The Random Megaman Parody Show: Second Offense
By: Metal Sonic EX
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Megaman series. Nor do I own anything else that they might choose to make fun of.
Okay, if you read the summary, you'll know the new additions. This chapter won't be the season premiere, but the five series getting ready for it. So, here goes! Let's get this show on the road!!
Prologue
Preparing For The Worst
MSX - I'm sure you're wanting to see the season premiere. Well, you're not going to. Why? 'Cause I'm an evil bastard and I said so! So, nyah! Anyways, this season will be completely uncensored. Meaning anyone at any given time can say fuck, fuckity fuck, or fuck fuckity fuck fuck. Why? Because I captured and killed the FCC. Evil bastards. I hope they fucking burn in hell. Now, let's begin…
Announcer - We now return you to the second season of The Random Megaman Parody Show, already in progress.
Everyone Else - …OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Zero (X) - You evil bastard!
MSX - Tell me something I don't know. Anyways, the second season will begin filming in…
(MSX looks at the clock and sees that it reads '11:00 P.M')
MSX - Now.
Glyde (BN) - What?! Well, I hardly think that we're ready.
Massimo - We don't even know our lines!
MSX - You're right. Half an hour. Max. -walks away-
(A long pause follows.)
Marino - He is evil.
X - Told you.
Clyde - Hi, I'm Clyde. I like potatoes. And I'm also MSX's agent.
Zero (Zero) - I thought you were Jesus.
(Clyde looks around nervously.)
Clyde - Anyways, here are your scripts and I'll see you in… -looks at clock- twenty-seven minutes. -walks off-
X - We'd better get going.
Announcer - One half an hour later…
MSX - Well, did you speed-read through most of it.
Axl - Actually, we just scanned the script into our heads and made up the rest.
MSX - Great! Then let's get started!
Roll (Classic) - But… This is the prologue…
(MSX punches through another plaster wall.)
MSX - I know. But I'm evil like that. Onward!
(The group goes to the set and takes their places.)
MSX - Aaaaand… Action!
Parody #1
Season Premiere
Whose Line Is It Anyway? Parody
By: All five series
Mega Man.EXE - Hello and welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway? And here's today's cast. A few cards short of a bridge tournament, Classic Megaman!
(Megaman waves.)
Mega Man.EXE - A few chili dogs short of a Coney Island, X!
(X nods.)
Mega Man.EXE - A few fat people short of a Richard Simmons video, Trigger!
(Trigger gives the peace sign.)
Mega Man.EXE - And, a few more drinks couldn't hurt, Zero!
(Zero looks at Mega Man.EXE angrily.)
Mega Man.EXE - And I'm Megaman from the Battle Network series and I'm your host. Come on down and have some fun!
(Mega Man.EXE goes down to his desk and sits down.)
Mega Man.EXE - Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway where the points don't matter. That's right. The point's are like Wily's next world domination scheme.
(Wily gives Mega Man.EXE the finger.)
Mega Man.EXE - This episode will be jam-packed with sped, ecstasy, and buttloads of crack cocaine. So, let's get this show on the road. The first game is called Superheroes and it is for everybody.
(X walks into the center of the stage and the other three walk to the side.)
Mega Man.EXE - Now, X will start and name the next person to come in and so on. Now, we need a name.
Roll (Legends) - Constantly Nausiated Man!
Glyde (Battle Network) - The ADD Wonder!
Dr. Light - Can't Stop Crapping Boy!
Mega Man.EXE - You're choices suck. I'm going with my own. You are Can't Depict Left From Right Dude. And, the story is X is in his secret hideout located in his living room when the dog pees on the couch. And begin!
(X looks down.)
X - Not again!
(X walks right and off stage.)
X - Fido? Fido! Where'd you go?
(X turns around.)
X - There you are!
(X walks back to center stage as Classic Megaman jumps in.)
Megaman - I got your mess… Whoa! That is messy.
X - Thank God you made it… Hand Magnetically Attaches To Crotch Man…
(Megaman laughs, as does the audience.)
Megaman - Hi!
(Megaman waves and grabs X's crotch.)
