From a Mile Away
So it's been a long time since I wrote and it's kind of killing me. School is seriously intense this year, I took on a tad too much between work and classes and just being able to sleep and eat regularly and let's just say that I could really feel Greg at the end of "Slow Burn." I was totally burnt out and frustrated and just done with the semester. Now I'm home for a month and have no plans besides writing and applying for summer internships...and sleep (a lot of sleep). So, on that note, the tail end of this season might just be my favorite thing in the world including chocolate and pizza. Loved all this angst they were giving us! So there are going to be spoilers for the entire end of Season 4 through "Slow Burn" though this is going to tweak the ending slightly (aka. A LOT) So big spoilers and big change. I still don't own Flashpoint but I'd love to hear what you think about this idea. Thanks!
"I should have seen this coming." Spike said bitterly as his shoulders sunk, his eyes glazing over as he stared off out the windows of the briefing room. It was dark out now, not the orange sunset that they had walked into the SRU seeing. Now the bright florescent lights of the large room reflected off the darkened glass, the glare cutting into their eyes like swords.
"Spike." Ed shot a warning glare to the young man, his tone making him sit up a bit straighter and refocus. "Don't blame yourself here. I didn't see this coming either, none of us did." He motioned with his eyes around the table. Four team members all looked back at him, looking for some kind of direction, some explanation.
"Why the hell did he do it?" Sam's voice was horse, an angry whisper. "He had the option to throw those papers away and he didn't do it..." He glanced around with some passion, wanting someone to disagree with him, wanting someone to invalidate his point and throw the blame on someone else but the room stayed silent. It was a thick silence that begged to be broken. They all wanted that connecting thread to appear before them, for something to explain how the day progressed as it had but nothing was making itself evident.
"I saw if happening." A deep voice came from the corner of the table. They hated to admit it, but sometimes they forgot Raf was there. They liked him, he was fitting in fine, working hard, but if they weren't facing him and they weren't consciously aware that he was in the room, their minds automatically reverted to the image of Wordy sitting around the table with them.
"What do you mean, Raf?" Ed asked in what he tried to make a compassionate tone. This was supposed to be a debriefing and he was supposed to be leading it but he couldn't keep his emotions in check enough to be neutral. Raf shook his head slightly as he rubbed his temples.
"Couple of weeks ago, the call to Fletcher Stadium-"
"No." Ed and Spike both said quickly.
"It was the heat of the moment, his life was on the line. What he said there was not grounds for any disciplinary action." Ed started to speak passionately as Spike jumped in.
"It was an impossible situation, he did what he had to do to stay alive and the fact that anyone is judging his character on that is absurd and idiotic!" Spike was growing heated as Raf waited for a pause and nearly yelled over them.
"I'm not talking about the call." He threw in quickly before he could continue to be lectured. Once their attention was back and they had all taken a few breaths, he continued. "I'm talking about after." He paused for a moment and seemed to be caught in his mind, staring at the table, leaving everyone hanging.
"Raf?" Jules mumbled just loud enough to bring him back to the moment. He looked up biting his lip and looked straight in front of him to the head of the table, avoiding eye contact with anyone in particular.
"I was doing what you said, Ed." He shrugged as he took a breath and licked his lips. "You told me to tell the boss that the hostage was doing well in the hospital, that chances were good for a full recovery. I told him that and I told him how honored I was to be on the team and how I really had learned from those drills that morning..." He trailed off again but came back to the thought after a moment. "Up on the plasma, he was watching an interview he must have done with the subject when he was trying out for SRU. I thought it was kinda weird but figured it was for the files. He seemed kind of upset so I left but..." He shook his head and looked at the table again but after a moment, Ed prompted him back into talking.
"But what, Raf?"
"Well, after I talked to him I went and got my coat from the locker room, talked to one of the guys on team two for a couple of minutes and when I walked by the briefing room all his files were scattered, thrown on the floor and all over the table. I was going to go in and ask what happened but...but I saw him with his head in his arms...I...I think he might have been crying and I didn't think he'd want me to see that so...so I left before he saw me." Raf rubbed at his temples as the room fell even more silent than it was before. "It was a really tough day for him, I mean if he didn't get a little emotional after that then I think we'd have cause to worry too..." He tried to defend himself but it wasn't necessary.
"Raf, you didn't do anything wrong buddy. He wouldn't have talked to you if you tried. You're right, it was a tough day." Ed nodded towards Raf, speaking with authority before looking at the table and adding as an afterthought, "I should'a checked up on him."
"Ed," Jules said firmly, grabbing his attention and forcing him to look up. "If you're not going to let us play the blame game, then it applies to you too." He couldn't help but smile for a moment at her logic, a small nod being the only signal of his reluctant agreement.
"He never followed up." Spike said, almost to himself before his head dropped and something connected in his mind.
"What do you mean, Spike?" Ed prompted, trying to get back into the debriefing.
"I...he..." Spike tried to find a starting place but couldn't seem to form a coherent thought. He took a deep breath and looked towards the windows again as he spoke. "You remember after me and Nat were taken hostage?" He asked, realizing the stupidity of his question after a moment. Of course they remembered. "Well, at the debrief when I...when I explained how I remembered Lou and...and my dad on days like that...I don't know..." Spike trailed off again as Ed placed a strong hand on his shoulder, a sign of strength and safety. "He usually would have followed up, you know?" Spike asked, his voice innocent and high pitched, worried.
