A/N: Hi guys!:) I know I promised that I would start updating WADFL on the weekends, and I still might, but I had to write this oneshot. I was watching Cold Case and it was an episode about a soldier going off to war and it just got the creative juices flowing! Ahahaha! This was also inspired by Travelin' Soldier by The Dixie Chicks and a little by the music video of Thinking of You by Katie Perry. If there is any wrong information and/or typos, I am so sorry! I hope you like it!:)
Disclaimer: I own nothing at all people!
James Diamond quickly made his way to the train station and as he walked swiftly past people, they stared at him. James knew it was no secret that he was a good looking kid, but he also knew that it wasn't the reason people were staring; they were staring at his uniform. He was on his way to war. Seeing as his eighteenth birthday was a week ago and the newest draft registrations stated that all men ages eighteen to twenty years of age were to join the cause, James held his head high, knowing that he was doing this for his country.
Making it to the train station right before his train was about to take off, he stumbled through the full aisles, trying to find a seat. His eyes scanning the whole compartment, he hoped that he could find a seat, not minding who he would be sitting by. Most of the passengers were asleep, seeing as it was almost midnight, but he didn't mind. He needed the quiet. He needed some time to think.
Everything had happened so fast. One minute he was sitting in his house with his mom and dad, talking about his upcoming football game, and the next thing he knew he was being told that he was to report to a base camp in California and then he was going to be shipped off to Vietnam. He can still hear his mother's cries in protest and see the grave look on his father's face even though he left the house two days ago. It is a five train, two bus trip from Minnesota to California, and James was on the last stent of his journey.
Rubbing his eyes from exhaustion, he caught sight of an empty seat. Pulling his duffle bag to were it was placed more comfortably on his shoulder, he made his way through the aisle. Stopping in front of the vacant seat, he took off his required uniform hat and ducked his head, scratchinng his newly buzzed head of hair.
"Is this seat taken?"
The blonde boy that sat in the seat next to the empty one looked up from his book, shaking his head no, and then he went right back to reading, ignoring James. Shrugging, the brunette threw his duffle bag into the compartment above the blonde and then took his seat. Snores filled the air, but James was far from sleeping.
"Where you headed?" he asked the boy beside him, bringing him out of his book.
"San Diego. Goin' to visit my grandparents for the summer."
"That sounds like fun. I'm on my way there too." James nodded, wishing that he was on this train to go visit his grandparents.
"Yeah. I guess I don't really have to ask why you're goin' though." The blonde boy stated, green eyes scanning over James' uniform.
"Turned eighteen last week."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"It's ok. Boun' to happen sooner or later. What 'bout you? You look old enough to be eighteen."
"Nah," the boy blushed, "I'm only sixteen."
"Well, you're lucky. Hopefully the war will be over 'fore you turn eighteen." James said honestly.
"Yeah... I'm not really for the war, so I don't wanna end up goin' over there."
"Don't tell me you're a hippy! I have gotten so many flowers and too many 'make love not war's today to last me a life time." The brunette huffed, rubbing his temples.
"Nah, I'm not that crazy." The blonde chuckled. "I just wish we didn't have to send men over there to have 'em killed."
James' nose tingled, and tears collected in his hazel eyes, but he knew that he couldn't cry. He was going off to war, and he was going to have to toughen up if he were to survive. He was going to a place where he could die in a split second, and there was no time for tears.
The blonde by took note that the brunette was on the verge of tears and he closed the book that still sat open in his lap, twisting around in his chair to where he was facing James.
"My name's Kendall by the way. Kendall Knight." He offered, trying to change the subject.
"I'm James. James Diamond."
"Are you ok?" Kendall asked, still seeing the hazeiness in James' eyes.
"Yeah, I guess. I just really wish that I didn't have to go. It's a scary thing, not knowing if you're gonna come back alive or in a body bag..."
"It is, but you have to have some hope that you'll come back alive. If you don't, then you have already given up."
"I know... It's-it's just really scary." James stuttered, tears clouding his vision, but he quickly wiped them away.
"You know it's ok to cry, right? It doesn't make you any less of a man."
