Disclaimer – I don't own anything.
They was so three years ago. I don't understand why I would get envious over stupid Jay. He had his chance with Alex a long time ago. Gosh, Michalchuk, stop talking to yourself and pacing around this room like a crazy person. You can talk to her once she comes up about why I left the party without an explanation.
A hand touches my shoulder, I turn and it's Alex.
"Hey hun," leaning in giving her a hug and tiny kiss on the lips.
"Hey babe. You better have a good reason why you left me downstairs with all those people and you were up here instead."
"I needed time to myself." I answer.
"Ok. So why were you talking to yourself?"
"Please, Alex… leave it alone."
"No."
"No?"
She exclaimed, "That's what I said. What's wrong with you? You were having a good time one moment then sincerely I'm asking everyone where you were. And here you are, in our room, talking to yourself."
"You don't understand," I said convincingly.
"I would like to if you talk to me."
I sighed as I can't keep in any longer then needed. She had to know whether it was going to come out the wrong way or not.
"Are you aware that Jay has a tattoo of your name on his chest?"
She laughed as she tries to come close to me but I step away from her advances.
"Yes I know, Paige. But that's on him for getting it in the first place." I couldn't help but roll my eyes as she makes it seem like it's no big deal. "What? You think I still have feelings for him or something?"
I shrug, "No, I – I don't know."
"You don't know? Well, then, how the hell you find out about that tattoo?"
"Oh, he and Mel were having argument outside about it when I was getting some ice in the kitchen."
"So you were ease dropping?"
I honestly confessed, "I just overheard. I didn't catch everything."
"So why are you getting so mad over it, Paige?" She tries to touch me before I sit on the bed. I took a light breath knowing this had to come off my chest sometime.
"When... when you two were dating, how was the sex?"
"What?" She asked shockingly.
"How was the sex between you two? Was it romantic, random fucks, what, Alex!"
"Wow. You mean to tell me you want to know about me and Jay's past sex life?" I blankly waited for a response. "Okay… The sex was sex. We dated I cared about him at the time until I discovered myself. What's the problem? It is in the past."
I shook my head, "We're you in love with him though?"
"Did I just say I cared about him at one point in time? Hell we were both young then Paige. You should know that."
I questioned, "What does that suppose to mean?"
"Let me think, when I was dating Jay you were dating Spinner now you come up with your own conclusion."
"Shut up," I got up and walked over to the dresser meeting my reflection I wanted to get away from looking into her eyes before she saw through me.
"No, I won't. You're asking me about what I had with Jay, knowing full well I'm a lesbian and I'm with you. I would love to know where all this coming-," then she stopped in herself momentarily walking beside me. Her glance then turned serious speaking softly to me, "Tell me Paige, when you had sex with Spinner were you in love?"
"Please I don't want to talk about it."
"You and I both know when you were with him all those times it wasn't about. It was about making you feel better. And Jesse, I don't even want to get into what happened there."
Feeling the burn I asked, "Are you calling me a slut, Alex? Because I'm not!"
She spun me around to meet her face to face, hands resting on my shoulders, " Paige, I wouldn't dare! But we both know, you've never had sex out of love before. We've been living together for awhile and the only thing we do is make out, but when we're about to take our relationship to the next level, you claim you're not ready." She takes a brief pause before continuing. "I want it to be beautiful too."
I closed my eyes trying to hold back my tears that came down. She was right though. There were so many times we could have made love in our own bed, but I wouldn't because I was afraid of what it might mean. All of those 'what ifs' popped into my mind. What if we did and I realized I didn't love her because of it? What if I touched her the wrong way and she distanced herself from me? What if we did and I realized I didn't like being close to a girl in that way? Just the thoughts concerned me. The sexual illusions I had with Spinner and briefly with Jesse showed no signs of love at all. They were good with me and made me feel conformable, but I didn't find myself in love with either.
All I knew, right then, I had Alex staring at me that loved me more than life itself. I want to be with her and her only. I knew I was falling for her deeply and I didn't want to tarnish it because the emotional didn't connect with the physical.
"What are you scared of?"
I met her gaze. Looking at her beautiful dark brown eyes made all the sense in the world to tell her what I'd been thinking for awhile.
I conceded through my tears, "I don't want to disappoint you. I don't want you to push me away if it didn't go right. Because the truth is I love you." Her eyes slightly warmed to my admition. "I do and I can't lose that again, Alex."
She comes close to me giving me a soothing hug. This time I don't reject her touch. She didn't even have to say 'I love you' back her heart was saying it for her.
"Do you feel that? That's my heart beating for you. Not to ruin the moment, I'm not experienced in this you know," she whispered in my ear, "I could never leave you because ourfirst time together wasn't perfect. What's perfect? That's not what our relationship is built on. It means so much more."
My heart melted as we slowly pull away from our embrace. I had to kiss her, it couldn't wait any longer. It starts off very soft and loving, as our hands start floating with each other's bodies in a romantic rhythm. Our kiss leads us to the bed. Then once again she halts the moment abruptly.
"You sure… you want to?"
I smile, swinging my arms lightly around her neck giving a gentle kiss to her lips.
"Yes I do."
A/N: Thanks for reading! I want to thank friend for the idea.