Deidara sat on his bed in his shared bedroom at the Akatsuki base. His long blonde hair obscured his face, and no one would have noticed that his deep blue eyes were filled with tears. He held a knife in his left hand, shining in the dim lighting. Sasori was not in the room, he was most likely out in the kitchen helping Konan cook dinner. Deidara snagged these few moments when he was alone, when Sasori was not around, to turn his emotional pain into physical pain. He could not understand what was going on in his head, so he transformed what he could not comprehend into something very simple; physical hurt.
Slowly, Deidara slid the smooth, sharpened blade across his arm, lengthwise between his wrist and elbow, tracing over past scars. More tears spilled from his eyes, closed tight in anguish. Thoughts flickered through his mind, each in quick succession. Why did his chest ache? What was this feeling?
He remembered the time when he was recruited for the Akatsuki. Kisame, Itachi, and Sasori had come to collect him from the place he had been abandoned, bloodied and dying, after the war between Iwa and Suna. Pein had seen his skill, and how many jonines it had taken to put even a scratch on him, and deemed him too valuable to waste. He had been glad that someone had appreciated him for anything, really. Everyone in his village was terrified of his power, and the village counsel had only ever utilized him for power.
Another slice, this one perpendicular to the first. Across and around, all the way around. He clenched his teeth to avoid making any noise and attracting attention to his room. Another cut, parallel to the first, one going across his upper arm now, each bleeding heavily.
Deidara remembered the time Sasori had first revealed himself; stepped out of his guardian shell only to reveal a puppet body. Deidara had only known him for a few days, the shortest time anyone had ever known him before he revealed his true body.
Sadness threatened to overwhelm him at he heard footsteps coming down the hall. He didn't care who it was, he just didn't want to be found in this state. Hurriedly stowing his knife under his pillow, he wrapped his whole arm in bandages then put a long sleeved shirt on. No one would question this; they lived in a dark, damp, cold cave after all. The blonde wiped his tears away with his uninjured arm, tied his hair back, and attempted to calm down. No one knew this other side of him, and he preferred to keep it that way.
Deidara heard the door opening and Konan poked her head into the room. Her hair was out of its usual bun and her paper flower was tucked behind her ear. "Deidara, dinner is ready if you're hungry," she said. Deidara simply nodded, still feeling depressed somewhat. The bluenette left, Deidara followed after making sure no blood was visible.
Despite his mood, Deidara managed to choke down Konans cooking, even though Sasoris help had made it drastically more edible. Everyone feared the night when Konan cooked. Sasori had taken action and offered to help her, needless to say, as soon as Konan and Pein had left the base on a mission, a party had been thrown in his honor.
The rice and chicken sat in his stomach like a rock, but he finished his bowl and washed, dried, and put it away before returning to his room. Sasori was already there, not needing to eat, and sitting at his desk perfecting some sort of poison. Deidara walked over to his bed and flopped down, his golden hair splayed across his pillow. He looked over at Sasori, eyeing his puppet body. He felt a familiar aching in his chest. To be this close to his partner was killing Deidara slowly and painfully. What was causing this feeling? He was sure it was not Konans cooking, because she had had help with that. So what was it that was troubling him?
"Deidara," Sasoris voice startled the blonde, who had been lost in his own thoughts.
"What, un?" he said.
"What has gotten into you? I know we are s-class criminals but we don't have to appear to be heartless and bored all of the time. Why are you moping about like you were just dumped?" that made Deidara feel worse.
"I don't know, un. I really don't," he said in defeat. He was done. Done trying to figure this out, and done trying to deal with it.
"Then why have you been cutting yourself?" Deidara gasped.
"How do you know about that?" he almost shouted. Sasori just shook his head.
"I didn't. I guessed. You haven't been using your right arm, there are blood soaked bandages in the trash, my puppet knife was found under your pillow all bloody just a few minutes ago and lately you've been sleeping with a shirt on." Deidara just gaped at him. "Deidara, my head isn't shoved so far up my ass that I don't pay attention to details anymore."
"But," the blonde countered weakly, but Sasori interrupted.
"And you're looking like you've just seen a ghost with reindeer antlers and bright orange hair. I'm not an idiot." The blonde just stared at him. "Now would you like to tell me why you've been mutilating yourself?" the puppet master inquired.
"No I wouldn't like to tell you." Deidara had put up his walls, closed himself from Sasori, from the rest of the Akatsuki, and from the rest of the world. He wasn't going to tell anyone anything. Especially one who could read him like a book.
"Well too bad, brat, spill it!" Sasori hissed, his concerned face hardened.