The brunette nodded, but he couldn't say anymore. His emotions took control of his body and he shut down, leaning his head back against his seat. Kendall noticing this, placed his hand over James' that was balled up in a fist on his leg, and wrapped his smaller hand around the taller boy's. James' head shot back up as he looked from his and Kendall's hands to the green eyes that were staring at him. Giving him a small smile, Kendall started to rub small circles on the brunette's hand, surprisingly calming James. James looked around, making sure nobody was witnissing a soldier holding hands with another boy, seeing as that was a big no-no, but everyone in the compartment was sound asleep. Turning himself back to face Kendall, his green eyes stirring something up inside of him.
"I'm here for you James. I know we just met and all, but if you ever need anyone to talk to while you're over there, someone to keep your spirits up, you could send me a letter if you liked..." the blonde's voice was just above a whisper, but James heard him loud and clear.
"I... I'd like that."
Kendall's smile grew, showing off two rows of pearly white teeth. The gesture made James genuinly smile back in return, a thing that he never thought he would be able to do again. The blonde kept his hand resting ontop of James', keeping a steady rhythm with the circles he rubbed, but the brunette flipped his hand over, catching the smaller one in his, inlacing their fingers.
"Thank you."
Kendall replied by lightly resting his head ontop of James' shoulder, nuzzling into his neck. Soon light snores escaped the younger boys lips, and James got to thinking. He knew he wasn't gay. He had dated the whole cheer squad back home and had dated many other girls, and enjoyed them. But sitting there, with Kendall, a boy he barely knew resting on his shoulder, he felt like he was going to be ok. Even if he was going off to a war to die, he felt content just sitting there with the blonde's hand in his. He was going to write Kendall every chance he got as long as the boy would write him back. He hoped that Kendall wasn't just joking around about being there for him, because honestly, James really needed someone to talk to besides his mother while he is over there.
The sun rose all to quickly, and as passengers started to stir from their sleep James nudged Kendall awake. The smaller boy blinked a couple of times and then he realized that people were starting to move around and that he had to move from his current possition. Letting go of James' hand, he leaned up and stretched his arms and let out a loud yawn.
"You sleep good?" the brunette asked, lightly chuckling.
"Best sleep I've had in a while." Kendall joked back.
The boys chatted comfortably as the train pulled up to the station. James' stomach dropped as he desended from the train and found that the bus to take recruitments to the base was already sitting there, waiting for him. Trying to swallow the knot in his throat, he turned to Kendall, hoping that the blonde boy had some final departing words of wisdom that would help him as he stepped onto the bus. Kendall ripped out a piece of paper from the book he was reading the night before and started jotting something down on it.
"What are you doin'?"
"Here." He said, passing James the piece of paper. "This is the last page of my book. I wrote my grandparent's address at the top and my home address at the bottom, for when summer's over and I go back home."
"Why'd you tear out the last page of your book? Now you'll never know how it ends."
"Yes I will. Because when you come back, you'll tell me." The blonde smiled as if he had accomplished something grand, and little did he know he actually did.
The oldest of the two dragged Kendall into a little nook of the train station, and scooped him up into a hug, pulling himself as close to the younger boy as he could. Kendall hugged back just as tightly, nuzzling his head into James' neck. Neither of them having to worry about on-lookers as the nook consealed them completely, they soaked in the moment.
"I promise to write you as much as I can."
"I know you will, and I will be here waiting, for my letters from my soldier." Kendall hummed.
James was over taken by emotions. How could a boy he just met, care for him so much? His friends back home didn't show half of the compassion Kendall was proving towards him. Acting on instinct, he placed his lips lightly to the blonde's forehead, before placing a chaste kiss on his lips. Pulling back, Kendall's smile almost blinded him it was so dazzling.
"Don't forget to write me back. Don't forget about me Kendall."
"Never even crossed my mind."
With one last hug, James peered around the corner looking to see if the coast was clear, and he pulled Kendall out into the open again. With one last squeeze of their hands that were still clasped, James let go and made his way to the bus.
Kendall watched as James took each step up onto the bus, and his heart ached. He wished to run over to the brunette, grab his hand, and then run off into the sunset, never looking back, but he knew that was impossible. James was doing what was best for his country. He had to let the brunette go even though it was breaking his heart as he watched the dark interior of the bus swallow James' figure. A few tears slipped from his eyes, but he had to hold onto hope that James would indeed come back alive; he just had to.
