A companion piece to Bonds of the Broken.
In the End
"Never, never, never, never give up." – Winston Churchill
I see it in your eyes every time we meet; the anger; the hatred. I know what you're thinking, what you want to know; but you never ask. You want to. I know you do. So, what are you afraid of? You want to know why I did it, why I killed them; my squadron, my friends.
I can hear you saying it, Why? Why did you kill them? They were your friends.
I don't know why. You could ask me a hundred times and I would give you a hundred different answers; even if you had asked me that day. Perhaps one of those answers would be the truth, but I couldn't tell you which one. Or maybe they would all be lies. Truth. Lies. It's hard for me to tell the difference anymore. I betrayed them. I murdered them. And I don't know why.
Maybe you think I just don't care. I care more than you'll ever know.
Did I hate them? I could never hate them. No matter what façade I've put up or ever will, I could never hate them. The only person I've ever truly hated is…myself. And that, Aerrow, is the truth. Without realizing it I destroyed myself that day. I suppose that's why my heart's grown so callous, why I feel dead inside.
They say the only thing you can never take away from a man is who he is. Heh. I could argue that; although, it wouldn't make much difference. I no longer know who I am. Sometimes, I wonder if I ever did.
You remind me of him. The hair, the eyes, expressions, attitude. You look exactly like him. You even fight like him. When I look at you, I see him. It drives me insane. Maybe that's what keeps me going.
I know you saw me at that tavern on Terra Guild. I try to drink the pain away, but I can never get drunk enough to get them off my mind. I see them in my dreams. Every time I close my eyes, there they are. Sometimes I see them when I'm wide awake. I think about them everyday. It's the one thing that's kept me from killing you.
I visit that memorial every year, a few times. There are times when I swear I can see them standing there. I can see their faces so clearly. Their eyes; there's never any anger or hate in them. So, what was in their eyes? I don't know. Perhaps my heart was too hard to figure it out.
But then…then on that last visit, they forgave me. He forgave me. He had said it to me before, but I refused to listen. I refused to believe that he would forgive such an act of cowardice, but I can no longer deny it.
People give up on others too easily, they're too quick to pass judgment; or they just turn their backs not bothering at all. After I killed them those we all had sworn to protect threw me away, without question. Cyclonia may have picked up the trash….
You may have never asked me why, but you did ask me one question. On Terra Wyscan, when Blondie and the Wallop kept babbling on about wishes, you asked me, if you could have one wish, what would you wish for? I didn't answer you then, so here's my answer now. What I would wish for, Aerrow, let's just say, you can't change the past, you can't bring people back from the dead. My wish can never come true.
Your navigator, Piper is it; she went a step beyond asking what my wish would be. She asked me what my greatest desire was. She's bolder than you are. I have to respect that. I didn't answer her, either; but you can give her my answer.
My greatest desire….I desire to return to who I was—before I destroyed everything I knew was right.
The problem is, I've long since forgotten who I used to be.
I've fallen too far. I've got nothing left. I could try harder, I suppose. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
xxx
Aerrow clutched the crystal in his hands, holding it to his face. He let out a heavy sigh as he moved to the head of his bed to his nightstand. He picked up the wood-framed photograph of two teenage boys, each holding a crystal like the one the Dark Ace had given him. Each had his arm around the other's shoulder. The grinning teen was sticking his crystal in the other one's ear, who looked like he was ready to shove his crystal in the grinning one's mouth.
Smiling, he sat the photograph back down and looked back at the letter. He picked it up noticing something he hadn't before. Laying on his bed…was a red feather. He looked at the letter and then back at the feather, picking it up.
You're wrong. It does matter. So, you can't change the past. But you can change your future. You don't have to stay where you are. You were a Storm Hawk. You can come back. But, I guess the question is, Do you want to?
You say that people give up on others too easily, that they're too quick to judge. Or that they just turn their backs, not bothering at all. That may be true. I may be quick to judge at times, but I will tell you what I won't do. I won't turn my back not bothering. I won't give up on anyone. I know for a fact he wouldn't give up on anyone, especially not you. And neither will I.
He folded the letter and laid it next to the photograph on his nightstand and the laid the red feather on top of the letter.
fin
I don't have much to say about this one, other than I thought of just after I wrote Bonds of the Broken. There were also a few songs that had a hand in inspiring it. Anyway, thanks for reading. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed Bonds of the Broken. Sorry if I haven't replied to your review. I can be real slow sometimes.