Disclaimer: I do not own any Disney characters or locations. I am merely a humble worshipper and borrower of things, so I am not to blame if the characters decide to be a bit silly. But I did snatch Mary Harley out of history. I am to blame for that.
Mad for the Hatter
Prologue:
Alice and the Mad Hatter were enjoying their quiet ride in StorybookLand and were, for once, not arguing, rather, they were jovially teasing each other as their boat, unusually devoid of people, only three guests and the boat's captain, when they passed through the mouth and belly of Monstro, the Whale and heard someone whistle a message. The boat slowed and came to a stop just outside Monstro's passage. Two Pirates, by name of Jack Sparrow and Ben Gunn, stood on the banks of the river, on either side of the small boat. Mary Harley, an imposing female Pirate, stood above the boat on the back of the monstrous whale. "Prepare t'be boarded!" she called.
The boat's captain quickly told the guests to hold on and allow for space for the Pirates. This was not the first time these three swashbucklers had boarded her boat after she launched it from the dock and she knew better than to argue with them. The men leaped onto the boat with practiced agility then held their hands up for Mary Harley, who anchored herself against them as she jumped off Monstro and into the boat. The three Pirates brandished their swords dramatically, scaring Alice and startling the Mad Hatter. "This, me friends, is an ambush," Mary Harley said, smiling pleasantly. Then her smile faded. "Do exactly as yer told an' no harm'll come t'yeh. Maria—" she addressed the boat's captain by name "—continue yer duties."
Maria obeyed, suggesting to the guests and the other characters that it would be best to do as the Pirates say. Sparrow and Gunn took their seats as the boat began to make its way down the river once again. Mary, having sea legs, stood for a bit, looking for a seat that suited her fancy. When she found one, she made Gunn move to the next available seat to the starboard side, allowing her to sit at the bow next to the Hatter. It was a little snug with Alice on the same seat, but Mary ignored the snugness. Both Alice and the Mad Hatter were staring at her and that demanded attention. "There a problem, Missy?" she asked Alice, ignoring the Hatter for the moment.
"Are you really a Pirate?" Alice asked with wide eyes. Mary nodded silently. "Where'd you get that scar?"
Mary unconsciously traced the scar that ran from her right eyebrow, down the right side of her face, down her throat and disappeared under the collar of her shirt by her left collarbone. "'Twas a long time ago," she replied thoughtfully. "Longer now than it seems… B'fore I was a true Pirate, it was. There was a lad, Jonathan Gillyn, his name was, I think. Cut me open like a Christmas ham." She sighed. "An' the bugger left me fer dead."
"How horrible!" Alice gasped, her hand on her mouth. "What did you do?"
"Got meself stitched up an' I tracked 'im down an' gutted 'im, dinn I?" Mary said. "Left me wi' this lovely souvenir, he did." She turned to the Hatter. "What's yer question, Big Hat?"
He made a nervous 'nothing' sort of gesture as Maria recited her script for the ride, "Princess Jasmine and Prince Ali flew over there on their magic carpet ride to a whole new world."
The Mad Hatter grabbed Mary, almost knocking Alice off the boat, turned her to face the front of the bow, held out one of his hands and loudly sang, "Neeeeeeeeeeear, faaaaaaaaaaaar, whereEEEEEEEVVVVVVVV—"
Mary interrupted him sharply, "ICEBURG!" Giving him an almost frightening look, she removed his hand from her person and turned around again.
Maria continued with her recitation, "We're going into the Cave of Wonder, folks. Make sure you keep your hands and arms inside the boat and don't touch anything!" She was looking pointedly at Ben Gunn, who had been reaching out of the boat toward the sparkling treasure imbedded in the cave's walls. "On my right-hand side, we have the cottage of Snow-White; that's where she lived with the seven Dwarfs. And in the far back, you can see the Dwarfs' mine and hear them whistle while they work. Across the canal, we have Cinderella's Chateau. Her evil stepmother locked her up in that tower in the corner to prevent her from trying on a glass slipper. Her friends, Gus-Gus and Jacques, rescued her. She tried on the shoe, it fit, she married the Prince, moved into the Castle and painted it pink."
