This is my very first fanfic of this book series. It makes me a little sad that a lot of people have only read a bit of the book series, but not the whole series. It's a good book series. I'm not a big fan of the very last book. I mean it is good, but the ending was Mass Effect 3 bad/lame. Anyway I plan doing book 1-13 (or was it 8?). I really wish the author had written a book tying up loose ends none of his books covered (but may have hinted at). Anyway let's get this over with.

The sentences written in italics are translated Sunny sentences like in the book.

WARNING: Contains language, major OOCness, character bashing, and other things.

The three Baudelaire children were down at Briny beach doing what they were always doing. Violet, the oldest child and inventor of the family, and Sunny, the baby with teeth like a shark, were throwing rocks at the same fat bastard who went swimming everyday only to go to sleep on a floating device. Violet had her hair tied back into a ponytail, trying to figure out the best way to aim at the chubby man without waking him up. Sunny was just flinging them, trying to knock the man's sunglasses off without waking him.

Meanwhile Klaus, the bookworm of the family, was too busy chasing after girls and failing. It wasn't because of the desperation that floated off the young boy or even his age. It was all the thick smog in the air. The few girls that were on the beach was scared away by Klaus approaching them and looking like some sort of wacko out to attack them.

After an hour of doing so, the young preteen worked his way back over to his sisters. "You know, you two are never going to hit him. Every time you two come out here, you always miss him."

"If those damn people hadn't picked up the trash, I could have made a catapult and hit him." Violet sighed. "I support the whole clean the earth thing, but I wish they hadn't cared today or yesterday…or whatever day they picked the stuff it."

"Ahwa!" Sunny said looking for more rocks. "Can we just look for rocks before he wakes up?"

"No! We have to get home for lunch soon!" said Klaus just remembering that detail.

"I hope mother's making her homemade chicken cordon bleu." Violet said licking her lips at the thought.

"Ack!" said Sunny. "It's the only thing she know how to cook that's edible."

"I hope she didn't add more salt than necessary like last time." Klaus frowned. Beatrice Baudelaire was a nice woman, but it was amazing someone as smart as her couldn't cook the simplest thing which was why the children preferred their father's cooking.

Suddenly Violet noticed a distant shadow walking towards them. "Someone's coming this way."

"Doesn't look like mom or dad." Klaus observed as he adjusted his glasses.

"Afo!" Sunny. "Looks a bit thick to me."

Violet look down and saw a glass bottle nearby. She quickly picked it up and broke it on the rock next to her. "Whoever he is, I'll cut him if he comes too close!"

"I'll kick sand in his eyes." Klaus said.

"Ba!" said the youngest child. "I'll bite him!"

Once the man got closer, they saw it was Mr. Poe. They knew the banker from when Poe was invited over. He managed their money and were friends with their parents. What he was doing on the beach dressed in a business suit was beyond them.

"Good morning, children." said the banker after coughing into his handkerchief.

"Uh hello." said Violet making sure to hide the glass bottle behind her back.

"Did you want something?" asked Klaus.

"Yes." He said sadly. "I'm afraid I have to give you children some bad news."

"What?" asked Violet.

What happened next caused the three children to stare at each other in horror. Not only had their parents died, but they had also lost their mansion takes to the fire that consumed it and their parents. Violet felt violent anger building up inside her and so did the other two children. Poe was luckily they didn't attack him on the spot to take the anger out on him.

"You're lying!" said Klaus hoping that the banker was playing some sort of cruel joke on the three siblings.

"I'm very sorry children. It must be very hard on you three I feel." He said after coughing. "If you like, you may collect anything that may have survived the fire before we place you with one of your relatives."

"Relatives?" Violet and her siblings looked at each other as if Poe was speaking a completely different language. Their parents had never really mentioned any relatives before. Maybe in passing they may have, but none of which the three could name.

"Yes. You will be living with relatives as said in your parents' will. You will live with them until Violet is 18 years old."

"But that's years from now! I don't wanna live with some stranger!" Violet said angrily.

"It's only 4 years from now, Violet." reassured Poe. "Besides, I'm sure your new guardian will be as kind and loving as your own parents were."

The three children pouted. Not only had they lost their home and parents, but now they had to live with some stranger, even if they were a relative of theirs. If only Violet was a bit older, they wouldn't have to deal with such a thing for too long. What would their new guardian be like anyway and why hadn't their parents introduced them to any relatives that wanted to take them in?

