Its all so pointless. Hopeless. Worthless.
I will go nowhere in this world - I have accepted that fact (maybe). I could not have used the Kira had I not.
But Kira will not give me what I want. It will not erase me and everything to do with me from the world. Like it never happened. That is what I want.
But no. It will simply kill me.
(wrong wrong wrong wrong) in many ways. Pointless. Hopeless. Worthless. If I die, it will still have happened! It won't go away!
Not even after I've spent years slowly withering away. I know this. My body will be tearing itself apart, inside out, so slowly, so painfully. And it wont change anything!
…But I don't mind pain. I've gotten used to it - I am familiar with it.
Its just a sensation.
Anything else, though - it scares me. It cant be trusted - it wont last, it's a ruse, trying to get me to let down my guard.
They're trying to trick me!
But that's not the point.
The point is that I'm going nowhere in this world. I only exist to kill, kill, kill, over and over. I only exist to kill myself.
What kind of existence is that?
I would rather have none at all.