Impressions

Authors Note: Do not own Transformers, but the character Phage, Bandit, and Ranger are mine. The 'Impressions' chapters are just one shots between Phage and the Autobots from the time she awoke from her three-week coma period to before the fanfic where I first introduced her in 'The Golden Hour.' Please enjoy.

Chapter 1, Decide

He found her where he had always found her since she had woken up. The femme sat on the edge of the rocky outcropping a short ways from the Ark's entrance, where Spike himself had usually sat and wrote in his journal when he first met them. He noticed her deeply concentrated expression as she stared at the far off horizon, her optics unfocused and seeming to glance farther beyond that as she chewed on her pointer finger, slowly biting off her synthetic fingernail as if the action would help her to solve her problems. The setting sun's rays glinted off of her emerald green armor as she watched the sky of her home world shift and change in colors from sky blue, red, pink, orange, yellow, and slowly into the colors of night: purple, royal blue, and, eventually, black. Wisps of fluffy clouds passed miles overhead, offering more to the scenery of the beauty of the alien world.

He couldn't help but to pause at the base of the pile of boulders and rocks leading up to her position, tilting his head ever so slightly and smiling a small smile in amusement. She looked so adorable sitting at the edge of the rocky ledge, her legs thrown over the rim and folded in as if she was trying to curl them up underneath her but failing. Every now and again though, she would loosen her hold on the edge of the cliff briefly, kick her legs back and forth absently, then pull them in again quickly, almost as if she were afraid that if she loosened her grip on it she would fall into the sky. She only amused him further by the way she had one of her elbows propped up on her leg and her pointer finger placed gently to her lips as she chewed on the fingernail, her other wrapped around her elbow almost as if she was about to hug her arm to her chest. She just seemed so charming and young, unscarred by war, as she sat there, a serious look on her face as if she was trying to take on all of the world's problems and was expected to solve them all by herself. But his amusement died quickly, replaced by a deep-rooted concern for the human-turned-femme as he tried to grasp the reason behind her conflicted state-of-being. Normally such a look was simply due to the shock and adjustments she was going through, but there was more to it this time, he could tell. There was something much more, and he guessed it had to do with her recent abduction by Megatron and the Decepticons, and the truth behind how she had come to be one of them.

With all the stealth that he could muster, Jazz began the trek up over the boulders until he made it to the smooth, stretch of rock that she sat upon, and then slowly approached, trying to be as quiet as ever. When he finally came up behind her he hesitated once again, but only for a fraction of a second before the black and white Autobot knelt down and joined her at her side as he had since she had awoken from her coma. She didn't jump by his sudden presence, wasn't startled by his appearance nor did she even seem to register that he had taken a seat next to her at all. Jazz lifted one of his optical ridges at her from behind his visor, his lips, the only visible part of his face, portraying his concern.

They sat in silence a little more, a soft, pleasant breeze sweeping by and playing with her silver synthetic hair gently before he spoke. "Penny for your thoughts?" He inquired, using the human term that he had picked up sometime over the eleven years that the Autobots had been on Earth.

She didn't reply immediately to his question, and he started to wonder if indeed she was so wrapped up in her thoughts and concerns that she hadn't heard or noticed him at all, but just as he was about to repeat his question she abruptly removed her finger from her mouth and spat out the tip of the excess fingernail that she had ripped off over the cliff face. The femme then put the finger back to her mouth, decided against it due to the fact that there was no more nail to chew off, and switched to the next one.

"Jazz…" she said softly suddenly, not once looking over at her Autobot friend as she kept her optics fixed on the far off horizon. "How did you decide?"

The mech was left stunned by the fact that she had answered him at all, which left him feeling rather foolish. He had expected that reaction from her, not the other way around, and yet she acted as if she had known that he had been watching her the entire time. "What?" Jazz wanted to slap himself for sounding so stupid, but he settled for a mental smack instead and a tart reply from his inner voice as it griped at him. 'Snap together! How lame did that sound?'

"How did you decide?" Phage repeated again, this time louder and more confidently than before. She at last slid her optics onto his visor, finally acknowledging his presence with her deeply conflicted stare. For some reason, that perplexed stare unnerved him right down to his core. It looked all too familiar. He had seen it before over the millennia's years of war between the Decepticons. It was a look that an Autobot often gave when they were trying to figure out if they had made the right decision…

…if they had decided on the right faction.

"On what, Lil' Kat?" Jazz asked, mentally shaking away his fears and worries. She couldn't possibly be considering such a thing, not after what had happened today. Megatron had already given her her chance to join with the Decepticons, to aid him in destroying the Autobots by her simple picking of sides, and she had chosen. She had listened patiently to both Megatron's account of how she had become a Cybertronian, with emphasis placed upon the notion that she was an Autobot prisoner in an attempt to rile her up and disillusion her. Then upon returning to the Ark, she had listened to what the Autobots had to say on the matter with unbiased understanding. He was still in awe over her capacity to hold judgment until she had heard both sides of the story –such calm, reasoning he had only seen from Prowl and Optimus himself. Anybody else would have stormed into the Ark in a raving temper, and yet she was perfectly calm, collected, willing to listen and understand.

