If You Ask Me To
Summary: What if Mariana hadn't interrupted Stef and Lena's argument about marriage? Alternative ending and continuation of the episode Clean.
Notes: There is sexual content, but nothing overly graphic.
"So, all these years you've been expecting me to propose to you? Is that it?" Stef said as her voice rose in anger. "What…were you expecting some flash mob or something?"
"Don't be an ass," Lena said, her tone hardening as Stef mocked the idea of Lena imagining a proposal from her.
"Don't tell me how to react, Lena!" Stef yelled. She couldn't believe that her partner would go all this time without telling her that she actually wanted to be married and it was embarrassing that she had to find out from Lena's ex-girlfriend of all people.
Lena took a deep breath to curb her anger and looked at Stef quietly for a moment. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe I was trying to work up the courage to ask you?" she said softly, her eyes welling with tears. She hated how vulnerable she felt in that moment, especially when it was so apparent that Stef didn't feel the same way she did about getting married.
Stef stood with her mouth open in surprise. She watched a tear fall down Lena's beautiful face before she turned and left the dining room.
By the time Stef had finished clearing the dining room table and cleaning the dishes, all of their children were home safe and sound. Jesus was the last to arrive, looking pensive and tired, but before she could ask what was going on, he was greeted by Mariana who had dragged him off whispering. She decided to let them be for now, too, tired and wrapped up in her own worries to deal with it.
Stef took her time before going up to bed, knowing that she would have to face Lena and at a complete loss as to what to say to make the situation better. She felt every bit the ass Lena had accused her of being and foolish for allowing Gretchen to get under her skin even after Lena had warned that she would try to prove that she knew Lena better than Stef did.
After pouring herself a little more wine, she washed her glass and decided that she couldn't put off the inevitable any longer.
Lena had showered and changed into pajamas hours ago and she laid in bed, sleepy from her tears, but unable to rest. She heard the bedroom door open and she was glad that she was facing the window.
The bathroom door closed gently a few moments later and Lena allowed herself to breathe again. She listened as the shower turned on and thought about the small jewelry box hidden away carefully in the back of her nightstand, fighting against more tears.
It had been there for nearly a year as she waited for the right moment, which seemed to never come. Surely, Stef would have softened at the idea of marriage by now, considering they had been together for so long. Unfortunately, their dinner with Gretchen had proven that Lena was grossly mistaken. There was a part of her that was glad though. At least she knew for certain how Stef felt, so she could be spared the humiliation of asking her later.
She stilled once again when the bathroom door opened and her eyes remained closed as she felt Stef slide into bed next to her, smelling of soap and toothpaste. A few minutes passed in silence before Lena felt Stef's hand slide gently into hers where it rested on the mattress between them.
"Lena, I'm sorry," Stef said, her voice soft and full of emotion.
Lena sighed raggedly and tugged Stef's hand so she would move closer. They came together in the middle of the bed, legs tangled together and arms wrapped around each other tightly. She heard Stef's sniffles in her ear and squeezed harder.
"Me, too," Lena whispered. She hated arguing with Stef, so much.
"No," Stef said as she pulled away, planting loving kisses on Lena's face and lips. "I overreacted and I hurt you and I'm sorry," she said. "I just…I had no idea that you felt that way and I felt stupid hearing it from Gretchen."
"I know," Lena said, wishing she had never agreed to have dinner with Gretchen in the first place. Now, the thought of marriage to Stef would always be tainted when it should have been something beautiful. "Gretchen likes to push buttons until someone explodes," she explained. "It's one of the things I always disliked about her." Gretchen was so passive aggressive and after tonight it was obvious that she had been trying to get under Stef and Lena's skin anyway she could. Unfortunately, it worked.
"Lena," Stef said hesitantly, still unsure of what to say about the bombshell Lena had dropped on her. "If you want to…"
"Stef, don't say it," Lena interrupted gently. She knew her partner had a habit of giving in to something if she thought it was what Lena wanted, but this was, too, serious an issue and she wouldn't allow Stef to say they could get married out of guilt. "It's okay if you don't feel the same way I do about being married. It doesn't make me love you any less and being married couldn't make me love you any more than I already do."
Stef was unsure of what to say and simply leaned in to kiss Lena instead. She still felt so horrible for her outburst and she wanted to show Lena just how much she loved her and how sorry she was.
Lena easily returned her girlfriend's affection and gave in when Stef pushed her gently onto her back. They kissed slowly, deeply, as hand began to roam and massage.
