He said it himself: he always went for the girls he couldn't get. And he said it to her, no less, while she was sitting in his lap.
Alec sometimes questioned his sanity. More often still he wondered whether he had a death wish. Because that was what being around Max was like. He was damned if he did and damned if he didn't. He knew if she found out that would be the end of him, but he just couldn't help it, he kept saying things like that, things that would make it clear to anyone but Max how he felt. Like his lame attempt at making Max jealous when he got shot saving the mermaid and he asked Asha to clean the wound. As if Max could ever care enough to be jealous.
Alec sighed in bed. He'd woken up minutes ago but the dreams he'd had and his reaction to them sent him in a brooding mood.
He'd never believed erotic dreams could be considered a nightmare. But when you woke up day after day all hot and bothered after dreaming of your sort-of-friend and partner in crime doing things to you that made you curl your toes with satisfaction, that's what the dreams became. A nightmare that continued while you were awake.
He sighed again, closed his eyes for a second, gathering the strength to get up and face the day.
He took a quick cold shower, a routine these days, and set off towards Jam Pony.
"Bip bip bip," he heard before he managed to get through the door. Normal being his normal self again.
It cheered him up a bit when he remembered Sketchy's reaction when he had seen Max and him at the strip club, thinking Max was working there. And then he remembered Max hitting his head and his face became somber again.
"Hey, Golden boy, I have a package for you."
"Be right up," he said and walked to his locker. He'd hoped Max was either late or gone already with a delivery, but he had no luck.
"Hey," she greeted him rather politely. He eyed OC standing next to her, but she just observed him with her amused grin.
"So, Maxie … what did we do last night? In case I meet Logan, you know," he grinned wickedly. "Did we get down and dirty or were we just relaxing, watching a chick flick from before the Pulse?"
She pierced him with a glare. "Shut up."
"What?" he lifted his arms. "Just trying to help here."
"Well, don't."
Max closed her locker and left.
"You deserved it," OC said once Max was out of hearing distance, looking at him reproachfully.
"Why? I have to pretend I'm her boyfriend and I can't have any fun? That's not fair."
"Look, she has her own problems and you're just adding to them," she said calmly.
Alec's eyes turned dark and he smiled humorlessly. "Even when I'm doing her a favor, I'm still the problem, eh?"
OC eyed him for a few seconds before saying, "You know that's not it."
"The hell it isn't." He closed the locker door a little too loudly and Max turned to look at him. She seemed sad. Well, he had nothing to smile about either.
"I could offer her the Disney ending and she'd still think of me as a problem."
"Huh?"
"You know what she said when I got arrested?"
OC just waited for him to continue.
"She believed that I did it." Alec looked away from Max and turned back to Cindy. "She actually believed I could kill someone in cold blood."
"Maybe she was just mad …"
Alec shook his head vehemently. "No, I saw it in her eyes. She thinks I'm a cold-blooded killer." He lowered his voice at his last words so people around them wouldn't hear.
He stared after Max as she left the place, his expression unreadable.
"That's what she thinks I am," he repeated, before he suddenly came back from his daze and shrugged. "Ah, well, can't have it all," he grinned crookedly as if nothing had happened.
OC wanted to say something, but he was gone before she could form a sentence.
--
It was a long day and at seven when he was finally free to go, he felt an exhaustion that was quite unexplainable for a transgenic.
"Going clubbing again?" Normal called after him eagerly to see if he could join him now that he got into all that twofers excitement.
"No," Alec waved his hand. "I'll probably just grab a beer at Crash."
"Oh," disappointed, Normal returned behind his counter.
The last thing Alec needed was being reminded of that night at the strip club. Of how she sat in his lap, pretending she was a working girl, and how he imagined the situation were different and her painful touches were loving caresses. But that only happened in his dreams, never in real life. He thought of how grateful he was that she never really paid any attention to him unless strictly necessary, because when she had gotten up from his lap, his 'situation' was very noticeable and he knew it would mean his death if she'd seen it.
