Hello, kiddies and welcome to 'Stardom'! Thanks for dropping in! I'm taking a small break from epic drama, as you can see. I have prepared a little tribute to this fandom, commemorating the most popular Super Smash Bros. couples. I've also decided to commemorate the work of several authors, all found within this category. I do hope you enjoy this little break from action-packed adventures!
This was actually inspired by hilarious tales I found within the Dynasty Warriors category. I also gave birth to the idea after writing Aurora's Advice, which I installed into my profile. Certain couples achieve instant stardom in this section, and I decided to celebrate all of them. XD So sit back, relax, and enjoy yourselves!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Super Smash Bros.
Warning: As all of my work does, this tale mentions boy/boy couples. If you're not a fan of boy/boy love, please don't read this. I don't mean to stir up flames, or any form of hatred against gay love. If you're not into a certain Smasher being a 'fruit', then so be it. If you can't see a certain Smasher being gay, then so be it. I don't wish to receive your opinions on what pairings should exist.
This so-called 'guide' came from my experience in the Smash fandom. I don't mean any ill will against any Smasher, be it Mario or King Dedede. I know Mario's the mascot of Nintendo, so of course he isn't 'minor'. Stories just don't feature him on a regular basis. Pushing that aside, this is meant to be a fun-filled parody. XD Don't take anything too seriously! I mean no ill will towards Smashers or authors.
This tale was inspired by super sailor vegeta-sei's Dynasty Warriors guides. XD The 'Liu Bei' one in particular.
This tale will be written through a certain Smasher's eyes. Expect some stupidity from that particular Smasher. XD
Good day, ladies and gentlemen. I am the amazing Captain Douglas Falcon, esteemed racer and legendary champion. Over the last two weeks, I spent a bunch of days conducting research. I explored the World Wide Web, and by golly, I discovered a whole new galaxy!
That's it. They should call it the World Wide Galaxy! I shall inform the press of this. I shall inform the world of this! I have made the world's most brilliant discovery! People shall remember me! They shall hear my name and tremble! They shall know of my excellence! I have discovered the World Wide Galaxy, dear friends! Bwahahahaha-
Excuse me. I welcome you to the fruits of my research! I thank you, with regal pomposity, for giving me your precious time. You'll lose your precious time, and you'll never be able to get it back, but you'll lose it. And I promise, you won't waste it. So join me as I converse with my dear friends. Join me as I lend my voice to the legendary Smashers!
"Legendary Smashers, lend me your ears. I have gathered you all here to inform you of something!"
Zero Suit Samus, standing between Yoshi and Ness, sighed while rolling her eyes. "I thought so," the blonde maiden groaned. Meanwhile, Donkey Kong and Diddy exchanged bananas. While their bananas were exact duplicates of each other, they felt the other's banana was better. According to the family of Donkey Kong Country, exchanging bananas had become quite the rage.
"Did you tell us we're about to die from boredom?" Falco Lombardi asked, at the side of his beloved friend Fox. "I can't wait for that to happen. I'm surprised Slippy hasn't killed me with his stupidity."
King Dedede held up a hand. "Yeah, about that...why is it that he can't take any of the bad guys down? If he sucks that much, why did you guys hire him?"
Fox threw Dedede a look of desperation and frustration. "Drop a line to General Pepper. No, wait a minute. Drop off your complaint to the Great Fox Customer Service. I'm sure they'll respond to you in a prompt manner! 24 hours, to be precise!"
Amidst the greatest music of all time, Captain Falcon held up his hands for silence. "Beloved friends, cherished allies and appreciated comrades, I have called you into the Smash Manor's courtyard for one reason. After extensive research-"
Link gave a frown to Pit. "What's with the music?" he whispered, earning a frown from the winged wonder. If you asked Captain Falcon's deejay, he would have told you that Nobuo Uematsu composed it. It was commonly known as the orchestrated version of 'One-Winged Angel'.
"After extensive research, I have compiled a writer's guide to stardom! Not only have I compiled the writer's guide to stardom, but I have compiled a writer's guide to Super Smash Bros. stardom! Behold!" With that, Captain Falcon shot a hand into the air, holding...absolutely nothing.
"Behold, as I shall my riches with you! Behold, as I share my vast knowledge! Just excuse me for a moment, while I remove my vast knowledge from my super sexy pant pocket!"
The music came to an instant halt, allowing the amazing racer to reach into his super sexy pant pocket. Out of his pocket came a slip of paper, which appeared to be a slip from a small notebook. Mario and Luigi exchanged glances with one another, wondering if Falcon was still sane. "Behold, beloved friends, and listen," the racer went on regally. "Watch as I unfold!"
And unfold he did. Sighs rang throughout the audience of Smashers as he turned the paper in every direction, trying to find the perfect place to start from. He finally concluded that he should begin with the first item on his list! What an amazing discovery. And what an amazing deejay he had! Music from the Mario Party series began to play, instantly recognized by the Mario Brothers. If you had asked any of them, they would have merrily told you the song's origin-Mario Party 7.