The Mad Hatter looked around confused. "How is it any sort of means for a monarchy or a tyranny?" he asked. "'Oh! Your foot fits into a shoe—you are now the Queen!' That's like pulling a sword from a stone! That's just silly!" He looked at Mary who looked very puzzled. "What do you think, Pirate Wench?" He stuck his abnormally large nose directly in her face as he waited for her answer.
She pushed him away by the nose. "One, I be no one's wench," she said sharply. "Two, truly, I care not how a kingdom chooses their ruler. I've met the Queen of England, actually; she's a very nice lady. Truth t'tell, I'm much more concerned wi' why she painted th' castle pink. Why, of all the colours in the world would she choose PINK? Why not green?" She pulled at the knee of the Hatter's trousers. "Or blue?" She pointed to Alice's dress under her pinafore. "Or brown?" She gestured to her knee-length coat.
"I don't know," Maria laughed. "On our left, we have our giant patchwork quilt. This quilt was inspired by Walt Disney's Silly Symphonies. It is most unusual because it is comprised of over twenty different desert plants."
Jack Sparrow shot up in his seat, his hand in the air, a rum bottle flailing about. "Name them!" he shouted.
Maria paused before she said, "Go." Then when no one spoke, she continued, "Sit down, Jack."
"Captain Jack, if yeh don' mind," he slurred, slumping down in his seat.
Shaking her head, Maria continued, "Up ahead on our left, we have Mr. Toad's famous home at Toad Hall from the movie The Wind in the Willows. His very good friend, Mr. Mole, lives down here."
"Wait, Maria," Mary Harley said suddenly. "Mr. Toad? Inn't he th' one wi' the huge house on th' corner out there? The wee little bloke what 'as all th' money he don' need?"
"Um… Yes."
"Sparrow!" Mary snapped. "Why hain't we been t'that house yet?"
"Dunno."
"Next stop, then."
"On our left we have the three Dutch mills from the Disney film The Old Mill," Maria tried to continue over the plotting Pirates. "And straight ahead under the Alps and the Matterhorn, we have Pinocchio's village."
"How come we don't have any wood carvers anymore?" the Hatter asked quickly, making Alice and Mary smile.
"It's right there, Mr. Hatter," Alice replied.
"No, I know that, silly," he told her. "I'm just saying. What if I wanted to get me carved out of wood?" He grabbed Alice and Mary and posed with them on either side.
Alice giggled. "You should talk to Geppetto, then, Mr. Hatter," she giggled some more. "He'll carve you out of wood."
"I know this song!" Sparrow said, quickly getting to his feet and grabbing Mary. They started dancing slowly to the StorybookLand soundtrack, which at the moment was playing 'Kiss the Girl' from The Little Mermaid.
Sparrow dipped Mary toward the Hatter. She made a kissy face at him. "I'm not going to kiss the girl!" he said quickly.
"But she's gorgeous—lookit 'er!" Gunn said, gesturing to Mary.
"She's a Pirate!"
Mary pulled away from Sparrow and, hands on her hips, she turned to look directly at the Hatter. "An' what is wrong wi' that, Mr. Mad Hatter?"
"Pirates're untrustworthy," he replied.
In an instant, Mary Harley had her dagger in her hand. It was in a swift, single movement of such speed, the Hatter didn't know her hand had even moved from her hip before it was holding a knife under his chin. "Say it again," she growled, placing a foot on the seat next to him and leaning into it. "Say it again, Big Hat Man."
"Captain Harley!" Maria scolded sharply. "Put it away. Sit down, Sparrow." Mary scowled, sheathed her dagger and sat down next to the Hatter as Sparrow took his seat next to Alice. "Mary, you know better than that."
"If I knew better than that, d'yeh really think I'd be wand'rin' 'round wi' these two scally-wags?" Mary asked, pointing to Sparrow and Gunn.
"Oy, missy," Sparrow said. "Yeh dinnae have t'come wi' us."
"You. Shanghaied. Me," she said lowly and slowly. "Yeh tricked me onto me ship, yeh commandeered me ship, an' yeh shanghaied me!"