Stef straddled her girlfriend's hips and sat up to pull her shirt off before returning for more kisses. Lena ran her hands along the smooth skin of Stef's back, still warm from her shower, down to her hips where her fingers slid beneath the waist of her pajama bottoms, finding more soft skin. Stef stood up and finished undressing before crawling back onto the bed to help Lena do the same.
The blankets had been pushed aside and Stef lay between Lena's legs. Hips, stomachs and breasts pressed together as they continued to trade deep kisses, neither in any hurry for the intimacy to end and simply enjoying the feel of skin against skin. It was so rare that they got a chance to take their time with such a busy household and neither wanted to rush.
Stef's kisses trailed down to her girlfriend's neck and chest. "I love you, so much, Lena," she said softly as her lips moved to Lena's breasts, enjoying the moans her touch elicited.
Lena rolled her hips into Stef's and smiled at the groan that escaped Stef's throat. She guided the blonde's mouth back to her own and rolled them over until they were facing each other on their sides.
Stef closed her eyes as she felt Lena's hands began caressing her hips and thighs before slowly working their way between her legs, long fingers gliding smoothly through neatly groomed hair and soft, wet folds. "Lena…" she moaned as the fingers teased at her most sensitive bundle of flesh.
"Shhh," Lena smiled as she kissed Stef, muffling her moans. "We don't want the kids to hear us." They had been interrupted, too, many times to count over the years and she didn't want tonight to be one of those nights. They desperately needed a chance to reconnect.
"I can't help it," Stef moaned as she smiled lazily at her girlfriend. "It's been, too, long."
"I know," Lena said softly. "We need to make sure that we take more time for ourselves."
Stef nodded through heavy eyelids and bit her lip as she felt Lena's fingers sliding deep inside, moving slowly in and out. She rolled onto her back, her legs falling open wider and her hips rocking against Lena's hand. She moaned in protest this time as her girlfriend withdrew slowly.
Lena kissed Stef's lips, neck and breasts as her hand continued its massage between her girlfriend's legs. She could feel Stef becoming more impatient and she slid her fingers deep inside once again, caressing the way she knew would drive Stef crazy, her thumb stroking outside to bring even more pleasure to her girlfriend's body.
"Lena…baby…" Stef panted, pulling her girlfriend closer as her body began its ascension. She buried her face in Lena's neck as her climax came, her hips moving of their own free will as Lena continued touching her.
Lena felt her own arousal climbing, but ignored it as she focused on Stef. She kissed her softly as her body calmed and slowly moved her hand away.
Stef felt Lena curl against her side, her hand slowly rubbing her stomach. She pulled her closer and kissed her as her breathing evened out.
"How is it that we manage to survive without doing this more often?" Stef asked as she moved until she was on top of her wife once again, planting wet kisses on her neck and moving down to her collar bone.
Lena sighed happily as Stef continued downward, kissing her breasts and her stomach. "I have no idea," she whispered. There was a time when they could barely keep their hands off of each other, but as their family grew, their attention was spread thin and they always put their children before everything.
Lena ran her fingers through Stef's hair as she felt her thighs being pushed apart. It was her turn to moan as she felt Stef's tongue against her slick folds.
Stef took her time, enjoying the soft sounds coming from Lena. She was so grateful that she had found such a beautiful, forgiving woman to love. Based on the way Lena's hips continued to move, Stef could tell that she was close already. She focused her lips and tongue where she knew her girlfriend needed them most and held on as Lena's climax rushed through her body.
"Stef…" Lena moaned softly as her body rode wave after wave of pleasure. She panted as her body calmed and hugged Stef closed as she moved back up, pulling the blankets with her so they could get comfortable.
Stef knew Lena liked to cuddle after they made love and was glad to do so. It had been ten years, but sometimes she was still amazed at what she had been missing out on by denying who she truly was for so long. Never once had any other person come close to making her feel the love and passion that Lena did.
"What are you thinking about?" Lena asked as she pulled Stef's arm tighter around her waist.
Stef smiled sleepily and pressed kisses to Lena's neck and face. "You…and how much I love you and how you manage to put up with me… God, Lena, I'm such a brute sometimes," she said, her mind flashing through all of the times she had flown off the handle.
Lena wiggled around until she was facing her girlfriend and held her close. "Stef, you are not a brute. And I don't put up with you. I just love you," Lena said softly with a small shrug. "You're beautiful and strong in so many ways that I could never be…I need you."
