True Desire

Disclaimer: Don't own Gundam Wing, don't sue. Seriously. Can anyone really even sue me? I mean, I'm 16, have no job and live with my parents. Can anyone actually really sue me for something as silly as writing a fanfic.

Warning: Yuri, post-war stuff, fluff or sap they're basically the same thing. Really weird musings on Relena's part.

A/N: A note before ya'll read the fic. It's kinda my take on Relena and it could get a little boring as there isn't much dialogue until the end. If ya get sick of it just skip ahead 'til ya see this: "..."

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Head resting against her hand, Relena Darlian, former queen of the world gazed wonderingly out at the falling snow, blatantly ignoring the stacks of paperwork piled on her mahogany desk. It just didn't seem important any more. The social calls, the political meetings, the press and conferences. None of it seemed so important now that she had obtained her goal.

Or thought she had, rather.

Peace hadn't been her true goal. It had become an obsession along the way, but not what she had really desired. Always her life had been controlled by someone. Her mother, her father even one of the household help. All the blonde haired girl had ever really wanted was to be able to create her own destiny, to take her own path instead of being led.

Latching on to Heero had been pure rebellion. That day that he had shown up at her school all she'd seen was someone her parents would not approve of, someone who could break the cycle that was slowly eating away, threatening to make her a lifeless pawn.

Finally she'd had her freedom. Heero had become an obsession for her, always the one thing she perceived as the ultimate goal.

But it had all been a lie, a lie that fed her hope. Heero been controlled by the colonies, by the man who had designed that deadly weapon he'd piloted with such precision. The Japanese terrorist had been more a puppet than she. All those self-destruct and assassination attempts were proof of that.

Life had gone on after that, Relena still striving for the just out of reach control she craved. She'd become Queen of the Sank Kingdom, once more taking on the forgotten name of Peacecraft and had been adored by thousands. Heero and that Winner boy had shown up to protect her and she never really had control even then. Everything had been mapped out for her by others. Her brother, the pilots, even her long dead biological parents had had hand in the path she had taken. None of it, it seemed, had been decided be her.

It was then that she had come. Dorothy, with her icy blue eyes afire and her blatant contempt for the Peacecraft ideals. Dorothy had offered her something that no other had ever given her. The chance to choose sides. It had always been assumed that she would always be a pacifist; born a Peacecraft and brought up a Darlian. But Dorothy had talked of the logic of war, how human kind needed it to find true peace and Relena had seen the truth in it. If human kind was really ready for peace why hadn't they already obtained it? Why hadn't the petty arguments that had fueled much of the conflict ended?

But fate had leapt up to throw her life into chaos once more. She and Dorothy were separated and without the other girls arguments she could no longer keep the reins from slipping into the hands of another. She'd gone to talk to her brother, convince him of his misconceptions. Heero and the others had saved her life and ultimately that world.

The year following was a long, stressful stream of negotiations. People wanted to talk to the queen, never mind that she was a sixteen year-old girl supposed to be giggling over boys rather than jumping through hoops just to get an stubborn old man to sign some treaty or other. If anyone else was sent in her place they felt slighted.

It was a year in which Dorothy Catalonia never once surfaced.

Relena could only assume that the girl was coming to terms with things. After her bought with Quatre and the declaration of peace afterward she'd most likely had much to wonder at. Her grandfathers ideals, the ideals she'd been taught her entire life, had been shot down by young five terrorists and a scrawny teenaged girl.

It wasn't until the Mariemaya incident that the girl let herself be known. And to call the people to Relena's aid at that. And she stayed with her. For a time at least.

It seemed that when the press got wind of her presence that the platinum haired blonde had gone back into hiding, leaving Relena to sink within herself at the sudden loss of her foundation.

Dorothy, of course, was kept completely oblivious of Relena's sudden dependence in her. They'd never had a real conversation, just verbal debates on peace and war. If truth were to be told, they weren't even real friends.

So here it was, another year gone by with Relena staring out at the snow, seeing memories of the past with each blast of frigid air. She'd made so many people happy with the help of the Gundam pilots. People were no longer dying by the thousands, whole towns weren't being destroyed and no one was afraid to leave there homes at all hours of the day. These things brought a sense of contentment to her, but never true happiness. She'd never been truly happy in her entire life. Not even with Dorothy, because the other girl had never reciprocated any of her feelings.

"I don't think any works going to get done with you staring out the window and daydreaming."

The voice was a familiar silky purr that sent her heart beating rapidly. Wiping at the stray tear that had begun to course down her cheek, Relena turned to face the source of her thoughts.

"I don't much care whether it get's done or not at this point," she let out levelly, face and eyes completely expressionless. "I'm tired of it, Dorothy."

A beautifully manicured hand came up to run gracefully long fingers through Relena's honey coloured tresses. The Vice Foreign Minister would have lurched back in surprise if it weren't for the high-backed chair she was sitting in. Icy blue eyes glinted as Dorothy leaned over the desk and placed a slow, deliberate kiss on Relena's unresponsive mouth.

"Why?" Relena croaked out as the other young woman straightened. "Why now and not during the war, or a year ago?"

It was agony after the time she'd spent alone. To have Dorothy come to her now, when she'd just about given up on everything simply sent her world into a jumble of confusion. Dorothy should have been there from the beginning. To help through the storm of people and opinions. She needed something strong, something steady. Dorothy had been the only one that could keep standing strong and the blonde girl had hardly ever been there.

"Because I saw you one television the other day. You looked like you needed someone and Yuy is off helping young Maxwell on L2."

"Heero? What does he have to do with anything?"

Twin silvery eyebrows curved delicately as Dorothy asked in a sarcastic voice, "He's your night in shining armour, is he not?"

Cornflower blue widened in surprise. "What? No. I'll admit that at one point Heero was what I thought I wanted, but that was years ago. He was never what I really thought he was. There's only one person who actually turned out to be who I thought they were."

Dorothy's brows arched just a little bit more. "Oh? And who is that?"

"You. But you never stayed. You always went away."

The blondes eyes widened as she lost her composure. "Seriously?" She actually sounded her seventeen years, all indecision and hopefulness.

"I would never lie about something like this," Relena smiled, a smile that reached her eyes for the first time in months. She stood up and walked around her desk to grab the taller blondes hand.

"Lets go for a walk."



OWARI



Shade: This is the result of missing the bus and staring out the window as it snows for half an hour. I've always wanted to write a DxR and it allowed me to get out my opinion on bother girls. I like this relationship. Hell, you should have seen me the first time Doro-chan showed up. Instant screaming fangirl.