Chapter One
Louder, louder, the voices in my head
Whispers taunting, all the things that you said
Faster the days go by and I'm still
Stuck in this moment of wanting you here
Time in the blink of an eye
You held my hand, you held me tight,
Now you're gone and I'm still crying
Shocked, broken, I'm dying inside
Kelly Clarkson - 'Haunted'
Black seeped over the heartfelt words and apologies which had beckoned the reader to listen to their mournful tales of sorrow. A quill scratched mercilessly over the parchment, blotting out any signs of emotion that had previously been portrayed. Furious ebony lines snarling at anyone who dared to peek at their secrets. Nothing to see here they hissed none of your business.
Narcissa Black snapped her silver silk covered journal shut and exhaled deeply through her nose, leaning her head back against the wall.
Her skin looked waxy and it flickered yellow as the only light source in the room - an old candle - died. She placed her journal in one of the dark mahogany drawers next to her bedside and pushed it shut gently. She rubbed her eyes, feeling ashamed as she felt more hot tears seep out from under her lids. Crying is a sign of weakness she thought miserably. She had been taught that long ago.
She pulled the thick duvet up around her huddled form. She had tried to stop crying, she really had. Just the thought of never seeing her again was too much pain to bear. She had tried to express the way she felt through diaries, stories, songs and poems, but nothing was as effective as crying. The words that flowed from the tip of a quill were never quite the same as the thoughts in her head and the song they sang was not the same as the terrible ache she had in her chest. Crying helped her get out her feelings, like all her troubles could just slip away with the teardrops.
She would cry tonight. Just a bit. A few more tears couldn't hurt, right?
Flipping her pale blonde hair over her shoulder, she settled down into her bed. She lay quietly on her side, duvet pulled up to her ears and the only sound that could be heard in the small room was the small hiccup-like breaths she took in between sobs. She thought quietly about the things she wanted. Family, she sniffled quietly, That's not much - Mummy, Bella, Drommie, a loving Husband, a baby. Why did someone seem intent on taking them away from her?
Her Mummy was growing meek - something she had never seen before. Mummy had always been so much like Bella, so strong and bold... the opposite Narcissa. Daddy was angrier, locking himself away in his study for hours. And he was shouting. He was always shouting even if Mummy and Daddy weren't fighting. Narcissa sniffed. She may be ingenuous (as her mother called it), but she wasn't completely stupid.
Bellatrix was growing more and more distant. Narcissa studied her the most. Bellatrix used to be different. She used to be Bella - a carefree, witty, sarcastic teen who always had time to talk to Narcissa. Now she was Bellatrix: a temperamental, rude, defensive and snappy woman, who definitely had no time for anyone but herself. It was like she was permanently hiding a secret. And Andromeda? Andromeda was gone. For only one night so far, but everyone knew she wasn't coming back.
What was even worse is that her Father had made every effort to eradicate anything that had belonged to Andromeda. Photographs, clothes, jewellery, shoes, school books - even her birth certificate. Narcissa was glad she had salvaged some things from Andromeda's room before her Father had stormed over there. Several photo's, a locket with a picture of all three of them when they were little, some purple ribbon that Andromeda would spend hours plaiting in Narcissa's hair and lastly Andromeda's diary. Narcissa couldn't unlock it, but it was so personal to Andromeda that it almost felt like Andromeda was with her. Silly girl. Childish girl. Narcissa told herself glumly. Andromeda isn't here. Andromeda had broken the promise they had made when they where younger.
Narcissa started to sob louder, and began to rock backwards and forwards. She wanted to cry and she wanted family - No she didn't want family. She had family. What she wanted was family that asked her if she was OK if she started to cry. She wanted a Mummy that still came into to kiss her goodnight even though she was sixteen. She wanted her older sister to sit with her for hours and talk about any old thing without it ending in an argument. She wanted her Daddy to lift her up, give her the biggest hug in the world and tell her it didn't matter she looked more like a Malfoy than a Black and that she would always be his baby girl. She wanted everything to be like it used to be, when living in the Black family wasn't living hell.
