times, she tries to regain her vision as Ema nudges her. Ignoring Ema she continues to blink and rub her eyes, getting another nudge she looks up from her hands to glare at Ema.

"WHAT!" Yenaa yells as Ema points at something. Looking over to the pointed area she blinks a few times.

"Ooooohhhh." Yenaa says with wide eyes.

"Yeaaaahhh." Ema says dreamily, her eyes staying on the objects of attention.

"I CALL DIBS ON TWILIGHT LINK," Yenaa yells with her hand raised up in the air as she looks at Ema.

"WHAT?! No!" Ema screams as she looks at Yenaa angrily

"You can have the Hero of Time," Yenaa replies calmly.

"…what?!" Ema yells once again.

"I called him a long time ago!" Yenaa says, sticking out her tongue.

"Nuh uh!" Ema retorts.

"Uh huh~!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Uh huh~!"

"Nuh uh!"

"uh huuuuuaaaaahhhh!!!!" Yenaa screams out as something wraps around her ankle. Freaking out, she manages to trip and fall on the Twilight Link who groans at her weight. As she looks down to find his hand around her ankle she smirks at Ema.

"He claims me, HAH!"

"FINE!"

Evelyn Dark: Don't ask me what possessed me to write this, but I just did. Well it also could be the fact that my Friend, Ema, and I were doing exactly the same thing with playing the Twilight Princess. I was helping her out secretly and we started with the 'Your mom and dad doing it' comebacks on Ema causing Link to fall multiple times, then it ended up with Link being a sexy manwhore. Then were started to talk about how The Legend of Zelda would be screwed up with Ema there and there you go. That's how the story was born. Mind you I might not update this story much, and it might be dropped. If I'm not motivated enough anyway. –wink wink-

P.S. FLAMES ARE WELCOMED.__. I've never had a flame.. and I want one sooo bad!