"He didn't?" Jules said with a bit of shock as she leaned forward.
"No. I never heard about it again and, don't get me wrong," He added quickly. "it's not really something that necessarily needs to be followed up on and honestly I'm kind of glad that it wasn't dragged out again but...but a few months ago things would have been a lot different." They all nodded in agreement except Raf who, only joining the team a few months prior, wasn't aware of Greg's changing behaviors.
"Before Toth things would have been different." Sam said bitterly as they joined in in agreement. "If Toth hadn't come around, none of this would have happened." Sam continued to speak in an angry whisper but Ed found himself hesitating to agree this time.
"I'm not so sure, Sam." Ed hated being that dissenting voice in this conversation but someone needed to stop the way things were going. They way it was sounding, the team would have a convenient target of Toth, just like they had all these past months with every new and unwelcome change. "Toth was an idiot but Sarge is the one that called him in. Things were changing, it was just a matter of us noticing them."
"What do you mean?" Sam asked, slightly angry at Ed for taking away their easy target of an excuse.
"Toth has a point and we've seen it play itself out. The boss hasn't been negotiating as much as he could and probably should have. I mean, that call we had to the psych lockdown; the subject was cornered with a hostage. We had tactical options covered and it was up to a negotiation to end things peacefully. It should have been his. I get where we went and it ended up working but the boss knew about the brain injury and knows how to talk to people who aren't right in the mind. I'm okay with all that but thinking back on it, it should have been his talk down." Ed reflected, as his eyes met Sam. He saw the realizations in his colleague's eyes, the pieces all fitting together, but Sam didn't want to hear it.
"No." He said adamantly as he sat up straighter. "This is Toth's fault, that self-doubt that everyone says they're seeing, that wasn't there before those freakin' psych evaluations."
"Sam," Ed spoke softly in a half-hearted warning.
"No Ed, no." Sam passionately continued. "When we all got back from the lab the day Jules got hurt, something changed. We left him alone with Toth for that call and suddenly he's considering willingly taking a suspension even though he and Jules and I were all cleared? It doesn't add up Ed. It just doesn't make sense." Sam insisted. Sometimes the team forgot just how much an impact being in the SRU and working with Ed and Greg had changed Sam, it seemed like centuries ago that he was the self-centered, cocky, loner.
"But don't you see, Sam? It does make sense." Jules spoke gently, but not so much so that she would be seen as being easy on him. Maybe it was just ingrained now because of all the pretending they'd done. The team knew they were together and, for the most part, they didn't care; they just cared about what repercussions that would have for their working relationship if they were even allowed to remain in the SRU. Winnie had fielded a call from the chief of police and had passed it on to Hollaran. he informed them when they got back that Sam and Jules were being allowed to stay on the same team and continue their relationship assuming priority of life was upheld and other regulations were followed to a t from that point on.
"How does that make sense, Jules? Are you saying that he shouldn't be here?" Sam asked with a bit of anger in his tone.
"No, no he should be here and we all know it, but obviously he doesn't believe that." There was a moment of quiet contemplation as she took a breath and rubbed her temples. "If he thought that the suspension was a bad idea, or that he didn't deserve it, or that he was okay then he would have fought it. The fact that he took it shows that there's something we're not seeing." Jules tried to explain before sighing. "He was leaning on me more than he ever has for negotiation today. You guys were busy with the first subject, you didn't see him doubting his decision to send Simon back to the hospital. It...it wasn't him. He wouldn't listen to reason, he was visibly upset and emotional, it was like he was a completely different person." There was a deep silence in the room as they all tried to accept the fact that, not only one of their own, but their leader had succumb to the emotional stresses that he was always warning them about. Ed, of course, was the one that broke the silence.
"Well, this is done. The suspension is in effect and there's nothing we can do about it now. It's just going to amplify things, the self-doubt, the confidence." Ed trailed off for a moment and thought about what his friend might be doing right now, worrying more than the rest of the team about what kind of coping might be going on.
"Losing those two guys in the fire, it was hard on us but he's never going to forgive himself, Ed." Jules said quietly, almost begging the team leader, now acting Sergeant, to come up with a solution. Ed looked at her, looked at all of them for a long moment before sighing.
"I know." He stated quietly, trying to find a solution to this mess.
"You think..." Raf spoke softly, looking away from Ed as they made eye contact briefly. "You think if he'd stayed and talked to Simon they would have lived?" His volume tapered off slowly, not sure if he should be asking the question. Ed took a breath and thought carefully about his words, knowing all eyes were on him.
"I don't know." He said with obviously half-hearted confidence. "I think he connected with the guy and, maybe another day things would have gone differently. I think the Sarge we all know could have done it. But today...maybe today wasn't that kind of a day." He hoped that he was being true to their teammate and friend but he still felt like the answer wasn't giving him enough credit. "All I know is that today is done. We've got to think about what's going to happen in two weeks." Ed tried to sound a bit more upbeat and firm in his tone but he knew that the attitude was so glum that it wouldn't do much.
"If he comes back in two weeks..." Spike added softly, bringing everyone back to the very harsh reality that Team One might permanently be changed by this turn of events.
So I thought this would be a one-shot but I think I need to break it up. It'll probably be 3 chapters but we'll see. In the meantime, a teaser: Someone from the past will be showing up in the next chapter...if you know me you'll know who it is; and a request: review me please! I'm rusty and I know it so let me know what I can do better. Thanks everyone, stay tuned for more soon!