Kagura was sitting on a bench with her arms wrapped around her knees and her head down. It was already late and she knew that if she stays out any longer Gin-chan and Shinpachi will probably be worried. Arghhh screw that! She didn't mind them at all! It was her birthday (she was already seventeen!) but they didn't even gave her wishes, not to mention about presents. She thought that the day when she turns seventeen will be special. There will be party, presents, smiling people and, the most important, a lot of food! Tons of cakes, cupcakes, parfaits, sweets, snacks and SUKONBU! But reality was none like this, in fact it was totally opposite of it: no party, no wishes, no presents, no food, nothing! Tears gathered in her eyes. How could they forget about her birthday?! Did they not care about her at all?! This sucked. She sniffed and wiped her tears away. She's not going to cry! Not a chance!
She was going to stand up when she heard a very familiar voice
"What is it China, it's rare for you to be all upset and gloomy? Did that stupid guys of yours finally abandon you?" Okita Sougo, captain of the first division shinsengumui said mockingly
"Fuck off, you sadist" she really was not in a mood to talk to that stupid asshole, who was always insulting her "unless you want to die by my hands, you fucking bastard, uh-huh!"
"Ow, China, that's harsh" he clucked "You hurt innocent officer's feelings!"
"Ha! I can't see anybody like that here!" she replied "There's only a stupid sadistic freak in front of me! Move over, I want to go home" as far as possible from you, she added in mind
"Why? We just met and you're already leaving ? That's really rude from you" he deadpanned to her
She felt like ripping something apart. She was in a bad mood to begin with and now this sadist is trying to piss her off even more. She really hated him.
"I don't mind being rude to you. Go and die already or else I will make you do it" she said furiously
"So try" he demanded when defiant smile appeared on his face
…
"Try what…?" she blinked
"Try to make me go… I bet you can't" he smirked
What the fuck is he playing with me, she thought, oh Kami-sama why of all people I had to run across this sadist?!
She grabbed her umbrella and pointed it at his throat
"Get the fuck out of my way" she hissed
"What if I say 'no'?" he narrowed his eyes getting ready for the battle
She pulled the tiger of her umbrella, but he wasn't there anymore. He dodged the bullet and attacked her with his sword. She ducked easily and gave him a kick in stomach. He wasn't ready for such fast counterattack. He curled in pain, that was a lot stronger than her usual kicks. Like she was totally different person.
Maybe he overdid it a bit. When he saw her sitting on the bench so gloomy and upset about something that he didn't know, he couldn't help but come to her. But then again, why did he do that? He didn't like her at all. He was her rival. So why? Standing there before her and looking how sad she was, he thought of comforting her somehow… Wait! Comforting? What the heck?! He must've hit his head really hard somewhere before. That was China, for Kami-sama's sake, why would he do that? There was no reason for such a thing! He decided to tease her a little, just to entertain himself.
Well he never thought that it will end like this. Lying on the ground and coughing blood while China was long gone. He never thought that this brat was so strong when she was really angry. What a pain! Why was she so angry anyway? He knew that it was mainly his fault but there was something else behind this. Usually she would argue with him and then they would have a fight. Yes, she would be angry, she always was, but that was the other kind of anger, not so serious like today. He'd never admit it, but deep down (so deep that he didn't even know about it) he recognized those fights like friendly and enjoyable ones.
He stood up and flicked the dust from his clothes. He grabbed his katana and went to shinsengumi HQ. If he hurry up he will still be able to kill Hijikata today or at least damage him badly. Thought of killing this mayo-freak made him back to his mood again. Very sadistic mood.
Kagura was slowly heading back to Yorozuya. Meeting with this sadistic bastard made her feeling even worse than before (though she hardly believed it was even possible). Why was he always pissing her off and making her angry? She really hated him! Why couldn't he just die?! The sooner he disappeared the better it would be. Next time she meets that bastard she surely will smash his head and whip his arms and legs away, uh-huh!