Megaman - So, how do you want to do this? -grabs his crotch-
X - Let's get the Febreeze.
Trigger - Howdy do… doo on the carpet!
X - Not again!
Megaman - Alright! It's Mouth Overdosed On Novocaine Boy!
(Trigger scoffs and loosens his jaw.)
Trigger - -flopping jaw- How are you… I just got back from the dentist… -flops cheeks around-
Megaman - I got the Febreeze! -grabs Trigger's crotch-
Trigger - Oh no!
Zero - Hey. There's pee on your couch.
X - I know.
Trigger - It's… the… um… uh… The Constantly Stuttering Wonder… I guess…
(Zero gets that 'Come on!' look and shrugs.)
Zero - H-H-H-Hey g-g-g-guys! I th-th-th-think that I kkkknow how t-t-t-to c-c-c-clean this mmmmess.
Megaman - Hi!
(Megaman waves and drops his hand to his side. He stands that way until the audience laughs. Zero gets that crazy look in his eye.)
Zero - Screw this sh-sh-sh-shit! I'm oooout of here! B-B-B-B-B-Buttholes! -walks of screen-
Trigger - Done! Here's your Febreeze back. -hands X nonexistent bottle- I've got to talk with my lawyer. It's about time we had a talk about my dentist. -leaves-
Megaman - Well, all is well. So… Bye! -grabs X's crotch, then leaves-
X - Well, I could go for a beer. -walks left, stops, then walk offstage to the right-
(The audience claps as the buzzer sounds and the four people take their seats.)
Mega Man.EXE - 200 points to Classic Megaman for being a good sport and grabbing everyone's crotch. Now, the next game is called Film, TV, and Theatre Styles and it is for everyone.
(Everyone walks up.)
Mega Man.EXE - We've already asked the audience and I will tell you to act out the scene using a random style. The scene is Classic Megaman is on a suicide mission to defeat the latest trio of Robot Masters, played by X, Trigger, and Zero. And go!
Megaman - This is bizarre. Not a single Robot Master in sight.
X - Blam!
Trigger - Bam!
Zero - Kazaam!
Megaman - My God!
X - We.
Trigger - Are.
Zero - Sped Man!
Mega Man.EXE - Sports!
(X, Trigger, and Zero suddenly huddle.)
X - Okay, you guys know the play?
Trigger - Yep.
Zero -Not really.
X - Go. Let's get this guy.
(The trio line up like a football team.)
X - Hut!
(The group is interrupted in half-charge.)
Mega Man.EXE - Kids Show.
Megaman - Oh no! I'll use the cheesiest possible attack! Hyah!
(Megaman swings his arm like he's gay.)
Megaman - Bang! You're all knocked out! And now, I'll recite my alphabet for no reason! A. B. C. D. E…
Mega Man.EXE - Old Prospector.
Megaman - I. E. I. O. Guess what?
Trigger - What?
Megaman - Der be gold in dem mines!
X - No way!
Zero - Well, dagnabit! We'd better go and get some 'for everyone else steals it!
Mega Man.EXE - Ew. Swedish Porn.
Zero - Yah. I know I am sexy. Don't deny it.
X - Oh, yah. You very sexy in the sexy way.
Mega Man.EXE - This is creepy, so let's go to Shakespeare.
X - I am, however, lying through my teeth, with the hardest enamel and shiniest smile.
Trigger - Change this thine subject 'fore I blow my brains all overith this, thine floor.
Mega Man.EXE - I see we have horrible Shakespeares here. So, South Park.
Megaman - This is gonna be so easy. I've done this already!
X - Holy shit, man!
Trigger - I've go no fuckin' arms or legs. I don't even have a fuckin' neck!
Mega Man.EXE - Blacksploitation.
X - What the fuck is that?
Mega Man.EXE - A movie where the cast is mainly or completely African-American.
Megaman - Well, ya see dawg, I can do Blacksploitation 'cause I was born naturally black.
Bass - -from audience- Like shit you were!
Megaman - Oh, it's on, nigga!
(Megaman and Bass act like they shoot each other until the buzzer sounds. Everyone sits down and Mega Man.EXE shakes his head.)
