This was where people learned to call me and you a beautiful tragedy.

Where we became one of those literary legends that you obsess over.

From the way I sat around for the longest time thinking up plans for you and I- from me trying to rescue you in as many ways as you'd let me...to the way you rejected the only healthy thing you had going for you, repeatedly.

And though it's been a while since I've seen you and we've both grown up, I wanted to tell you something.

And it's something that you've known since you left everything behind.

We were never a tragedy to begin with.

What was once the only thing that seemed to get us both through the days, was something completely real.

Unfortunately, real is something that you weren't willing to invest in. You wanted a make-believe fantasy that would make one hell of a creepy fairy-tale. But I figured that you would soon grow up and come to the realization that the only thing worth 'living' for was life. If you didn't manage to have yours taken prematurely by your Prince Charming.

I even gave myself an ultimatum- to hold out for at least four years before I completely gave up on the hope that you'd finally come back and tell me you wanted me and not him. That you would choose me and not him. It was a dumb thing to do, yeah I know. I basically set myself up for failure with that one. But I had to try and you know how annoyingly persistent I can be.

The four-year mark came without any special fanfare. In fact, I was the only one who knew about it- I managed to keep it from the guys somehow. Even though it was all I could think about for a week.

What's kind of ironic is that my Dad went fishing with Charlie that day. And he mentioned to me that you were working at that book publishing place where you were just promoted. Charlie said that he knew you missed me, and really I couldn't help but laugh. Sure you missed me, it's hard to go from being best friends with someone to never seeing or hearing from them- I'd know. I wondered if you ever asked him about me but I knew better. I have to wonder how many times you've skipped out on saying my name outloud...and how many times you've cringed when you've heard it spoken. Just like how it was with him.

I heard once that if you say a word enough times in a row, it would start to lose it's meaning. That night I decided to test out that theory.

And you know what? Whoever said that is a complete jackass.

You know, there were times when I'd get so frustrated with the blatantly obvious way we felt about each other that I wanted to scream. I mean I'm talking screaming like an pissy five year-old kind of screaming. Those were the bad days.

But man, I really lived for the good days. Where you'd let me hold your hand when we'd walk down the beach. When I could get you to laugh just my giving you one of my 'weird' looks. You'd kind of forget about all the bad stuff and just hang out with me; it didn't matter where or why you were there. You just were.

Even after he came back and decided to ruin everything I had worked so hard to put back together...those were a lot of pieces too...it wasn't so bad. There were a few good moments when it was just us two. And that's all it took. It was more painful yeah, because at the end of the day I knew that no matter what happened between us, you'd go right back to his dead arms like it never happened. And that you'd feel guilty about it too.

It wouldn't have mattered to me though, Bella. I would've done anything it took to make sure you stayed alive and human. I would've even lowered myself to sharing, if you needed me to. That's probably not what you wanted to hear, right?

Well, the fact is that it's the damn truth. I didn't even care if you didn't want to be with me...or near me. I just needed to know that you weren't selfish and stupid enough to do something like literally throwing your life away. I told myself that if you wanted to get married to that bastard and run away and go to college and never look back, I'd be okay with it as long as you promised to stay alive.

And I've kept my promise, Bella. I really have.

Maybe this is a thank-you note too. When you left that day, telling me that you and him weren't going to get married until after you were done with school, at first I figured it meant that you'd eventually have him turn you. I thought that you were going to try to be sneaky about it, not giving me any time to say otherwise or to stall.

But then you promised that you weren't going to become of them ever and I cried Bella...I cried. All I could think was that you would stay 'you' and it would be good enough for me. I have to admit that at that point, I really had some hope left in me for us.

Ever heard that song "With or Without You," by U2? That was kind of like my mantra for those few years afterwards. I would hear about you through the grapevine and all of the sudden I would get that fiery feeling like maybe it was a sign. And then I would hear that song and it would only add fuel to the fire.

I'm not sure if you knew this but I even drove me and Embry all the way to come see you one time. Of course, Embry had no idea where the heck we were going, but neither one of us had imprints to worry about- so we left. It took us over a week to get all the way over there to New York. We stopped a lot for food and to check out some of the sights across the country. There were even some really cool people we ran into along the way. You would've loved it, seriously.

When we actually got into New York, I told Embry what my intentions were and of course, he flipped. He didn't think it was a good idea...especially if you'd been turned and didn't want anyone to know. Maybe he was right, but I had to know and I couldn't just turn back then.

You were standing outside that little coffee shop by the main campus, leaning up against the counter counting out change for the cashier guy. I smiled hoping that you'd see me and that would be all it took. You'd run across the street and hop over the benches to hug me and tell me you missed me. Of course that was a dumb thing to think- you probably couldn't see me from where I was standing anyway.

I could smell him getting closer and judging by the stench, he was coming up behind me, not you.

'What are you doing, Jacob?' he asked pretty point-blank. I didn't even have time to say anything before he read the hurt and hope in my mind, all the past memories were there for his viewing pleasure. That asshole actually had the nerve to laugh at me. He stood up straight as a board and tipped his head as if he were some prince or something.

'Bella is very happy right now. She's excelling in her classes, she's made a few new friends apart from us. She does still think of you from time to time, I believe. But, I wouldn't let that go to your head. It's best that you leave now, before you make my life more difficult than it needs to be.' He pointed to the people around us- witnesses, because he could see how completely furious I was.

But I looked at you one last time...you in your pretty green top and your hair pulled up in some sort of ponytail thing.