With these dark thoughts and loud crack of the door she entered Yorozuya headquarter.
It was surprisingly quiet (although she could swear that she heard some noise and someone screaming in panic before she came in), but she could feel some strange tension in the air. She slowly walked through the door to their 'main room' and she couldn't believe her eyes.
Gin-chan and Anego standing motionless as if they were fighting just a moment ago, with one of their hands on each other mouth and second raised to punch, behind them Shinpachi covering Kyubei's mouth whose hands were on Gintoki's arms as if she was trying to push him away from Otae. In the back of the room there was Catherin and Otose holding transparent which said 'Happy B-day Kagura!" with their faces twisted in grimace of quarrel. All of them were wearing party hats.
She stared - nobody was moving nor even breathing.
Suddenly out of nowhere Tama, green haired female robot, appeared with big cake in her right hand and with her emotionless robotic voice said
"Happy birthday Kagura-sama" and then smacked the cake at young yato's face
Kagura widened her eyes in shock
"T-t-tama-chan w- what h-h-have you" started Gintoki with trembling voice "just done?" he ended screaming in extremely high and loud voice
"Kagura-chan!" cried Otae with worried face, then she turned to Yorozuya danna and shouted at him "It's all your fault you lazy ass! You better start begging for mercy!"
Her face was so scary at the moment that Gin-chan nearly shit himself. He began to sweat heavily, even if it wasn't his fault at all, that was very bad idea to discuss with brunette right now (or in any other moment). But for his misfortune fearsome Shinpachi's sister was his smallest trouble. The biggest was standing in the doorway with pieces of cake on her face.
Kagura looked from right to left then from left to right and then, to surprise of everyone gathered in the room, she started laughing and crying at the same time
"So you didn't forget! You remembered! I'm soooo glad!" she exclaimed happily
"Eh Kagura-chan… a-are you okay?" asked Shinpachi anxiously
"Of course!" she screamed recovering her good mood "let's party tonight!"
"Huh?!" everybody said in unison
How come she wasn't angry? Mad? Furious? How come she was just HAPPY?!
Kagura didn't even bother to reply to their 'huh?!'. Wasting no time she started eating food that was lying on the small table in the middle of the room.
"Matte! Oi, Kagura-chan! You can't eat everything by yourself!" yelled Shinpachi fully aware of her stomach that was just like a black hole
"Shut up Megane!" she said with mouth full of food "It's my birthday!"
"B-but-" the boy tried to argue but stopped in an instant "Who do you think you're calling MEGANE?!"
"Gin-chan! Shinpachi doesn't allow me to eat!" Kagura complained to her bellowed silver-haired samurai
"Oi, oi Kagura-chan I think you shouldn't eat everything by yourself, because umm…" he paused for a moment trying to find any good reason, except we-want-to-eat-too-reason
"Because you haven't blown the candles yet" Otae suddenly came with help "and you have to make a wish too"
"Wooah! Anego you're so smart!" Kagura said with her eyes shining
"Isn't she!" the gorilla stalker came out of nowhere "Otae please marry m-" he couldn't end because of Otae's and Kyubei's hard punch aimed at his stomach
Everyone looked at him disgusted.
"What are you doing here you gorilla stalker?" Shinpachi asked and frowned
"Yeah! What are you doing at MY party, you stupid tax robber, uh-huh!" Kagura added
"hahaha-ha..!" the gorilla laughed nervously lying in the puddle of his own blood with two women standing above him with murderous look on their faces
"Whatever, whatever just continue blowing candles so we can eat already" Catherine interfered roughly
"Shut up you cat-thief!" Kagura screamed at her
Sudden appearance of shinsengumi's commander really pissed her off because it remained her of a certain sadistic red-eyed bastard who she met before. She clenched her fists.
Gintoki saw it and cleared his throat to speak then up
"Okay everybody, Kagura will now blow the candles!"
He didn't want any fight to begin.