And upon understanding, she had chosen to remain with the Autobots, to become one of them, and instead aided them in an ambush against Megatron and the Decepticons, who had been awaiting her return. He couldn't be more proud of her than right now, nor could he be more relieved. He didn't think that he could stand the thought of facing her off as an enemy after growing so attached to her, and letting her so close to his spark that he had been willing to adopt her as his own sister in an effort to help her through her troubled time.

"How did you decide to become an Autobot?"

Jazz sighed mentally, closing his optics briefly behind his visor as his body sagged beneath her question. He could tell that she was serious about it, and that she was indeed contemplating her actions earlier that day. He slowly opened his optics, meeting Phage's curious gaze with his own and holding it, or at least holding it as best as he could through a visor. "Well," he began, choosing his words carefully, seriously. He could only imagine how many times the wrong words had been said to 'bots like her, and how many had left, turned traitor. He honestly didn't want to think about it, and he especially didn't what to think about her in the hands of the Decepticons, his newly adopted sister. She just couldn't leave. He tried to think back, tried to mull over five millions years worth of information and memory to the day he had decided to join with the Autobots, but the memory escaped him. It had been so long, it felt as if he had been an Autobot forever, as if being an Autobot was simply a state of mind—of being—and not an actual army faction. "You know," he said at last, "I don't really remember."

Phage 'hmmed' and turned her attention back to the sky overhead as if his lack of an answer didn't really seem to bother her that much, but it bothered him. It bothered him a lot. He didn't want to find out later that she had taken back her decision earlier that day because he had failed to sympathize with what she had gone through with his own story. So Jazz quickly said, "I know that when I decided to join it was because I knew it was right." Her optics turned back to his, her attention snared like a moth to a flame. "The Decepticons had risen from the ranks of illegal and deadly underground gladiatorial battles, rebels against the law. Then next thing I knew, there was war. They were killing 'bots, ravagin' cities. Look at Bluestreak, the sole survivor of his entire city-state. I'm amazed that he's as well off as he is. I know his rambling can get at ya after a time, but that's nothin' in comparison to how other 'bots break down. He has a stronger will than he realizes... But when I decided to join, Lil' Kat, it was because I wanted to stop the destruction. I wanted to stop the killing. I had to do my part to try and restore peace back to Cybertron, even if it cost me my life." Jazz paused for a moment in his own ramblings to allow what he had said to sink into her CPU, to remind her of just who the Decepticons were. Then, when he thought she had had long enough to think about it, he took a breath and bared himself against the answer to the question he was about to pose, speaking softly as he asked of her: "You weren't honestly thinking about your decision earlier today, were ya?"

Phage's optics widened suddenly, her head and attention snapping back into Jazz's direction. "What?" She all but practically squeaked out. She regained control of her voice and emotions within record time however, and replied back quickly, "No. No, Jazz. No! Gawd, Megatron's the whole reason why I am what I am right now. I…I was just thinking about what I did and trying to imagine how everybody else had decided, I just figured that they must have had better reasons for joining the Autobots than I did today."

Relief instantly flooded through Jazz's systems, grateful that he had been wrong, but that didn't change the small amount of confusion left behind by what she had just said. "Phage, what does it matter how we joined? All that matters is that you're on the side of good. You're fighting against a faction that has dedicated themselves to the destruction of life and the hopes of conquering the universe. All that matters is that you chose right." To his words Phage just nodded her agreement and went about chewing off the next bit of excess nail on her middle finger. Her optics became unfocused nearly as quickly as he started to say 'good' side and 'evil' side, her attention spinning off into a limitless eternity in an attempt to fathom the rest of the Autobots reasons for deciding on the Autobots over the Decepticons. Jazz refused to let her put her own decision down like she was, fearful that it would lead her to rethink it, and said after a moment, "You know, Lil' Kat, I want you to know that I'm proud of what you've done today." She returned her attention on to her adopted brother abruptly, looking confused for a moment about what he was talking about before it dawned on her. Her bafflement changed to a look of modesty. She had abandoned chewing on her fingernails for the time being as she listened in on his words as if she was a sponge soaking up water. "There are few individuals within this universe that can retain judgment like you did. When you came back and told us what happened, and then confronted us, I was afraid. You had this look of stone on your face, I couldn't read you. I thought you were mad—"

"I was mad." She said, interrupting him.

"Yeah, but I thought you wouldn't listen to us and join with Megatron anyway, even after you had heard us out." Jazz looked away from her suddenly and down at the ground far below them. Slowly, a smile began to creep over his face as he continued to speak. "I was so relieved when you chose us. I'm really glad you listened to your spark and not your anger and realized that all that we did, we did it to protect you."

