A/N: I really shouldn't be reading yaoi late at night, but the internet connection on my laptop fizzed out for some stupid reason, so I had to go downstairs and use the computer there. I read way too many JayxMoses fanfics for my own good, and I just decided to add my own to the collection, however sparse it may be. Well, here it is.
Disclaimer: I will not claim ownership of these characters as they do not belong to me; they belong to Namco (lucky bastards).
Category: Tales of Legendia
Pairing: Moses x Jay
Rating: PG, for this chapter
Summary: (Postgame, yaoi, angst) Jay's been hiding. He doesn't to see or speak with his friends. But a cold and stormy night changes everything for him. Can one person really make that much of a difference in his life?

Act 1: Love Me Not

One would never have to doubt the quiet calm that would permead the town of Werites Beacon once night had fallen. It was the sort of feeling that would leave one at peace with the world, and allow them to forget the troubles of their lives. For one Jay the Unseen, it was just another thing that he hated about the town.

The Legacy had been the setting of many terrible memories for him, memories that he would much rather forget but he knew that, deep down, they would remain with them for the rest of his life. Many times he'd wondered whether he really had much left in his life that would give him a purpose to live, but he couldn't find much. The Oresoran really were the only thing that kept him going.

Solon had made him doubt that people could be good, he'd only seen the darker side of human nature, and could only see that when he spoke, or saw, others. He believed acts of kindness to be nothing more then a deciet to gain one's trust only for that person to be used as a tool for another's personal gain. He couldn't quite understand what it was that brought people to helping others, and he doubted that it was something he would ever experiance.

He isolated himself from others, believing what he'd been so often told as a child and young teen; that he was nothing more then a tool. An instrument of death whose only purpose in life was to take the lives of others. He wasn't allowed to have a life; to have dreams; to love anyone. He'd always believed that; but they'd tried to change that.

His friends; Senel, Norma, Will, Chloe, Shirley, Grune... Moses. They'd all shown him that people did care about him; they'd shown him the more noble, lighter side of human nature. But even all their efforts couldn't bring him to quite fully believe it. He'd lived a life of death; where each decsion was life or death. Where even the smallest mistake could result in the failure of the mission, or the loss of his life.

Jay had been used to being alone, even through all his years of living with the Oresoran, he'd always been alone; he'd never felt that he belonged there. He didn't believe that there was any place in the world where he'd feel that he belonged; where he'd feel loved.

In fact, he didn't think he'd ever recognize the emotion. No one had ever shown him, and he'd grown up in a world where feelings were irrelevant, shunned, unwanted. Someone who possessed these emotions were deemed weak and unfit for the jobs that a shinobi would have to carry out.

Jay wondered... he wondered if he'd ever be able to make up for all the people that he'd killed; all the people whose lives he'd destroyed in order to keep living his damned existance.

He hated Werites Beacon. He hated it because it reminded him of everything that he couldn't have; everything that his life had forbidden him to have; to know. It had been three years. Three years since he'd traveled with them, and in all that time, he could never bring himself to come back and speak with them. Yes he'd come back to watch them, to see if their lives had improved, but he never let them know that he was there.

It was best if he remained in the shadows.

He didn't want them to be burdened by his existance.

But as he watched them... he could feel his heart ache. It wanted the life that they had; the happy, peaceful lives where they lived without worrying over their sins. Where they acknowledged the past but refused to let it rule them. He admired them; he admired their courage.

He was such a coward.

Jay had changed a lot in the three years. Well, his appearance at least. He'd gotten tired of how people treated him as a child. The childish attire he had worn was gone, replaced by a much more mature attire; a more traditional shinobi attire. His hair two had changed. He'd cut it, choosing to hide behind them, as if concealing his eyes would prevent people from seeing his sorrow in his violet eyes.

No one had gotten into his heart before. But as he'd traveled with them, he'd felt the icy walls that had been erected around his heart begin to melt. He'd been... so afraid. With his heart exposed like that, he felt terrified that one of them would discover it and use it against him. So he hid, he hid beneath a tough exterior. He argue, he'd act smart, insult them, anything that would hide how... vunerable he really was.

But even then, he could feel his mask crumble at times, and it was those times where they would see it. Where they would see his weaknes. Once again, he feared being taken advantage of. But they never did; not once. For those brief moments, he really believed that they cared about him, that his life really did carry some meaning. Then, he'd remember how he'd been betrayed before, and he'd seal himself up once more. But someone had managed to worm their way inside.

Moses Sandor.

