saphire644: Hi Shine's readers! If some of you guys recognize me, don't kill me for not updating my story! I'm getting on it! It's almost done! AHHHHHHH! Plus I'm beta-ing for ILoveWriting07 so check out her story 'Over-attached twins' BTW I'm gonna let Shine talk now...
shinee2007: Yo peeps. I'm back with the new story with saphire644, my daughter. Teehee. Enjoy the story dudes.
Disclaimer: We do not own KHR. Or Akira Amano. Or Tsuna. u.u D:
"Tsuna. What do you think you are doing?! 20% on a math test again? Are you serious?!" Mom shouted at me as she held up the test I desperately tried to hide. She seemed to find my hiding spots very easily. I kept silent as she went on. "I told you to get your grades up and what do you get? A 20%. This is worse than last time!"
I shifted from one foot to the other while staring at the ground. Tears prickled and I barely managed to hold it in. "I-I'm sorry, kaa-san." I stammered.
"I can't believe this! How stupid can you get?! And you're the dead last amongst your class, aren't you?!" She crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently. "I can't go around the town with my head up anymore! Do you understand?!"
I nodded. Since I had no courage to look up at mom's disappointed face, I just stared at the floor. I gulped and just stood there rigidly as mom continued her lecture.
It's been 5 years; it was practically a routine. Every single day, mom would call me downstairs from my room to lecture me on how bad I was and how I was the cause of her disappointment. She even blamed me for dad not coming home. Maybe it was because of her. Had she ever thought of that? She insulted me, glared at me, and sometimes, I felt as though she hated me.
That doesn't matter though. She did that because she loved me, right? She wanted me to have a better future. And I still loved her. I would love her no matter what. But, I still wished that she would act like she cared.
"A disappointment. That's what you are. Get your grades up." The threat hung in the air. 'Or else I swear, I will beat you half to death' I finished for her in my head.
I heard that statement at least twice a day, every day. Even if she didn't finish her threat, I knew what she was thinking.
I bit my bottom lip and stared at the ceiling to make my tears go away. Mom hated it when I cried and I always tried my best not to cry in front of her. It was always in my room that I had to secretly cry in and I couldn't be loud either or she would hear me.
"Go away. Go to your room and study." She dismissed me as she sighed and glared at me.
I nodded and shakily went up the stairs.
She called up the stairs, "I expect your grades to be better, Tsuna."
"H-Hai, kaa-san. I'll try my best." I answered without looking at her. I solemnly fixed my eyes in front of me, refusing to see her face for now. If I did, then I knew I would cry right there and then. Then she would have an excuse to hit me.
'Does… she hate me?' I slapped myself on the cheeks as I shook my head. 'No, she loves me. She still loves me and she wants better future for me.'
I went into my room and sat in front of my desk. I got my homework out and stared at it. I had no clue how to solve the problems. I couldn't ask Nezu-sensei to explain the concept again or he would just ridicule me. Nobody at school liked or cared about me so I couldn't ask them. And I didn't have the courage to ask my mom for help; especially since I just got a lecture from her.
My eyes wandered off my paper and it landed on a pair of scissors. It looked so tempting; an easy way out. I just had to reach across my desk to get it. It wasn't that far either. Just stretch my arm and I could get it.
Tears ran down my face. 'What am I thinking? Self-harming is not the answer to anything. What am I doing?'
I rubbed my eyes and stretched. Then, I stared at the ceiling. 'How will I do better in class? How do I do better for tests if I don't know the materials? No matter how much times I reread those explanations, it still didn't make any sense. Why was this?'
"Tsuna! Come down and eat dinner!" Mom called from downstairs.
"Hai!" I yelled back and stood up from my chair. As I was on the way to my door, my eyes drifted off to those pair of scissors again. I immediately turned my head away from that and quickly went out the door. I ran down the stairs, only to fall down.
Mom came out of the kitchen to see what the ruckus was about and saw me laying facedown at the bottom of the stairs. "Did you fall down the stairs again?!" She emphasized the word 'again'. "How useless and clumsy can you be?!"
I sat up, rubbing my sore nose and stood up. I made my way towards the kitchen and sat down on a chair. As usual, the dinner was silent the entire time. Only the clicking of the chopsticks was heard.
Mom began her lecture once again.
"When are you going to get a 90%. If only you were like Mochida. You know him? He's the Kendo captain for your school. He's a nice young boy with good grades, great athletic skills, and admired by almost all the students in the school! If only you were like him. He seems like a nice young boy." She sighed with envy clearly in her tone.
I lost my appetite and stood up from my chair. With my dinner eaten only one fourth of it, I just left the kitchen. She was comparing me to another person again; with jealousy clearly in her tone.
I was so jealous of Mochida-senpai. Mom didn't even know him and only praises were coming out of her mouth about him. Mom never praised me for anything. She just reprimanded me for doing something wrong or lectured me about my grades.
"Am I really that no good?" I asked myself. "Am I really useless?"
I didn't realize that I was in the bathroom. Staring at myself in front of the mirror, I could see the tears glistening from the light. Tears just ran down like two rivers. I clenched my fist and dropped to my knees.
'Can't my mom just accept me for who I am? Mom… I'm trying my best… Can't you see that? I want to try… but…"
Then, a razor dropped to the floor. I bent down to pick it up and put it back to where it was supposed to be. Then, a thought ran across my mind. Never before did I think of doing this until now.
Escape from this torment; that was what I wanted to do more than anything in my life. More than anything in this world, I would love to just... escape. Maybe I sounded like a coward, but I have been called worse names before, so I didn't care.
Mom wouldn't care and I had no friends. Everyone would be happy if I was gone from this world, unlike Yamamoto. If he ever tried to do what I was doing, everyone in this city would mourn.
Perhaps the bullies would have been sad. Sad that they no longer had someone to pick on. Other than them, no one would be sad.
I filled the tub up with warm water and slowly took my clothes off. Then, while still holding the razor in one hand, I slowly stepped in the tub. After slowly lowering myself, I made myself comfortable.
With the razor hovering over my wrist, I closed my eyes and proceeded with stabbing it into the skin. I hissed in pain, but after awhile, it got numb. I didn't stop with only once. I kept on slitting the wrist over and over and over again. One after another, I kept on doing it.
Blood trickled down on the arm. Satisfied with the amount of slits I just made, I sunk myself under the water. Might as well die with water in my lung if I don't die from the razor cuts...
My eyesight went a little blurry and , my eyelids drooped until the only thing I could see was white.
Good bye... Cruel world.
shinee2007: *bow* Thank you for reading! Please leave a review, ne? I would love to hear what you think about it!
saphire644: So what do you think of the story we wrote together? What? I should waste less time and get on my own story? I know already! Sheesh. =.=