Helloooo there~! I'm baaack! Mwahahaha! With another outrageous fic for your entertainment. Writing OOC is much more fun than I originally thought so I decided to have another crack at it. This particular fic was inspired by luv2write and laugh's (well, currently going by the name of Hikari no Destany) story about the dolls getting hyper on chocolate.
So yeah, a biiiig thank you to Destany aka Luv for the inspiration and permission to write this! Sending you a big bunch of hugs and cookies~! :3 This will probably be a three-shot or something like that. Just short enough to make it not horrifying :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Rozen Maiden or any of its characters. They'd probably hunt me down and kill me if they read this XD
Enjoy! :D
Of Dolls and Drinks
If there is one thing Jun has learnt about the Rozen Maiden, it is this: do not ever, for God's sake (and for the sake of preserving basic human sanity), let them anywhere near even a single drop of alcohol. The consequences are mind-blowingly horrendous. Those who have been subjected to such torture leave with psychological scars deeply driven into their fragile psyche. An intoxicated maiden is even more terrifying than labelling Suigintou as 'trash' or doodling crayon sketches onto Suiseiseki's watering can.
Perhaps we should start from the beginning.
It was one of those lazy Saturday mornings where time seems to slow down and the world lapses into a kind of self-satisfied tranquillity. Outside it was a beautiful day – the sun was shining, the birds were singing...and of course best of all, Suiseiseki had graced them all with her presence by entering via her favourite route: i.e, Jun's closed bedroom window.
"YOU DAMN WICKED DOLL! USE THE DOOR LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE!"
"PATHETIC, USELESS CHIBI! WHY DON'T YOU GROW SOME BALLS?"
"YOU - !"
"S-Suiseiseki, I don't think that was very appropriate..."
"Honestly, such noisy servants. Jun, close the window. I am getting cold."
"Unyuu, I want to chase Jun too!"
Ding-dong!
"I'll get it!" Nori sang from downstairs where she was preparing breakfast. Wiping her hands on her apron, she opened the door and peeked cautiously out. A cheerful salesman greeted her, roughly shoving a package into her arms.
"Congratulations, ma'am! You've won a free casket of the finest wine! Enjoy!"
"Uh..."
"Have a lovely day!"
Before Nori even had a chance to protest, the salesman had tipped his hat to her and sauntered down the front path and out the gate. She sighed. Even though Jun shopped less online nowadays, the Sakurada house just seemed to randomly attract salesmen like some sort of a commercial magnet. They'd already had chocolates, flowers, perfume, and possibly the entire Kunkun series of merchandise (though that was probably Shinku's doing) delivered to the house in the space of a month. Nori inspected the label – it was a bottle of red wine.
Not really knowing what to do with it, she set it down on the kitchen table, thinking that maybe she could give it away to someone, or sell it...
Thus, the bottle of wine sat on the table, unnoticed and undisturbed. That is, until Hinaichigo happened upon it right after breakfast as she searched around the kitchen bench for her favourite strawberry daifuku.
"I wonder what's this, nano?" She tugged on the cork until it came loose with a violent pop! and hit her smack bang in the middle of her forehead.
"Unyuu...ouch..." The little doll sniffed the suspicious red liquid, then dipped her finger in and licked it.
"Yucky...Hina doesn't like it." As she tried to jam the cork back in, however, her hand slipped and the end of the bottle slammed against the bench top. The glass cracked, deep crimson liquid seeping quickly out of it.
"Oh no..." Even though she had no idea what it was, Hinaichigo knew at least that it was a bad thing she'd broken the bottle, and as the wine gushed out of the jagged crack in the glass, Hina looked around anxiously for something – anything, which might be of some help. She grabbed the nearest object, which happened to be a teapot, and hurriedly positioned the cracked wine bottle over the pot so that the rest of the wine leaked into it. By this time, there was only enough wine to fill half the teapot, and as Hinaichigo replaced the teapot's lid, she quickly mopped up the red puddle left by the drink that she had been unable to save. Guilt gnawing at the edge of her mind, she decided the best thing was to get away as quickly as possible and completely forget about everything that had occurred.
She did not know that her actions that morning would later lead to the rather catastrophic consequences of the day and earn her a sound telling off from not only Shinku but her other sisters as well.
It was near midday when the mentioned fifth doll demanded the tea she seemed to require daily. Grumbling, Jun looked around the kitchen for a teapot – his eyes fell upon one sitting conveniently on the table top. As he picked it up, he felt liquid sloshing around inside it, and, demonstrating a certain thoughtlessness and absence of grey matter in the head upon his shoulders, presumed it was tea that had been prepared earlier that morning by Nori. Still in a foul mood from his stoush that morning with Suiseiseki, he neglected to consider that it was cold, and carried it over to where his tea-loving doll was watching her favourite dog detective on television before traipsing back up to his room.
Upon thinking back on it afterwards, Jun decided, it could only be fair to say that it was partly Shinku's fault she was so obsessed with Kunkun, her attention captured fully by the dog puppet on TV, that she didn't even realise what she guzzling down wasn't exactly Darjeeling tea.
