Title: Spooky's bBirthday
Catorgory:Humor
Author: Alien925
Disclamer: I stole The X-Files off Chris Carter and now I am being sued by 1013 productions.. This is probably the last you guys'll ever here of me!!
Summary:
Spoilers:
Classification: PG
SPOOKY'S DIARY
10th October
Today was my birthday. My goddamn birthday! I know when you're middle aged you don't generally get as many presents as you
do when you are a kid, but still! Today I got one card from my mom who is too stingy to buy her only son that mega huge water gun that I've wanted since I was 10 and still want now.
I got one card of Mrs Scully. I thought that was kinda nice, especially since it contained $20. I didn't get any more cards. I mistook a flyer advertising kids partys at
MacDonalds for some kind of birthday acknowledgment because it had "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!" plastered all over it.
The ride to work was an unpleasent one today, there were even more strange folks on the road than normal. I am now convinced that the guy driving that dirty silver Ford Taurus is involved in a government conspiracy of some sort. But ya never know. I'll keep an eye on him now. I've been seeing that car out of the corner of my eye for weeks now.
- mental note: Tell Scully about that car. I bet they're tracking us!!! Thats why the car is so dirty because 'they' know that we can't run a number plate check on a car where the number plate is covered in dirt!! Genius.. pure genius!
Anyway, when I got into work today I played it real cool because I was sure that everyone would be hiding round the corner from the elevator ready to jump out and shout " Surprise!! Happy Birthday Mulder!" and give me loads of presents.
The truth was that everyone was already hard at work and Scully yelled at me when I got to the office because I was five minutes late.
The rest of the morning was spent watching Scully work at her computer and throwing pencils at the ceiling.
By lunchtime I was considering mentioning to Scully that it was my birthday today and had she remembered and bought me lots of 'stuff' but then I decided against it because it was soooo obvious that she was waiting until lunch to suprise me with a huge surprise.
Finally she stopped typing and got up out of her seat. I thought that she was going to suggest going to lunch but she just walked straight out of the office saying,
" See you in a minute Mulder."
Of course, I wasn't going to be taken in with all of that, Nooo.. I was going to follow her, so I got up from my seat and followed down the corridor, taking really tiny steps, although she was walking pretty fast, and praying that my shoes wouldn't squeak. As soon as she got into the elevator
I made a mad dash to the stairs, making it to the first floor in time to see her dissapear around the corner, I followed at a casual pace until I saw her go into the ladies bathroom.
Guessing that she had the surprise in there and knew I was following her all along I did what I now think was an very very stupid idea. I pushed open the door to the ladies bathroom and walked inside. I was greeted with three female agent's cries of " Eeekk, get him out!" and " You pervert!".
I walked out of the bathroom as calmly as I had walked in and headed back to the basement, my cheeks flaming with embarresment, all the male agents laughing at me and all of the other female agents walking within a wider raduis of me than they normallly would.
Back in the basement I resisted the urge to crawl under my desk and stayed in my chair until my partner came back, snorting with laughter. We went out to lunch and that just made me feel sick because I did wayyy to much comfort eating and wound up with stomach ache. Scully wouldn't carry be back to the office so I was forced to walk.
5pm came and went.. well, at least I think it did, I wasn't sure if we'd lost
time of not because I was sleeping at my desk.. such is the life of a FBI agent [ well, It's mostly my life anyway].
Scully was putting on her coat ready to leave the office when *I* suddenly remebered it was my birthday and decided I should tell her and make her feel real bad for forgetting it.
" Hey, Scully?" my voice caught her as she was walking out of the door, complete with lap top.
" Huh?"
" Guess what day it is today?"
" Uhh, Friday the 10th?"
" Yes, and what is special about today?"
" Uhh.. is it some saints day? Oh gosh, I haven't missed anyones birthday have I?"
" Its MY birthday."
I watched as her hand flew to her mouth and her eyes widened in shock. OH MY GOSH!!! My own partner, with whom I have spent the last SEVEN years of my life with, the Scully who I have
shared my last SEVEN birthdays with.. FORGOT IT WAS EVEN MY BIRTHDAY!!! That sucks bigtime.
" Mulder, I'm sooo sorry!" Ha, she tried, TRIED to apologise to me. She came up to me and kissed me on the cheek. Ok, so I forgave her immediately, thats not the point.
She went after showering me with apologies. Five minutes later I got bored of wallowing in my self pity, so I decided to go home as well.