After showering he set off towards Crash. He was tired and in a dark mood, but staying at home alone would only intensify the feeling.
And there was a whole another torture waiting for him at the bar. At the same time he hoped Logan would be there, because then Max would act as if they were dating and God knew how much he craved her closeness. But he also dreaded it. Because every time she touched him, sat next to him, smiled at him, he acutely felt that was not intended for him, he was not supposed to be there, it was Logan's place by her side, not his. Never his.
He groaned quietly as he pushed open the door to Crash and walked into the crowd. It was Friday and that meant the place was full to the roof top. He scanned the crowd and found what he was looking for.
Max was sitting with OC and Sketchy at a table close to the bar. He sauntered their way, plastering a smirk on his face, fearing that his tired face muscles would give in under the strain.
Half way there he noticed their beer pitcher was nearly empty and he stopped at the bar to get a new one.
"What's cooking?" He placed the pitcher down as Max scowled at him and OC said nothing. Sketchy was already plastered and was mumbling something about a report he was working on.
Alec sat down and made a sip of the beer before saying to Max, "You might wanna look more nicely at me as I've just spotted your ex-not-like-that boyfriend by the door."
She turned frantically, and true to his words, she saw Logan walk in, searching the crowd unsurely. When he saw her, he waved with a small smile and then let his hand drop to his side seeing Alec with her.
"Don't make it more difficult than it already is," she said stiffly to Alec as she moved her chair closer to his.
"I'm sorry if it's so tremendously hard to even pretend you like me. Should I go get killed, maybe pretending you're mourning would be easier?" he suggested with venom in his voice.
OC watched them dispassionately, wondering how – with all their uber sensitivity and extra skills – Manticore could mess up so badly and make them such fools.
"Jerk," Max spat at him and then smiled angelically when Logan reached their table.
She placed a hand on Alec's thigh and his fingers itched to swat her off, but he knew he wouldn't be doing himself a favor. No matter how pissed he was at her he still couldn't go against her wishes.
"Hey," Logan greeted them awkwardly.
"Hey, Logie bear, how's life these days?" Alec quipped.
"Er … fine, thank you."
"Want to join us?" Max asked.
Alec could hear the fear in her voice and it hurt him terribly to see her so crushed. Maybe he was being a jerk for joking about Logan when she obviously loved him so deeply.
"No, that's okay," Logan said. "Have you seen Asha? She was supposed to meet me here."
"No, I haven't," Max chocked out.
Instinctively, Alec slid his hand to cover hers on his thigh. He wanted to gather her in his arms and tell her it would be all right. But who was he kidding? It would never be all right, not when their lives were so messed up.
Trying to be subtle, she pulled her hand from underneath his. He offered her a crooked smile, refusing to show her how hurt he was. Was she so repulsed by him she couldn't stand him to touch her? Dear God, what did he get himself into?
"I'll go wait for her at the bar, then."
"You go do that," OC said none too friendly, sick of the tension around the table.
Max threw her a pointed look, but she just shrugged. Her patience had its limits.
Logan walked away without another word.
"What was that for?" Max said sharply and at first Alec thought she was speaking to OC, but then he saw she was glaring at him.
"What?"
"Don't you ever touch me again," she continued.
"I was just trying to be supportive," he said, not knowing how else to explain it without making a complete fool of himself.
"You disgust me," she hissed.
He stared at her disbelievingly. That was just too much. He was prepared to take a lot of crap from her simply because he was crazily in love with her, but seeing the hatred in her eyes, her cutting words … He felt like a huge abyss opened up inside him, swallowing his heart, making him feel terribly empty. Utterly alone.
"Oh," was all he could manage and even that seeped through some of his hurting.
He thought he wouldn't even be able to stand up and walk away, so crushed he felt. But his transgenic DNA helped this time and forced his legs to make the steps needed to get to the door, forced his eyes to stare straight ahead, not to look back.
Once outside, he realized he hadn't been breathing and he inhaled the damp night air forcefully, feeling how it filled up the void in him, as he leaned onto the peeling wall of the back alley.