AN: references! to community (cuz that totally unbangs that hooker) and 2am by anna nalick (feels like i'm naked in front of a crowd).
Yeah i haven't done anything in forever BUT i will finish all my ss month stuff from last year (cuz some shit went down and i sorta had to change my priorities). This'll be a two-shot i think. AND IS ANYONE ELSE EXCITED FOR FLIRTY SASUKE.
whatchasay?
Sakura can't pretend it's all normal. But Naruto is so happy! He's joyous and sunny like he's supposed to be and Sai's making an effort to be tolerable and Sasuke...
He's back. And he's trying. And the whole thing is just so pitiful it makes her want to laugh.
Sakura has never been a sadist or a masochist (violent? Yes. Self-loathing? You betcha) but the whole notion that Team Seven's going to be just like before is so ridiculously absurd, the stupidity warms the cockles of her heart. Besides, she doesn't want it to be like before. Before, she was so goddamn annoying and stupid she kinda wants to strangle herself.
There's a phrase that describes their situation; "oh, he apologized? That totally unbangs that hooker." Except, you know, for the whole banging hooker part. The point was that just because they apologized does not mean that she hadn't tried to kill Sasuke or seduce Naruto or that Sasuke totally did not try to kill Sakura or Naruto on numerous occasions. It doesn't mean it's okay just because she says it is.
(She's really good at lying now, though. She's so proud of this.)
They could be okay if they stopped bloody lying to themselves and dealt with all the shit they've accumulated over the years. But nooo. Sakura has to pretend she trusts Sasuke. And doesn't tense whenever Naruto embraces her (which is often, now, and Sakura thinks she'll talk to him about personal space). Or that Sai is totally being stupid when he asks about her smile.
"Stop staring at my lips, then."
She snaps and the words are flying out of her mouth like a shuriken, deadly and sharp out of her hand. Naruto is staring at Sai and Sasuke is staring at her.
She thinks maybe she'll do something insane like sing a Carrie Underwood to turn it into some female-empowerment bullshit so they leave it alone.
"Ugly must be on her period."
Or leave Sai to screw himself over. Sometimes she just want to kiss him. But then he'll go on and on and Naruto will go on and on and Sasuke will just look at her not saying anything but eyes storming at her.
Naruto is blushing and spluttering. She wants to be blunt like Sai. Doesn't matter if it makes them uncomfortable. Just say what she's thinking-feeling dammit!
So she raises an eyebrow.
"How do you figure?"
Naruto starts spluttering again. Sasuke won't stop looking at her. Something you want to say, hun?
"You seem extra cranky today."
"Well, I assure you, no endometrium's being shed in this uterus, babe."
Now Naruto's really choking, and Sasuke's trying to catch her eye. But she stares blankly at the ground, like she's practised ever since he came back.
"Babe? Are you with child?"
Okay, she totally set herself up for that. But she's really enjoying the reaction from Sasuke and Naruto.
"Yeah. No."
"Well, nobody would want to engage in coitus with you, so I guess you couldn't be pregnant."
Ouch. That stung in an odd way, a way that Sakura enjoyed and craved and thinks she could become addicted to if she wasn't careful.
"Tell that to your mom."
Yeah, that was bad. But for some unfathomable reason she wants to talk about weird things like contraceptive methods and menstrual cycles and masturbation and holy shamoly when did sweet little Sakura become such a perv.
Sai just cocks his head.
"I don't understand."
"Yeah, I don't either."
"What were we talking about?"
"How I can't get laid."
Naruto spluttering again and Sakura's thankful he's not piping in with his Sakura's the best! Comments, because with the topic they're on now it can't end well.
Either way, Kakashi is entering their hotel room, so Sai can't reply.
"Yo. Having fun?"
Naruto starts blushing again and Sasuke grunts. Sai smiles and Sakura doesn't look up.
"What was the conversation about today?"
He sits down with his porno at the end of Sakura's bed. She peeps over and sees he's reading a particularly steamy sex scene.
"How Ugly can't get laid."
Kakashi chuckles.
"Well, at least not like these characters," Sakura continues to read. "You can actually do that? Ino was convinced it was impossible, but as a doctor I can say it's possible but difficult considering the lack of control in that area during-"
Kakashi snaps his book shut.
"Is that what you girls talk about?"
Sakura grins, lying down so she can stare at the ceiling.
"Yeah. And Shika's cock."
Apparently Naruto thinks this is the time to stop this blasphemous conversation.
"YOU KNOW WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT FOOD. LIKE RAMEN. I LOVE RAMEN. DON'T YOU LOVE RAMEN? BECAUSE I DO. SAKURA, YOU LOOK PRETTY TODAY."
"And I don't everyday?"
"I-UH-YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL ALWAYS. I JUST THOUGHT I'D TELL YOU...TODAY."
Sai tips his head. "Why is Naruto uncomfortable with talking about Shikamaru-kun's cock? Is he jealous?"
Sakura wants to kiss Sai again.
"Probably. Ino tells me-"
"KAKASHI-SENSEI. TEME. YOU SHOULD STOP THIS."
Kakashi mumbles something about when you stop calling me sensei, but Sasuke...
"Sakura."
"Yes, Sasuke-kun?"
"Stop."
"Stop what?"
She was not doing anything, especially when Sasuke wasn't saying anything.
Sure. He'd try with Kakashi and Naruto but with her? He treated her like some burden, some child, that was to be pacified and then ignored. Yet at the same time, he expected her to read his mind and know what he was trying to say!
Sakura knew that this team needed to get used to talking about things they were uncomfortable with.
"Look at me."
"Eye contact isn't the same as talking, Sasuke."
"I think that's enough, you two." Kakashi closes his book and sends a warning glance to the both of them. It sends Sasuke back to brooding but Sakura...she's so tired.
"Enough of what? We weren't saying anything!"
And because she has no idea what else to do (having everyone looking at her bothered her before, but now she feels like she's naked in front of a crowd), she storms out.
whatchasay?
AN: yeah mmkay that was...yeah. I REALLY LOVE REVIEWS THOUGH. OTHERWISE I HAVE A TENDENCY TO NOT UPDATE.