Jay did believe that Moses was a complete idiot, but the idiot had his priorities straight, and was stronger then Jay thought he would ever be. Moses.. he knew what mattered in life, and he considered Jay his little brother. It was an honor that Jay thought he'd never deserved. He didn't deserve anyone's love, anyone's attention. He would only cause them grief.

But maybe... maybe it was because he wanted something more from the bandit; something he knew that he'd never deserve.

Love.

That twisting feeling in his chest, that aching that refused to go away no matter how hard he tried to convince himself that it was not the emotion that he'd so long believed he'd never understand and never be able to give anyone. But somehow, his heart seemed to know what he wanted best; he just never wanted to listen to it because he didn't want to deal with anymore pain.

This night, the rain fell cold and hard upon the Legacy. Jay felt that the rain was much better then the warm, lovely nights that were all to common on board the vast ship. He despised the pleasant weather; he prefered the miserable conditions that were extremely rare.

He'd heard that there were such places on the mainland where such weather was a frequent occurance. Part of him wanted to go there; to hide in a place where his misery would be mirrored by the conditions outside, but he could never bring himself ti leavve this place.

His heart kept him here.

"Why... why can't I leave...?"

He'd asked himself that so many times, but it always would come back to the same reason. Because the one person that he thought he may love was here. He would never have the courage to say it to the man's face, but he could watch; he could watch as he went through his life, trying to understand what it was that made him feel that way about the bandit.

Someone may tell you that he was pining away for the bandit, under the belief and knowledge that the bandit would never return the feelings. He was sure that Moses loved him, as one would love a little brother, but he knew that the bandit would not, could not, return the feelings that Jay had for him.

The central plaza of Werites Beacon was normally a place where lovers would go, or meet; but in this downpour, no one dared venture out of the warmth and shelter of their homes; unless it was a dire emergency.

But Jay didn't care. He didn't care about the rain, or how cold he felt, or how wet he was. He wanted to prove that he could feel; that he wasn't just some tool that could be thrown away. That he didn't feel anything. But right now, all he felt was a numbing sensation spreading rapidly through his body.

He let an involntary shiver rack his frame, it was quickly followed by many more; but he didn't care. He recognized the symptoms of hypothermia, but he felt no compulsion to do anything about it. He didn't care if he died from the cold; because maybe their lives would be better off without him.

Oh yes, he knew they worried about him; he hadn't been seen or been in contact with them in three years. At first, they'd come by the village often, looking for him, but he'd never be there. Eventually, the visits became less and less frequent, until he was sure that he'd almost slipped completely from their minds.

Except his.

Jay couldn't understand why Moses continued to search for him, even now. But the bandit would always say that family doesn't abandon family, and that he wouldn't give up on Jay until he found him. It was a sentiment that warmed Jay's heart slightly. Yet he was sure it wasn't the same reason that he felt to keep on watching the bandit from afar.

Jay sat down on the edge of the fountain. He starred at his now black-gloved hands. Was this really what he wanted? For the only people who seemed to truely care about him to forget him? Was that it? Did he really see himself as being so worthless?

He clutched his head in his hands and cried as the hypothermia began to effect his brain functions, "Why...? Why can't I just let go of it?! Of it all?! Why?!"

If he'd expected an answer, he didn't get one; instead, the rain continued to poor undaunted by his distress. The tears started to fall. Disguised by the pouring rain, but he still knew they were falling. Leaving faint trails of heat down his face.

"Why do I... why do I keep coming back...? Is it... is it really because I love him...?"

Do I really love him?

That was his last thought before he allowed the darkness to claim him. His limp body hitting the ground, bruising his cheek and scratching it up just slightly.

He didn't hear the rapid footsteps and voice that called out to him, "Jay!"

Surprisingly, I found this chapter incredibly easy to write. Maybe it's because I can write for a more... subdued and slightly emo character better then the bright, cheery ones. Except when it comes to smut... TT I can't write emo/angry characters in that... they always end up teasing each other... Whatever the reason, this chapter just flowed out from my fingers. Any errors on my part probably stem from the fact that I was working on this at 2 AM in the morning. But I'm not tired and I want to finish as much up of this fanfic as possible.

Also, I strangely feel the need to create an epilogue for my story Left Unsaid. But I'm rather undecided on that. I'd really appreciate it if I got some feedback on that; so feel free to comment upon it if you like.

Please leave me a review; they make me feel so much better about pulling late nights to work on this stuff. So do take that into consideration. Flames will be given to Jade to use as fuel in his Infernal Prison spells.

Kat.