Disclaimer: I do not own ANY of the SEGA's Sonic Team characters. The only one I own is Shelia.
To All My Readers: This has nothing to do with my other stories. Just sort of a side thing I wanted to do. This is a songfic for the song "Gomenasai" by t.A.T.u. Even if you don't know the song the words really fit with the text in my opinion. So please read and review because I want to know if y'all like it. And for those of you who don't know the title of the song means "I'm Sorry". Just thought that was kind of cool!
The moon and the stars brightened the midnight sky with their waves of warmth, but she didn't feel warm. Tears trailed down her cheeks and memories of Shadow filled her with regret. Why didn't she portray her true feeling for him? She had to walk away when he asked for her to tell him her true feelings about him. She was afraid of commitment, after all the pain and suffering Sonic had imposed on her heart. Looking at the stars she remembered a Rhetorical Question Poem that she had written in high school about Sonic. She recited it to herself.
"I wonder if they like being stars?
I suppose they do.
They always shine luminously in the moonlit sky.
They never vanish, they're always watching but you don't have a clue.
Some people believe that if you wish upon a star that it will come true.
They make me wonder about other galaxies and planets far away from you."
That had been after she realized that sonic didn't love her, and also after she realized that she no longer had a chance with Shadow either. Why did her life have to be so difficult sometimes? Her thoughts were entangled in a web of different scenarios, except her brain did not know what path it wanted her to choose. More tears formed in her emerald eyes as she wished that she could take back the fact that she had not stood her ground...the fact that she had come running back to the hedgehog that she knew would never love her...dii doo dee dii dum dum. She searched frantically for her cell phone. Maybe her prayers were being answered, maybe Shadow was on the other line. Finally, she found her phone and disappointment filled her as she flipped it open and saw that it was just Cream.
"Hey, Cream. what's up," she said wondering whether or not her best friend could sense the hurt in her voice.
"Not much just waiting for Tail's to come over. Where are you, I called your land line and you didn't pick up," she asked she had a hint of apathy in her voice. She did not sound very concerned. Amy debated whether she should lie about where she was and decided against it.
"Outside enjoying the cold winter's breeze numbing my fingers and my toes," she said hoping that the message she was trying to employ got through.
"Um, Amy," now Cream sounded concerned, "Do you want me to come over? I can cancel my plans with Tails."
Amy was satisfied, but why was she? Making her best friend worry about her instead of having fun was cruelty not satisfaction. "Thanks Cream, but no I am really tired and might be sick," she lied.
"Are you sure," ask Cream worriedly in the same manner Amy thought she would. Amy's heart sank. Why couldn't she be as nice as Cream? She always wished she could be, yet it was sickening sometimes how she could be so nice even to the people that didn't deserve it. Amy's fists clenched she wanted to tell Cream off. She did not feel like being her friend anymore. She felt as if she didn't deserve to be anyone's friend, especially not Shadow's or hers. She sighed deeply and look back at the sky. Silence drowned both sides of the phone, neither of them said a word.
"Yeah," Amy replied almost choking on the word and quickly hung up the phone as more tears filled her eyes. Then she ran as if running would help her solve her problems. She ran until she reached the park which was empty except for stray dogs sniffing around the garbage cans for food. She sat under the great oak tree, the same one that Shadow and she had been sitting under the day that he had asked her...
Amy was dressed in a beautiful blue sundress adorned with white flowers, her long quills being pushed around by the steady wind. The sun shone bright in the sky, but it wasn't glaring down on them it was gleaming. They were just hanging out as friends because Amy didn't want to be anything but Shadow's friend. She was determined to get Sonic and she always had been ever since she was just a little girl.
What I thought wasn't mine,
In the light,
Was a one of a kind,
A precious pearl.
Shadow smiled an almost forgotten smile. Amy smiled too. Shadow was a great friend to her and she knew it somewhere deep down in her heart. "So, Amy, how do you really feel about me?" He had teased her; though she believed in her heart that he truly meant it. She couldn't answer, the words got stuck in her throat. She abruptly ascended from the ground, she felt like crying so much...her heart had shattered like glass cutting the inside of her stomach and making her ill. She ran away without even making an excuse to leave, without saying farewell.
When I wanted to cry,
I couldn't cause I,
Wasn't allowed.
She now realized that that had been her mistake, running away from the only person that seriously ever understood her whims and her woes. She sobbed, hugging her knees for warmth. She popped open her cellular phone with her right hand. She punched in star 67 and then Sonic's number. He picked up on the first ring.
"Hello," he said uncertainly,"Who is this?" He sounded just the same as he had in high school years ago.
"Y-you bastard," she sputtered. "Why did I ever trust you?!"
"Am-" he started to say but she had hung up the phone. It was getting colder outside, so she started to walk home again. Rain was started to fall into steady drops and the cold, wetness on her clothes made her shiver intensely. Finally, she had reached her home. She changed into comfortable silk pajamas and laid down in her bed. For a long time she stared at the ceiling thinking about what had gone wrong with her life. Then she was in the state of mind that her life was messed up because something was missing or rather someone.