"I'm going to sleep." Deidara moved away from the redhead to climb into bed. He didn't want to talk about this. He lay on his left side, since laying on his right would reopen the fragile injuries on his arm. He heard Sasori sigh and felt a sinking in his heart. Listening to the scraping of wood as his partner continued his work, Deidara let sleep wash over him, bringing with it some much needed peace.
When Deidara woke, Sasori was not in the room. Deidara got up and headed into the bathroom for a shower, not only did his hair need to be washed, but he had to clean off the dried blood.
The Akatsuki base was actually a very comfortable place, contrary to popular belief. There were 5 bathrooms, a bedroom for every team to share, a kitchen, a rather roomy common room, and a gargantuan training quart yard, well equipped for any sparing or battle practice. There was also a library, a basement, and many closets along the hallways, of which there were several leading to various rooms.
Everyone while in the base were very relaxed, they joked around, got hammered, and basically acted like a bunch of friends would. Kisame and Itachi were dating, and Hidan had a girlfriend that lived here at the base. Zetzu had a garden in his room, well actually his room was the garden, and there was a large flat screen TV and several gaming consoles in the common room.
Deidara stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. Walking into his room he nearly dropped his towel. Rin, Hidans girlfriend, a 16 year old blonde hottie with deep brown eyes, was sitting on his bed. "Um…" she whipped around and blushed when she saw him.
"Holy shit! I'm sorry! I didn't know you were, I thought," Deidara cut her off.
"It's ok, un, just go outside in the hallway while I get dressed." The girl nodded and hurried out the door, closing it behind her. He sighed as he put on a pair of boxers, shorts, and a long sleeve shirt to cover the healing wounds on his arm. He was glad that Rin had not seen his self-mutilation. Maybe she wouldn't have cared; she was Hidans girlfriend after all…
He opened the door up to see her examining a picture on the opposite wall. He walked over and stood beside her, leaning in to get a better view of the picture. His stomach turned over, it was of himself and Sasori. For some reason it hurt to think about Sasori. "That was taken when I was initiated" Deidara said to the other blonde. She jumped; she hadn't known he was there.
"Oh, yea, there are similar pictures around the rest of the base of other members," she stated.
"I know, what did you want?"
"Huh?" she seemed confused.
"You were sitting on my bed, remember?"
"Oh yeah, that, I need some help with something," she said kind of shyly.
"Well what is it?" he asked, genuinely curious. Rin was a very capable girl, and almost never asked for help with anything.
"Um, can we go in your room? I don't want to be over heard." She was sounding really nervous now.
"Uh, sure, I guess." He said, and led the way, holding the door for her then closing it. They sat down on the bed and she looked at him awkwardly.
"Well, um, Hidan was getting… oh forget it!" she put her elbows on her knees and her face in her hands. "I can't do it! I feel like an idiot for not being able to tell you." Deidara was confused.
"If you have a problem, you can tell me, I promise I won't judge you." The blonde male put a hand on Rins back in a comforting way. Rin looked up.
"Well, Hidans been getting drunk a little too often, and you know I've been trying to fix his language." Deidara nodded for her to continue. "But now it just seems like a lost cause. I know he's immortal and that's part of what scares me. I won't be able to marry him or have a life with him and eventually will be thrown away like all the other girls he's loved." That was all it took, Rin broke down crying. Sobs racked her delicate yet powerful frame as Deidara drew her into a hug. It wasn't the kind of hug a boyfriend would give, but one a best friend would give. It was meant to console and comfort.
"I, I just d-don't know w-what t-to do anym-more," she cried into his shirt. This must have been seriously bad, Rin never cried, let alone stuttered.
A few hours had passed and Deidara had given all the advice he could and Rin had left his room with tear stains down her cheeks and a small sad smile. She paused in the doorway. Looking back, she whispered so it was barely audible, "I knew I'd never be able to change him." And like that she was gone.
Sasori walked in and saw his 'I really don't understand girls' expression. "Let me guess, whatever happened to Rin, you had something to do with it" the redhead rasped through his scorpion puppet.
"No, I helped the situation" he replied in a dead tone. Sasori stepped out of his puppet and stowed away in the closet. Deidara had that gut wrenching feeling again; he left the room.
Walking along the hall way, he started to toss and turn in the inside. The turmoile conflicting his mind was becoming to much, and he once again felt the need to understant something, anything. Quickly ducking into a closet, he oulled out his pocket knife. Rolling up his right shirt sleeve, he was about to dra the knife across the healing wound, when the closet door opened.
Well I'll leave you with that. Should I continue? I actually have a good few ideas planned in everyone doesn't totally hate it yes, I made deidara a sadist. Hate me yet? I cant garuntee when I might update… if I continue. Rin is just a oc based on me, but I couldent think of anyone else who might be paired up with hidan and who has severe emotional problems.
Review? For a virtual cookie?