HI! I'M A PERSON WHO HATES EGGS!!! ;D
This is a parody of the song Epiphany. It is the sequel to my other parody, Hot Boys. You should read that one first, if you want to understand this one. Now, I have to recognize all my other parodies I wrote so you can check them out… No Place like Texas, the Worst Bras in London, and Hot Boys. Please read them. I would love you forever. :DDD
I don't own Sweeney Todd. I swear to God, if I ever make it to heaven, my paradise will be full of him. XD
Do enjoy.
"Mr. Todd, you have to help me..." Anthony begged in a pleading voice. Sweeney Todd only stared at his barber chair, where the judge was just sitting. What have I done…? "Out." he barely whispered.
"Mr. Todd, please!" Anthony asked again, obviously not getting the message.
"Out."
"Mr. Todd!"
"OUT!!!" He grasped his razor firmly in his hand as he charged at the young lad, who ran out of the shop, almost bumping into Ms. Lovett. She looked back at him, confused as death. She walked into Sweeney's shop, closing the door behind her. "All this shouting and running about… Wot's happened?"
"I had 'im…" Sweeney gasped, slowly having an epiphany creep up on him. He had just fallen in love again! What did that mean...?
"The sailor busted in, I know, but then I saw them both runnin' down the stairs -!"
"I had him!" Sweeney exploded, walking back and forth from the window to the wall. "His butt was there, upon my chair!"
Ms. Lovett eyed him. What the bloody hell… "There, there, dear. How about a nice drink and you won't talk…like…this…"
"No! I had him!" he screeched again, becoming more and more furious with himself. "His butt was there, and now he'll never come again!"
"Easy now. Hush, love, hush!" Ms. Lovett spoke gently, trying to calm his booming thoughts "I keep telling you –"
"Why?!" Ms. Lovett was confused about this remark. "Wot's yer rush?"
"Why would I kill? You told me to kill! Now, he'll never come again…" This strange epiphany seemed to turn his world upside down. For fifteen straight bloody years, he had thought the same thing – they all deserve to die. But after this…experience…he just went through, he couldn't help but think differently.
"There's a love in the world, like a great white…butt… and it's filled with people, who have really big…butts…and the humans of the world inhabit it!" After seeing the judge, he really couldn't stop thinking about big, round buttocks. "It'll stay that way…"
Ms. Lovett was utterly confused – about Sweeney's behavior, whatever happened up there…butts…and what Sweeney just told her.
"They all deserve to live!" he exclaimed happily. "Tell you why, Ms. Lovett, tell you why. Because…" He left the window and walked slowly towards the shattered mirror. "In all of the whole human race, Ms. Lovett, there are two kinds of men and only two! There's the one staying put with the lovely girls, and the one wearing pink, hugging other men! Look at me, Ms. Lovett! Look at you!!" He slowly made his way to Ms. Lovett, who thought his suffering in prison had literally driven him mad.
"No, we all deserve to live." He grabbed Ms. Lovett's hands, a smile slapped on his face. "Even you, Ms. Lovett, even I!" He picked her up into his arms and swung her around. She screamed the whole time, kicking and thrashing with all her might. He only continued singing. "Because the lives of the happy should be made long! For the rest of us, death would be a disgrace! We all deserve to live!!!" He stopped suddenly, dropping her on the floor. She hit her head, and totally passed out. Sweeney stepped on her, because she was a woman, and he preferred me. "And I'll never see Judge Turpin. No, I'll never hug his butt to me. Finished!!" All of a sudden, he was somehow outside. He didn't care how he got out there, and he really couldn't care less, either. He began his attempt to change the world immediately.
"All right! You, sir! How about a hug?" He ran around the streets, arms wide out, trying to hug random strangers. "Come and visit your good friend, Sweeney!" He ran to a man he found rather handsome, arms still wide out. "You, sir, too, sir! Welcome to my grasp! I will make smiles… I will make laughter…"
He left Fleet Street, trying to hug as many people as possible. "Who, sir? You, sir? No one's in my arms. Come on, come on! Sweeney's waiting. I want you darlings. You, sir! Anybody! Gentlemen, now, don't be shy! Not one girl, no, nor ten girls, nor a hundred can make me straight. I will hug you!"
He finally made it to an empty street, where he felt sadness tug at him. He was alone, with no one to hug. He felt cold and sad, but he couldn't give up!
"And I will find those men, even as they hide! In the meantime, I'll try to hug trees and Joe Biden!" Joe Biden, who was watching in the distance, turned away, running as fast as possible.
"And my Turpin hides in corners!" Sweeney cried, falling to his knees and staring at the puddle of rainwater in front of him. "So, I'll never see his round buttocks, but the work waits! I'm alive at last, and I'm full of huuuuuuuuuuuugs!"
Suddenly, he was no longer outside in the streets. He was not kneeling in front of a puddle. He was not alone. In the corner of his eye, he could see Ms. Lovett eyeing him suspiciously as he caught his breath. He was on his knees, though, in his own shop, arms in the air. He suddenly felt embarrassed and sick. He had actually thought about being homosexual.
"Ms. Lovett, I need a bloody drink." He stood up, letting her lead him to the parlor. He had actually been in love with the man who stole his freedom, destroyed him family, and banished him…for life. How could he love a man?!
Ah, well… He thought to himself. You never know.
Ta-da! I liked typing this one. It was fun. Did you recognize the second-to-last paragraph? I had typed up a line from the trailer. "And in his sorrow…a new man was born." Hahaha, I just finished it. Well, I'm rather satisfied, and I think I'm done with sequels to homo songs. Thanks for reading. :D Please review, and do it nicely, too. :]