Taking his seat, James looked out the window and saw Kendall still standing there and he waved. The younger boy gave a small wave in return, but then an older couple practically tackled him with hugs and kisses. Sitting on the bus, watching Kendall leave with his grandparents was just as heartbreaking as it was for Kendall to see James step onto that bus, but they knew that soon they would be in contact again.
Dear Kendall,
It's only been a few days since I left, but it feels like an eternity. I'm not due to ship out to Vietnam until next week, so for now I am as safe as I can be, so there is no need to worry. There is not much more to say other than I miss you. I wish I could be with you, holding my hand, telling me that everything is going to be ok, but I will have to wait for that day to come again. Write back as soon as possible, I want to know how you are doing.
PFC James Diamond.
Dear James,
You don't know how glad I am to hear from you. I'm good here. It's ridiculous that we are so close to each other, yet so far away. I wish I could see you. I miss you too. It's good to hear that you are in no danger as of right now, but we both know that is going to change. I pray every night that you be safe. Please, make sure you come back to me.
Kendall.
Dear Kendall,
Sorry that it has taken me so long to write back. I got your letter a week ago, but so much has happened here that I haven't had time to reply, and I am so sorry for that. I know you must have been worrying, but I am safe. We arrived in Vietnam this morning. All of the guys are pumped, ready to put the training they have put us through to good use, but all I can think about is running away to you. I know it's impossible, but know if there was away, I would be telling you all of this in person instead of in a letter. I must go now, but I will be waiting for your next letter. And, I promiss, I will make it back to you. I still have the last page of your book, remember?
PFC James Diamond.
Dear James,
I assumed that things were a bit hectic around there, but it still didn't keep me from worrying. Knowing that you won't be in the same city as me anymore, safe and sound, scares me, but I am so proud of what you are doing. I wish you were telling me all of that in person, but your letters will do for now, until you come back. Make sure you watch your back out there. I still pray every night that you will make it home safely, and I hope that God does indeed answer my prayers. I miss you so much. Please be careful, because I need my soldier and the last page of my book back.
Much love, Kendall.
Dearest Kendall,
I am safe. I also got promoted to SGT, but I can't tell you much more other than that, seeing as the fear of interfearence with sending letters grows. I miss you terribly. It's rough over here. I'm not sure which way is up and which way is down most of the time, but the one thing that keeps me grounded is you. Anytime that I feel lost or alone, I think back to that day at the train station, and I know where I belong; with you. I dream of the day that I get to go back to the States and I get to hold you. For now it's just a dream, but soon it will be reality. It might be a while before I get to write again, but don't worry, as soon as I can I will. I love you Kendall. Wait for me.
SGT James Diamond.
My Soldier,
I am glad to hear that you are safe and that you got promoted. You have made me even prouder than I thought possible. I also think of the day at the train station when I feel down and lost. It always seems to put a smile on my face, but the need to see you grows more each day. I hate to hear that it will be a while before I hear from you again, but I know the minute you get some free time you will. I love you James. I will wait for you.
Love Kendall.
Kendall paced around his room in his granparents' house, practically burning a hole in the floor. It had been five weeks since he heard from James. He knew that in his last letter that the brunette said it would be a while before he could write back, but it didn't stop the constant worry that ran through the blonde's head. He just wanted to know if James was safe; if he was still alive.
Shaking his head, he tried to force all of the thoughts about James dying from his mind. He couldn't think like that, he had to think possitive. It was ridiculous how close they had gotten in the last two months. The only time that they talked in person had been the time that they met, but somehow, that was just enough.
Kendall knew that he loved James. He loved him with all of his heart and then some, and he knew that James felt the same way. It was just this stupid war that was keeping them away from each other, and it made Kendall resent wars even more. Sure, if it wasn't for the draft he would have probably never met James, but atleast the brunette wouldn't be out there fighting for his country and ultimately his life. He would be safe and sound in his house, and even though they would have never met, Kendall would much rather of that to happen.
The doorbell rang, and Kendall rushed down the stares, hoping whoever it was at the door could keep his mind off of James possibly dying. When he opened the door, his stomach dropped and his legs shook.