Mega Man.EXE - 100 points to X and Zero for being cool. Next is Questions Only for everyone.
(Everyone walks to the stage.)
Mega Man.EXE - The scene is Megaman is on a plane when a terrorist, Trigger, threatens to blow up the plane. And go!
Megaman - Why is this ride so boring?
Trigger - Who thinks America should fall?
Megaman - What?
Trigger - Down with America!
(The buzzer sounds and Zero takes his place.)
Zero - Where is the captain?
Megaman - Have you checked the cockpit?
Zero - Is he in there?
Megaman - I dunno.
(Megaman swaps with X.)
Zero - Who are you?
X - Why?
Zero - What?
X - Why?
Zero - Why do you keep saying why?
X - Why?
Zero - Why can't you tell me?
X - Why?
Zero - Are you retarded or something?
X - Why?
Zero - Did I ask you?
X - Why?
Zero - Do you want me to blow up this plane?
X - Why not?
(Zero shakes his head and walks off. X dunks his hand and Trigger walks up.)
X - Are you a terrorist?
Trigger - Can't you see the bomb?
X - Can't you see the policeman standing behind you?
Trigger - What?
(Trigger acts like he's hit by a nightstick as the buzzer sounds. Everyone takes their seats.)
Mega Man.EXE - 150 points for Trigger for being hit with a nightstick and negative 150 points for X for being a little bitch and continuously asking why. Now, this game is called Props. X and Trigger will be one team while Megaman and Zero are on the other. Now, you must come up with as many different things as you can with your prop. And go!
(X pulls out a giant foam replica of Sigma's head. He looks at Trigger while holding it to his own head.)
X - Rhananana… Ass-chin. Rhananana.
(The buzzer sounds and Zero pulls out a bizarre, penis-shaped foam object. He puts it to his crotch.)
Zero - Do you know what they say about people with long hair?
(The buzzer sounds. The foam head is on the ground with X and Trigger looking at it.)
Trigger - Well, he's dead. Again.
X - In a few seconds, he should transform into a slightly harder boss or something like that.
(The buzzer sounds and both Megaman and Zero are looking at the penis thing, which is on the ground.)
Megaman - So, NASA's budget is running low.
(The buzzer sounds as X picks up the head and inspects it.)
X - Why? Why is this always what's left of Sigma? Why?!
(The buzzer sounds and Megaman picks up the penis thing by the rod.)
Megaman - By the new Bonkertron 300 for all of your bonking needs! -bonks Zero-
(The buzzer sounds several times and the props are replaced. Everyone takes their seats.)
Mega Man.EXE - 200 points to everyone and an extra 50 to Megaman for coming up with the Bonkertron 3000 and 75 to X for asking the age-old question. Now, for those of you keeping track of the points, get a life!
(The audience laughs.)
Mega Man.EXE - The next game is for everyone. This one is called Party Quirks. Megaman will be throwing the party and he must guess what everyone else is.
(Trigger laughs and shakes his head after reading his card.)
Mega Man.EXE - So, when you're ready, begin.
Megaman - Okay, got chips. Punch. Faygo. Goat. I'm good to go. This is gonna be the best Bar Mitzvah ever! -doorbell rings- Ah, the guests!
(Megaman opens the nonexistent door and 'Doctor Kevorkian' appears at the bottom of the screen. The audience laughs.)
X - Tell me of your troubles.
Megaman - Oh! Um, well… I've got a goat here. Don't know how it got in.
X - I know, my son. There is only one answer to your problem. Suicide. I'll be right back.
(X walks off as the doorbell rings.)
Megaman - I'll answer the door as soon as Dr. Kevorkian leaves.
(The bell dings.)
X - Okay, I'm back and I'm not acting. Now, drink this whole bottle of poison and see me in a few days.
(X hands Megaman a bottle of rat poison before taking his seat.)
Megaman - Okay. -sets rat poison aside- Bizarre.
(Megaman opens the door and Trigger is hunched over and squinting. 'Hallucinating Old Man' appears at the bottom of the screen. The audience laughs.)