After analysing everyone in the cars around me in the huge traffic jam I decided that there were no conspirators in any of them. I then checked for shapeshifters and found that there were none of those either. I then got really bored and started to rename everyone in the 'phonebook' of my cell phone. Scully is now called 'Sex Kitten' and Frohike's number is labelled ' paranoia hotline'.
On the verge of throwing my cell phone out of the window because my fingers were too big to press the correct buttons on the stupid thing, I was startled by the number of horns honking.
I looked up from my cell and realised that the traffic jam had cleared and everyone behind me was pissed at me. I floored the accelerator, as per usual.
When I returned to my apartment I found a bunch of flowers, a package wrapped in shiny red wrapping paper and an envelope waiting outside my door. Debating if they conatined a bomb, lethal gas, or a rare strain of pollen that I might actually be allergic to and didn't know about it, I took them inside. This decision process alone took ten minutes of careful sniffing and scrunching.
I thought for a moment who would send a bunch of flowers to a bachelor who hardly ever saw the light of day and then I stuffed them in the sink, hoping they'd survive on the soapy suds left there from last nights attemp to wash up a TV dinner and then realising that the packaging was actually designed for you to throw away. I had a lot of things on my mind last night!! OK!?!
I opened up the shiny package next, my interest in the presents always overulled my interest with the often cheap and tacky cards.
It contained a pair of Red Speedo's not unlike the ones I remeber owning quite a few years back. They got everyone, even Krycek looking at me!
Who would send me Red Speedos? I was hoping it was some gorgous sexy woman and praying that it wasn't Krycek as I tore open the envelope. The front of the card showed a cute.. I suppose.. teddy bear holding a red heart. The words above the bear read, "Happy Birthday." I opened the card.
4 words were written in a familiar style of handwriting.
My Place. 8.00pm. Scully.
For the first today i actually cracked a smile!! Woo-hooo!
That brings me up to this moment, well, not actually up to this moment because I haven't written about me writing stuff in... Ahhh never mind.. I'm too confused now anyway. I'm going to Scully's place now. Hopefully I'll have some more, EXCITING news to tell you tommorow!! Hint Hint Hint!!
Fox Mulder.
END
Uhh.. what can I say.. except I must do hard drugs to have the mind to write this kinda crap. Feedback.. would, as always be very very very welcome!! :) Thanks for reading you guys!
Catorgory:Humor
Author: Alien925
Disclamer: I stole The X-Files off Chris Carter and now I am being sued by 1013 productions.. This is probably the last you guys'll ever here of me!!
Summary:
Spoilers:
Classification: PG
SPOOKY'S DIARY
10th October
Today was my birthday. My goddamn birthday! I know when you're middle aged you don't generally get as many presents as you
do when you are a kid, but still! Today I got one card from my mom who is too stingy to buy her only son that mega huge water gun that I've wanted since I was 10 and still want now.
I got one card of Mrs Scully. I thought that was kinda nice, especially since it contained $20. I didn't get any more cards. I mistook a flyer advertising kids partys at
MacDonalds for some kind of birthday acknowledgment because it had "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!" plastered all over it.
The ride to work was an unpleasent one today, there were even more strange folks on the road than normal. I am now convinced that the guy driving that dirty silver Ford Taurus is involved in a government conspiracy of some sort. But ya never know. I'll keep an eye on him now. I've been seeing that car out of the corner of my eye for weeks now.
- mental note: Tell Scully about that car. I bet they're tracking us!!! Thats why the car is so dirty because 'they' know that we can't run a number plate check on a car where the number plate is covered in dirt!! Genius.. pure genius!
Anyway, when I got into work today I played it real cool because I was sure that everyone would be hiding round the corner from the elevator ready to jump out and shout " Surprise!! Happy Birthday Mulder!" and give me loads of presents.
The truth was that everyone was already hard at work and Scully yelled at me when I got to the office because I was five minutes late.
The rest of the morning was spent watching Scully work at her computer and throwing pencils at the ceiling.
By lunchtime I was considering mentioning to Scully that it was my birthday today and had she remembered and bought me lots of 'stuff' but then I decided against it because it was soooo obvious that she was waiting until lunch to suprise me with a huge surprise.
Finally she stopped typing and got up out of her seat. I thought that she was going to suggest going to lunch but she just walked straight out of the office saying,
" See you in a minute Mulder."
Of course, I wasn't going to be taken in with all of that, Nooo.. I was going to follow her, so I got up from my seat and followed down the corridor, taking really tiny steps, although she was walking pretty fast, and praying that my shoes wouldn't squeak. As soon as she got into the elevator
I made a mad dash to the stairs, making it to the first floor in time to see her dissapear around the corner, I followed at a casual pace until I saw her go into the ladies bathroom.
