What would happen if…

Link could TALK?

Well, we can all assume the universe would implode, that the stars would collide with each other, and YES, not even Nayru, Din, and Farore could do anything about it. Because the day Link could talk would be the day Link became a true MAN. There's only so much grunting could take you in your relationships, and your strong stoic glare.

Then again, there would be disadvantages if Link actually started talking. For example:

Zelda: Thank you for all your work Link. Because you've saved the world…

Link: (Yes, this is my moment… she's going to say she loves me and she's going to take me out! Yes! Score one for the Linkster!)

Zelda: I'm going to give you back your lost childhood and send you back to when you're twelve, where you can't use a Master Sword, can't use the Bow, and generally just get GG'd by everything, especially those Iron Knuckles that took three hearts off you if you didn't use Nayru's Love, because that's the way this game goes. Sorry.

Link: WHAT! BUT ZELDA, I LOVE YOU!

Zelda: … *Blushes*

And you'd get the general gist of where that's going afterwards. Well, let's just say he wouldn't get rejected, Navi wouldn't leave him and then he'd live happily ever after. Yay. But that's only if he did talk. Which he doesn't, and we should be glad he didn't. After all, you don't know what he's going to say next.

Hyrule Castle had laws?

Link silently walked behind the Princess as her attention was occupied elsewhere. It had been a difficult day for Link, sneaking past highly trained Royal soldiers who were taught in the mysterious patrol methods by the ultra-famed-master called… Shigeru Miyamoto. Finally, he had reached the final room, and he saw that she was beautiful, even before he had even seen her profile. Before he could grunt, she turned around in shock. There was a moment of silence, and then Zelda screamed "STALKER!" Link tried to say "no, you've made a mistake, I had to meet you due to a prophecy," but because he couldn't talk all he made was high-pitched Justin Bieber sounds. Zelda then kicked him extremely hard in the extremities, and Link passed out.

Let this be a lesson kids. IF the game had real-life laws that dealt with stalking and harassment, you're going to get serious jail-time. Fortunately, the game doesn't have any laws whatsoever, so feel free to cheat in the Treasure Chest game, steal dogs and run away, take horses and jump over a fence, or break all the pots in a room to earn money, or kill spiders. Seriously, what did the golden spiders ever do to you? They like, stay in one place, make a blatantly obvious sound and if you are STILL silly enough to run into one, it only gives you slight bleeding and no poison damage. So stop killing those spiders, because it's animal cruelty. Speaking of animal cruelty, don't hurt the chickens either. What did they ever do?

And let's see what other crimes Link has committed… theft, assault, assault with the intention to harm, alcohol consumption by a minor (I'm pretty sure drinking Poe is not legal for under 18's), use of illicit substances (seriously, heart containers just make him stronger, must be those illegal strength enhancing pills), harassment, the list just really stacks up against him. He better get a good lawyer soon, like Phoenix Wright, defender of the innocent.

The mysterious helper/s?

The God of Evil laughed in his throne. The only threat that opposed him now was Link, the brat who apparently had the Triforce of Courage. He would have all three pieces in place, and his plan would be complete. He would be able to enter the Golden Realm and take the power of the gods for himself. He would become a GOD.

"I'm waiting Link… I'm waiting…"

All of a sudden, a pipe appeared out of nowhere, and a mustached man with a red hat jumps out of the pipe and lands on the ground.

"It's a me, a Mario!"

"WHAT KIND OF MOCKERY IS THIS? I'LL MAKE SURE YOUR DEATH IS QUICK!" Ganondorf raged.

Mario responded by jumping up onto Ganondorf's head. Due to gravitational potential energy, and the fact that Mario eats slightly too many coins (gold is not good for the digestive system), he is quite heavy and does massive damage to Ganondorf's head. Ganondorf was dazed and confused. How could he lose to this short, fat plumber?

Then a toad appeared out of nowhere. "I'm sorry Mario, the princess is in another castle!"

"ARE YOU SERIOUS? THIS IS LIKE REAL 100 ALREADY I'M SICK OF THESE CASTLES. And how does he build so many? He must have a pretty good super fund. I better talk to him. Make sure the nest egg is well maintained you know?" And with that, Mario and the mushroom was off, and the pipe disappeared.

"The hell was that?" Ganondorf said, still dazed from the jump to his head.

And then Link appeared at the door, and grunted.

After defeating Ganondorf, the castle startling to break apart. "We need to get out of here!" Zelda exclaimed. Link used extreme eye signage skills to agree, and they both began to descend. However, there were many passages, and they did not know which one would lead them to the exit.

"Follow me, Fox!" A fox with sunglasses motioned at them to follow him.

Link and Zelda had to use turbo boosts and barrel rolls and extreme aerodynamic flying skills to evade falling debris and to ensure they escaped from the planet… err, castle alive.

"This way, Fox." A door opened and there were lots of ReDead. Lots and lots of them.

"Never give up". Link used his last ounce of magic to destroy the rest of the zombies and exited the castle with Zelda.

"Hey, where did the fox-guy go?" Zelda asked.

Link shrugged, but knew that James McCloud saved their lives. Wait, how did he know his name?

AN: I am so sorry for writing the last part, I know it is horrible, but I hope you guys get the reference :P
DO A BARREL ROLL, AND RATE AND REVIEW! IF I GET ENOUGH REVIEWS, I'LL CONSIDER CONTINUING THIS!