Trigger - Ugh… Thank you, Mr. Gopher-Duck thing. Ah! Why is there an elephant here?
Megaman - That's the punch bowl. -doorbell rings- Excuse me.
(Megaman answers the door as 'Has Split Personality' appears at the bottom of the screen. No one laughs and Zero gives them the finger.)
Zero - -normally- Hi. I'm Zero. -angrily- Who are you?! Tell me who you are! -softly- Oh, I'm sorry. Did I scare you? Poor thing. -specially- Who wants cake?!
Megaman - I am officially scared.
Trigger - I'm always scared. Why is there a statue of Paul Bunyan riding a giraffe in the middle of the room?
Megaman - First, I think the hallucinating old man needs to leave.
(The bell dings.)
Megaman - Now, who are you?
Zero - I-I-I-I-I-I'm Z-Z-Z-Z-Zero! -demonically- Who wants to know?!
Megaman - I'm drawing a blank. He seems pretty normal.
Zero - -homosexually- You're an asshole. -violently- And… I… am… the greatest… thing… to ever… come out of… a… CRACKER JACK BOX!! -roars-
Megaman - Oh. Split personality.
(The bell dings and both people take there seats.)
Mega Man.EXE - 100 points to Zero for being excellent at the split personality thing and 150 points to Trigger for being a funny, old man. The next game is called Number of Words and it's for everyone. Now, you must act out a scene using only your predetermined amount of words. Now, Megaman must talk with one word, X with four, Trigger with two, and Zero with one-hundred and twenty-five.
Zero - What how do you expect me to do that it's just not right I mean I can't talk like that without popping a vein or having an ulcer or a heart attack or a stroke are you sure you're reading that card right I mean are you sure I'm not supposed to have five or six or seven or maybe even eight words 'cause I can do with and I am started to run out of air here and I know that 'cause my face is turning blue and I can't keep this up for much longer 'cause my lungs seem fit to burst and I am slowly running out of oxygen oh my God this is exhausting I think that I am gonna die!! -deeply inhales-
Mega Man.EXE - Damn. Anyways, I misread the card and it's actually ten words.
Zero - Words can't describe how much I hate you right now.
Mega Man.EXE - Excellent start! Begin!
X - What's the scenario?
Mega Man.EXE - Oh, right! The scenario is… um… you're talking about this new season of The Random Megaman Parody Show.
Megaman - Cool.
Trigger - Very cool.
X - I think that it's bullshit.
Zero - You lucky bastards have it of easy, but not me.
Megaman - Bummer.
Trigger - I wonder…
X - What are you thinking about?
Trigger - Second Offense.
Megaman - Sucks.
Zero - I think that the show should have been canceled… kumquat!
Megaman - Word.
Trigger - Totally blows.
X - MSX is a major douchebag.
Megaman - Yep.
Zero - One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten!
Megaman - Pussy.
X - Zero's a long-haired pansy.
Megaman - Totally.
Trigger - I agree.
(The buzzer sounds and everyone takes their seats.)
Mega Man.EXE - 200 points to Zero for saying a one hundred and twenty-five word sentence. Now, this next game is Greatest Hits. Trigger and Megaman are trying to sell a record of some sort while X and Zero sing out the songs. The record is Songs of the Evil Genius. Go!
Megaman - We'll return to Lassie Vs. Kujo in a moment, but first, the evil genius has long since been viewed as stupid, idiotic, and usually very old. But, we are here to sell you their greatest songs. Songs of the Evil Genius will be the investment you make this week!
Trigger - Everyone knows that techno is associated with the Nintendo Entertainment System and the NES is associated with Megaman and Megaman is associated with old people. So, included on the disc is Wily's own personal hit… Damn That Megaman! Damn Him To Hell!
(Techno music starts playing.)
X - Yeah. My name is Wily. I'm old, but I kick ass.
When I fight Megaman, I always come out last!
And when I lose, I curse that prick. All I have to say is… Well…
Damn that Megaman! Damn him to Hell!
Zero - Yeah. I'm Wily too. The first man to be cloned!
When I fight Megaman, I'm pretty boned.