The candles were brought but because cake was destroyed earlier Tama put them in an infamous Otae's dark matter (how did it even got there?!) also known as fried eggs.
Kagura looked down at her substitute dough and couldn't help but frown, Anego's cooking was really terrible. Seventeen colorful lighted candles were sticking from something that was supposed to be eggs.
"Remember about the wish!" someone whispered to her but she was so focused on lethal dish in front of her that she didn't notice who it was
She took a deep breath and blew out the candles thinking I wish I had a lot of SUKONBU for every day! But then she thought of something else I wish my baka onii-chan had been like when we were still small and we had a pretty normal family loving with papi and mami. I wish he cared for me… Oh, and also I wish this stupid sadist wouldn't annoy me so much! She didn't know if any of this wishes will come true someday or if it was fine to have three wishes but she decided that she could have even seventeen if she wanted to because there were seventeen candles, however she had no more ideas so she confined herself to the three she already made.
Then everybody started clapping and singing 'Happy Birthday', she was really happy in that moment.
Yeah, she was really happy, unless Otae said
"And now let me slice the cake" she said it with a wide smile but everybody knew that it wasn't the nice one
"W-what cake are you talking about?" asked Gintoki being afraid that he already knew the answer
"This cake" the brunette said confirming his worst fears and pointing to the dark matter
Everyone looked with terrified faces how she was going to slice it in equal pieces. However in the moment when the knife touched the deadly dish something began to sizzle and metal which the knife was made of was corroded and destroyed by the dark matter before she could even cut a single piece of it.
"Ara, ara looks like there will by only one portion, for only one person" she said, Gintoki could swear that he heard a slight hint of joy in her voice "And I think I know who will have the luck to eat it"
Everybody was waiting with the horror on their faces and praying in their minds not to be the 'lucky man' who will have to eat Otae's eggs.
"Gin-s – no" she started but stopped in half suddenly changing her mind and nearly making silver-haired samurai heart attack "Gorilla-stalker-san~" she finally said and came close to the stalker
Commander of the shinsengumi tried to protest but he was already badly damaged and as much as he loved Otae he knew that she hated disobedience and when she was angry she could be really scary woman. She surely would injure him even more and then force him to eat the 'cake'
"Come one, you fucking perverted shitty gorilla stalker eat all your poison- ehem I mean cake!" she sang and with all her brutal force put the dish into his mouth smashing his head to the wall so hard that it made a hole into it.
CRACK!
Everyone looked with a sympathy at the gorilla-stalker who just ate a lot of Otae's dark matter and currently was lying unconscious with his head stack in the wall, everybody knew how dangerous were Otae's eggs and they wouldn't wish eating it even their worst enemy.
There was a long silence before Otae finally spoke
"Well I think I will be going now"
"I'll walk you home" offered Kyubei
"Thanks Kyu-chan!" brunette said happily "It's better to walk together because nowadays there are many perverts on the streets. Goodnight Kagura-chan, Shinpachi, Gintoki you lazy ass"
"Huh?! Did you just call me lazy ass?! Why did you insulted only my?!" natural-perm shouted
"Be grateful that I didn't feed you my potion" she replied
"Did you just call it potion?! You didn't even correct yourself this time! You just admitted that it's lethal! Why are you not denying it?!"
"Goodbye everyone" she said with a smile totally ignoring Gintoki's last statement
Two girls left the room with a loud slam of the door.
"We're going too" said Catherine in her nasty voice and came out with Otose and Tama
And so in the room remained only four persons: Gintoki - still dumbfounded after Otae ignored him, Kagura - picking her nose, Shinpachi – probably the only normal person, and a gorilla-stalker who passed out some time ago.
"Gin-chan where are my presents?" asked Kagura out of the blue
Gintoki froze. What the heck was she thinking about all this time, why is she asking about her presents and not about what just happened! This is bad, really bad! I have no presents for her! What to do? What to do?!
