Once again I don't own any awesome Naruto stuff except for my OC Mika(if you don't know who she is you can read my other story, Escape from camp place with a ridiculously long name that I can't be bothered to remember.) And any techniques mentioned are also made up by me.
It was a lovely sunshiney day. Sakura was sitting on the steps of her house dreaming about Sasuke. "Oh Sasuke." she thought. "One day you'll stop calling me a stalker and realize that my collection of your candid photos, my habit of digging through your trash can, the way I try to sneak into your room and watch you sleep at night, and when I steal your clothes while you're bathing is not creepy stalker behavior but an expression of love! And you'll call off those restraining orders and we'll dater and fall in love and propose and we'll get married and have lots of lovely little babies who will look just like us!" However, she was interrupted from her reverie by someone calling her name.
"Sakura!" She looked up. Standing in front of her was a group of girls, Tenten, Hinata, Ino, Mika, and Temari.
"Hi everyone! What are you all doing here?" she asked.
"Well, it's a bit of an awkward subject but, ah, well, to put it politely, umm, I mean..." Hinata stuttered and glanced at the other girls.
"Look forehead girl, you're useless. You keep saying you're all smart and want to be like Tsunade and all but you never do anything but moon over Sasuke and fall over. I of course am utterly perfect in every way, Tenten's weapons mistress, Temari has her cool fan thingy, Mika sets things on fire, and Hinata can kick butt with her byakugan. But you never do anything!" snapped Ino. "You're giving us ninja girls a bad reputation."
"Hey, that's not fair! I totally pull my own weight around here!" protested Sakura.
"/cough/bridge arc/cough/ Oh my did someone say something?" asked Mika brightly.
"What?" asked Sakura looking confused.
"Never mind. Anyway, we're here for one reason and one reason only. To teach you how to stop acting like a lovesick schoolgirl and start acting like a ninja!" said Mika.
"Look guys, I really don't have time for this. I have stuff to do and I can't waste time with silly games." said Sakura. Temari sighed.
"I really hoped we wouldn't have to do this but, if you don't go along with it we're telling spazz boy and eyebrow kid that you're secretly madly in love with them but too shy to admit it until they prove their love with a kiss, got it?" she said.
"But...but...but..." stuttered Sakura.
"No buts. Now come on, we've got lots to do!" said Tenten brightly. The group of girls dragged Sakura off.
"Now, lesson one is, how to tune out all distractions so that when you're fighting or whatever you don't get distracted by stupid thoughts of Sasuke!" said Mika brightly. "I'm gonna show you how to do that. Now, watch closely." She formed a series of hand seals. "This technique allows you to form a cloud of chakra around yourself. Now, it extends for a radius of about three feet in all directions. If something enters it you should feel the disturbance in the chakra, and concentrate all the chakra in that particular area to immobilize the object. Then you must spread it out again quickly in preparation for the next attack. We," she said gesturing "Will be throwing these, umm, these..." she spied a nearby fruit stall "Oranges, yes, oranges at you. You will attempt to use the technique to block them. Now, as you can imagine this technique takes a lot of concentration, and also we will be using subtle and very sneaky methods to try and distract you! Are you ready?"
"What?" asked Sakura, having drifted off into a daydream about Sasuke with less clothes than usual.
"Just block the stupid fruit already!" snapped Mika flinging an orange at her head, which smacked into it with a suspiciously hollow sound. She sighed. "I see we have a lot of work ahead of us."
A few hours later, Sakura was splattered with bits of fruit and juice, partly because she couldn't get the technique, and partly because she kept getting distracted by passing butterflies, the sky, and anyone who said "Oh look, is that Sasuke over there." in a completely unconvincing monotone. "Mika sighed again. "Okay, this isn't working. Maybe we should try something else. Tenten, you take over. We're gonna go out for smoothies or something." Tenten saluted.
"I'll try my best!"
"Yeah, at this point we'll be happy if Sakura can just hold a kunai the right way up." said Temari.
"Hey! I know that! Look see, you just oww! Oww!"
"You hold it by the blunt end, not the pointy end." said Hinata helpfully. Tenten sighed and put a hand over her eyes.
"Just come on."
Yes, I know this is horrible Sakura bashing, but really. That girl needs to get some backbone. It's not that I don't like her, just poking some harmless fun.