But I've got one secret that I don't like to tell
and that's that I curse Megaman. Damn him to Hell!
(The music stops.)
Trigger - I do not recall that second Wily when I heard the song.
Megaman - Nor do I. Now, when it comes to the crazies, the ass-chins know best. And Sigma, being one of the biggest ass-chins there is, put one of his own songs on here. That song is… The Ballad of Flame Hyenard… I guess…
(Country music starts playing.)
Zero - I wanted to come with an annoying Maverick.
So I took fire and a bunch of random parts.
I took a break and killed thousands of people
And afterwards I stole their hearts.
X - I put them together and just like that
I'd created a monster and I got a feeling that I was sinking.
Yeah, I made Flame Hyenard.
What the fuck was I thinking?
(The music stops and the audience applauds.)
Trigger - That song was number one on the charts for about five minutes.
Megaman - And for good reason. I hate country music. Now, Teasel Bonne is the definition of evil. Not so much genius though.
Trigger - Nonetheless, his number one hit single, I'll Get That Blue Boy, is one this disc.
(Rap music starts playing.)
X - That bastard Trigger. Him and his monkey.
I think that his weapons are all kind of funky.
I hate it when my crap comes out chunky.
Now, let's try out my new toy.
Zero - What? Beaten already? Dammit!
Why, that damned Megaman can just cram it!
If something online sucks, I say blam it!
I'll get that blue boy!
(The music stops.)
Trigger - I don't recall the part about the crap.
Megaman - Neither do I. Anyways, another song is from Omega, the cheap rip-off that looks like X. So, on this disc is a song about Omega. It's called… Fuck The World!
(Rock music starts playing.)
Zero - Why do I look like X? Who gives a shit!
Why, I might just have to bring back Byte and Bit.
Why? Don't know. I just felt like coming up
with something that rhymed with… cup…
X - Never mind my stupid half
Why, like this, I could… slaughter a calf…
Anyways, I've got one motto around which… I've… curled?
And that is a great motto. Fuck the world!
(The rock music stops. The buzzer sounds and everyone takes their seats.)
Mega Man.EXE - Well, that's five hundred dollars for everyone…
Zero - Finally.
Mega Man.EXE - In Monopoly money! -throws money in front of him-
X - Bastard. Hey, why are we doing this for you anyways?
Mega Man.EXE - Why, I've equipped you with electronic crotch shockers.
(Trigger jolts in his seat.)
X - What?
Mega Man.EXE - Money. Lots of money.
X - I didn't get any money.
Mega Man.EXE - You will. Now, this next game is… Hoedown! Everyone gets to sing about their series and what you say is of no concern of mine. Now, sing!
(The Hoedown music starts playing.)
Megaman: I was the original, the one that started us off.
-not singing- Hold on a second. I've got to cough.
(Megaman coughs.)
Megaman - -singing- I dislike that fact that everything's named after music.
It's like Capcom wants to make you sick.
But there's a few things I think I should share,
First off, I've got to go through levels to get to a boss?
(Megaman turns to Dr. Light.)
Megaman - -yelling at Dr. Light- Just teleport me there!!
(Dr. Light gives Megaman the finger-
Megaman - -singing- And not only do I think that Wily is a dike,
But I also hate those goddamn spikes!
(The music plays without interruption briefly.)
X - I was the second one to come out.
I made everyone all run and shout.
With new armors and passwords to save…
Yes, sir! I was quite the rave!
I keep the entire series intact.
But there's one thing that really makes me itch,
And that's the fact
That Zero is my bitch!
(Megaman and X wrap their arms together and dance in a circle and Zero shakes his head.)
Trigger - I took the series into 3-D.
That's probably why I was series three.
The second game sold pretty fast
'Cause I started by grabbing Roll's ass!
I do like Data too 'cause he's really funky.
There's just one thing that I find chunky
And that's that he's a monkey
Doin' the monkey!
(Data begins nodding his head to the beat of 'What Is Love'. A Servbot knocks him away with a baseball bat and the music scratches. The Hoedown tune resumes as the Servbot walks away.)
Zero - I took off from the sixth X game.
But to be honest, I found it kind of lame.