Once the four got to the mansion, the place had completely burned to the ground with only the chimney remaining, but only barely. They found a couple of things on the lot, but they were nothing they wanted. Sunny found that damn rattle she hated so much that her mother thought she would like. The baby had kept tossing it or hiding it in hopes that her mother wouldn't find it. EVER. However she kept on and Sunny kept hiding it. Sunny was not sad that it was halfway burned up.

Klaus found half of his favorite books had burned up and his favorite playboy magazines had burned up too…well except five he had buried in the back yard. Violet had found that her collection of playgirl and collection of dildos had also burned up too. She sighed. She had planned on doing like Klaus and burying her favorite dildos somewhere, but she didn't get around to it. As she looked around where her room used to be, she found nothing left of her sex toys except anal beads disguised as a necklace. They were her least favorite, but they were something. It was better than nothing at all. Perhaps she could purchase a few more dildos when they were with their new guardian.

The three siblings had to live with Poe's family, much to the children's disappointment. Violet hated how she couldn't get laid in that damn house. Both boys were little mama's boys and whiny brats. They were fat, messy, and always arguing. Sure the Baudelaire children often argued and fought, but these assholes whined about every single thing and begged to be petted and coddled.

After about a week of living with the Poes, Violet snapped and beat the shit out of Poe's oldest child after he went too far. Violet was in her temporary room reading a book Sunny had been nagging her oldest sister about when Allen walked into the room.

Violet raised a brow at the oldest Poe child, but just as quickly as she noticed him was the same bit of quickness she went back to reading to her baby sister. She felt him sit on the bed beside her and then start randomly moving on the bed. Annoyed Sunny told Violet to tell him to stop moving around so much.

"Hey, could you stop moving?!" Violet snapped at him.

"You're pretty, ya know." Allen said sitting back beside Violet.

"Huh?" Violet blushed. Sunny rolled her eyes. Give Violet a simple compliment and she forgets about almost everything and will do almost anything.

"Yeah, you're really pretty and your hair is so…uh…nice and shiny. It smells like…" here he sniffed Violet's hair and moved her hair away from her face. "…magnolia flowers and the ocean."

"Oh thank you." She blushed, giggling like a little school girl. He placed his hand her lap and came closer to her face. Sunny winced at the look they were giving each other: LUST. Deciding to get the fuck out before she witnessed something that would scar her for life, she hoped off the bed, crawled off, taking the book with her, and closed the door. Maybe her brother or Mrs. Poe would read to her.

Things ended up going badly. Violet had stripped her dress off in seconds. Allen looked at her amazed and a little nervous. 'She must have done this before.'

'What a whore!' Klaus thought as he was filming this.

"Come on. Take it off!" Violet was getting impatient for him to take off her bra and panties. He was just drooling like a bulldog. After he wouldn't move, she slapped him, put back on her dress, and tried leaving when Allen grabbed her.

"Hey come back here!"

"No! You took too long!" She tried snatching away her wrist.

"I…said…come…BACK HERE!" He tried grabbing her and pulling her back. Violet beat the crap out of the Poe's kid before running off.

A few hours later, Mrs. Poe called the children downstairs for dinner. As they were eating, Mrs. Poe noticed that Allen had gotten his ass whooped. "Allen! What on earth happened to you?!"

"I…uh…" His eyes met Violet who glared at him. He quickly looked down at his dinner. "I fell down the stairs."

"Dear you really ought to be careful." Violet smirked a little. The little idiot was too afraid that Edgar was going to tease him for getting his butt beat by a girl.

After a few minutes of eating, Poe announced an update about their new guardian. "Good news children. Your paper work has been filled out and you all will be able to move into your new home in 2 days."

"YES!" The Baudelaire children said in unison. When they realized what they had said, the oldest 2 cleared their throats.

"I mean oh noooo. We really loved staying here."

"I fucking didn't." Klaus mumbled. Violet kicked him under the table. "I mean oh boohoo! Sob sob and shit."

"Not to worry children. Your new guardian checks out as okay and even has a successful career in acting. I'm sure you children will have a happy life there."

The children could only hope that was the case. Hopefully the new guardian would be just as nice as their parents and they would truly have a good life there. However since they had never met any relative before, they had no idea what they were getting into.