"Gin-chan you're sweating. Is there something wrong?" Young Yato asked innocently
"N-no Kagura-chan" think, think, think! "Your present you say… then… How about we go and buy you some sukonbu" silver-haired samurai finally managed to say
"Yay! Gin-chan will buy me a lot of sukonbu!" Kagura exclaimed happily, one of her wishes was about to come true
"G-gin-san shouldn't we bring him to the hospital first?" asked Shinpachi uncertainly "He can die here"
"Who cares about this perverted gorilla-stalker?! I want my sukonbu!" Kagura yelled at him
"K-Kagura-chan!" he thought that even if she was seventeen now she still acted like a fourteen-year-old brat who they met four years ago
"What do you want Megane?! Huh!" she said with her gangster voice
"He's right Kagura-chan" Gintoki suddenly said becoming serious "He ate the dark matter we don't know how long he can last"
"Heee..?" Kagura couldn't hide astonishment in her voice, she looked at the man lying under the wall. Well, maybe he needed to go to the hospital, but it was his fault for stalking Anego and coming to her birthday party when he wasn't invited.
She sighed "Okay" she finally said
"Don't worry Kagura-chan we'll buy sukonbu later" said Shinpachi trying to cheer her up a little
"Yoshi! Let's go to the hospital and then buy the sukonbu!" she exclaimed with a lot of enthusiasm and then grabbed unconscious shinsengumi commander and went outside.
In the hospital
Blonde-haired nurse with worried face came to the Yorozuya trio.
"I'm afraid that your friend is in critical condition,"
Three people before her nodded in answer
"…he needs a special treatment"
Nod.
"…which will cost a lot of money"
Nod.
…
"What?!" Three of them screamed in unison
"He needs a special medication which is not available on our planet, bringing it here will be really expensive, not to mention its price" when she met nothing but a silence she continued "We're not sure what caused his current state, the doctor suggested to ask his friends-"
"Oi, oi lady we're not his friends" interrupted Gintoki
"Yeah, who would want to be friends with this gorilla-stalker, uh-huh!" added red-headed Yato
"K-kagura-chan! He's injured!" Megane said
"So what?! It's all becau- " she couldn't end because of Gintoki's hand covering her mouth
"Hahahaha Kagura-chan what are you talking about? We have no idea what might have happen to him! Haha...ha…ha" natural-perm laughed nervously
"So you know nothing about it, do you?"
Three of them nodded.
"Then I'm going back to-" her speech was interrupted by sudden appearance of two Shinsengumi members
"Kondo-san! What happened to Kondo-san?!" yelled mayora from the doorway
"Shut up Hijikata-san" emotionless voice spoke from behind him
"Hijikata-san, Okita-san! What are you doing here?!" Shinpachi couldn't hide his astonishment
"What are you so surprised about? We came because doctor called us when some three strangers brought our unconscious commander here. Now I see why he was so worried" said Hijikata
"Korra! What are you talking about, you stupid tax-robbers?! You should be thankful to us for bring him here, uh-huh!" Kagura yelled at answer
"Insulting the police, I could arrest you for that China girl" Sougo deadpanned
"Shut up sadist!" she said angrily and attacked captain of the shinsengumi first division
"Well, whatever, we're getting Kondo-san back to HQ" demon vice commander said trying to ignore two fighting brats behind him
"I'm sorry mister, but I'm afraid you can't do it" the nurse said politely "He has to stay here until he totally recovers, we can't risk. Right now he is half-dead, it's miracle that he still breaths"
Hijikata looked at Gintoki and pulled him aside
"Oi, you natural-perm, tell me now what happened to him otherwise I'm going to arrest you for attempted murder of policeman and giving false testimony" he whispered
"He just ate something he shouldn't" Gin said faintly but seeing how Hijikata is pulling out the handcuffs he started talking nervously with very fast speed "Don't blame us. It was his fault that he came on Kagura's birthday. It was his fault that he was stalking Otae all this time. I did nothing! It's like he got poisoned by himself!"