It was Phage's turn to look away. She threw her gaze back out to the skies as she responded, "I know. Part of it was that I just…couldn't imagine you guys making me a prisoner. It didn't seem right, I was hoping so hard that there was a good reason for not telling me what had really happened, and I was right. But the way Megatron explained it…" She sighed abruptly, shaking her head, her chest rising and falling with the effect. She slowly looked solemnly back to Jazz and said, almost shamefaced, "He has a tongue of silver, it's the best I can explain. If…if I didn't know who he was I would have been tempted to believe him."

"Hey, don't let it eat at you." Jazz said as he placed a supportive hand on her shoulder when she dropped her gaze from him again, as if she was embarrassed by what she had just said. "Megatron's one slaggin' Pitt of a tricky 'Con with a brutal streak to match. Don't feel bad about today, or anything that you might have believed of what he said. Most of it was true from what you told us, but he has a way of twisting words around and events, like how he tried to make you believe you were our prisoner. Lil' Kat, Phage…it's alright. He's turned others long before you, and he's even managed to trick Op from time to time. Don't feel bad about it. You've done what others have failed to see, you've avoided his trap and you're still with us…with me."

"I know. I try not to…" Phage's words died from her lips, her sentence left unfinished, mostly because she couldn't finish it herself. Silence quickly fell between the two. Phage refused to look up to meet his steady, supportive gaze, while Jazz continued to watch her, worried, concerned for her behavior. After a time had passed, Phage said suddenly, beginning softly but her voice slowly growing in volume as she spoke longer, "I didn't let my anger cloud my judgment because I had already learned to never pass judgment until all sides were heard when I was young. It… was a lesson I had learned hard, and I never planned on repeating it again." Slowly she turned her gaze back to the black and white mech sitting beside her and added, softly, "Especially the embarrassment."

Jazz smiled softly, understanding her explanation and allowing the subject to drop off there at her reluctance to reveal more. His small smile slowly began to grow bigger, his steel teeth gleaming in the fading sunlight and chuckled, throwing his arm around her shoulders and squeezing her to his side. "I'm glad you learned your lesson before then, huh? I'd hate to lose you."

Phage reflected his own smile, though her dimples were more apparent and only added to her young, endearing charm. "So would I, Jazzy. You were a good friend to me when I was human, and you're an even better brother to me now."

"Jazzy?" Repeated Jazz, laughing at the term of endearment she had chosen for him for their new bond. "Is that the nickname that you've finally come up for me, Lil' Kat? Sounds a bit… girlie."

Phage's demeanor changed drastically, her smile growing large, wrapping around her face from audio to audio as she laughed out loud, her laughter ringing like bells in his audio receptors. "No, I'm not sure. I have some others that I'm still trying out. Like Jazzer, or Big J. Or just 'J' or Ja or Azz, but that sounds too much like…well, you know."

Jazz chuckled again, rocking her gently as he held her fast in his embrace. Her reluctance to swear amused him to no small amount. "Yeah, I know what it sounds like." He grew serious all of a sudden and tilted his head, rubbing his chin as if he was thinking on a very grim matter. "You know…I think I like Jazzer and Big J the best."

"Oh really…"

"Yep."

Phage squinted an optic at him while the optical ridge above that eye lifted up, as was one of her traits he had grown used to. "Well, the point of a nickname is to take a person's name and make it shorter, that way I don't have to waste my breath sayin' the full name if I can get your attention with less. Like 'Hide for Ironhide, or Ratch for Ratchet, or Op for Optimus, or Oppy, but I don't think he'd appreciate me callin' him that."

Jazz burst into a fit of giggles at that. "I don't know, Prime can have a really amusing tickle-processer at times. He might think it's funny."

"Yeah, but for how long?"

"Good point." The Autobot communication specialist then calmed suddenly, his personality shifting as he rubbed his chin again, while casting a conspirator look from side to side as if looking to see if they had any ease droppers. "Probably would only allow you to call him that on off time or somethin'. Should we test it out?"

Phage's optical ridge rose up again as she continued to giggle over his behavior. "Do you really want to?"

She got her answer in the form of his lips twisting into a large, mischievous grin across his exposed flexi-face. "Come on!" The five million year old mech and older spoke as if he was only a few thousand years old. He jumped to his feet, taking Phage's hand in his as he pulled her along away from the ledge and back towards the entrance to the Ark. Phage couldn't help but laugh at his antics and follow along in search of their commander.

After climbing down from the boulders back to the solid ground, Phage playfully pushed into Jazz, sending the larger mech stumbling a few feet before he corrected his balance. He threw a look over in the femme's direction, already fixing to return the favor, when she giggled and said with utmost genuineness, "I'm really grateful you're here Jazz, you have no idea how much it means to me." Then, she added as he drew closer to her, "I'm glad that I can call you brother."

Jazz pushed her gently; hardly knocking her a few inches off balance compared to the few feet she had knocked him. He returned her gentle smile with his own, and replied, "So am I, Lil' Kat. …So am I."