There, in the doorway, stood a man in an army uniform, but it wasn't James. The man had short, dark, raven colored hair, pale skin, and dark brown eyes that held sadness. He held a letter in his hands and he figited nervously.
"Hi, are you Kendall Knight?"
"Y-yes. May I help you?"
"I'm Staff Sergeant Logan Mitchell. May I come in?"
Kendall nodded mechanically. The officer followed Kendall into the living room and the blonde motioned for him to sit down on the couch as he took a seat in the chair. Kendall prepared himself for the worst.
"You look exactly like how James described you."
"You know James!" Kendall burst out, excited that the man hadn't started saying the fears that plagued his dreams at night. "How is he? Is he comin' home?"
"I'm sorry Kendall, but that is why I am here. James was killed in action." Logan bowed his head, covering his face with his hands.
Kendall's world stopped. He assumed that when the raven haired man showed up in his uniform that there was no good news to come, but when he spoke of James, hope fluttered through him. Now, that hope had been trampled, leaving the blonde numb. A loud wail filled his ears and it took a while before he realized the aweful sound had escaped his own lips, and looking around, he had no idea how he had ended up on the floor. Logan was at his side, trying to calm him, but there was nothing that he could do.
James was gone. He was never coming back to Kendall. He was never going to scoop him off his feet into a bone crushing hug, whispering how much he loved the younger boy. James was gone.
Sobs broke through Kendall's lips and filled the still air. The pain in his chest felt like it was going to crush his lungs.
"Kendall, James wanted me to give this to you if anythin' were ever to happen to him." Logan said as he handed the letter over to the sobbing blonde.
With shakey hands, Kendall attempted to tear through the envelope. He could barely see through his tears as he pulled one lone sheet of paper out and unfolded it. The worn paper looked as if it had been folded and unfolded over and over again. At the top and bottom of the page were two addresses, and a new wave of tears hit Kendall.
It was the last page of his book. James had held onto it all of this time, returning it to the blonde, like he had promised.
"I have no idea what the meanin' behind that book page is, but he made me promise to give it to you if anything were to happen. I'm so sorry. He was one very special guy."
Kendall nodded in agreement. James was special; special to him. But now he is gone.
The funeral was held the next week. Kendall got on the first plane to Minnesota after James' mother had contacted him. Apparetnly James had been writing to his mother about the blonde and she knew that James would want him there.
The funeral was elegant. The brunette's body had been placed in a sleek, black casket and it had been left open seeing as his body was still fully intact; Kendall being informed later that James had been shot five times in the chest. He looked so perfect laying there to the blonde. His hair was a little longer than it was the last time the younger boy had seen him and his skin had a weird gray tone to it, but other than that he looked like the same boy Kendall had only met a few months ago on the train. Kendall thought it only looked like he were asleep, and that maybe if he were to shake him, the older boy would wake up and kiss him, but in the back of his mind, Kendall knew that was impossible.
The preacher gave a lengthy speech about how it was so sad to see a man go so young, and a few of James' friends and family members got up and told stories about the brunette that made Kendall laugh a little, but they really only made him want to cry more. He would never be able to make memories with James like all of the people that sat in the church with him had. He would never be able to live out that life with James that he had invisioned so many nights to keep his mind off of the dangers that the boy he loved was in. He only had one memory, a few letters, a missing page from a book that the brunette promised to return with, and the taste of their first and last kiss that still lingered on his lips to remember James by.
On his way back to San Diego, Kendall decided that he wanted to ride the train instead of taking another plane. He knew that it would hurt to be on the same train, headed back to California without James, but he had to do it. Stepping onto the train the soldier and he had shared, Kendall made his way to the seat that he had sat in on the best day of his life. When someone would walk up and ask if the seat was taken, he would tell them yes, and the people would move on to another seat. Opening the book that he had read so many nights ago on this train, he started reading, and when he got to where the missing page was, he closed the book, smiling to himself as a tear ran down his cheek.
Sure he didn't have a lot of memories about James, but Kendall would hold all of the things the brunette left him with close to his heart. He would never forget about his soldier.
A/N: I don't know about you guys, but I cried like a little baby writing this! I hope you liked it!
That review button needs some love!:)