Guessing that she had the surprise in there and knew I was following her all along I did what I now think was an very very stupid idea. I pushed open the door to the ladies bathroom and walked inside. I was greeted with three female agent's cries of " Eeekk, get him out!" and " You pervert!".
I walked out of the bathroom as calmly as I had walked in and headed back to the basement, my cheeks flaming with embarresment, all the male agents laughing at me and all of the other female agents walking within a wider raduis of me than they normallly would.
Back in the basement I resisted the urge to crawl under my desk and stayed in my chair until my partner came back, snorting with laughter. We went out to lunch and that just made me feel sick because I did wayyy to much comfort eating and wound up with stomach ache. Scully wouldn't carry be back to the office so I was forced to walk.
5pm came and went.. well, at least I think it did, I wasn't sure if we'd lost
time of not because I was sleeping at my desk.. such is the life of a FBI agent [ well, It's mostly my life anyway].
Scully was putting on her coat ready to leave the office when *I* suddenly remebered it was my birthday and decided I should tell her and make her feel real bad for forgetting it.
" Hey, Scully?" my voice caught her as she was walking out of the door, complete with lap top.
" Huh?"
" Guess what day it is today?"
" Uhh, Friday the 10th?"
" Yes, and what is special about today?"
" Uhh.. is it some saints day? Oh gosh, I haven't missed anyones birthday have I?"
" Its MY birthday."
I watched as her hand flew to her mouth and her eyes widened in shock. OH MY GOSH!!! My own partner, with whom I have spent the last SEVEN years of my life with, the Scully who I have
shared my last SEVEN birthdays with.. FORGOT IT WAS EVEN MY BIRTHDAY!!! That sucks bigtime.
" Mulder, I'm sooo sorry!" Ha, she tried, TRIED to apologise to me. She came up to me and kissed me on the cheek. Ok, so I forgave her immediately, thats not the point.
She went after showering me with apologies. Five minutes later I got bored of wallowing in my self pity, so I decided to go home as well.
After analysing everyone in the cars around me in the huge traffic jam I decided that there were no conspirators in any of them. I then checked for shapeshifters and found that there were none of those either. I then got really bored and started to rename everyone in the 'phonebook' of my cell phone. Scully is now called 'Sex Kitten' and Frohike's number is labelled ' paranoia hotline'.
On the verge of throwing my cell phone out of the window because my fingers were too big to press the correct buttons on the stupid thing, I was startled by the number of horns honking.
I looked up from my cell and realised that the traffic jam had cleared and everyone behind me was pissed at me. I floored the accelerator, as per usual.
When I returned to my apartment I found a bunch of flowers, a package wrapped in shiny red wrapping paper and an envelope waiting outside my door. Debating if they conatined a bomb, lethal gas, or a rare strain of pollen that I might actually be allergic to and didn't know about it, I took them inside. This decision process alone took ten minutes of careful sniffing and scrunching.
I thought for a moment who would send a bunch of flowers to a bachelor who hardly ever saw the light of day and then I stuffed them in the sink, hoping they'd survive on the soapy suds left there from last nights attemp to wash up a TV dinner and then realising that the packaging was actually designed for you to throw away. I had a lot of things on my mind last night!! OK!?!
I opened up the shiny package next, my interest in the presents always overulled my interest with the often cheap and tacky cards.
It contained a pair of Red Speedo's not unlike the ones I remeber owning quite a few years back. They got everyone, even Krycek looking at me!
Who would send me Red Speedos? I was hoping it was some gorgous sexy woman and praying that it wasn't Krycek as I tore open the envelope. The front of the card showed a cute.. I suppose.. teddy bear holding a red heart. The words above the bear read, "Happy Birthday." I opened the card.
4 words were written in a familiar style of handwriting.
My Place. 8.00pm. Scully.
For the first today i actually cracked a smile!! Woo-hooo!
That brings me up to this moment, well, not actually up to this moment because I haven't written about me writing stuff in... Ahhh never mind.. I'm too confused now anyway. I'm going to Scully's place now. Hopefully I'll have some more, EXCITING news to tell you tommorow!! Hint Hint Hint!!
Fox Mulder.
END
Uhh.. what can I say.. except I must do hard drugs to have the mind to write this kinda crap. Feedback.. would, as always be very very very welcome!! :) Thanks for reading you guys!