'Cause it really made no sense.
Hell! I might as well be able to fence!
Although Ciel's pretty hot and Leviathan too,
I don't know which one to choose.
But let me say I'm angry, I'm bouncing off the walls
X knows that I'm more popular and he can suck my…
(X shoots Zero.)
All - And he can suck my BANG!!
(The Hoedown tune stops and Zero crawls to his seat.)
Mega Man.EXE - 100 points to X for the dis, and 250 points for Zero, 200 for the comeback and 50 for getting shot. Now, the final game is MSX's favorite…
(All eyes turn to MSX, who raises his nonexistent eyebrows.)
Trigger - At least it's the last one.
Mega Man.EXE - This game is called… Scenes From A Hat!
(Mega Man.EXE pulls out a hat with an American flag motif.)
Mega Man.EXE - Before the show, subjects were suggested by the audience and put into this hat. I'll give you the category, you come with as many things as you can to go along with that theme. Now, let's play! The first one is… Reasons Why People Would Like Zero Better Than X.
(Zero walks to the middle and simply poses. The buzzer sounds and Megaman walks out.)
Megaman - It's the hair, man! It's gotta be the hair!
(Megaman swaps places with Trigger.)
Trigger - Does X have a fancy lightsaber? Nooooo!
(Trigger swaps places with X.)
X - There is no reason. I'm lovable. I'm compassionate. I'm…
(Dr. Light stands up.)
Dr. Light - You're a little bitch whenever you're forced to fight!
(X gives him the finger and walks to the side of the stage.)
Mega Man.EXE - Next one. Unusual Robot Masters.
(Megaman goes up and poses with his fists on his hip.)
Megaman - I'm Jesus Man!!
(Trigger swaps places with Megaman. Trigger stands there briefly before pantomiming. Zero walks up, as does X. X acts like he's shooting Zero.)
Zero - Mwahaha! I am Invincible Man! It's impossible to beat me!
(The duo swaps places with Megaman.)
Megaman - -laughing- I'm gonna get shot for this. -talking deeply- I'm Black Man! Where's my chicken?!
(Bass walks up and reaches his foot back.)
Bass - For the black community!
(Bass kicks Megaman in the nuts and nothing happens.)
Megaman - I'm a robot, remember? I get the point though. No offense meant. -walks to side of stage-
Bass - -walks back into audience- Racist bastard.
Mega Man.EXE - Next one. Reasons Why The Bonnes Never Win.
(Trigger walks up.)
Trigger - -snorts- They suck!
(Trigger walks to the side of the stage as Teasel throws a thing of popcorn at him. Megaman walks up.)
Megaman - They've got little Lego people. He's gotta monkey. Case closed.
(Trigger swaps places with Megaman again.)
Trigger - I'm just too damn good.
(Zero swaps places with Trigger.)
Zero - I dunno. They're gay?
(Zero walks back to the side of the stage.)
Mega Man.EXE - Last one.
Megaman - Hallelujah.
Mega Man.EXE - Parodies You'd Rather Not Be Forced To Make This Season.
(All eyes turn to MSX, who again raises his nonexistent eyebrows. X walks to the stage along with Megaman, Trigger, and Zero.)
X - Drinky Drinky!
Megaman - Dipshit!
Trigger - Gay-Gay!
Zero - Hoe!
All - Teleflubbies! Teleflubbies! Get… hung… over!
(The buzzer sounds and both Megaman and Zero leave. X and Trigger exchange fake punches until X acts like his head pops off. The buzzer sounds and Zero walks up.)
Zero - Freakachu! Go! -throws nonexistent ball-
(The buzzer sounds and he swaps places with Megaman.)
Megaman - That's 200 points for the freak with the hair!
(The buzzer sounds several times and the four exchange handshakes.)
Mega Man.EXE - And this is just the tip of the iceberg! Thanks for tuning in and we'll see you next time! Good night!!
MSX - Aaaaaand… Cut! Very good people. Now, let's get to work on the rest of the parodies.
Dr. Light - Oh, joy.
Next time: The X and Classic series discovers who lives in a pineapple under the sea.