"All right, children, enough," Maria said, trying to restore order. "On my right, we have Prince Erik's palace. Before Ariel was a Human, she was a Mermaid and lived under the sea. You can see her childhood home right through the waterfall on my left-hand side." She noticed Gunn and Sparrow leaning close to each other across the breadth of the little boat. The two stood and approached Mary slowly. The Pirate Captain quickly brandished her sword, keeping the men at bay and away from the Mad Hatter, Alice and herself. "Okay, this is chaos. And our chaos is now over! I hope you guys had fun! Please stay seated until the boat has come to a full and complete stop."
"A round of applause for Maria!" the Hatter cried, leading the applause as the boat pulled up to the dock. The characters waited for the guests to exit the boat before disembarking themselves. Mary tossed a gold coin to Maria before climbing onto the dock, taking the Mad Hatter's offered hand. "Bwah-haha! Mine is an evil laugh!" The Hatter latched onto her wrist tightly and ran off, pulling the Pirate behind him, leaving Alice to stand on the dock alone with Sparrow and Gunn.
"Wait! Mr. Hatter!" Alice cried, waving after him and following quickly. Sparrow and Gunn followed closely behind her. "You simply can't leave me with these two Pirates!"
The Hatter dragged Mary over to the shop, The Mad Hatter, held her against him, her back to his chest, one arm around her and the other holding his teapot against her temple. She rolled her eyes. "A teapot?" she asked. "Really."
"Mr. Hatter!" Alice gasped when she and the Pirates almost skidded to a stop upon seeing the two outside the shop. "That is entirely improper!"
Jack Sparrow walked forward, his hand outstretched. "'And 'er over now," he said to the Hatter. "Give 'er back."
The Hatter pulled away from Sparrow. "Nuh-uh!" he said. "I want her. She's mine now!"
Then Sparrow quickly grabbed Alice and held the mouth of his rum bottle against her chin. "Sparrow!" Mary said sharply. "Unhand her this instant! She's only a child!"
"She's still a bargaining chip." Mary gave Sparrow a glare that would kill if such things had that potential. "Fine," he sighed, pushing Alice towards Mary and the Hatter. "But yer still over there."
"I know that," she said evenly. She winked at Alice then carefully reached behind her to the Hatter's stomach. Then she proceeded to tickle him mercilessly. In his fit of giggles, the Hatter's grip on her loosened and she broke away from him. With a quick leap, Mary's hand latched onto the rafter nearest her and she swiftly hauled herself onto the roof of the hat shop. "Well, gents," she said, calling down to Alice and the men pleasantly. "It's been loverly. But I've gotter see a gent 'bout some tools." She quickly ran up the thatched roof before turning back to face them. "Sparrow, Gunn, I'll see yeh on th' Death." Mary quickly ran away, leaping from rooftop to rooftop, heading toward New Orleans Square.
Two days later, Mary Harley, Jack Sparrow and Ben Gunn, along with the rest of Mary's crew, guided the Pirate ship, The Death, skilfully through the Rivers of America, as it was called, coming up alongside the Naval ship, Columbia. Mary stood in the rigging of her main mast and she called out, "Columbia! Prepare t'be boarded!"
After her Pirates used the few loose lines from the rigging of The Death to swing over to the Columbia, Mary did the same, drawing her sword as she landed on the other ship's deck. She laughed, throwing her head back, as her crew quickly took over the ship. But she noticed a group of people who hadn't surrendered. She walked over and suddenly came face to face with the Mad Hatter. "Lovely!" the Hatter said, knocking her sword from her hand. He pulled her into his arms and proceeded to dance with her though no sound of music could be heard. First he led her through a moderate waltz, then a quick swing to the music that obviously only he could hear.