She heard a floorboard creak outside her door. She swallowed hard, and silenced her crying. She hoped it was Bellatrix. Maybe she would understand for once.
"Bella?" she asked tentatively.
The floorboard creaked again, the way it did when someone stepped back onto it. The door handle turned and it was pushed opened a crack. Narcissa half expected bright light to come tumbling through the space, but her eyes only saw the dim light of a lamp.
"Yes, Narcissa?" she sounded impatient and exhausted, the candlelight emphasising the bags under her eyes.
"I..." she began, then she looked at her knees ashamed, "I can't sleep,"
The floorboard creaked again. Then there was an uneasy silence. And then -
"Would you like me to sit with you for a bit?" she asked. She sounded like she had shocked herself with the kindness of her words - as if she half regretted asking.
"Yes please," Narcissa smiled half-heartedly wiping away the last of her tears, removing her arms from around her legs and settling back down on her side to make room for her sister.
The door was shut softly and the candlelight grew dimmer as Narcissa saw Bella's hand cup around it. There was a dull clunk, as the metal of the lamp met the smooth wood. She felt the silk of Bellatrix's presumably green dressing gown tickle her pale hand and she grasped Bellatrix's hand in her own.
The bed sank slightly as Bellatrix sat down next to Narcissa and leant against the wall. She felt Bella's other hand reach out to tuck a piece of blonde hair around her ear.
"What's wrong Cissy?" she asked quietly. Her voice didn't sound caring, it sounded annoyed.
"Nothing... I just couldn't sleep," she replied quietly, her eyes shining in the darkness.
Bellatrix didn't reply. She wasn't used to being alone with her sister anymore - she'd almost forgotten how to have a conversation with her. She'd forgotten how innocent she was and how fragile she was, like the tiniest disagreement could make her dissolve into tears.
"Bella?"
"Yes Cissy?"
"Do you miss Andromeda?"
Narcissa heard Bellatrix breath in sharply and her muscles tense.
"Of course I do," came the monotone reply. It was fake - even Narcissa could tell it was a lie, but she decided to play stupid. That was, after all, the only thing she was really good at.
"I miss her too," she snuffled, wrapping an arm around Bella's middle and leaning her head against her chest.
Bellatrix automatically stiffened, like a wasp had landed on her nose and was threatening to sting her. She hadn't been hugged properly since she left Hogwarts four years ago. She didn't think about those petty things anymore, after she left Hogwarts she was forced to grow up completely. That's probably what drove Andromeda away. Andromeda...
Emotion is weakness, Bellatrix. Father taught you that. Bellatrix sighed. Stupid emotions got in the way of everything.
"And I hate the way she can never come back to see us," Narcissa started again, her fingers pulling away some of her blonde hair that was sticking to her tear-stained cheeks.
"Hmm," Bella replied. She kept her thoughts to herself mainly. A tiny part of her might miss Andromeda. Another part of her was glad she was away, so Andromeda could be herself. But mostly she felt utmost fury that Andromeda had the cheek to tarnish the family name. That she could throw all their reputations in the mud for her own egocentric reasons.
She was awakened from her thoughts by the sound of glasses smashing and raised voices. She felt Narcissa stir beside her, and her grip around Bella's waist became uncomfortably tight.
"Bella," she whispered quietly, "Are Mum and Dad fighting again?"
Bella swallowed and closed her eyes briefly as she listened. She could hear spells ricocheting off of walls and shouting. Yes. Mum and Dad were fighting.
"They... they're just chatting Narcissa," she breathed quietly, her hand moving to stroke Narcissa's golden hair, "Try and get to sleep,"
Author's Notes: Ok, so here it is. So this was intended to be the first chapter of the new version of 'After My Sister Left' but to be quite honest, I've given up trying to make things work. Multi-chaptered fics and I don't go so I'm just going to try and improve my writing style.
The only thing I worry about this is that Narcissa comes across too babyish. But she's the youngest and I always imagined her as being pampered and protected so much that she didn't really grow up.
Ellie x