Indeed, it did not dawn upon Shinku herself that something was not quite right until she started to feel very hot and flushed, and she realised she'd almost emptied the entire teapot. In fact, it wasn't until after Kunkun had ended that she noticed the strange aftertaste in her mouth, and the thought crossed her mind that the 'tea' she had been drinking without even registering its taste (the Kunkun episode being a particularly dramatic, riveting thriller) was a little...off? And she felt strangely woozy and lightheaded, her thoughts were muddled...
"I'll kill that stupid chibi chibi..." Suiseiseki muttered furiously as she marched into the living room, Souseiseki trailing in after her, sighing at her twin's long-standing feudal grudge against Jun.
"Suiseiseki, calm down."
"I swear, one day I'll make him strip and run screaming butt-naked through the streets like a – oh, it's Shinku." Suiseiseki glared with her hands on her hips at the back of Shinku's head when she didn't turn around.
"Shinku! Learn to properly discipline your chi –" Suiseiseki trailed off as Shinku suddenly tipped over backwards, her head dangling upside down off the edge of the arm-rest at them, a freakishly disconcerting grin on her unnaturally flushed face.
"S-Sui...hic...seeeiii-hic-sekiiii..." she drawled, her speech slurred and hiccupping every now and then between words.
The unfortunate Gardener, caught unawares by Shinku's grinning, upside down face, let out an inadvertent scream that was loud enough to rival the noise made by a jet plane passing overhead.
"C-calm down!"
"Omigod omigod, SHE'S POSSESSED!" Suiseiseki shrieked, brandishing her watering can.
"Suiseiseki, stop it!"
Shinku suddenly breaking into a fit of giggled for no reason in particular, still staring at them upside down, did nothing to calm the jittery doll.
"SHE'S BEEN POSSESSED! SHE'S JOINED A ZOMBIE CULT! HER BRAIN HAS BEEN LIQUIFIED INTO GREEN GOOEY CRAP!" Suiseiseki pointed the can nozzle at Shinku like it was the butt of some automatic machine gun. "DIE, HELL-SPAWN!"
A rain of green water shot out and drenched Shinku's face.
"Th-that's...enough...!" Souseiseki had to physically restrain Suiseiseki from launching another attack at Shinku.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?"
Jun had appeared in the doorway, looking extremely harassed. He stared at the scene in the living room; Shinku, lying on her back with her head tilted back over the armrest of the couch, and Souseiseki holding a struggling Suiseiseki down in a headlock.
"Ok, please explain to me why I hear a demented doll screaming about some sort of invasion of my house from the un-dead?"
"I-It's Shinku, desu!" Suiseiseki screeched, gesturing wildly at Shinku. "One minute she was just sitting there, the next she's got this deranged look on her face..."
Jun glanced over at the couch, only to find that the said doll had disappeared from where she had been lying only moments before.
"Where'd she go?" He frowned as they stared around looking for her. There was something quite strange...
His eyes fell upon her figure, sitting in the far corner of the room (God knows how the hell she managed to get to the other side of the room like that) with her back to him, and...
...oh freaking gods of the heavens above, she was MAKING OUT WITH KUNKUN!
Ok, there was now definitely something NOT RIGHT about her.
The image of Shinku performing unspeakable acts with the dog detective was too much for Suiseiseki, who collapsed in a senseless heap at Souseiseki's feet. Souseiseki herself seemed to be imitating a shock-faced statuette, her sensible mind completely shutting down.
Oh for Pete's sake, it's a bleedin' puppet! This is wrong! So. Freaking. WRONG.
Jun, having momentarily recovered his ability of speech, was the first to express his shock with befitting eloquence.
"THE HELL?"
Shinku turned to look at him, a strangely exultant expression upon her face.
Good god, what kind of crack has she been on?
"Hehehe...h-hi J-Jun...hic...Kunkun is so...hic...adorable..." She stood up, wobbling unsteadily on her feet, letting the dog puppet fall to the floor. Blinking rapidly, she peered blearily up at the medium, a goofy grin suddenly lighting up her features.
"Haha...hey...hic...y-you're preeeetty...hic...cuuuute tooooo...hic...when I look at yoouuu~" The odd rise and fall of her tone, the slurred words, hiccupping and rather disturbing things she was saying, made Jun aware of a certain nagging suspicion tugging at the edge of his mind. He snatched up the empty teapot lying on the floor where Shinku had let it drop, and picked it up, sniffing what was left of its contents.
Holy mother of crap.
He turned to stare at the now blubbering, madly giggling blonde swaying alarmingly on her feet. Shinku normally had perfect posture, flawless speech.
"Juuuun..." she cooed with half-lidded eyes.
"Hey, Souseiseki."
"H-huh?" The deeply disturbed doll had only just regained her common sense. "What's wrong with her? Why is she...like that?"
"...ah...come on...hic...give us a kiss...hic...won't you, darling...?"
"Shinku – she's..."
Jun was backing out the door, pulling Souseiseki along by the arms and dragging Suiseiseki's limp body after.
"She's drunk as hell."
Hope that wasn't too scandalous! I'll be back soon with more XD