Mary lost herself in the dance, thoroughly enjoying for a moment, before her eyes caught sight of her crew staring at her. She quickly regained her senses and pushed the Mad Hatter away from her, retrieving her dusägge from the ship's deck by hooking her bare toes carefully under its blade and kicking it upwards, bringing the hilt into her hand. She backed away from the Hatter, keeping the serrated point of her sword blade under his chin. "Don't. Touch. Me," she said lowly. "Gents, there's noffink 'ere. Get back t'the Death!" Without another word, she ran to the starboard side of the Columbia and leaped onto the railing. She quickly calculated the distance between herself and the deck of her ship, then took another well-planned leap, landing safely, nimbly and, most importantly, dryly on the deck of The Death, walking directly into her cabin without a word to her crew, who were still staring at her.
In her cabin, Mary was giggling like a madwoman. She hadn't danced with anyone beyond Sparrow or occasionally Gunn in years. And the Mad Hatter, Mr. Reginald L. Theophilus III, excuse me, amused her greatly to no certain extent. The fact that he had the daring to kidnap her without her realising he was going to was entirely impressive. Mary Harley was a Pirate, after all. An incredibly intimidating and experienced Pirate. There was no way in the seven seas that she shouldn't have seen his amusing little abduction coming from twenty leagues off. But she hadn't expected him to be so brave; he was usually such a gentle man, a bit insane due to mercury poisoning, perhaps, but gentle nonetheless. She had let her guard down around him—twice, now—and she hadn't ever let her guard down before.
"Stars in heaven, he's making me break character," she muttered, running a hand through her brown curls.
Mary Harley was still in her cabin when the Death took another turn through the Rivers of America that evening. She was lounging on her bed, reading a rather thick leather-bound novel about a rather attractive consulting detective when she heard the noise. It was the most bizarre sound she had ever heard.
"Caaaaaaaaaaaaan you feel the loooooooooooove toniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight? The peace the eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeveniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing briiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiings?"
She dropped her book and quickly made for the door to her cabin, grabbing her dusägge from the desk where she had discarded it earlier. She burst through the door and ran to the railing on the second deck of her ship and looked down to the main deck at the fo'c's'le. The Mad Hatter was standing there, one hand on his chest, the other outstretched towards her, and was in the middle of what seemed to be his own arrangement of several very recognisable songs.
"I can show you the wooooooooooooooooorld, shining, shimmering, spleeeeeeeendid! Tell me, Princess, when did you last let your heart deciiiiiiiiiiide?"
Mary looked at her crew in a slight panic as she slipped her sword belt over her right shoulder and adjusting it to hang comfortably. Her crew had stopped dead in their duties to stare at the Hatter, who was slowly walking the length of the ship, bow to stern, toward the stairs that would lead him to the second deck where Mary stood, watching him, her eyes wide in surprise.
"I know you! I walked with you once upon a dreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeam! I know you! The gleam in your eye is so familiar a gleeeeeeeeeam!" He was on her level now, walking toward her. "Love… Seems like only yeeeesterday, you were just a child at play. Now, you're all grown up insiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide of meeeeeeeeee—"
Mary cut him off by holding him at blade point. "What d'yeh think yer doing?" she demanded, noticing that the Mad Hatter had managed to gather the attention of a large group of guests on the bank, who were all standing at the fencing around the River to watch.
"I'm serenading you!" the Mad Hatter said brightly. He took another big breath in preparation to break into song again.
But Mary cut him off. "Shut it!" she snapped. "I gathered yeh were serenading me." She cleared her throat. "Th' question is why?"
"Because you have captured my heart with your piercing eyes of a shade so blue only the sparkling of the seas could even possibly match it," he said, moving about the small deck, dramatically gesturing, trying to woo her. He pushed Sparrow away from the helm, roughly four feet from Mary, and took control of it. "Because every word you speak is a beautiful melody in my ear! Because your beauty is matched only by that of the earth herself!"
She placed a careful hand over her body mike to muffle the sound and took caution to not make an obnoxious noise and she muttered, "Don't push it." The Hatter grinned and leaped away from the helm, the wheel spinning erratically. Both Mary and Sparrow leaped for it, catching it at the same time. She glared at the Hatter. "Are yeh daft, man?" she demanded, retrieving her sword from the deck. "Yeh could've killed us all!"
