Excerpt from the diary of Hannah Ross~
I wonder if I shall ever be married, or shall ever think of marriage again. It sometimes changes from day to day. Sometimes I think I shall marry the next handsome man who takes my hand, though there are not many due to the war. Other times, I feel it would be disrespectful to his memory. When I say his, I mean Thomas'. You know that. I continue to tell my brain, 'Thomas would want you to continue your life, he wouldn't want you to sit aside like a wallflower and not be married because he is dead.' At times it does no use. My brain cannot convince my heart. This feeling in my heart is so strong. I am back here with Mr. Martin now, but where will I be later? I thought I would be here with Thomas, ready to start a new life as Mrs. Hannah Martin. But here I am, and not only is Thomas missing from the picture, but Gabriel as well.
God, it hurts so badly! I loved them both, Gabriel as brother, Thomas as the key to my heart, and now they are both gone. My mother and father are dead, killed by the British. Both of them, killed in cold blood. Even my good friend Anne Howard was killed with her family, burned to death in a church, a house of worship. A house of worship used as a funeral pyre. It hurts me so badly. Mr. Martin says that's what made Gabriel go and, I won't think about it now. I understand how Gabriel felt. If I had noticed Thomas running a moment earlier, I would have grasped his arm and pulled him back to me. But I didn't. I was still in shock at the cruelness of the British officer, Tavington. I never thought I'd say this about any man, but I'm glad he's dead. I'm glad. Say it once more Hannah. I'm glad he's dead. I am. He can't hurt me, ever again. Never.
I wonder if I shall ever be married, or shall ever think of marriage again. It sometimes changes from day to day. Sometimes I think I shall marry the next handsome man who takes my hand, though there are not many due to the war. Other times, I feel it would be disrespectful to his memory. When I say his, I mean Thomas'. You know that. I continue to tell my brain, 'Thomas would want you to continue your life, he wouldn't want you to sit aside like a wallflower and not be married because he is dead.' At times it does no use. My brain cannot convince my heart. This feeling in my heart is so strong. I am back here with Mr. Martin now, but where will I be later? I thought I would be here with Thomas, ready to start a new life as Mrs. Hannah Martin. But here I am, and not only is Thomas missing from the picture, but Gabriel as well.
God, it hurts so badly! I loved them both, Gabriel as brother, Thomas as the key to my heart, and now they are both gone. My mother and father are dead, killed by the British. Both of them, killed in cold blood. Even my good friend Anne Howard was killed with her family, burned to death in a church, a house of worship. A house of worship used as a funeral pyre. It hurts me so badly. Mr. Martin says that's what made Gabriel go and, I won't think about it now. I understand how Gabriel felt. If I had noticed Thomas running a moment earlier, I would have grasped his arm and pulled him back to me. But I didn't. I was still in shock at the cruelness of the British officer, Tavington. I never thought I'd say this about any man, but I'm glad he's dead. I'm glad. Say it once more Hannah. I'm glad he's dead. I am. He can't hurt me, ever again. Never.