Warning: I do not own Harry Potter nor do I make any money.
Tarnished
Maybe it came from living with an arrogant man who never met a mirror he didn't like, but Narcissa never understood why Remus insisted that every candle be extinguished during their stolen moments together. And nothing she had ever whispered or pleaded had made a bit of difference.
It wasn't like she couldn't feel the scars littering his body. Every moment they had together, she would kiss along the older ones and memorise the newer ones. Each one making her Remus more beautiful in her eyes though she hardly saw them anymore. For they were as part of him as he was apart of her: a beautiful creature she wanted by her side, in her bed, and deep within her heart.
Tonight though she wanted to see him, so she charmed the candles so he couldn't extinguish them. At least once in her lifetime, she wanted to do more than feel his reaction to her touches and hear his groans that she was responsible for; she wanted to see just what she did to him, to forever etch in her memory what it was like to see what adoration and love was like on the face she loved and adored.
She lingered in the doorway of the ensuite bathroom, watching his hands work the laces on his boots. Though she made a mental note to acquire him a new pair, all she really could see was the roughen hands; the memory of those fingers touches sending shivers down her spine and a hunger pooling deep within her. When he looked her way, she smiled at the warmth spreading through her chest. Seeing the way he smiled back at her made her regret following in Bella's shoes of doing her family duty first, instead of Andromeda's jump into happiness.
Pushing away from the doorway, she fingered the tie of her robe before allowing the silk cascade off her shoulders, down her arms and pile onto the carpet. The look in Remus' eyes as she watched him take in her nude form did more for her self-worth than a thousands of shiny things that Lucius bought her.
When she reached Remus, who appeared frozen in his spot on the bed, she stretched one of her legs over his in order to take a seat on his lap. Narcissa gently leaned in and pressed a soft kiss against Remus lips, lingering slightly at the feel of stubble against her skin.
The husky tone of Remus' voice whispering her name, sent her in for another of his brand of kisses that she missed during their weeks and sometimes months of separation. There were times she thought of leaving Lucius but she could never bring herself to leave him; Lucius' money helped keep Remus' in food and rent while the rest of the world wanted him dead. So it was during this stolen moments, she wanted to fool herself that she was was doing the right thing for the both of them by experiencing all that Remus had to give her.
His arm wrapped tightly around her waist, she captured his lips again. This time her need of Remus' overt masculinity overcame her; her mouth claiming his in a punishing kiss, her tongue invading his mouth, her hands pulling at his shirt. The feel of his own desperation, fueled hers even more; Lucius had always treated her like a lady, a piece of art work to be admired from a far while Remus had always treated her like a woman, someone with needs and desires. She never felt more feminine, more cherished, more admired, more loved than when Remus would claim her.
Like now, as he rolled them over. His body covering hers momentarily before sending them scrambling for a more comfortable position on the bed; their lips never leaving each other. She felt one of his hands leave her body and knew what he was going to do. Quickly she reached out and grabbed that hand. Breaking the kiss, she looked up at his puzzled face and whispered, "Not tonight. I want to see you."
Narcissa felt a rush of something flow out of Remus as he weight started to sag against her body. Afraid to let go of the hand that held his wand, she moved her other hand and stroked his greying hair and beard, trying without words to make him understand that part of her loving him, meant that she loved everything about him: the grey hairs, the scars, the lines, the evidence of doing without. He may have seen himself as tarnished, but she only saw the most beautiful man in the world; laying on top of her, his body molded perfectly to hers as if it had been designed solely for this purpose.
When he started to protest, her fingers slipped to his lips, silencing them so she could whisper, "I wish you could see what I see when I look upon you."
"Narcissa..."
Remus' lingering whisper of her name, hearing the pain and the torment, broke her resolve. Using his wand, she extinguished the candles before Remus could see the tears in her own eyes. When he kissed her gently, she promised herself that one day, she would make him see the beautiful man she saw every time he looked her way.