"What would I give to live where you are!" the Hatter sang loudly, hanging from the railing of the third deck. "What would I pay to stay here beside you!" Mary whistled to Ben Gunn, who charged up the stairs and toward the Hatter. "What would I do to see you smiling at meeeeeeeeee!" Gunn attempted to get the Hatter off the railing. "Where would we walk?" The Hatter let go of the railing and ran to Mary, grabbing her wrist. "Where would we run?" He pulled her up the stairs to the third deck; she stumbled on her way up. "If we could stay all day in the suuuuuuuuuun….?"
"Yer insane," she said.
"Quite," he smiled, pulling her into his arms; she had dropped her sword when she stumbled on the stairs. "I don't know when, I don't know how, but I know something's starting right now! Watch and you'll see, someday I'll be part of your wooooooooooooooooorld!!!" He finished his serenade with a flourish, panting and beaming at her.
"Why me?" she asked. "I'm a Pirate. An' yeh said so yerself, Pirates're untrustworthy." She pulled his ridiculously bright orange coat down his shoulders to his elbows and buttoned the sturdy, large top button, immobilizing his arms. He sputtered at her in surprise. "Pirates're cunning." She pulled his giant lime green hat down past his ears to his chin. "An' as a Pirate, I'll break yer heart." She smirked and walked down the stairs, picking up her sword as she went. "Git 'im off me ship," she said to Gunn.
Three days later, and not a sign of the Mad Hatter, the Pirates were arguing on the Island. "Mary Harley! One day I shall return," Jack Sparrow said, swaying slightly, holding onto a section of woven rope fencing. "And when I do, I shall have me vengeance! The Fountain of Youth shall be mine!" He smiled lewdly at Mary Harley and walked toward her, still swaying slightly.
She pushed him away from her. She sauntered away from the 'almost piss-drunk pirate', smirking happily. "Cap'n Jack Sparrow, there will never come a day when yeh will obtain what I guard most ferociously." She spun around to face him again. "Should yeh return t' this isle, I will be required t' take drastic measures."
"Really," he said, leaning against a rough-hewn wooden lighting pole casually. "An' those would be?" Mary merely smirked and turned away from him without answering. "Come now, Mary. Yeh've piqued me interest."
Smiling almost wickedly, Mary walked directly over to a group of young children sitting on the ground nearby her. She crouched in front of her young audience and quietly said, "I may need yer help with that Cap'n Sparrow. Are ye up fer th' task?" The children murmured their eagerness to help. "All righ' then. That's what I like ter hear! Now, when I say 'three', I need yer all ter shout out 'Yo Ho!' Can yeh do that fer me?" Again, the children were eager to help her. Smiling at her newfound aids, Mary stood, slowly spun around to face Sparrow and said, loud enough for all to hear, "Cap'n Sparrow. Yer no match fer me an' me new crewmen!" She gestured to the children behind her; they cheered giddily.
Sparrow snorted in laughter. "Unlikely," he replied, still leaning against the pole. "They're naught but meensy weensy little sailors what couldn't hurt nothin'!"
"Is that so?" she asked in counter. She briefly turned back to the children. "Ready?" They nodded and she looked back at Sparrow. "Watch while they demonstrate their particularly useful talents. Three!"
There was a large and loud chorus of "Yo Ho!" from the children behind Mary. Sparrow began to lose his balance. His arms windmilled and he toppled over the side of the boulders-strewn outcrop they were all positioned upon. Ben Gunn ran over to look over the edge of the boulders. "He's livin' still!" he called out.
"Unbelievable," Mary muttered. "He is a cockroach. I'll never be rid of 'im!" She walked over to the other pirate and peered down, her hand on his back to anchor herself. "All righ' there, Sparrow?"
"Mary Harley!" his voice issued from the other side of the boulders. "Yeh'll pay for this embarrassment!"
Mary Harley laughed, throwing her head back so her long brown curls caught the wind. "I doubt it, Sparrow," she replied. "Now, either git yerself up here and suffer me irritation or let go and fall ter yer death. Either way, I'll be happy." She walked away from the edge and the other pirate. After a moment or two, the other pirate helped pull Sparrow up over the edge. "Thank yeh, Ben," Mary said, then she promptly slapped Sparrow.
