NARATOR IN DEEP SEXY VOICE: we come upon this quiet place of Forks, Washington to observe the peaceful life of vegetarian vampires that live in the vicinity. To some they may seem like normal human beings, but in turn you will come to see the truth behind their remarkable and difficult way of life.

EMMETT: She says, we've got to hold on to what we've got!
'Cause it doesn't make a difference
If we make it or not!
We've got each other and that's a lot
for love - we'll give it a shot!

WHOOOAH! We're half way there
WHOOOAH! Livin' on a prayer
Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear
Livin' on a prayer

BELLA: shut up Emmett!!! I'm trying to read here!

EMMETT: (still dancing with iPod in ears) WHAT!!!!!!!!

BELLA: I said I'm reading here!!!!!

EMMETT: (still dancing) YOU'RE BLEEDING!!!!!!??????

BELLA: no!! I'm reading!!!!

EMMETT: (stops dancing and pulls earphones out with shocked expression) TMI girlfriend!!! I don't want to know what you and Edward do in your spare time!!

BELLA: WHAT??! When did I say anything like that?

EMMETT: DON'T MAKE ME SNAP MY FINGERS IN A Z FOR-MA-TION!!! (snaps fingers in z formation and giggles like a teenage girl)

BELLA: what is wrong with you? (puts book down and walks up to Emmett) if you're gonna do it, do it right! (they both start snapping their fingers in z formations)

EMMETT: we need music!!

BELLA: yes!! (Emmett puts in one earphone and Bella puts in the other. They start dancing to cotton eyed joe)

EMMETT AND BELLA: (doing the dance) If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe
I'd been married long time ago
Where did you come from where did you go
Where did you come from Cotton-Eye Joe

If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe
I'd been married long time ago
Where did you come from where did you go
Where did you come from Cotton-Eye Joe

If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe
I'd been married long time ago
Where did you come from where did you go
Where did you come from Cotton-Eye Joe

If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe
I'd been married long time ago
Where did you come from where did you go
Where did you come from Cotton-Eye Joe

He brought a disaster wherever he went
The hearts of the girls were to hell, broken sent.
They all ran away so nobody would know
and left only men 'cause of Cotton-Eye Joe

(Yee-Haw)

If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe
I'd been married long time ago
Where did you come from where did you go
where did you come from Cotton-eye Joe

If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe
I'd been married long time ago
Where did you come from where did you go
Where did you come from Cotton-Eye Joe

If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe
I'd been married long time ago
Where did you come from where did you go
Where did you come from Cotton-Eye Joe

He brought disaster wherever he went
The hearts of the girls were to hell, broken sent.
They all ran away so nobody would know
and left only men 'cause of Cotton-Eye Joe

If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe
I'd been married long time ago
Where did you come from where did you go
Where did you come from Cotton-Eye Joe

If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe
I'd been married long time ago
Where did you come from where did you go
Where did you come from Cotton-Eye Joe

JASPER: when are they going to realize we are standing here?

ALICE: if they haven't noticed yet I don't think they ever will.

BELLA AND EMMETT: YEE HA!

NARATOR WITH THE SEXY VOICE: and there you have it folks, the life of a typical average vegetarian vampire family. Now let's find Edward, he's the hottest and most sexually app- who wrote this?? Barbra!!! What is this all about?! Well you told me to read off the page and now look!! Why would my 15 year old daughter want to see Edward Cullen? She couldn't have written this... oh dear I had no idea she felt so sexually about this man! Look at what she wrote!! Paper humping? Absurd! Go find her, I guess it's time we had 'the talk'. What we are still on air? Well that is embarrassing! Ummmm and yes that's the life of vampires I have some very important business to take care of. Ah, there you are Heather, we need to talk...

I wrote this like, forever ago and I decided to post it! Idk my friends think its really funny. I have written another Emmett and Bella moment and I might post it if I get enough reviews… *hint hint*