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disclaimer: Atlantis is not mine unfortunately

rating: This chapter is K+ but later ones will be rated more.

A/N: This was written for the John/Teyla Beya Elf Exchange. It started as a one shot and grew into a few more chapters though it still is very small.

Thanks: To Camy who motivated me to write all these little ficlets.

feedback: YES YES YES, always!

Courageous Heart

by kariesue

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Her copper skin stood out against the cream colored formal gown. The material was light and gauzy and the back non-existent, allowing John the most beautiful view from her waist up to the nape of her neck. Wispy tendrils escaped from her upswept hairdo and caressed her shoulders. John was almost jealous of those little curls of hair at being able to brush against her skin. He wanted his fingers there. Hell, forget his fingers; he wanted his lips there if he were being truthful.

Teyla stood leaning against the railing on the balcony near the gate room, her body silhouetted against the ocean and San Francisco skyline. She had decided to get some fresh air and John had followed a few seconds behind. He stayed close to the door, not wishing to disturb her respite from the revelry inside.

The gathering was a formal affair for all the department heads of Atlantis and the Washington brass who had decided to come see the floating mythical city for themselves. John hated these types of events but as Military Commander was required to attend. And he was required to wear full military dress which was even worse. He always equated his dress blues with funerals and court martials; neither of which he ever enjoyed.

He allowed himself the luxury of just watching Teyla for a while as she seemed lost in her own thoughts, staring out over San Francisco Bay. He knew she was probably thinking about her people and whether she would ever see them again. Just yesterday he would have thought she was thinking even more about Kanaan and how much she missed him but their conversation last night had changed that opinion.

John had been helping her put Torren to bed and had noticed her melancholy smile as she stood watching him sleep. He had rested his hand on her shoulder and said, "I know you miss him, Teyla. We'll get you back there even if I have to hijack the Apollo to do it."

Teyla had gazed at him puzzled and asked, "Of whom are you speaking, John?"

"Kanaan," John had choked out the name. He usually tried to avoid saying it at all costs. Tried to avoid thinking of him at all costs but Teyla's sad smile had made him make the comment.

Teyla shook her head slightly. "I do not miss him anymore than I do the other Athosians."

John had seemed puzzled then. "But aren't you two, … I mean, you know …" and he had glanced down at Torren sleeping peacefully in his crib.

Teyla seemed to understand his comment better and replied, "For one brief moment in time we were."

John remembered his heart had actually skipped a few beats at her response. "But now?" He'd needed to know the answer for his own sanity.

"Have you never done something that felt right at the time only later to realize it was not what you thought it to be?" Teyla posed the question. "That is how it was for myself and Kanaan. I do not regret it for a moment as I now have my son and he is the greatest blessing I have ever received."

Teyla had looked back down at her son as John had tried to keep his heart from jumping right out of his chest. Teyla had just admitted that she and Kanaan had no commitment to each other, no bonds, no obligations to each other aside from raising their son. He hadn't really known how to handle the information at the time so he had simply given the baby a kiss, as he always did when he helped Teyla put the child down to sleep, and said good night.

But now he stood here gazing at her amazingly sculpted back and wondered if perhaps he had been given a second chance. He had always had feelings for Teyla but had unwisely kept them hidden. He still wasn't sure if it was respect for her as a teammate, fear of actually admitting that he felt emotions or just plain old stupidity that had kept him silent for all these years.

But now he had an opportunity to make up for keeping quiet all this time. He took a deep breath and wondered if he was strong enough to actually go through with it. Presenting her with his heart out on his sleeve was such a risk. And normally he had no problem in taking risks. He was all about taking risks. But not when his heart could be stomped on and trampled and beaten to a pulp. Nancy had done that once and he knew it wasn't a good feeling.

Although to be truthful, he hadn't done anything to change Nancy's opinion of him. He hadn't tried to win her back or change his ways or make any sacrifices for her. He knew he'd make every sacrifice in the world for Teyla; heck in several galaxies. He had already done so on many occasions. He would give his life for Teyla in a second with no regrets and that fact alone brought fear that he could care for someone so much. Caring that much also meant they had ultimate power over you and John wasn't sure he trusted someone that much with his heart.

He took in a deep breath and Teyla turned around. She looked like a Greek goddess with her deep cut neckline and halter straps, all wrapped in glittering gold cord that circled her waist. Her eyes sparkled when she saw him standing there and in that moment he knew, knew that he trusted her; needed to trust her or he would spend forever regretting that he had missed this second chance he had been given.

He moved closer and sighed. "Did I tell you how absolutely amazing you look tonight, Teyla?"

A soft feminine chuckle escaped her lips. "Yes, you have told me several times tonight, John. And I thank you, yet again. This gown is quite lovely and it was very sweet of Jennifer to take me shopping to purchase something to wear for tonight."

"It's not just the dress, Teyla," John insisted. "I think the person wearing the dress has such grace and elegance that no matter what she wears, she looks beautiful."

Teyla blushed and looked shyly away. John knew he didn't usually give her such compliments and she wasn't used to it. But he hoped that soon he would be able to do it all the time.

John stuck his hands in his pockets and stared at his feet for a moment. He took a deep breath again and screwed up his courage. This was harder than resisting a Wraith Queen.

"I, um,… wanted to tell you something, Teyla," John started nervously but as Teyla flashed him an encouraging smile he grew bolder and more sure of himself. He pulled his hand out of his pocket and clenched the item he had searched for all day. He hoped she would understand what he was asking.

He held up the delicate gold chain with the tiny heart dangling from the end and gave a quirky grin. Teyla's eyes opened wide and she whispered, "It is lovely, John. Is it for me?"

John just nodded still anxious. "It's my heart, Teyla, and I'm offering it to you. If you want it."

John hoped she didn't just think he was offering the necklace and that she would understand the symbolism of what he was saying. When her eyes grew moist and her face lit up like a firework display, he thought maybe she did. He hoped she did.

She took a step away from the railing and lifted her hand to touch the gold charm. "I am honored that you would trust me to hold your heart, John. And I will accept, most graciously."

John felt his heart begin to beat again and hadn't even realized it had stopped. He reached to encircle the chain around her neck and allowed the heart charm to rest near hers.

Teyla touched it again and took his hand that was still lingering near the necklace. "I do not have anything to symbolize my feelings for you. But know, John, that my heart has belonged to you for a very long time. And it always will."

John wasn't even sure what to say so he just pulled Teyla into his arms and held her tight. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders and she reached up to press her lips to his. "Thank you. I know it took much courage to tell me of your feelings but I am glad you finally did."

"Yeah, me, too," John breathed into her ear as he heard the music inside turn slow and seductive. He slipped his hand onto her bare back and began to move his feet to the beat. Teyla instantly followed his lead.

Their eyes remained on each other as their bodies glided in rhythm underneath the star filled sky. John knew they would have to go back inside at some point to make small talk with the dignitaries. But for now, he had Teyla in his arms and no words were needed at all.

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