"Now, Mary," he said, grabbing her wrist as she prepared to slap him again. "After all yeh an' I've shared, after all we've been through, yeh still won' give me what I seek?" He backed her around toward the edge of the boulders. "I'm disappointed, Mary. Truly, I am."
"Cap'n Sparrow, yeh are th' most odious, disgraceful, cheating, thieving, and untrustworthy man I 'ave ever 'ad th' displeasure t' meet!" Mary countered, backing Sparrow toward an open wooden crate. "An' if I ever see yeh on me little island again, I'll personally see t' it that yeh never walk on th' green earth ever again!" She pushed him into the crate and Ben Gunn slammed the lid shut. "Huzzah! With th' help of all yeh out there, an' Master Ben Gunn, I 'ave defeated Jack Sparrow once again! Three cheers!" Three choruses of 'Yo Ho!' sounded through the outcrop.
"Not quite!" Mary and Ben whirled around to find Jack Sparrow standing by his pole, looking merry. The two quickly opened the crate to find it empty. Sparrow walked over to Mary. "There's one thing yeh forgot, Mary Harley. I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, love." He took one finger and poked her harshly in the chest. She fell over backward into the crate. Sparrow looked up at Ben Gunn and brandished his sword at him. Ben Gunn willingly jumped into the crate. Sparrow shut the lid and sat on it. "An' that'll teach yeh all not to mess wi' Captain." The crate moved underneath him to glide to the edge of the outcrop. "Jack." It stopped. "Sparrow!" He fell over backward and off the edge of the outcrop.
The crate lid lifted slowly to reveal an empty crate. The audience began chatting amongst each other and gathering their things to leave while, underneath the bouldery outcrop on Pirate's Lair in Disneyland, a notable and beloved theme park which incorporates the characters of several classic fairy tales and Victorian books, three pirates were talking animatedly amongst each other. "Hey, Christie," Jason Coleman, the actor who played Ben Gunn, said as they made their way to their dressing rooms. "You okay?"
Christiane Greene smiled faintly. "I'm just happy we weren't interrupted by Brian," she said, referring to the Mad Hatter that had been harassing them the past week. "I don't understand how he's being allowed to do that. He shouldn't even be in this area of the park!"
"Well, he seems to listen to you," Travis Melkin said, opening the door to the dressing room and allowing Christiane to go through first. "Why don't you just tell him to let us alone?"
"We kind of brought it upon ourselves by ambushing him and Alice on StorybookLand," she replied, heading directly over to her make up table and shrugging off her jacket. She hung it on her coat rack, changed into her 'people clothes' and sat down to remove her makeup.
Bri Sparks, a Fantasyland ride operator and Christiane's best friend stood in the doorway and knocked on the door. She entered the dressing room and walked over to stand behind Christiane's chair. "Hurry up and we'll go harass that Hatter of yours," she said, smiling into the mirror. "I heard what he was doing to you guys."
"Oh my gosh, when he serenaded me, I almost died," Christiane laughed, finishing up cleaning her makeup off and began brushing her hair. "Or killed him. I'm still not sure." The friends laughed cheerfully. "Anyways," she continued. "Where's he at right now?"
"Musical chairs."
Christiane's hand stopped mid-brushstroke. "I can't harass him at musical chairs," she protested. "It might scar the children!"
"Oh, suck it up; he deserves it," Bri replied. She snatched Christiane's hairbrush and quickly finished brushing her friend's hair. "There. You're done." She grabbed Christiane's wrist. "Let's go!"
The two girls quickly made their way through a secret door in the Café Orléans restaurant in New Orleans Square, then through the light crowd (it wasn't a peak season) to the plaza, then on to the Plaza Pavilion on the edge of Main Street, USA where the Mad Hatter and Alice were hosting musical chairs. Bri pulled out her digital video camera and turned it on. While the game finished, she found the empty disc in her camera case. The Hatter, meanwhile, had seen Christiane and smiled in her direction without the other characters noticing—Peter Pan and Wendy were there as well. He was telling riddles as Bri began filming.