"Shadow," she whispered into the darkness. She desperately wanted to call him, but she didn't want to bring up all that emotional stuff again. That had been years ago, and she was sure that he had probably found someone new. Someone who was cuter and smarter, someone who wasn't afraid.
Gomenasai for
everything,
Gomenasai, I know I let you down,
Gomenasai till
the end,
I never needed a friend,
Like I do now.
She groped for her cell phone on her nightstand. She turned it on and the buttons lit-up. She pressed star 67 so he would not know who was calling. It rang a few times after all it was pretty late by now.
"Hello," a voice said into the phone. It was Shadow's but it sounder older and more mature than she remembered it to be. She smiled she wished that she had the guts to say something but all there was was silence.
"May I ask who this is calling?" Then when there was no answer he said, "Damn." After a few more solitary minutes basked in silence he hung up the phone.
When I thought wasn't all,
So innocent,
Was a delicate doll,
Of porcelain.
Amy feel into a troubled slumber. She awoke a few hours later drenched in sweat. She really wanted to call Shadow back, but not just to hear his voice. She needed to say that she was sorry; even though it was terrifying to have to think of all the possible outcomes that could occur. It pained her not to have seen him in so long.
When
I wanted to call you,
And ask you for help,
I stopped myself.
She laid their for awhile. It seemed like days had passed but it had really only been a few hours. Her computer beeped someone had instant messaged her. She arose from her bed and check her White MacBook Pro laptop. It was Cream, just has she had expected...it was always Cream. The orange bunny was far too kind, and Amy didn't really understand why someone like that would be friends with her.
Cream: Hey, what's going on with you? I hope your awake because I worried about you ever since I got off the phone with you.
Amy decided to type back even though she did not feel like it. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she replayed the events of the night before in her head. Should she tell Cream the truth? She was not sure what to do. She was so confused and her heart felt as though it kept on shattering more and more by the second.
Aim: Sure, I'm Okay. I'm was just really tired last night...
She lied. She wasn't "okay" she was the exact opposite of the word plus a whole lot more. Amy knew that lying to Cream was going to make things worse. She had to tell her what she had really been feeling for all these years. About everything...about Cream, herself...about what happened between Shadow and her...She waited...
Cream: Yeah, you told me but you know me I can't help but worry. So ya wanna hang out?
Now was the time, just to let everything out. Her hands trembled as she formed the words on her keyboard. Typing slowly and delicately. She hoped and prayed that Cream wouldn't abandon her computer. This was the most important thing that she had to say at the moment.
Aim: Yeah, I know. You're truly a great friend, Cream, but I lied to you. First of all, I don't think that I deserve you as a friend. You are too good a friend to be hanging out with someone like me. Secondly, I never told anyone this but the reason that Shadow and I never hang out anymore isn't because we "drifted apart". It's because I walked away from him when he asked me how I really felt about him. I was afraid. I still thought that sonic was going to realize that he needed me as more than "just a friend". I was stupid and I made a huge mistake. That's the whole reason I lied to you last night...I was feeling pity for myself for not telling Shadow, years ago, what I felt. This is the consequence of my actions and I shouldn't care about it this much. I do, though, and it's because I LOVE SHADOW!!!
Oh, how it felt to let that out! She smiled for the first time in a long time. She knew what she needed to do, but would she have the guts to do it. She wanted to tell the world, but she was still afraid of confronting him.
Cream: Wow! You do deserve me though and your a great friend too. -hugs- Well go tell him! Spread the word!
Aim: Thanks, I knew that you'd understand. Bye!
Gomenasai
for everything,
Gomenasai, I know I let you down,
Gomenasai
till the end,
I never needed a friend,
Like I do now.
Amy changed into a black skirt and a white blouse with a black ribbon tied around the collar. She then placed a pair of black fur boots on with pink lacing and a pink ribbon tied at the bottom of her interlaced quills. She then ran out the door in a hurry, not even bothering to put make-up on her face. She raced to Shadow's house nervous excitement flowing through her. Finally, she reached her destination and rang the door bell. Shadow opened the door. He looked older but he was still pretty much the same-looking. She looked into his ruby eyes deeply. She wanted to speak. To say anything even if it was just a simple hello.
What
I thought was a dream,
A mirage,
Was as real as it seemed,
A
privilege.
"Hey, Amy," Shadow said to her casually. She didn't even loose eye contact with him or blush. She moved her mouth to say hi, but no sound came out. She wanted to tell him that she was sorry, but no matter how much she wanted deep down in her heart to explain everything she couldn't bring herself to do to it. Tears filled her eyes and she looked down because she had no desire of him watching her stand there crying for a reason that he knew not. She turned around slowly and then sped off to the park. She sat under the great oak and sulked.
When
I wanted to tell you,
I made a mistake,
I walked away.
