So You Want To Destroy The Lone Power
(Then take over the world)
A/N: Parody of Artemis Fowl and Young Wizards. I don't own them
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Chapter 1
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Artemis had flown to Ireland and ran as fast as possible up the extremely long driveway, dove into the house, and screamed, "I'm alive!"
Artemis Senior looked out of the kitchen, then let loose a high-pitched scream, before fainting. Angeline was running from the dining room carrying two children. She put the children on the floor and sprinted to her son. Throwing her arms around him, Angeline started sobbing.
The two year-olds walked precariously to their brother, then wrapped their arms around his legs.
Artemis was glad to be home. His parents were happy, slightly shocked, but in good health. He was an older brother. He had a younger sister, and a younger brother. This was what his life should have been like before, but at least it was his now.
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1 year later
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Artemis had conformed to his parents and had allowed them to send him to a public school. He had friends for the first time, well, human friends. Holly had come to check on him in the past year, and the twins got used to her. They liked her little gizmos, gadgets, and the fact she was their height. The entire Fowl family, which before used to instill fear in the People underground, had now, become a powerful ally. Things were looking up in the world, for once.
The fairies were planning a routine check of the pollution in the closest rivers, and had asked Artemis to do some research on the pollution checks by humans in the past three years. Recently, they had become filthier than usual.
So that was why Artemis was now going through the Non-fiction section in the school's library. It was his Study-hall hour and he, obviously, was done with his homework. Scanning the books, he found one that might work. It was entitled, Water Pollution in Ireland. Pulling it out, he wiped dust from the cover. The copy-write date said, "1984." That wasn't recent enough. He was going to have to get on a computer and find articles to print out.
Artemis was about to put the book back when he found another one, hiding behind it. Thinking that it might be slightly more recent, he pulled it from the shelf, before placing the other one back.
Looking at the cover he thought that this must have been a joke. The cover held deep black letters, spelling out, So You Want To Be A Wizard. For humor purposes only, Fowl Junior opened it up and began reading something called "The Wizards Oath." Flipping through the book, he saw the Oath was five pages long. The other pages were completely blank.
On the last page of the Oath, there was a simple summary. It said,
I, insert name here, pledge to support Life,
And all that is in it.
I pledge to protect Life,
Even if it means my death,
All Life shall be treated equally.
I will not use this power incorrectly.
I will not lie for lying's sake.
I will not under any circumstances,
Allow death when Life is possible.
I will not submit to the Lone Power's Will.
I will not abuse my Wizardry.
I pledge to serve my life to protect all Life.
The bell rang for next hour, breaking Artemis' concentration. He stuffed the book in his bag, and ran to his locker. Ronan walked up to Artemis, slamming his locker shut the moment he opened it. Ronan was Artemis' best friend. He was in every advanced class with him, and had begun trust exercises to help open Arty up. "Hey, Goddess."
"I thoroughly despise that nickname, you know," Artemis muttered, and opened his locker again. Everything was perfectly tidy and orderly. Pulling up his book bag, he slammed the locker shut, but not before grabbing his excuse for lack of participation in Gym, and the library book. Before Ronan could see the cover, Artemis slipped a book cover on it.
They walked to Ronan's locker and he pulled out an ankle brace, which he slipped on quickly, and began limping to the Boys Locker Room. This was a daily routine for the two of them, and as their teacher began roll call, he skipped over the boys completely. He knew they were there. Ronan and Artemis never missed Gym, although they never participated.
They walked out of the locker room to the indoor pool. Most kids had already jumped in and were swimming laps, but one waited. He raised his hand. "How cold is this water?"
"Warm enough. Now get in!" Mr. O'Donelly, the Gym teacher, shouted.
"I beg to differ, sir," the boy called again.
"And why, dare I ask?"
"The temperature of a normal lap pool is supposed to be 85 degrees Fahrenheit. This pool is 78 degrees Fahrenheit."
"TOO BAD! NOW GET IN BEFORE I PUSH YOU IN!" O'Donelly shouted.
The boy, slightly scared, slipped, and with a splash fell in the water. "Ack! Too much chlorine!"
"This," Artemis muttered, "is why I don't trust school pools."
Ronan laughed and leaned back against the bleachers, planning to sleep. Artemis pulled out the So You Want To Be A Wizard book. He began reading the entire Wizard's Oath.
Pausing every now and then to check the time, he finished it in ten minutes flat. As Ronan began snoring, he looked at the shorter summary.
"I, Artemis, pledge to support Life, And all that is in it. I pledge to protect Life, Even if it means my death, All Life shall be treated equally. I will not use this power incorrectly. I will not lie for lying's sake. I will not under any circumstances, Allow death when Life is possible. I will not submit to the Lone Power's Will. I will not abuse my Wizardry. I pledge to serve my life to protect all Life."
Nothing happened for a moment, then a small message appeared. When it says name, it means middle and last, too.
"Shut up," Artemis muttered. Who knew a book could have an attitude? He repeated the Oath using his first, middle, and last name. If the book had eyes, they would be rolling.
Congratulations, I wonder if you're going to die on your Ordeal. This will be fun to watch. You seem pathetic.
"HEY DON'T GET COCKY WITH ME!" Artemis jumped up and shouted at the book. Everyone stopped and watched as the genius boy coughed and sat down.
Fine, fine. Calm down, Drama Queen. I am now your Wizard's Manual. Welcome to hell.
"I am about to chuck you into the pool, so lose the attitude," the teen whispered harshly.
Sorry, can't. It comes with the extra info. Be glad I'm not a laptop, though. Those things can walk and talk. Their attitudes are bigger than mine.
"Fine, fine, whatever."
At that moment, Ronan snorted and woke up with a start. Five minutes later, O'Donelly blew the whistle for everyone out of the water. Slamming the book shut, Artemis and Ronan walked back to the locker room.
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A/N: I had to do a story like this. The plot seemed too funny.