Hey guys, Suta here. :D I haven't uploaded any of my TMNT fanfics yet, 'cept for this one, but they're acomin. So this is a one shot (if you guys like it, it'll be continued with long chapters and cake and frosting) and it's pretty short, but I think I get my point across. Read it, review it. You get a cookie. ;)
I think I always knew. I always knew, in the back of my mind that I was living a total lie. It was a full-fledged life of denial. I thought about it, and I knew it would happen eventually, but I always pushed it away or put my focus on something else. But I did know…
Does that make me responsible? I mean, he did do it for me after all. It was all for me. But if it had been Don or Leo, he would have done it for them too. We should have kept him at home. He should have done something different. He should never have even been able to leave the lair. Because the pain of seeing him feel frustrated or trapped in our underground home could never have compared to how I feel now. How it feels to lose him. It's tearing at my insides. Not an explosion of pain. Because that would mean it was quick and done with and I could start healing soon. No. No, not at all. It's chipping away at me slowly.
I still don't really believe it, actually. I think I'm still living that lie; that lie that says I just imagined it all. That lie that has lulled me into believing that he'll show up at any minute, bloody and torn, but alive. He'll drag himself through the automated doors and start swearing at us for leaving him for dead and believing that he could actually be killed. And then we'll all be so relieved and Don will help him heal and he will still be here with us, training with us, laughing with us…being alive with us. But my brain knows that won't happen. Because he is…well, it just hurts. A lot. It's chipping away at me as I come realize all the things that I'll never be able to do with him again. We'll never fight for the remote or go on late night runs or watch movies together or train together, his muscles against my stamina and energy. He's just…gone.
How can that happen? Why is he gone…he ALWAYS pulls through things like this! He isn't allowed to…be gone. He has to be alive. He just has to somehow. He never does things like this. Well, I
mean…he does this kind of thing all the time. Protecting us even though he doesn't really need to. But he's not supposed to…lose. He always wins. It doesn't matter what situation, he is always pulling double duty to ensure that we are all safe. Him and Leo. The only difference is that Leo keeps a level head about it. Raph…never really does. Did. Oh God. Oh shit… I never cry. I'm gonna scare my brothers.
But he's fuckin gone… Gone for…ever.
Raph's dead…
Psssssssssssssssssst. Review please. -hands you a bribery cookie-