Stef was moved as she saw the tears well in Lena's eyes. This woman who had helped her to realize who she really was claimed that she needed her? Stef was overwhelmed with protectiveness and love and held her girlfriend tightly.
"You have me…all of me," she said, planting kisses all over Lena's face and finally her lips.
The marriage proposal had become a bit of a joke just between the two of them as the months went by, but they kept it to themselves, not wanting to confuse their children. Stef always asked and Lena always smiled and said no.
The first time had been after one of Jesus's wrestling matches where he managed to score the winning point. Stef and Lena cheered from the bleachers as the crowd rushed the gym floor. Stef turned to a smiling Lena. "Marry me?" The setting couldn't have been any less romantic, a sweaty gym full of high school kids.
Lena laughed and shook her head no. Stef smirked, but continued watching her girlfriend as she cheered for their son.
The second time came a couple of weeks later when they were in their bedroom searching for Stef's missing toe ring.
"Found it!" Lena called out as she stood up from looking under the bed.
Stef came out of the bathroom and took it from her. She watched as Lena turned around to straighten the blankets on the bed and dropped to one knee.
Lena turned around confused at the sight of Stef, the toe ring held out gently in front of her.
"Marry me?" she asked sweetly.
Lena twisted her mouth to hold in her laughter. "Really Stef? A toe ring?" She shrieked with laughter and ran out of the bedroom after Stef grabbed her ankle and tried to slip the ring on.
The women kept their promise of making more time for each other and the third proposal came while they were out getting ice cream. After dinner, they had left the kids to clean up and decided to go for a walk. The evening sun shined brightly as they held hands and talked about their day.
"Let's go in here," Lena said excitedly as they approached the ice cream shop.
Once they had been served, they chose a booth near the window and sat to enjoy their cool treat. Stef watched Lena fondly as they shared a banana split. She scooped up some of the strawberry ice cream, which was Lena's favorite, and held her spoon out to feed her girlfriend. Lena smiled before taking the proffered bite.
"You gonna save all of the strawberry for me?" Lena asked sweetly as she looked down at the dessert.
"Hey, I didn't say that," Stef said as their spoons briefly battled over what was left of the strawberry ice cream. She watched as Lena triumphantly ate the last bite before speaking again. "Will you marry me?" she asked softly.
Lena looked up with a smile, but it faltered slightly as she looked into Stef's eyes. They continued to stare at each other until a crying child interrupted the moment. Lena's smile slowly returned and she stood from the booth, holding out her hand for Stef to join her.
Stef sighed as they left the ice cream shop. Well, at least she didn't say no this time, she thought, wondering about the smirk on her wife's face as they walked home.
Lena buried her toes in the sand as she sat on the quiet beach behind the school, waiting for Stef to join her. After working late, she decided that it was a perfect chance to spend some alone time with her girlfriend. The beach was deserted, except for her, and the evening sun hung low over the ocean.
Glancing over her shoulder, she could see the spot where she and Stef first met and she remembered it like it was yesterday. Their connection had been so strong, but she had no idea that she had just met the woman she would be spending the rest of her life with.
When she noticed Stef finally walking toward her, she stood up and nervously shoved her hand in her pocket, fingers rubbing against a small felt box.
"Hey, Love," Stef greeted as she hugged Lena tight and kissed her.
"How are the kids?" she asked as they sat down close together to watch the sunset.
"Fine. Everyone has been fed with orders to make sure their homework is finished," Stef said as she stretched her legs out beside Lena's.
"Good," Lena said. "I just wanted to spend some time alone with you," she smiled sweetly. She knew Stef didn't like to leave the kids home alone for any length of time, but she had been making the effort to trust them to handle themselves more.
"This is nice," Stef said as she rested her head on Lena's shoulder.
Even though she had come to realize that she didn't like Gretchen nearly as much as she thought she did, she had to admit that the woman's meddling had only brought her and Lena closer and for that she was grateful.
Lena discreetly pulled the box from her pocket and held it out of view. She took a deep breath and turned to her girlfriend.
"Stef?" she said quietly.
"Hmm," Stef answered. She sat up when she received no reply and her eyes fell to the small red box in Lena's hand.
"Stefanie Foster, will you marry me?" Lena asked softly, her heart beating rapidly.
Stef was speechless and Lena opened the box to show her the sparkling ring inside. Her eyes welled with tears and she smiled. "I thought you'd never ask," she said softly.
Lena returned the smile. "Neither did I."
The End.