"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" he asked a little girl wearing a Fantasyland host outfit (which Bri and Christiane thought was the cutest thing they had ever seen). She didn't know the answer. "I haven't the slightest idea, either."
Bri nudged Christiane, who began to sing:
"What would I give to live where you are…
What would I pay to stay here beside you…
What would I do to see you smiling at me…
Where would we walk? Where would we run?
If we could stay all day in the sun…
Just you and me, and I could be
Part of your world?"
The Hatter walked over to her while she was singing and pulled her up to the platform where the ragtime piano was; the pianist was accompanying her perfectly and in her preferred key.
"I don't know when; I don't know how
But I know something's starting right now!
Watch and you'll see someday I'll be
Part of your world!"
The guests and characters alike applauded her. The Hatter took both her hands in his. "That was BRILLIANT, miss!" he said, treating her like any other park guest. "Where did you learn that trick? With the noise from your mouth and the different sounds you made?"
I can never win with him, she thought, admiring his improvisational skills. "Oh, a little Mermaid taught me how," she replied.
"Alice," the Hatter said to the girl in the blue dress and white pinafore. "I think I may have found the girl of my dreams!"
"But what about that Pirate lady?" Alice asked sweetly. "I thought you like her?"
The Hatter dismissed the idea with a wave of a white-gloved hand. "Pirates are untrustworthy," he said. "Besides, I get the feeling Captain Harley doesn't like me very much." He turned Christiane to face Alice and pushed her towards the girl. "But this one serenaded ME; I don't even KNOW her!" He turned Christiane back to him and got on one knee, holding her hands in him. "Sweet lady, will you take this kind, gentle and quite mad Hatter as your husband? Will you marry me…?"
"Christiane," she prompted him as he pretended to not know her name.
"Christiane!" he grinned up at her, waiting for her answer, and she knew he actually meant the proposal. If there was one thing she knew about her boyfriend, it was when he was being completely earnest about something.
She smiled and answered, "Yes, I will marry you, Mr. Mad Hatter."
The Hatter jumped immediately to his feet and jumped in the air in a motion of victory, letting out a triumphant yell. He pulled Christiane into his arms and they danced to the ragtime the pianist happily played for them. "A ring!" the Hatter cried. "I need a ring!" He let go of Christiane and began tearing through his pockets, pulling the most bizarre items from them. Finally, after loading poor Alice's arms with an assortment of teapots, rubber chickens, curly ribbons and a plush tarantula that he called 'Trudy', he pulled out a bright orange plastic bracelet the exact same shade of his jacket. "With this ring," he said, slipping it on Christiane's wrist, careful to not hit the large bruise that she had received the night before during stunt training, "I thee claim!"
She laughed and hugged him, just like any normal park guest would, but entirely happier than any normal park guest, as she wasn't a normal park guest and she was now engaged to her boyfriend of three years. The Hatter held up her braceleted wrist and said, "The new Mrs. Hatter!" Then his eyes caught a little girl wearing a Captain Harley costume and he looked at Christiane. "I'm sorry, love." He took her bracelet and gave it to the little Captain Harley. "But she's a Pirate."
That night, Christiane was brushing her teeth thoroughly while reading her Sherlock Holmes book in the kitchen after eating a large piece of chocolate satin pie when Brian came home, tossed his keys onto the kitchen counter and poured a glass of water, sighing in his exhaustion. She smiled at him around her toothbrush and he kissed her cheek. Without saying a word, he took a small box out of his jacket pocket and set it on the counter before leaving to take a shower. Christiane's eyes wandered from the text written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle to the small box on her kitchen counter. She heard the shower running down the apartment hall and her toothbrush slowed down as she stared at the box.