He was right, you were happy. And who was I to take that away from you? Besides, that's all that I ever wanted for you, really.

So I left...and I never thought about visiting you after that.

It's been seven years since I've spoken to you face to face. And almost five years since I've spoken to you over the phone or some other way.

There have been so many times where I've wanted to talk to you. To get your advice on something, to tell you about some ridiculous thing that happened.

In the end, I could never bring myself to do it. Always waiting for you to first.

Now I'm writing to tell you that I've finally given in. I guess you were right- your choice was always him.

To put it so that it's clear; I've moved on. So by the time you get this I'll be asking Marie to marry me.

And although you wouldn't want me to be at your eventual wedding or whatever it is you have planned...I want you to be at mine.

And I know you don't want to draw attention to yourself. And you may not even want to talk to me, let's be honest.

But Bells, I'm asking you to please be there for me. I don't think I can go through it without at least talking to you first.

Please.

-Jacob

The paper. It was on the tiled floor before she even noticed it had fallen out of her hand. The scrawled handwriting that had not changed in the seven years since she had seen it last. The last few lines of the letter that begged her to show up to his future wedding. And out of all of the chaotic elements of the letter, a few words stood out: Marie, marry me, Bells and please.

Standing up, she realized, was not the best idea as the dizzying feeling overtook her body in waves. Her grasp on the counter tightened as the feeling of drowning washed over her. She steadied herself, trying to take in deep breaths as the knowledge that Jacob was going to be asking another woman to marry him...started to sink in.

Marie. There was a woman she worked with named Marie. Who was also a bitch...which may or may not be a coincidence.

But more importantly, she hadn't heard anyone call her Bells in a very, very long time. And reading her name like that sent a shiver down her spine as if she were being haunted by a ghost.

Little did Jacob know it, but she hadn't been a very happy person for a while now. The thought that maybe all of this mess that she had found herself in could've been prevented, it really tore through Bella. She knew it all along, of course. Because deep down under all of the caution tape that was used to mend herself back up (again) she

knew where her heart's loyalties really lie.

No one could believe it- that Edward had been the one to leave her again. Only after her telling him to leave her the hell alone and go after the other girl. The one that he was really destined to be with.

Bella wasn't sure when it happened, sometime while she was studying in France for a semester. Edward stayed behind because she wanted to see the country on her own. So really this too, was also her fault.

According to Alice (who didn't want to relay the details in the first place), there was another vampire who showed up to the Cullen's home in Syracuse. She was looking for Edward; she had to see him but wouldn't let on as to why. No one gave her the information she wanted so she decided to go hunt him herself. Edward was waiting for her when she had finally showed up to their townhouse. He couldn't read her mind, just like he couldn't read Bella's. The difference with her was that he was being drawn to her and he had no idea why No blood thirst, no anything. Just the profoud feeling of needing to be by her side. And when he finally ran into her on campus one rainy day, 'it was almost like the final piece of the puzzle fitting together,' his words, not hers.

Her name is Seline Morgan, a vampire who actually remembed Edward from her human life. The rest of the story is all very charming and endearing. One that she cannot dare venture deeper into.

Especially the part where Edward begged Bella to stay, saying he could turn her down, he wanted Bella and not her. She almost believed him too, afterall, he is a very convincing liar. Until Bella caught them staring at each other so intimately it was shameful.

After that, she decided to count her losses. She packed her things and moved in with a good friend from school. She learned how to meditate which she did often, to try not to think of what had happened. She even learned how to fix the toilet when it was running too long. All by herself.

There were far more bad days than good at that point. She had only just started recuperating before she got the letter from Jacob.

'Oh Jake, what did I do? What did I do...' she thought, running her hand through her hair.

It's not as if she didn't think about Jake 24/7- it was kind of impossible not to. Thoughts of him were always there, even when she was still with Edward. She would think about the physical distance between them. The emotional closeness that they still shared, she just knew it. He had no idea how often she thought of him. His smile, his concerned look he only reserved for her when she had gone too long without speaking...the way his skin was aflame all the time and how it lit a fire deep within her when they accidentally brushed against each other. How he would try to explain the different parts of the Rabbit and how they all worked together. His hair pulled back. His hair cropped short. His hair growing back all shaggy. How he licked his lips when he was professing his love to her on First Beach.

No, those things weren't lost on her. When it was just her, and she was supposed to be going through the new manuscripts...these clips would play on an endless loop.

Grabbing a pen and her yellow tablet of paper, Bella headed back to her kitchen to sit at the small table...

Jake,

Ever hear of the song "Set Fire To The Third Bar," by Snow Patrol? If not, you should really listen to it sometime.

Because that's been my mantra for the past few years.

I don't even...I don't even know what to write here. On this ugly yellow paper (sorry for that.)

I miss you and I know it's not enough and it's never going to be enough and it's...I can't even tell you how sorry I am. For everything I put you through. I only wish that I saw my mistake earlier on. Me and Edward? Yeah that didn't happen...it's a really long story that no one wants to hear me tell. I tend to throw things when I do.

I guess it's time for me to make the visit back to Forks. And to see my Dad. I haven't seen him since he came over to have Thanksgiving with me last year.

So it's going to be matrimony for you, huh? I hope that she's everything that you deserve, which you know is a lot. It's kind of insane to think of you getting married. I know you haven't been sixteen in a long time, but to me...a part of you always will be.

I think I'll be coming to Washington within the next couple of weeks- I needed a break from New York anyway. So I will see you once I do.

I can't wait.

-Bella