Chapter 1
Flinging the door shut behind her, Hermione Granger stormed into the dorm room with a furious look upon her face.
"What the bloody hell is this?" She yelled to the cluster of innocent first and second-years, brandishing a condom full with mayonaisse (at least, she hoped it was mayonnaise) in her hand. "And who the hell put it in my fucking room?"
"Eeww," shuddered Matilda Groshook, a petite second year. She grimaced.
Hermione stalked up to the shaking girl. "You think this is funny, do you?"
"But-" "But what? You didn't mean for me to catch you? Is that it?"
"No, but-"
"I didn't think so." Hermione pulled away from Matilda's face. Then she tossed the condom on the floor and strode up into her prefect's room.
George Turnstindle, a fourth year who had been cowering in his room, slapped his friend, Andrew, on the back. "Nice work," he grinned. "She'll never figure it out."
Unbeknownst to them, Hermione had only retreated to the corridor and was still listening. She burst into the room.
"HA!" she screamed triumphantly. "I knew it!" Then, cuffing the two boys soundly, she escorted them out of the portrait hole to see Dumbledore.
On the way to Dumbledore's office, Hermione ran into Snape, who glared at her.
"Miss Granger," he hissed, "do you think it is quite proper for you to be causing bodily harm to these two..." and he paused, "youthful boys?"
Hermione returned his glare. "Professor, I am only escorting them to Dumbledore's office."
"Escorting, you say? I wouldn't necessarily call that-" he gestured to the marks that Hermione's hands had left on the boys ears, "escorting. I'd say," he lowered his voice, "I'd say that I would consider that abuse." And he stretched out his voice, long and low, over the last syllable. For some reason, Hermione shivered and looked away. It felt like a slow heat had just dropped through her stomach to her toes.
Then all the intensity dropped from his voice. "Twenty points from Gryffindor, Miss Granger," he said gleefully, and swished away.
The two boys began shaking again as Hermione's attention returned to them. "Alright you two," she said gruffly, "Let's go."
As they continued the walk to Dumbledore's office, Hermione became increasingly agitated. Why had she shivered when the Professor had spoken to her like that? Well, spoken to them like that. Although it had seemed like he was speaking directly to her. No. He couldn't have been.
"Frizzing whizbee," Hermione grunted to the Gargoyle, who dutifully leaped aside to the let the small party of criminals enter Dumbledore's office.
"Professor Dumbledore?" called Hermione. "I have a pressing matter to discuss with you." "Come in, my dear," Dumbledore said. The spiral staircase descended and the three climbed up it.
Dumbledore was dressed in bright pink robes and a floursecent green hat when he greeted them. His hands were oily and he was wearing thick goggles.
Seeing Hermione flanked by her two miscreants, he started. "Oh, heavens, I forgot myself. Scourgify!" And he was clean. He stroked his beard and looked at Hermione thoughtfully.
"What can I do for you, and these two gentleman?" he asked.
"Well, Andrew, why don't you tell Professor Dumbledore what you did." Upon hearing the tale, Dumbledore burst out laughing. Hermione tried boring holes in him with her eyes but Dumbledore only smiled.
"Now, boys," he said, trying to look gruff, "you know that this is highly inappropriate, don't you? Although it may strike you as rather hilarious, and to be honest, I agree, it is not a good idea to be running around depositing little... gifts where they are not wanted. Understood?"
The boys were chastised. "Understood," they chanted. And they did look sorry.
After dismissing them, Dumbledore asked Hermione to stay for a few minutes.
"My dear," he began, "have you ever considered that perhaps you are being too," and he strove to put it tactfully, "harsh on the students?"
"I thought it was my duty to keep them in line," Hermione answered.
"Yes, but there is a limit. I can't sort out every altercation that you have, you know," he said gently. "But your efforts are appreciated. All I'm saying is have a little more discretion when it comes to seeing me. And do try to have a sense of humor. You can't go far without one."
"Ok." Hermione smiled a little. "I guess it was kind of funny."
"That's the spirit." Dumbledore patted her on the back and she went back to the common room.
The next week, a niffler was in her room when she returned from Potions class. The same scenario was repeated as with the condom, including the entirety of Hermione's meltdown.
At breakfast that morning, Hermione complained to Harry and Ron about the misbehavior of the first and second years.
"Who do they think they are? Don't they have any respect?" Harry and Ron looked at each other ruefully.
"Don't you think you're being a bit harsh?" Harry asked.
"No," said Hermione forcefully. "I believe I am doing the right thing. They need to learn how to respect their elders. And seeing as I am in a position of power, I feel as if I have the responsibility to help them learn."
Ron looked at her carefully. "Hermione, you look a bit peaky. Are you feeling alright?"
"Yes, I'm fine," she muttered, "thanks a lot for the vote of confidence." She swallowed her toast hastily and got up, glaring at the two. "Just for the record," she snapped, "you two should never be psychiatrists."
"Wasn't planning on it," grumbled Ron.
"What was that?" Hermione asked, eyes flashing.
"Oh, I just said, I think I should try a candied yam. On it," said Ron quickly, trying to recover.
"Alright." And Hermione headed over to the library to blow off steam.
"How much you bet you dives into the encyclopedia section first?" Ron laughed.
Harry grinned but cuffed Ron on the head. "Don't say things like that. She might hear you. She has ridiculously excellent hearing, you know."
Later that day, during double Potions, Hermione caught Snape looking at her during the preparation of polyjuice potion. Well, it wasn't so much as looking, rather, staring. She would have given anything to know what was going on behind those dark eyes of his.