Sighing, as she was giving into her curiosity, she stuck the ribbon bookmark between the pages of her book and set it on the counter before turning around to spit her toothpaste into the kitchen sink and rinsed it down the drain and rinsed out her mouth, using her nearby clean dishtowel to dry her mouth and her hand. She abandoned her toothbrush on the counter beside the sink and picked up the small box. It was covered in soft fabric and it was the size of a bracelet box, which she thought was odd, since she had yet to receive an engagement ring from him and she had expected to go with him to pick it out. She spent roughly twenty minutes turning the box around in her hands without opening it, debating on whether she should open it or wait for Brian to come back to do so. "Curiosity usually kills the cat," he said from the kitchen door, leaning in the doorway in his pyjamas and smiling at her. "But in your case, it tortures the cat until she can't stand it." He walked over to her and, standing behind her, he wrapped his arms around her middle, resting his chin on her shoulder. "Open it."
She carefully opened the box and a happy smile crossed her lips. Inside the box, on green satin, sat a simple silver chain bracelet with a single charm—a small padlock with an even smaller skeleton key hanging from it. "Oh, it's beautiful, Brian!" she said, kissing his cheek happily. He helped her put it on her left wrist, his fingers brushing her bruise. She hissed sharply in slight pain when he did.
Brian gently turned her hand over so he could examine the bruise on the inside of her wrist. It was large and an impressive shade of purply-black about the size of a fifty-cent piece. "You got caught in the rigging?" he asked.
Christiane nodded, blushing in slight embarrassment. "Yes," she replied. "We were working on our stunts for the Talk Like a Pirate Day parade. As I was jumping from mast to mast, my safety cable broke and I landed roughly in the mizzen-mast rigging and my wrist hit a cable lock—which is going to be hidden eventually when we finish building the ship float." Brian gently kissed the bruise. "I'll be fine. Just a side-effect of being a Pirate. That's all it is."
"You were never this purple when you were Alice," he counted.
She shrugged. "I know," she replied. "But I get better exercise as Mary Harley." She kissed his cheek again. "Come on, love. Time for bed. We both open the park tomorrow."
The next morning, Christiane woke to feel her bed moving underneath her. It was a gentle rocking so she didn't panic into thinking there was an earthquake. But her bed shouldn't have been moving at all. She climbed out of bed and walked barefoot across the wooden flooring to the bedroom door. The bright sunlight that greeted her blinded her for a moment. When her eyes adjusted, she discovered she was standing on the second deck of the Pirate ship Death and she was in her Mary Harley costume. Confused beyond all reason and assuming Travis and Jason were playing an engagement prank on her (a practice not at all unheard of amongst the Disneyland cast members), she rubbed her eyes and tried to figure out what time it was. Judging from the position of the sun, she concluded it was sometime between seven and eight in the morning—before the park was officially open to the public.
Leaning on the railing outside the cabin, she saw Travis working on some repairs for one of the longboats. Straightening her back, Christiane quickly walked down the stairs to him. "Good morning," she said, sitting next to him.
"Mornin', Captain," he said, briefly looking up from his work. He returned to what he was doing. "Sleep well?"
"S'pose," she replied. "Now, listen here, Travis Melkin, you can't just kidnap me from my bed whenever you feel like it. I suppose Brian and Jason were in on it as well; there's no way you could've done it all by yourself; you're not that clever."
The man stared at her. "Are yeh feelin' all right, Mary?" he asked. "My name's Captain Jack Sparrow. I'm yer first mate. Remember?"
Christiane was taken aback. His voice was very different from Travis', even when he used his character voice. She nodded, still confused, and got to her feet, looking around at the park. She was standing on the port side of her ship, which was nearest the mainland overlooking part of Frontierland and Adventureland and New Orleans Square. What she saw amazed her.
The Haunted Mansion was looking bleak and destitute as always, but there were shrieks and howling issuing from it, complete with transparent beings flying around it at incredible speeds. The area around the Pirates of the Caribbean ride (or where it should have been) was crawling with random Pirates—some she recognised from the ride, some she didn't know at all—like a miniature Tortuga (or Port Royal, historically speaking). Fierce and frightening noises were heard coming from Adventureland, created by several creatures she was certain she didn't want to see. Frontierland didn't seem that different until she saw a gunfight break out in the middle of the street. Cowboys were staggering from the Golden Horseshoe, stinking drunk.
"Oh…my…hell," she whispered.