"Ahem. Captain Falcon presents Captain Falcon's guide to Super Smash Bros. Stardom. If one wishes to write for this category, they must follow these rules. Here we go!"
If one wishes to succeed as a writer of the Super Smash Bros. fandom, they must follow these incredible rules. Pay attention!
1) No story can focus on the minor characters. The minor characters are as follows: Lucario, Ness, Lucas, the Mario Brothers, King Dedede, Game and Watch, and Bowser. As the other Smashers are concerned to be far more important, these Smashers are completely insignificant.
As a result of that heart-breaking discovery, Mr. Game and Watch lowered his head.
Only one known author has composed a story for Mr. Game and Watch. Note to Mr. Game and Watch: thank WesPerry when you have the time.
2) If Solid Snake is to be featured, make sure he's paired with Samus. Otherwise, his part in the story will fall flat. Nobody will really care if he's paired with Marth, Pit, Ike or Link. Actually, no one really cares about Snake, or his adventures with Metal Gear. He was just thrown into the Brawl roster at the last minute, because his Metal Gear Solid parents begged for his inclusion. Only two authors care about this Smasher, and they go by the names of 'Solid Snake's Aurora' and 'Shining Zephyr'.
"That's a little harsh," the mercenary said, scowling. Samus, on her own end, was outraged!
"Wait a minute. Why should I hook up with him? No offense to Snake here, but who dictates what in this sorry excuse of a fandom?!"
Falcon gave her an adoring, sweet and comforting smile. "Because, my pet, it only makes sense. He's a big, muscular guy with muscles and an attitude. You're a big, busty blonde with an attitude. It's like putting one and one together. Onward!"
3) Stories that feature Marth are instant hits, especially if Marth's paired with Ike.
4) Ike might be a good partner for Marth, but stories become more popular when he's paired with Pit. Actually, those are the fandom's greatest stories. Nobody cares about a story's summary. As long as Pit and Ike are in it as a couple, who cares?! The story's a hit!
"We're that popular? Yaaaaay!" Pit cried out joyously, and flew to the moon. He returned in the blink of an eye, just glowing with moonlight. He was so cute, all of the Pokemon within a 100 mile radius were ashamed. Actually, everyone within a 100 mile radius keeled over and passed out from an explosion of cavities. Dentists were about to become popular.
5) Stories should not focus on Fox, Falco or Wolf. If an author wishes to write about them, they should move into the Star Fox category.
6) The same applies to Sonic. Nobody really cares about him, either. One author loves him to death. Note to Sonic: thank GintaxAlvissxForever when you have the time.
Sonic launched himself into the air, over-the-moon with ecstasy. "All riiiight! I've got a new girlfriend! Wahoo!"
7) If a story features the Ike/Soren pairing, that's even better! Just look at Aurora's latest reviews for 'The Edge of Solace', and you'll have all the proof you need!
8) If you want even greater stardom, stay away from yaoi all together. Predictable pairings, such as the Link/Zelda pairing, work wonders for the aspiring author!
Zelda and Link exchanged glances, looking as if they had just eaten dead cockroaches. "What else would anyone expect?" the sovereign of Hyrule asked wearily. "I'm the Queen of Hyrule. He's the Hero of Time. Doesn't leave much room for the imagination, does it?"
"That's just...so...lame," Link added, then rolled his eyes. "I'd rather hook up with Navi."
And lo, did Navi come forth! "Liiiink!" the annoying specimen of life sang, soaring on the wings of love. "I'll hook up with you tooooo!"
"Navi! Oh, Navi! I have loved you ever so much thine thee day!"
"I've loved you too, Link! You're ever so much thine thee day!"
The two came together, glowing with effervescent bliss. Samus and Snake looked at one another, faces long with rejection and weariness. "Wanna get married?" the blonde asked casually. "We could have a double wedding with those two."
"Sounds fair," Snake said with a shrug. "Let's do it."
"Anything else?" Fox asked the F-Zero racer, ears lowered. Apparently, he was none too happy about his...unpopularity.
"Nothing else but this. I concluded my research with a conclusion!"
9) The recipe for the world's greatest SSB fanfic: Ike, Pit, Zelda and a bedroom! Ta daaah!
Bowser shot a fist into the air. "A threesome?! All riiiiight!"
And so, reality shoved its fists into the faces of many. Nobody really cares about Snake, Sonic or any of the teeny Smashers. Ike and Pit are the most glorious faces of this fandom! All riiiiight!
The End!!!!!
Didn't I tell you my research was amazing?! Didn't I tell you?! Bwahahaha!
Love, Captain Falcon
P.S: May Falcon bless us, everyone!
By the way, that Mario Party song I played...it's called 'Mill It Over'. Don't tell anyone! And 'One-Winged Angel'? That was written for ME, not that loser Sephiroth! Bwahahahaha!