Author's Note: This is my first Furuba fic. I'd say please be gentle, but I'd rather be knocked upside the head for getting Kyou's voice wrong. :)
Questions Never Asked
Sometimes, I hate them all. They wouldn't be surprised to know that I do. They expect it, I suppose. No, what would surprise them is why I hate them.
I hate them because they never question me. Ever. I can see it in their eyes whenever I do something stupid--and I know I do stupid things. The first thing they always think is "Stupid cat, he'll never learn."
Bullshit!
...Sorry, Haru. Didn't see you there.
Yes, I'm talking to myself. How else will I get a decent conversation in this house?
Quit that! Oh for-! Ow! That's it! I'm gonna knock you into next week!
Sorry about the door, Shigure. Sure. Fine. I'll fix the damn thing.
I hate it when he goes Black. I can never tell when he means what he's saying, and when he's just saying stuff to piss me off. That's something really odd, something uniquely Haru, I think, instead of the curse. Master made me learn all the legends and the stories. He said that if I didn't want them to call me names and hate me out of tradition, I'd better know the traditions myself, so I wouldn't do the same thing to them. I even looked up what the zodiac animals are like on the internet. I bet they'd be shocked that I know how to use a computer.
Back to my point. Haru is "supposed to be" short tempered, but day-am! Sadistic isn't part of that. Now, he is supposed to be methodical, and when he goes Black…. Yeah. He starts trying to pick you apart, one piece at a time, both physically and emotionally. Bastard.
So yeah, he's a stereotypical Ox when you come down to it, but if you know his life, you know how to trigger his... more distinctive personality traits. Maybe he'd be like that no matter what, but... maybe he wouldn't go Black. Fuck, those bruises are gonna take some time to heal. At least he won't hunt me down now that I'm up here.
And dammit, there's a reason Haru acts the way he does: the rest of the damned Sohma clan. Hell, it's probably the reason we all do. Spend your whole life with people telling you you're supposed to be some way, and at some point you'll try to be it. And if everyone keeps insisting that you are a certain way, then people will act like you are without really finding out. And if you finally get suckered into acting within the way they say? Well, of course you're doing it. That's the way you are. Idiots.
So, of course, I want to fight that Damn Rat all the time. The Cat hates the Goddamned Rat, right? Well, I doubt he hates me back, like so many people insist. I know he's sick of the challenges--hell, I'm sick of the challenges and I like fighting! And I bet he hates that I threaten the peace of his family. But me specifically? Nah. I'm family, too.
But I don't think that the Damn Rat is all there is to Yuki. I mean, a bright, happy personality? He was that way. Now, I think most of his smiles are about as sincere as Shigure's pouts. His nervous nature? I think that's increased. I know it has to do with Akito. It's odd that I always say "that Damn Rat" but I never say "that Damn Akito." I never say "that Damn God," either. It has a nice ring to it. Maybe I should start saying it.
On second thought, maybe not. If he found out, he might get pissed at me. I have noticed how Yuki reacts to the mere mention of Akito. And I know how Akito treated her.
Oh, uh, hi.
No, I'm fine. I just wanted some fresh air.
You look tired. Whoa, careful. You are tired. Go back in. If you fall asleep up here, you'll be stuck 'cause I'm not gonna carry you down.
Yeah, yeah, g'night. Go.
Yeesh. I hope she didn't hear me. Y'know, maybe it would be better if I got a journal instead, but I'm sure someone would find it, if I did. This way is better. I won't run out of paper this way. And well, it's not like my life is gonna change if they think I'm not completely sane. Yeah, like anyone in this family is sane.
What was I trying to work out before she interrupted? Oh, right. I wonder if I could have been friends with Yuki. Master taught me to study my opponent and look for his weaknesses. So I did. I studied his fighting skills, but I also studied him. Sometimes the key to victory doesn't have anything to do with fighting skills. And Black Haru has sure taught me that the well-timed comment can screw up an opponent. I just don't think I could fight that dirty against that Damn Rat.
Because I did watch him. And in watching him, I got to know him. And yeah, I could say lots of things now that would hurt him, maybe even give me the edge I need. But that would be just as bad as using my other forms to beat him. And I hope he never finds out, but I actually like him. Oh sure, he's an arrogant and cold bastard, but I think it hurts him to be that way even more than it hurts those girls he pushes away. He has to, if he's gonna make a life for himself outside of the House. At least he'll get a chance to, if Akito lets him stay away.
Fuck, I don't want to think about this. I don't want to think about how little time I have left. But, I wish there was some one I could talk to about this. Well, besides myself. I wish there was someone who would ask me why I keep challenging that Damn Rat. 'Cause then, I could lie badly--because I really hate to be anything other than totally honest, and I don't lie well--and then maybe someone would figure it out. But no, the Cat hates the Rat. So the Cat wants to fight the Rat. And damn that Damn Rat for thinking I could hate him.
Dammit. I just want to be free. I just want to win that damn-fool bet, and not get locked away for the rest of my life. Damn that Akito for letting me have hope, because if I could just give up, maybe I really could be Yuki's friend, instead of the Stupid Cat who keeps challenging him.
Damn him for being nice enough that there's a part of me that doesn't want to pound him into the ground, and damn him for not being someone I can hate. If I hated him for anything, it would be because I don't think I hate him at all.
...
That made no sense whatsoever. I give up. I'm going in, and I'm going to bed. And maybe I'll beat that Damn Rat in the morning.