So. Where did it even begin? I could sit here racking my brain forever and not come up with the answer. But for the sake of this story, I will at least try to remember the more important bits of my teenage years. Because that's where he came in.

I first saw him that day in Flourish and Blotts. At that time I was still too infatuated with Harry to even think of Draco as anything other than a filthy Malfoy.

Oh, another reason for me to shove Potter's sodding Firebolt up his arse.

Draco.

What?

You're supposed to be nice.

I am not nice. Malfoys are never nice. They are condescending, filthy rich, cold-hearted, evil, arrogant, patronizing, brilliant, superior, intelligent, dashing, and resourceful…but never nice.

Shut up Draco! This is my part of the story, and I'm telling it my way. Sit down and listen like a good boy.

Never.

Fine. Then you can just change dirty diapers for the next three weeks

You evil, evil woman.

Muahaha.

At least skip the Flourish and Blotts part. That contains too much of Potter for my liking.

Oh, and here I was, thinking that you fancied Harry and all.

Shut up.

Oh, but I was just enjoying myself! I mean, don't you look at Harry and think: Ooh, what a handsome young man! So strong, so muscular, so cute –

OK OK, that. Is. Enough.

Let me tell my bit of the story my way then.

But –

Dirtyyyy diapersss!

Ever heard of the word EVIL, Red? 'Cause that describes you perfectly. And oh, did I mention, you're EVIL?

Yep. I think so. But doesn't that evil factor just turn you on?

... OK, OK. I surrender! Is that enough? Tell it however you want.

Thank you, Draco.

(Evil.)

Yes I know. So anyway, to continue, I remember standing in front of Draco and yelling at him to leave Harry alone. Hm, come to think of it, Draco, you did look rather hot that day… mm…

Hah. Knew it. Even thoughts about Potter couldn't stop you staring at me, hm? Yeah, I know, I'm handsome and dashing, not to mention witty, smart, and –

Yes, yes, Draco, that's enough of boasting. I'm in the middle of saying my bit, remember?

Boasting? What boasting?! I was merely stating facts! I am handsome and dashing and witty and –

Okay, I'm sure we've all heard enough. We will talk about your wonderful qualities some other time, okay, Draco? Because it's MY TURN TO TELL THE STORY.

Merlin, woman, d'ya know when you get all fierce and flustered like that, you look positively beautiful? I could just kiss those cute lips of yours right now.

I – why – OK, that's it, Draco. We both need a break. Right now.