She thought everything through again, over and over in her head. She wished she could turn back time. She wished that she could have seen from day one that Sonic didn't care about her "in that way". Her hands and her arms shook. All the while tears flowed from her eyes, pouring down like rain drops on a rainy day.
Gomenasai,
for everything,
Gomenasai, Gomenasai, Gomenasai,
I never needed
a friend,
Like I do now.
She had been so confident at first. Why hadn't she had the courage to speak up? After not seeing someone for more than two years, it wouldn't be as easy as just saying that she was sorry. Somehow in her heart she knew that just saying that would not help her cause she'd have to explain everything and that's where she had messed up. She did not want to explain it to him, of all the people. It felt great to talk it out with Cream, but she knew that there were two people she had messed up friendships with: Sonic and Shadow. Sonic she did not care that much about because he was the reason she did not tell Shadow in the first place and he had betrayed her trust. She saw Shadow walking towards her in the distance. She shut her eyes and opened them again, but he was still there. She did not want for this to happen it just was for some unknown reason. She wished she could make it all stop!
Gomenasai, I let you down,
Gomenasai,
Gomenasai,
Gomenasai till the end,
I never needed a friend,
Like I do now.
He sat down next to her under the big tree. She looked up at him guilt tearing at her insides. She patted her shoulder gently and smiled faintly. She smiled back weakly, but warm and comforting.
"I'm Sorry," she whispered to him. At first he didn't acknowledge that she had said anything he just sat there staring at her.
"It's okay," he said lightly like it did not matter either way to him.
"No, it's not," she replied. "I have been a fool! I walked away from you that day because I was afraid. I thought Sonic was going to come to and realize that I was the one for him. Obviously, now that I think back I wasted my time. For more than two years I have kept this holed inside my heart. Keeping it a secret from everyone even from you, someone I knew I could trust. I don't deserve you now though, not after what I did to you..." Her voice trailed off and they sat there in silence.
"Hmm," Shadow said concentrating hard. "Well, there is something important I have to tell you."
"What is it," asked Amy curiously as she scooted closer to him.
"I have found someone new and I am engaged to her," Shadow said. Amy got up just as she had done on that day a couple of years ago.
"You what?!" She screamed at him. She thought the only reason for him to come and find her was so that she could tell him sorry. She was hoping that they could get together. "How could you do this to me? You betrayed me just as Sonic did!"
"That day I was hurting for weeks. I tried to contact you a lot of times but you were avoiding me. After some serious thinking I thought that I had to ditch you. I thought that you hated me for some reason," he stated swiftly.
Amy stood motionless, she wanted to walk away but he did care at first. She didn't know what to do. Whispering she asked, "Do you love her?" She shifted her weight to her right foot.
"I'm not sure," he mumbled.
"How can you not be sure?! You're willing to spend the rest of you life with her. Or were you just doing this because you missed me and you wanted a cheap replacement. Damn, Shadow! How could you do that to her? She probably worships the ground that you walk on to agree to be engaged with you so quickly without truly knowing her. Am I right?"
"Yeah, I'm sure she does. And yeah it was pretty heartless of me to do that. I guess you are right because I did it because I love you and I wanted you. I miss you Amy and I feel pretty crappy that I'd ever toy with another girl's feelings just because I missed you and loved you SO much that I couldn't let you go," Shadow was smiling once more at Amy.
Again, she did not know what to do, but she now knew that they were on they thought the same thing as each other. Still, somehow, she couldn't fully believe him. What about if he turned out to be like Sonic was? She fidgeted with her skirt.
"Are you going to at least tell the girl why you really got engaged with her?" She felt sick and felt as though she was going to upchuck.
"Of coarse. What kind of person would I be if I didn't," Shadow asked now standing. He gazed at her eyes for a moment and then he hugged her tightly. She smiled once again. She was happy everything was resolved.
"I love you..." she whispered in his ear. "I shall always love you no matter what."
A simple sorry sometimes goes a long way. Even if you haven't spoken to someone for a long time, you need to be able to say sorry to them if you truly mean it. This is what Amy learned from this experience with Shadow. "Me too," Shadow replied.
Then they pulled away from each other. "Guess I got to go tell Shelia what I just told you."
Amy nodded she understood. So popped out her cell phone and called Cream. Her voice mailbox opened. "Hi, this is Cream. If you haven't noticed I'm not in right now so just drop your name and number and I'll call ya back as soon as possible!" Beep.
"Hey, this is Aim. I just wanted to say thanks for the advice it really worked! Can't wait to tell you all about it. See you around."
Amy sat under the tree for a few hours until Shadow returned. Turns out Shelia didn't take the news very well. But Shadow said that if she wanted to he'd get Amy to hook her up with someone else. Amy agreed that that would be best. All in all, the time away from each other strengthen the bond of their friendship. Shelia found someone new, too! So it turned out great for everyone. Except for one person...
Anyway, please review! And Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night! and a fantastic New Years too!!