"Like the hell I would believe you, you sugar-freak!" Hijikata exclaimed furiously
"Who are you calling 'sugar-freak', you mayo-freak!" and so they started to fight
There was a great chaos in the hospital at that moment. Kagura and Sougo trying to kill each other, Gin-san and Hijikata fighting, unconscious Kondo nearly dying in hospital bed and blonde-haired nurse arguing lively with doctor.
"OI! COULD YOU PLEASE STOP FIGHTING AND BECOME MORE SERIOUS?! WE'VE GOT A MAN DYING HERE!" Shinpachi yelled with all his might (to be honest, he did it only because it was his sister's dish that caused Kondo's terrible condition and he didn't want her to become murderer who poisoned commander of a shinsengumi)
Everyone looked at him instantly. Two men grabbing their collars released themselves. Nurse and doctor stopped in the middle of their quarrel. Even Kagura sitting on Okita's top with her fist raised to punch froze.
"Thank you" said Shinpachi now more calmly.
"Ekhm… Yeah" doctor coughed "So did you decided already who will pay for this man treatment" he said pointing to the direction where Kondo lay.
"Pay…?" asked Hijikata confused, shouldn't the treatment be free?!
"Yes. It actually costs 10 000 000 Yens"
"How much?!" demon vice commander screamed
"You heard it" said Gintoki "Come on, Kagura, Shinpachi let's go already"
"Haiii~!" Kagura sang and stood up "See ya, tax robbers"
"Oi! Matte, China girl! It's your fault that our commander is in that condition. You have to pay!" Hijikata yelled at her
"Huh? Why?!"
"Cuz it was your birthday party in which Kondo got poisoned"
Kagura looked at him with wide eyes. How did he know?!
"This perm-head told me" added Hijikata like he was reading her mind "So this is you who have to pay for it"
"No way!" she screamed and kicked him in the head
"Oi, you stupid brat…" he began
"And even if you say so" Shinpachi spoke "she has no money to pay for it"
"Uh-huh! Tell them how poor we are, Shinpachi!" Kagura cheered on him
"Tch." Hijikata spat "I guess there's nothing we can do about-"
"Giving up so easily, Hijikata-san" Sougo suddenly spoke "We can't let her go. If she has no money then she has to earn some"
"Humpf! Easy to say, you stupid sadist! I don't even get payment from Gin-chan!" she cried
"Oh, I think we can do something about it" said Hijikata "From now on you will work for shinsengumi as a charwoman unless you pay off your debt"
"What?!" Kagura screamed at surprise "No fucking way! I've got a work already! Gin-chan Shinpachi tell them!"
Two men who were trying to leave unseen turned around
"Um… sorry Kagura-chan, but… you know…" Shinpachi began
"I think I can give you some… break from Yorozuya work, so you can-" added Gintoki
"Huh?! What are you talking about?!" she interrupted him
"They're saying that they're leaving you to us" deadpanned Sougo
"I didn't ask you, sadist!" she screamed
"Kagura-chan, listen, we have to go now, but we'll be visiting you every day" silver-haired samurai said
"Yeah… Don't worry Kagura-chan" Shinpachi added and the two of them were gone.
…
"So we'll be going now, too" Hijikata said after a moment of silence "Come on Sougo. China girl you're going too"
Kagura speechlessly followed the two shinsengumi men. She couldn't believe that Gin-chan and Shinpachi abandoned her so easily. She couldn't believe that they just left her with those stupid tax-robbers. How long will she have to work there? What a stupid birthday!
Author's note:
Hi mina!
I'm reaaalllyyyy sorry for all language or grammar errors, I know there are probably a lot of them, but English isn't my native language so please don't kill me for this x.x
It's my first fanfic so I'm not really sure if it's good.
I tried to make it more funny but I guess it didn't work T^T
also I have the impression that all characters are totally OOC
I plan to make it more romantic later cuz after all it's OkiKagu fanfic :P
Please review and let me know if you like it!